Matt1983 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Ok, so i'm new here, i've been reading with interest some of the threads that have been posted and to be honest as much as i know how right some of you are, i'm currently in that phase of 'not doing great'. I think part of me has feared posting anything because i already know what a number of you will say! To cut a long story short, i split with my ex of 5 months 3 weeks ago, what we had was absolutely amazing from day 1 and i've never experienced anything like it before. She left me because she has some personal issues she needs to sort out within herself, she's unhappy at the moment and hated bringing me down too. When she did break it off she was such an emotional mess it was pretty surreal, she told me she was so confused about things and i could actually see it for myself too, she told me she didn't want to let me go because when she is ready for that step in her life she knows i'm perfect for her in everyway, and she's never given up on something she is unsure about. I'm aware of the NC business, and i'm ****e at it, to begin with i sent her epic emails to which she would reply, i can't get the girl out of my head, she was my world and i've never felt so happy myself, let alone be able to see i'm making someone so happy - what we had doesn't just go like that, and i know she still has feelings for me. We've been in semi regular contact, just seeing how each other are and the like and last week we went out for a bite to eat and a drink. I managed not to talk about us a great deal and we generally had a good time, laughing and joking like we always used to, discussing what we've been up to and the like. She told me she missed me, and even told me the things she misses. I'd planned not to spend the whole evening with her and after about 90 mins told her i needed to make a move. When we left i told her it was really great to see her and i was glad it wasn't awkward, she agreed, even going as far as saying that because it had been a good time it made her realise more that she misses. She gave me a hug and told me that i still mean the world to her, i'm off on holiday tomorrow and so suggested she gives me a call when i return. I'm going to watch her do a skydive in a few weeks anyway. I know that i should not be spending time with her or communicating with her in the slightest, she knows full well that i didn't want things to end and i'd give my right leg for us to make another go of things, i don't need to tell her this. She is the most wonderful person i've met and for right or wrong i'm not prepared to walk out of her life right now, i know at some point something will have to give, i do know that, but i wasn't ready to give up on us and i'm still not yet. Then last night i made a fatal error, i was out at a birthday bash, ended up going clubbing afterwards and came home with a friends ex, all we did was talk about each others ex partners and it was refreshing to open up to someone that i knew but wasn't friendly with (if that makes sense). Anyway, i walked her home after we finished drinking and talking, i came home, rang my ex and left her a garbled voicemail message, i think it was along the lines of how much i miss her and how much she means to me, when i woke this morning i realised what i had done when i looked through my dialled list on my phone. I'm dissappointed with myself, i'd gone 2 weeks without telling her anything like this, as i said we've been in contact but it hasn't been about 'us' and i think with a bit of time and effort we will be able to start again, she wants me in her life that much i am certain of and by meeting last week we were on the road to recovery, i am under no illusions that i could stand to lose her completely, but it's a risk i'm willing to take for now, someone that special doesn't just come along and then you let them go, that's not what life is about. If we are not meant to be i will accept it at the time it becomes apparent. At the point she can openly say to me that we are never going to happen i will walk away, i have no doubt about that. I look forward (i think) to reading what some of you may have to say about all this and will offer my thanks now for taking the time to read the above.
leap83 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Man... I feel your pain. I feel it so much right now, it's probably not good for me. I don't know what to tell you except to hold on, that I know how you feel and that I hope everything works out for you. It's dreadful to be in this situation. So, so dreadful. Ugh... I have no words of wisdom for you, which makes me realize my train of thought right now (my situation is the same as yours). Hopefully we get out of it soon because f$%# it hurts like hell.
Lish Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Okay you two. I acknowledge you're in love... I acknoweldge you have something special, etc.. However, it sounds to me like what you're doing here is putting your life on hold and driving yourself a little insane. If she has personal issues that she needs to be alone to deal with, it could literally take years. Everyone is different in how long things take to "get over". What's your plan? To wait around indefinitely for a girl? Many, many people take strict NC to 'get over' an ex, but even though you're not together, you seem to be holding onto something. You need to find out where you stand. Simply ask her what it is she wants from you ie, if she just wants friendship, a permanent break up, or if she's genuinely interested in getting back together with you at some point in the future. HOWEVER. You cannot go through your life waiting on this girl, hunny. Like i said, many people need NC; - If she wants only friendship, that's fine, but if she wants nothing else with you, she has to realise that maybe time apart to allow you to heal would be best. - If the break-up is permanent and she doesn't mention friendship, i'd advise NC. - if this is temporary only and she wants you back, then you can't wait around. this does NOT mean you go out and get with other girls, it could simply mean living your OWN life instead of thinking about what she wants and needs constantly. Meaning, give yourself a chance to heal in the meantime because it seems like it's hurting you a lot. And waiting until she's ready before you start to heal isn't a smart idea. I'm not saying break up with her or never talk to her again, but just live your OWN life, until you two can make a decision together Regarding the regular contact, this could be for a few reasons: - she genuinely wants you in her life; ie, friendship. - she wants to keep you reminded of HER and how good you two were (so you don't get any ideas about other girls). I'm not saying she's a bad person and if it's the latter reason of the above, it might not even be a conscious decision on her part. I just think that waiting around isn't a good idea.. by the time she gets out of her issues, she could be a different person and want different things. you really NEVER know. Sounds selfish, but sometimes, if you can't help her, if you can't be there for her, you need to think about how it's impacting your life. Take this time to work on yourself This advice is for the pair of you Good luck.
Tayla Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Gosh, some red flags were in the post. 1: No one person IS PERFECT IN EVERYWAY. True love accepts the flaws and all. 2: I am not 100% convinced that either of you are ready for the bigger step, Whatever that is...commitment, loyalty, living together etc... 3: I sincerely think you both are wise though to be honest about your feelings, that is commendable. What about your goals and stability with one another? If she is going to run away each time the pressure gets to her you have to ask yourself, will it endure some of the hardships that life does toss your way... 4: You are an adult and more then welcome to support someone who is going thru rough times, the question remains, where are her intentions in the realm of the big picture.? 5: Thank you for coming here and yes, sometimes its not going to be what your heart wants to hear, but rather what your head needs to absorb to make it thru. I wish you well in whatever you choose. I am not in your shoes but I sure have walked down that same path
john1988 Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 The thing is she never will she will keep you hanging until something better comes along
Recommended Posts