So Lonely Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 ugh. i'm so unhappy and lonely. lonely when my husband is home and lonely when he's not. Over the past year my husband has been acting really goofy. He's been frustrated by our sex life - but i don't trust him anymore and that's why i can't have sex with him so i've withdrawn from him. i feel like our relationship right now is dead. what i don't understand is that he never spoke to me about his frustration i'm really furious right now; he went away for the weekend - for a reunion of male friends but i just found an email from his old girlfriend - he made arrangements to see her before the reunion. I have no idea what went on between them. Maybe he's carrying on an affair with her. He also has many women he flirts with on FB which annoys me. And this summer he sorted through all of the letters from his old girlfriends - he organized them neatly into manilla envelopes. it was very painful what do i do. i have three kids to worry about. I feel like a want to do something to spite him big time.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Is divorce an option? How old are your kids?
TaraMaiden Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Do you think that this sounds over in everything but on paper? is counselling an option, or is it beyond that? In which case, the only thing you can do is to find a good friend or family member to confide in, for support - and throw the papers at him. look after you, primarily, your interests and your children. You first - because if you crack under the strain, you're no good to your children. Your interests because without that security and peace of mind, you're no good to your children. they come third - and yet, first.
Karmababe Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Find a way out ... it's not going to get better if it has been habitual. The staying in the marriage will only further demean you and hurt your kids.
Author So Lonely Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Is divorce an option? How old are your kids? me: early 40s; haven't worked in 12 yrs; kids are 1st, 3rd and 6th grades; divorce scares me
Author So Lonely Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 TaraMaiden, i love the quote at the bottom of message.
Author So Lonely Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 Is divorce an option? How old are your kids? i would rather die than to have my kids living in a different house without me) for part of every week...or worse... my worst nightmare is that he gets remarried and they get a step-mom
xpaperxcutx Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 i would rather die than to have my kids living in a different house without me) for part of every week...or worse... my worst nightmare is that he gets remarried and they get a step-mom Then the worst you can do is keep him tied to a marriage that he's unfaithful in, while you pinch his wallet for all the money he has. But ultimately you'll be miserable. If you're staying in the marriage for the kids, then I commend you, but you'll come to resent everyone in your life especially your children when they grow up because you will have felt you wasted years of your life with a man who cheated on you. If you have evidence of his infidelity I think you can get a faster divorce, alimony, and child support. I also think you might get full custody and grant him limited visitation rights. Ask a lawyer. It wouldn't hurt.
Molley Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 TaraMaiden, i love the quote at the bottom of message. There can be no Peace, Joy or Contentment in your heart, if the things you say are different to the things you do. It's so very true, A close friend of mine has told me this for a long time, regarding my marriage crisis. You cannot be split. TaraMaiden - I received my Gohonzon this past Saturday. Since I started my practice about a month ago... wow, what difference in my perspective regarding my marriage and in my own self... I'm finally finding peace
tami-chan Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 If you're staying in the marriage for the kids, then I commend you, but you'll come to resent everyone in your life especially your children when they grow up because you will have felt you wasted years of your life with a man who cheated on you.. I stayed in my marriage even though my husband was a serial cheater. I was not even 20 when D-day happened. I told him what I wanted and what I can bring in the "marriage"-. It was a take it or leave it scenario. He took it, grudgingly and I stayed and focused on raising my child and finished school. He and I are co-parents and financial partners. I have no regret nor resentment. I did what I thought was the best thing given the circumstances. Of course, I am about to be divorced-I have a career and my daughter is getting ready for univ. It's ME time .
TaraMaiden Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 TaraMaiden, i love the quote at the bottom of message. Thank you so much. TaraMaiden - I received my Gohonzon this past Saturday. Since I started my practice about a month ago... wow, what difference in my perspective regarding my marriage and in my own self... I'm finally finding peace Not wishing to take the thread off-topic, I have found that Buddhism has made my life so much clearer and peaceful. but it's so much more challenging and difficult, because you have to do The Right Thing. And sometimes the Right Thing might appear to be the Wrong Thing. But the bottom line is achieving harmony, joy and serenity within yourself. No matter what storm, tornado, hurricane or tsunami is raging around you, if you sit calmly, like a rock, even in its worst moment, it cannot touch you. The rock thing's a bi-t*ch, though.....
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