mark1210 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Need some help if I may....I know what I did was wrong, I went through her cell phone. However, it did confirm what I was suspecting and although I asked her about it a few times she always denied. She was sleeping around with a friend with benefits that supposedly became just a friend later when her and I became exclusive. I was always insecure about the two of them talking and hanging out and it sounds like my insecurity was well placed. Now, how do I break this information to her that I know, and the charade can stop. Do I even tell her I know this information? Her and I are currently not together but the agreement was we were not to see other people, be intimate with other people while the two of us worked together in counseling to improve our communication. Sure sounds like she wasn't very serious in working on things... Thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I'm not sure you would accomplish anything by confronting her, or even attempting to stay with her. She clearly is not invested in your relationship. If I were in your shoes, I'd just dump her flat with no explanation, cut off all contact and go about your life. She'll know exactly why you did, too. No need to confront.
Author mark1210 Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Will she know? I mean after reading all that, I asked her a few hours later if anything has happened with him and she said no. I then have the predicament of her and I are supposed to meet for our counseling session on Wednesday. Do I tell her not bother, or let her show up and tell her with the counselor present that I no longer wish to pursue salvaging the relationship? Lastly, she still has jewelry over at my house so that has to be disposed of. Sounds like simply disappearing and not answering her calls wouldn't work.
LucreziaBorgia Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I guess the bottom line is what you want. If you want to be with her, then bring it up in counseling, demand NC with the FWB and insist on you both getting tested for STDs. If it is a long term FWB, the chances of her barebacking it are pretty high and I seriously doubt she was faithful to you during that 'exclusive' period. Either way, you really do need to get tested. When it comes to your health, you can't really take anyone's word for it. The least painful thing to do is to simply mail her the jewelry, then call her (or heck, even text her - its not like she deserves anything more than that) and tell her that its over. Then go get STD testing. If you come up positive for anything mail her the results, and then never speak to her again.
jerbear Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Confronting her is not a answer. Just noting to her is not an answer. Just tell her the relationship is not working out and that you will return her stuff. Don't let her talk to you about her coming over to get them. (she might destroy things or take things) If she asks why, tell her the truth. Tell her you can't trust her because of her FWB and best that you two move on. Regarding the STD tests, I would agree with LB.
boogieboy Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 DOnt tell her anything, just cut her off. She obviously doesnt respect you in the least, you dont owe her any explanation because of what she is doing to you. This relationship was apparently done a long time ago, just dissappear. You can ignore her calls if you really want to. She will tell herself that you shouldnt know she was cheating, but she knows she is in the wrong. She will go crazy when you ignore her. Dont show up for councelling, dont answer her calls. Start moving on, there is no salvaging this, and since there is nothing to salvage, you dont need to talk to her ever again from this point on. Move on and dissappear for your own healing.
Mr. Stumpy Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I agree with what people said here. Cut her off. If I were you I would leave her and would NEVER look back. EVER. I've been cheated on once and it is the worst feeling in the world. F*** that s***. Have pride, don't give in to her no matter how much you like her. I would of been so done with her so quick when I found that out... It's ultimately your choice but I still say forget about it, you're the man in the relationship, you're not supposed to take that stuff.
CaliGuy Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 No need to confront her. Just walk away now. The simple fact that she kept this relationship up behind your back should be enough for you to have the confidence that you can walk away. She IS no good for you and you know it. You must love and respect yourself first or you will not truly understand how to properly love and respect others.
SoleMate Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Yeah, end this one. Sheeshhhh...I hate to think of DATING people having to go through hostile sessions of couples counseling. It's a drag....save it for married people who are stuck and HAVE to try to make it work. You're not stuck, you're free FREE FREE!!! So take advantage, move on. The right woman for you is the one who wants to be only with you.
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