CJ77 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I am so confused..Last night after 2 years of being broken up my ex and I met up. Back in December we were supposed to hang out because he had said that we should hangout as friends sometime soon, leave the past where it belongs and take it from there. We never did and now many months later after not speaking for four months we are back in the game. It all started a few months ago when i ran into his uncle and couisn and his uncle went back to him and told him that "a pretty girl asked about you". And then last week we ran into one another at a concert where he suggested we hang out and last night we did. I asked him where he wanted to meet up and so we met at a coffee shop we used to always go to when we dated and instead of actually going into the shop we would sit in his car and makeout and all that fun stuff. As he put it, "we'll go there for old time sake" We were to meet at 9 and he was there a few minutes early. As soon as i put the car in park and getting out he was already out of his car, practically rushing to me. He then quickly breezed by me to get the door for me. Inside we just talked talked about what we have been up to and such. It pretty much felt like two friends just getting together to talk. We stayed until the place closed and then when we got outside i thought that would be it and i even said ok well it was nice, and instead he kept talking and said that we gotta go for a drink. He then took me over to his car bc its new and showed it to me and then after a few minutes he gave me a hug goodbye and i told him to let me know about that drink and that i was guna hold him to it I guess i feel confused bc during our convo one thing he mentioned that i didnt like was how a few months ago he was "kinda seeing this girl"...I asked no questions and he didnt speak anything more of it than just that. So then it made me think well maybe he does just see me as a friend now, but when i mentioned an old boyfriend, one even before him, he looked like he got funny about it but tried to act cool about it. I mentioned a few memories about our spot at the coffee place and his whole face seemed to light up. I dont know if this is his way of weaning back into my life or just being a friend He def isnt acting how he acted on our first date 2 years ago, but maybe is he trying to just be cool and real slow with everything? what does everyone think?
TaraMaiden Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 You're both still living in the past, and trying to see things into stuff that really shouldn't matter any more. For goodness' sake, really - move on. if he's been kinda seeing a girl - so what? good on him! if you've been seeing other guys - so what?? Good on you! Life moves on. part of the feeling was a type of wish to satill be important in the other person's life.... are you going to meet up again in another 2 years and still harbour sentiments like these? I'm sorry, but you really need to....I don't know.... grow up? be a bit more mature about this? Just let it go.....
Girlygirl1977 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Sometimes people meet up and something happens after time has passed. Sometimes it doesn't. In this case, time will tell. You can tell from his next steps. The details you provided don't tell us what he is thinking and we can't know. It seemed like you enjoyed seeing each other again. But if that turns into friends or something else, only time will tell. I think you would have an idea sooner rather than later as if he is interested he would likely take a step soon.
Author CJ77 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Its not as if we have had no contact or have not seen eachother in two years...its just that this is the first time in two years where it was me and him one on one out together....
TaraMaiden Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Its not as if we have had no contact or have not seen eachother in two years...its just that this is the first time in two years where it was me and him one on one out together.... Well now, see....this is where you got us all confused.... I am so confused..Last night after 2 years of being broken up my ex and I met up. ...... It all started a few months ago ......we just talked talked about what we have been up to and such. .....So then it made me think well maybe he does just see me as a friend now,...... I dont know if this is his way of weaning back into my life or just being a friend He def isnt acting how he acted on our first date 2 years ago, but maybe is he trying to just be cool and real slow with everything? It sounds to me then, as if neither of you have completely loosened your grip...which in some ways may be positive, but in this case, I feel is unhealthy.... You either need to do one thing or the other.... get back together and make a new go of it - or just really unhitch your paths and go your separate ways. At the moment, everything is in limbo, which keeps you stuck and unable to make any decisions about anything, because, well...what if...? And, yes, but.... Take control dear. Confront him, and ask him, full-on, no-nonsense: "So, are you and I going to go out again, together, as an exclusive couple - or are you just trying to friend-zone me? because either way, it would be nice to know. What do you think?" Sometimes, the full-frontal, blatant and brutal questions get more results than just hopping from one foot to the other.....
Author CJ77 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 i know-sorry for being unclear...but yes when my ex broke it off, he broke it off bc how i see it, i began complaining alot towards the end bc he seemed distant and we werent spending hardly any time together and he was putting all these other non important things before me. Granted i dont expect him or any guy to devote themselves only to me but i mean i was really taking the backseat. So anyway he broke it off saying before things got worse and i ended up hating him he felt a split was the best coarse of action. he went on to say that maybe sometime down the road we could start over, but at the time he was just too busy. after that day we still continued talking, plus we worked together so we still saw eacother, would take lunch breaks together etc..at one point he even told me that at times he could kick himself and his mom told me that if we really had something then maybe we would work things out sometime down the road. but you see ive noticed a pattern with my ex that makes him so darn confusing he comes to a point where it seems like hes liking me and its lookin like we might be able to build on a relationship and then hes gone, and this vicious cycle just keeps repeating itself For instance when we went out this weekend-everything was good, he even said he wanted to goout again and look here it is thursday and i havent talk to him since. not to mention when we were planning this weekend he was like yeah maybe we could go for a coffee this weekend, then i didnt hear from all week so on friday night i said ok so are we hanging out tmrw night and he was like sure!-but makes me wonder what would have happened had i not asked him friday night...only thing i can think of maybe hes just as confused as i am. he even last year wrote this poem for his college that described him and i-couldnt be more obvious...i asked him about it and the answer i get is well its for no one in particularm it could be about anyone so you see im just about at the end of my rope and like you say its not healthy... so thats just a little extra background info..
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Aaaah.... That's a lot clearer - from these here sidelines. Can I be blunt? He's being a flaky little sh*i*t. He is so playing you.... reeling you in, throwing you out again... "come closer hun...I think it's all good....Ooops! Nope, off you go out again, at a safe distance.......Oh no, hang on..... come back in, darlin'....... ah, no...changed my mind, get back....." he is the classic 'keep her dangling' artist. While all your attention is on him, your life is passing you by. Get this: He is the Emperor of Non-Commitment. And he has you right where he wants you. Puzzled, confused, vulnerable and wondering....hoping....hanging on. he is being woefully dreadfully unfair. he has your attention, which is flattering, but he has no intention of doing anything definite or concrete. What a total waste of time and effort he is! Example: You have a car. It's broken down. There are some vital components missing. Without them, the car will not start. Tell me, with something that is never going to work - would you have devoted this amount of time, effort and energy, trying to get the car to run - without the necessary components? I think not.... See where I'm going with this?? Read the link down in my signature (caliguy's no contact guide). Learn it by heart. Engrave it on your mind - and do it. It's the only way you can cut the line, leave him empty-handed, and set yourself free to live your life for you, and only you. Which is what you should have done ages, and ages - but AGES ago!!
hopefullove Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 hey, im kinda going through the same situation with you, reconnecting with my ex.... i just gotta say, you know him the best... my ex is kinda like that too... well, only after we broke up... but i read and took the advice of another board, that... maybe he is just thinking.... seeing you and hanging out again could be a big deal to him, and his disappearing could mean he's just thinking things through for himself... that he wants to hang out with you, is positive.... its the same with my ex. i started talking to him again, and it was great, we made all these plans for when i would visit, i hurt his feelings and he disappeared, didnt hear from him. i send him emails and letters and nothing. finally i just chilled out for a couple of days, calmly asked him what was up, and everything is good.... i think during that break, he made some life changing decisions, that he had to do on his own..... just calm down.... i think thats the best thing to do, i always over react and it backfires... just go with it... he wants to hang out with you, it means a lot. Taramaiden! you're so pessimistic! anyway, you know him the best CJ, so we'll see.
TaraMaiden Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 hopeful, trawl the forum and you will see from the input of others that I am far from pessimistic. You've made 10 posts, so obviously you're relatively new, but these matters have ways of playing out in a pattern. The phrase 'Commitmentphobe' is old news here.... Read other threads. you will soon see the truth of what I'm saying.
carhill Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 Cheers effect. Dating's been a bit thin for him. How was the sex before?
hopefullove Posted September 3, 2009 Posted September 3, 2009 i do sense the commitmentphobe strong in this one, for sure, and also at 18 and going to college.... i am weary too.... for her.. ... relationships are so complicated.
Author CJ77 Posted September 3, 2009 Author Posted September 3, 2009 I think he just might be a commitmentphobe....I think he rather be doing other things right now in his life than being serious. When he saw i wasnt having it that was it. I'm 23 and already have my stuff together and my carreer..he's 21 and is still working towards his carreer and all the stuff in between and its obvious he cant juggle the two...I cant wait around for something that may never come and im soooo tired of trying to figure him out..It's just so hard to forget someone you love or to let go but i have to start thinking about whats best for me now. Thankyou all for your advice
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