paxchris Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 There is a girl I have been hanging out with very casually in the last month or two. It's unclear if we are on "dates" but there seems to be mild interest on both ends, though neither of us have been pursuing each other too strongly. We have not kissed. I'm not 100% she is interested but she will send me text messages shortly after we hang out saying she had a nice time, and seems to act nervous around me and apologizes a lot. She is a sweet girl, I am not strongly attracted to her but I do feel comfortable around her. Last night when we were hanging out I met her roommate for the first time, who I was instantly attracted to. She is more of my type look-wise. She actually told me in casual conversation that I look like someone she used to date (which could be a sign she is attracted to me). We didn't talk a whole lot but she seemed like a generally cool girl as well. The three of us were hanging out and the girl I was with said she was going to head home but that I should go to a party with her roommate and other friends if I'd like and shouldn't feel obligated to leave early too, so I did. At that point I assumed the girl was not interested, but then she texted me a few hours later saying she had a great time and I hoped I made it home safely and would see me soon. Would it be okay to pursue this girl's roommate? What would be the best way to go about this? Does it seem like the first girl is even interested? Part of me also wonders if there would be more potential with the girl I am more comfortable with and less attracted to, or the girl I am more attracted to physically but don't know much about yet. I'd be interested in hearing anyone's thoughts
AlektraClementine Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Eh. My rule of thumb is to stay away from friendships. I know a guy who went through what you are going through. Didn't end well.
Author paxchris Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Alektra - Just to clarify, are you saying it's okay to pursue the girl but not her roommate? I can see why it could be potentially messy to pursue the roommate until things clearly go one way or the other with the girl I'm hanging out with... I wish I had a clear sign as to whether she was interested or not, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings if she is. Anyway, thanks for your two cents!
AlektraClementine Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 It all depends. From your description, it sounds like Girl 1 is definitely interested. So, if you pursue Girl 2, you run the risk of hurting Girl 1's feelings. And if it's true that Girl 1 does like you, Girl 2 (if she's worth her salt) would probably turn you down. I know I would. No guy would be worth hurting the feelings of one of my girlfriends. Now, if some time goes by and you hang out (as friends) with both of them, things might change.
MSUE Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 you are going to cause a hot mess...the girls are roommates...and certainly girl #1 seems to be interested maybe a bit shy though and you going after #2 could ruin their friendship, their livvng arrangements therefor financial as well and you may end up dating the girl for like a month then done...is it worth it? clearly that's up to you to decide...and for all you know she may have sent you to the party w her to put you on test...
Author paxchris Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 These are all good points that I didn't fully think of before, so thanks again. And no, I certainly wouldn't want to cause a messy situation between friends. I do care about this girl, I just have mediocre feelings and am continually unsure of whether to pursue her or not. There seem to be no great sparks or chemistry or strong attraction, but something about her makes me keep wondering. Maybe getting to know someone slowly without these initial strong feelings, leads to healthier relationships in the end if they do work out? Or maybe we're just better off being friends? Unfortunately I haven't had enough dating experience to know these things yet :-P
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