aj_more Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Hi all, only joined there now as i really dont have anyone else to turn too. My story, well myself and my girlfriend have been going out for 4+1/2 years. I meet her when she was 17 and i was 22. Yes she was young but very mature for her age.Im her first love and longest relationship. During our time we have done a long distance relationship, travelled and really been very close. She is now 22, im 26. We moved in together about 5 months ago. All seemed well untill one Saturday night she didnt come home. This happened again the following weekend. Knowing my partner, i knew something was up. She was sleeping in the spare room, not interested in sex etc. I approached her and she told me she kissed another guy, infact i had meet him a few times. She said sorry for hurting me, but did not regret kissing him. Of course, i was upset, but as soon as she had told me, i had forgave her. I could tell she was very shocked by this, im not so usually accepting lol. Although we live together, we had broken up. Now stupid me i tried in vain for 2 weeks to get her back. Pleading etc etc, and really making an ass of myself. I cried to her alot, but she kept saying no. Last Saturday i took her out for food and drinks and we agreed to try, but nothing. All along she is still in contact with this guy. She did ask me for time and space, which i didnt give her. Its hard when you live together,right? So during the week i found out she has slept with this guy, very quick in my eyes, but anyway, i asked her about it and she told me yes she did. I asked her to slow down and think about what she is doing. She has since contacted our difficult landlord and told him she is moving out. This surprised me as she is not very strong that way. Then i find out her 'new' friend, a girl from work who is a bit mental, was in the same situ and is helping her push through with this. She told me she has needs and has known this guy for 3 weeks, as long as we knew each other before we first slept. So she lies in the room next to me, texting this guy, etc. So this weekend, i joined the guy, bought new clothes, got a tan and started smiling. She keeps asking where im going and if its a date. Also asking me alot did i pull last nite because she would be happy to see me move on, does she mean this? She is generally very smiley about it all, saying she was excited to be dating again.That hurt. So as we live together, i know time away from me will help her miss this relationship. But how do you do that when you live together? Have i lost her for good because of this other guy, which she knows is her rebound (called it just fun)? We talk still and laugh at times, but its very hard for me. Im considering moving out altogether untill she is out, just to be away from her. I told her i couldnt wait until she left so i could move on. This did not bother her. I still love her so much, and she still loves me but not where we where in the relationship. Ive tried the NC thing, but again we see each other so much during the day. She told me to stop actting weird and just chat to her like normal. Should i pack some clothes, move to my folks house for a while until she goes and before i leave tell her i love her but sorry for where the relationship went and leave it at that? All my family and friends and infact hers as well have told her she will regret it, but i know she has to find that out for herself. But again, this other guy doesn't help. Im really stuck and dont know where to go with this. Please help.
Thorny Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 It's over. People who start relationships that young usually break up--in fact, I'm surprised it lasted as long as it did. A person's brain doesn't fully develop until they are about 22, so she is literally not the same person that she was. It's time to move out and move on. I know it hurts, but this happens. One final thing: think about whose name is on your lease. If your name is on there and she stops paying rent, it will go on your credit record, not hers. If her name is not on the lease, kick her out, with help of the police if necessary. If she is on the lease but won't cooperate, go to the landlord and get your name put off the lease. This may sound cold, but you have to protect yourself. Maybe you won't feel like trying to date for a while, but you're young, and there are plenty of fish in the sea. Start swimming.
GrayClouds Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 sorry man that sucks the best yo can do is limt your contact with her. Quickly try to find a roommate to take over her rent and then go NC. She young and dumb but ou have to take care of yourself and let her go, completely.
DustySaltus Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I hate to say it but it was just a matter of time. I have numerous friends that dated a girl around 17-19 years old, go out five years and then get broken up with. It's just the way society is these days. People are told to get out there and "see the world" and they do so. Then by the time you get to be around 30, there are a TON of single people out there looking to settle down. Now the fact that you live together only complicates things further. As Thorny sais, depending whose name is on the lease has a big effect on what the next step is. I would have a conversation with your landlord and let him know your intentions....DO NOT move out if your name is on the lease either solely or jointly with her. Get out there and date some women. It will be awkward at first but you'll eventually get your swagger back. Remember, you are a young guy too. You need to take this as a learning experience that will ultimately be used to help you understand the person you are supposed to be with down the line. The fact that she is so happy about this new guy either means that she is completely naive or has no respect for your feelings. Either way I know that it hurts but you need to get back out there yourself.
silic0ntoad Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I agree with Dusty- and that happens often . Look dude, this girl is a waste of time. Honestly. She is trying to let you down easy. Cut her loose and go out, have fun, and be a MAN. Hit a fireside BBQ with some friends, or people you haven't chilled with in a while.... Anything. This girl cheated on you. Be brutal. Brutal=cutting her off and ignoring her COMPLETELY.
steveblazer Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I agree with what everyone else has said. You have to get some distance, either her get out or you get out. Still living with her is creating an unhealthy environment for you, and whether she admits it or not it's healthy for her either. But honestly after what she has done to you, who cares what she thinks. And yes you are young, it may be tough but get out and enjoy single life, even if you aren't looking to date anyone, I bet a good night out with some good friends will help
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