StoptheDrama Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I saw this on another site and thought it would be fun means of expression for AP as well as BS. Having exited my A lightly bruised (they will heal) I thought it would be fun to relay some of the things my xMM used to say and what the real translations apparently are...This is not an exercise in bitterness, it is simply the reality of my situation and that of many other OW. This may not pertain to everyone, so if you don't agree or if it ruffles your feathers, kindly ignore it...there's no reason for cyber-bullying or rude posting... "I want to be your friend" - translation - I still want to be able to have sex with you and not feel like I'm leading you on. "I need to be in your life" - translation - I/my ego need/s to know you care about me. "You rock my world" - translation - I could f**k you all night long but don't expect me to be respectful or kind. "I love you" - translation - please stop this nonsense and take me back so we can have sex again.
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 We're just friends=she is my new f-buddy. It's not like that at all = I am gas lighting the hell out of you. I love you= don't divorce me and make me look bad while taking half of my assets(if you're really good, you get more than half:rolleyes:) You are accusing me, so you must be doing something with (fill in the blank)= I have got to convince her she is crazy for accusing me or my azz is toast. You have no right to invade my privacy or tell me who I can be friends with= I am going to get busted....soon. Baby, I love our family too much to jeopardize us= I am about to lose, my nanny, my housekeeper, my laundress, my original sex toy, my money, my hot meals, my nursemaid, stop gap person. Fine! If you want to break up our family over some nonsense, then go and tell the kids=she would never hurt the kids like that, reprieve. We are NC= I am lying out of my sad piece of crap azz.
Sanafa Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 We are NC= I am lying out of my sad piece of crap azz. That one actually made me laugh out loud. Funny thing... even when they are ...do you really believe them?
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 That one actually made me laugh out loud. Funny thing... even when they are ...do you really believe them? I wanted to believe him, but I knew I didn't. I didn't trust hm, so no marriage.
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 "I want to be your friend" - translation - I still want to be able to have sex with you and not feel like I'm leading you on. Ha ha ha my xOM actually told me in his email to end things with me that we could still be friends and sorry for leading me on, but then near the end of the email actually had the audacity to say, "But I still want to f**k you, sorry guess a bad time for jokes"...ummmm yeah:eek:
OWoman Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 "I enjoy spending time with you" = my life with my xW was hell on wheels "My friends say I look so happy now" = they can't understand how I stuck it out so long with that woman "The kids seem really settled now" = they finally have some stability in their lives "I'm reconnecting with my work" = Now that I don't have to spend all my time worrying what she's going to do next, I have time and energy for other things again "It's great to share the things I enjoy doing" = we had nothing in common, and she'd always criticise my taste in everything to ensure I couldn't enjoy it "I enjoy spending time with my family now" = I can relax and not worry what stunt she's about to pull next "My family really like you" = because you're not her!
SidLyon Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 "I enjoy spending time with you" = my life with my xW was hell on wheels "My friends say I look so happy now" = they can't understand how I stuck it out so long with that woman "The kids seem really settled now" = they finally have some stability in their lives "I'm reconnecting with my work" = Now that I don't have to spend all my time worrying what she's going to do next, I have time and energy for other things again "It's great to share the things I enjoy doing" = we had nothing in common, and she'd always criticise my taste in everything to ensure I couldn't enjoy it "I enjoy spending time with my family now" = I can relax and not worry what stunt she's about to pull next "My family really like you" = because you're not her! My goodness! It sounds like there was no competition.
jasminetea Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 My goodness! It sounds like there was no competition. Looks more like OWoman feels there still is competition
OWoman Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 My goodness! It sounds like there was no competition. Sid, as you know, these things are not about competition between the BW and the OW. It's about what's best for each, and all. My point in posting this was to illustrate that sometimes the "doublespeak" of the MM goes the other way - UNDERstating how bad things are rather than OVERstating them. Being frank about how bad things are puts them on the spot - if things really are that bad, why are they still there? So it's easier to downplay it, so that the MM looks like less of a martyr in staying so long.
OWoman Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Looks more like OWoman feels there still is competition What would there be to compete about - we want very different things. I have what I want, and - I hope - so does she, now.
jj33 Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Excellent point OW - that was my experience that the talk was understated because otherwise he would be on the spot and would look like SUCH a loser - the stories these men make up and then stay.... if its so bad why are you still there. When things are REALLy intolerable, people leave. The rest is just so much grumbling. Lifes not perfect...
ContemplatingTheEnd Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 My MM has been divulging more things about his marriage/life (whether true or not, who knows) and about why he is finding himself wanting to spend time with me (and, yes, sleep with me.) He says that he has always been friends with his W, they never had the "lust phase," that he's had both in past relationships and our A. Throughout it all, though, he always says things along the lines of: "I shouldn't be saying this." "I've already said too much." "I'm holding back more than you know." etc. etc. etc. Things that suggest he is holding back a lot on how he is feeling and he feels more strongly for me than he is letting on. I feel more strongly for him than I am letting on, I know that much. But, I am just so, so skeptical (becoming increasingly so by being on here and also his aforementioned comments listed above). Has anyone else had their MM/MW said things like this them? Or, do you have any insight as to how genuine or not they're being?
jasminetea Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Has anyone else had their MM/MW said things like this them? Or, do you have any insight as to how genuine or not they're being? Although I've never been an OW, I've had an MM say similar things to me in an attempt to create curiousity and make me think he was feeling more for me than he was saying. It's a perfect get out, isn't it? "But I never told you I loved you!"
Author StoptheDrama Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 My MM has been divulging more things about his marriage/life (whether true or not, who knows) and about why he is finding himself wanting to spend time with me (and, yes, sleep with me.) He says that he has always been friends with his W, they never had the "lust phase," that he's had both in past relationships and our A. Throughout it all, though, he always says things along the lines of: "I shouldn't be saying this." "I've already said too much." "I'm holding back more than you know." etc. etc. etc. Things that suggest he is holding back a lot on how he is feeling and he feels more strongly for me than he is letting on. I feel more strongly for him than I am letting on, I know that much. But, I am just so, so skeptical (becoming increasingly so by being on here and also his aforementioned comments listed above). Has anyone else had their MM/MW said things like this them? Or, do you have any insight as to how genuine or not they're being? My xMM used to make allusions (more like illusions) like that often...he even added the old "If we'd met X years ao..." and "If I wasn't married, we'd be together..." blah, blah blah... But that may not be the case in your situation. Although, there often seems to be a playbook for MM, they are not all the same...
ContemplatingTheEnd Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 My xMM used to make allusions (more like illusions) like that often...he even added the old "If we'd met X years ao..." and "If I wasn't married, we'd be together..." blah, blah blah... But that may not be the case in your situation. Although, there often seems to be a playbook for MM, they are not all the same... Oh, yup, my MM has said those things too. He even mused one time that even if his wife did leave him (conspicuously not the other way around), would I even want him because I wouldn't be able to trust him. At that point -- a few weeks ago -- I had never thought about it. But, after he said that and after I came on here, I am more and more skeptical. I think on one level when MM say those things they mean them in some twisted, disillusioned way -- but in reality things would never work out how MM imagine them in their heads (not just MM of course, all parties involved with A, to some extent). As many people call it, it's the "fog" or the "bubble" of the A that skews reality. My MM has been even sending texts that are a rather poor attempt at poetry (think Gov. Sanford's texts that were subsequently published after he admitted his affair.) I mean, even when I'm dating a guy who's NOT married, that stuff does not turn me on. And, I have a hard time believing he is really into that sort of thing. Then again, I don't really know him and he claims to be a romantic at heart. Well, just typing that out for myself to see makes me think he is really just full of it. he apparently doesn't know me too well because regardless of whether he's telling the truth or not, it actually turns me off when he digresses to poetic ramblings -- and there is not much at all my MM does that turns me off. On the other hand, he has sent texts that were so simple and in their own frank way, v. romantic. It's so hard to separate the truth from the lies to the perceived truths from the MM's perspective that are actually lies. I think he is v. confused with what he is doing right now.
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