sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 background: dating for 4 months, dating exclusively, age gap of 21 yrs (he is older). first healthy, mutually happy relationship in my adult life. few bumps from age difference (he gets concerned too much with it at times), but we are really working through & I feel we have a nice slow progression happening. situation: supposed to see him tonight, t his place. this is our typical Sunday routine. he is in the middle of 2 weeks vacation, in which he is devoting the majority of his time to studying for a promotional test (a promotion he really wants badly, & it depends solely on his scores. he is really stressed out, but I can understand why). I haven't see him since last Sunday. we talk everyday & things moving along fine. he warned me I wouldn't be a priority with this going on now, I am ok to wait for test to be over (test in like 3 weeks). he completed a 100 mile bike ride yesterday (he had been training for for months) & we talked yesterday after he was done; he agreed to us seeing each other tonight, as I have a BIG surprise for him. I couldn't talk long, bc I was at work. told him I'd call him back later. I did not call back, which is very unlike me. I knew he was exhausted from ride, he had his kids last night & I didn't want to bother him. sent a "goodnight" text around 9:30. around 12ish I get: HIM: "guess you were too busy to call me back like you said. no for tomorrow I have to study!" ME: I call a few times, get hung up on once before words spoken. then text "I need to talk to you. I was at work. I figured you were tired & plus you had your kiddos. Baby please, I was so excited & you would love it!" HIM: "I am in bed. Goodnight" ME: "Why are you so mad at me? I would never ignore you like this." HIM: "Stop we are trying to sleep." I ended communication there. *the "we" is one of his kids. thats it, but I am pissed. maybe I am freaking out, but I don't accept being canceled on, have my requests ignored, be basically told to "shut up", & then be blown off by any man I am seeing. I don't care if you are sleep & there is a child in the room, put your phone on silent, walk to the living room & call me back. I think I deserve that much. what kills me is everything revolves around his schedule with the test. I've already been turned down once this week, when I asked for us to see a movie. I DO get sightly irritated by it (which he understands & I never do a freak out), but he warned me & I've bite my tongue & been VERY accommodating about it ALL. so what should I do? I am pretty positive he'll call. he knows I am upset. which is another thing - the man knows how I work. he KNEW I would react like I did, yet he did it anyway & then asked me to leave him alone. WTF?!?!! I am not gonna play games here, I know that. If he calls, I will answer. I won't yell, bc I don't ever do that. I want to take high road, but how? I want him to understand that this behavior is selfish & unacceptable. How do I convey the severity of my distaste, without being manipulative? HELP!!!
dreamergrl Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Me, personally, I would not be dating a guy 21 years older who's got kids. I'd realize that we are both in different spots in our lives. I would have stopped texting him, and ignored him until he stopped acting 5. I would leave it be for now, and wait for him to contact you.
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 thats what I am thinking. he has NEVER acted soooo childish before. I don't get it! how do I act, when he calls.
dreamergrl Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 thats what I am thinking. he has NEVER acted soooo childish before. I don't get it! how do I act, when he calls. Well, if you want to just put it behind you, and he's being normal, just act as usual. If you want to find out wtf his deal is, tell him you'd like to talk to him.
lovesacks Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 situation: supposed to see him tonight, t his place. this is our typical Sunday routine. he is in the middle of 2 weeks vacation, in which he is devoting the majority of his time to studying for a promotional test (a promotion he really wants badly, & it depends solely on his scores. he is really stressed out, but I can understand why). HELP!!! He is devoting must of his time to studying and is stressed out. Further down you said he has never acted so childish. So im guessing stuff like this rarely happens? Sometimes people have their moments. He could have been a little more polite texting, but he's clearly stressed. Unless he keeps acting like this or has a history of it, I would try to be a little more understanding even if its very irritating. Let it pass and just see what else happens.
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 He is devoting must of his time to studying and is stressed out. Further down you said he has never acted so childish. So im guessing stuff like this rarely happens? Sometimes people have their moments. He could have been a little more polite texting, but he's clearly stressed. Unless he keeps acting like this or has a history of it, I would try to be a little more understanding even if its very irritating. Let it pass and just see what else happens. It's hard to be understanding, when I have been so patient & kind about not being a priority right now. I agree, people have their moments. But WOW. He is 21 yrs older & acting like this?! He couldn't have been that stressed out, in that moment, after all he was "trying to sleep"! ughhhhhhhhh thank ya'll for your comments. keep 'em comin'!
callingyouuu Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 You knew he was tired, had his kids, etc., and he may have been miffed at you not calling (and I suspect if he had done the same to you, you would have been mad about it, too!), so I would have just left it at rescheduling your meeting for another day instead of pushing the issue. Let me just lay out the way I see this situation. You're mad at him because he has to study the next day, he's tired, and he won't put down everything he's doing to answer your call when he was probably waiting for you to do that hours before. Do you at least see how ridiculous this might sound? I don't think you did anything wrong. At the same time, I think he has a right to feel the way that he does, given the situation. You guys just had a misunderstanding; he thought you would call, and you didn't for an understandable reason, though it would have been easier if you just didn't tell him you'd call in the first place. Just a minor bump in the road. Talk about it once, and then move on!
dreamergrl Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 You knew he was tired, had his kids, etc., and he may have been miffed at you not calling (and I suspect if he had done the same to you, you would have been mad about it, too!), so I would have just left it at rescheduling your meeting for another day instead of pushing the issue. Let me just lay out the way I see this situation. You're mad at him because he has to study the next day, he's tired, and he won't put down everything he's doing to answer your call when he was probably waiting for you to do that hours before. Do you at least see how ridiculous this might sound? I don't think you did anything wrong. At the same time, I think he has a right to feel the way that he does, given the situation. You guys just had a misunderstanding; he thought you would call, and you didn't for an understandable reason, though it would have been easier if you just didn't tell him you'd call in the first place. Just a minor bump in the road. Talk about it once, and then move on! I agree with this, but I think he was acting a bit immature as well. I think there is compatibility issues here... and I think the age difference, kids, work life, goals all have to do with it.
Star Gazer Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 You knew he was tired, had his kids, etc., and he may have been miffed at you not calling (and I suspect if he had done the same to you, you would have been mad about it, too!), so I would have just left it at rescheduling your meeting for another day instead of pushing the issue. Let me just lay out the way I see this situation. You're mad at him because he has to study the next day, he's tired, and he won't put down everything he's doing to answer your call when he was probably waiting for you to do that hours before. Do you at least see how ridiculous this might sound? I don't think you did anything wrong. At the same time, I think he has a right to feel the way that he does, given the situation. You guys just had a misunderstanding; he thought you would call, and you didn't for an understandable reason, though it would have been easier if you just didn't tell him you'd call in the first place. Just a minor bump in the road. Talk about it once, and then move on! I agree with all of the above EXCEPT for the bolded statement. I'm not sure HE thinks that she did anything wrong, but OP most certainly is behaving like a demanding princess (for lack of a better word) given what he's got going on in his life right now. "I don't care if you are sleep & there is a child in the room..." and "I don't accept being cancelled on..." ??? Come on!
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 I agree with all of the above EXCEPT for the bolded statement. I'm not sure HE thinks that she did anything wrong, but OP most certainly is behaving like a demanding princess (for lack of a better word) given what he's got going on in his life right now. "I don't care if you are sleep & there is a child in the room..." and "I don't accept being cancelled on..." ??? Come on! maybe he will give me a tiara for my upcoming birthday. sorry I couldn't resist.
Star Gazer Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 maybe he will give me a tiara for my upcoming birthday. sorry I couldn't resist. I imagined you stomped your feet too, right?
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 I imagined you stomped your feet too, right? haha....yes indeed.
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 You knew he was tired, had his kids, etc., and he may have been miffed at you not calling (and I suspect if he had done the same to you, you would have been mad about it, too!), so I would have just left it at rescheduling your meeting for another day instead of pushing the issue. Let me just lay out the way I see this situation. You're mad at him because he has to study the next day, he's tired, and he won't put down everything he's doing to answer your call when he was probably waiting for you to do that hours before. Do you at least see how ridiculous this might sound? I don't think you did anything wrong. At the same time, I think he has a right to feel the way that he does, given the situation. You guys just had a misunderstanding; he thought you would call, and you didn't for an understandable reason, though it would have been easier if you just didn't tell him you'd call in the first place. Just a minor bump in the road. Talk about it once, and then move on! I am mad bc he is in the middle of a two week vacation (that only included bike ride, study & kids for one 24 hrs period) & he can't squeeze me in. I'm sorry but we live in the same town, he is not studying more than 8 hrs a day EVERYDAY - IF that, I know he hasn't been. He has some days, but not all. My point is, I have a life too. Same stresses (dealing with recent death, not getting a better job, with my degree) & I work 2 part time jobs. You make time for what you want to make time for. He only makes time for me at HIS convience. Which I have accepted & been understanding for the ENTIRE time we have been dating, except 1st month. I've been so patient & accommodating to his needs. WELL, I need him now. I have had a very difficult week (grieving & getting turned down for yet another job & some family issues) & he is my friend & I need his support. I need his time. What scares me is, in life there will ALWAYS be stressful times. Is this the way he is going to act to me, every time one rolls around? My father taught me, the guy is supposed to try to be impressing you during dating. Well, folks, I am NOT impressed.
dreamergrl Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 OP - if you're not happy with the amount of time that is being given you, it's time to find someone that can give you what you want.
Author sg2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 OP - if you're not happy with the amount of time that is being given you, it's time to find someone that can give you what you want. yeah I am starting to think the same. I will give him a chance to explain himself. I'll take it from there. however, this situation has been stored away in my brain. Dreamergrl, you do understand that I do feel the pressure the just back away A LOT, like i have been, bc of this test? I don't want to ever be accused of being selfish during this period. I want to be the mature, understanding 25 yr adult woman I know I am. this man has been so supportive through all this death & job stuff....I just don't get it. maybe an off day, bc we ALL have them. however, I haven't heard a peep from him. very weird.
dreamergrl Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I don't think it's about explaining one's self here, I think it's about sitting down and talking about weather or not each person's needs are being met.
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