danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Hi everyone i thought i would share my predicament with you. My ex finished our relationship of 8 months due to the fact that she found out i lied to her before we met. We met on facebook and live an hour apart and one thing led to another and we became infatuated with each other. Problem is i told her i lived on my own in a flat and that i had a full driving licence, i lied about this i didnt have either, i live with my parents and i dont have a licence. I always got the train to see her, because i said even though i have a licence i dont have a car at this moment in time. She found out i didnt have either 8 days ago. And basically she finished with me saying she doesnt no if she can trust me, these are the only lies i told her and i used these lies because i was ashamed that at the age of 34 i didnt have my own place to live and i didnt have my own vehicle, i thought if i told her the truth she wouldnt be interested in me. So anyway after a week of NC she left me a voice mail this morning saying she is worried about me because she hasnt heard from me during this week. I was broken hearted after the split and i still am,but should i reply to this voicemail or just leave it alone ?
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 think ive posted this in the wrong section, sorry
TaraMaiden Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 No problem, it will be moved, if it has.... No Contact was the way to go. Although you lied to her - which I really don't recommend - I can understand your motive, even though I'm sure you realise now it would have been better to be honest. I also find her reasoning a bit extreme, because whilst I too dislike lies, it's hardly something earth-shattering... her trying to re-establish contact is quite typical of dumpers though. Well, the ball is in your court, and you have several choices: Ignore it (which means she will either keep trying, or give up). Respond, but briefly and to the point: "I'm fine thanks". Which will draw her to make further comment and enquire on other things, or justify her stance Re-establish full contact and see whether she is just checking to rattle your cage, or checking because she wants to go back out with you. I would go with the following: "I'm fine thanks. Are you contacting me to tell me you want to try again? I'd be happy to talk if what you want to say is: 'I was a bit hasty, I realise I rushed into dumping you, and I'd like to try again'. If not, take it as read that I'm doing OK, and please don't contact me any more."
Lishy Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 A lie is a lie is a lie! When someone lies to you then how can you trust them? Tell her why you lied and let her make her choices! Also, at 34 you should have your own place and if you are embarressed about not driving then take lessons! Life is what you make it and when a girl likes you she will like you for what you are and not what you could be!
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I am currently taking driving lessons,which i never thought i would, as i have been involved as a passenger in a car accident which resulted in a cousin of my dying. And yes a lie is a lie,she knows im ashamed about that,and so does everyone else who knows me because that just isnt me(easily said when i lied twice to her) As for my own place that isnt viable right now as the company i work for has hit hard times in the currnet climate and i am only working 3 days a week.
Lishy Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Danny just be you! Dont be worried about what you have and have not got! She would have liked you regardless and maybe it says alot about her that you had to lie to impress her! You have learned a huge lesson from this so it was not a waste of time hon. Just be honest from now on and you cant go wrong! Sorry to hear about your job Where in England are you? I am in London
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Im from nottinghamshire, and thankyou for your kind words, i guess if it is meant to be it will happen.
Lishy Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Honestly, you fkd up but you know it and you can now just be honest and explain to her why you lied She has 2 choices after that and I have a feeling it will all be ok
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Yep i messed up,i'll give her a quick call let her no whats what,then the ball is in her court.
Lishy Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 GREAT! and let me know the outcome ok? Good luck!
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Well just got off the phone with her. Not sure what to make of it to be honest. I explained why i lied and that this isnt the way i go about things ever. Problem was that i had just woken her up so i didnt get any type of response, she said she had fallen asleep because she had a couple of baileys at dinner and that she feels drunk. She never drinks,and when she does a couple is enough to make her drunk. The reason why i say i dont no what to make of this is because her daughter has been away with her dad for two weeks and i no how much she misses the little one,so maybe she just needed a friendly voice to chat to, to maybe comfort her?
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 so maybe she just needed a friendly voice to chat to, to maybe comfort her? That could be it or maybe she really did want to know how you were doing. I think right now, just leave it to her.
Author danny75 Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks Lyssa Im going to do just that, leave it to her ,she either does or does not want me back time will tell, its up to her ,yes i screwed up for which im sorry for but im not going to beg for her or bombard her with emails and text messages as ive seen how that can push an ex further away by reading posts by others. Thanks again Dan.
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks Lyssa Im going to do just that, leave it to her ,she either does or does not want me back time will tell, its up to her ,yes i screwed up for which im sorry for but im not going to beg for her or bombard her with emails and text messages as ive seen how that can push an ex further away by reading posts by others. Thanks again Dan. No problem, Dan. Just giving you my 2 cents. Yeah, don't beg. You screwed up but hey, doesn't everyone? Learn from this mistake and do not repeat it. Be honest with the next girl. It's not your loss if a woman does not find you attractive just because you have no license or are still living with your parents. Not every woman is like that. It would have been a whole 'nother story if you were not working and living off your parents' money.
Author danny75 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 A few days have past,i think she is just playing games for an ego boost. She friend requested me on facebook,so like a fool i accepted. I noticed all my comments are still on her photos and pics, all of the comments made by me " i love you darling " and so on. She texts me probably once maybe twice a day to see if im coming on msn to chat,i'll just ignore the text and go on a few hours later but dont message her until she messages me. So i think she either wants to use me as a friend for a chat because she is lonely and maybe fishing to see if i love her still, or she's just playing mind games with me to keep me hanging on to any chance we have of getting back together. I think maybe it is time to 1) say look , acting like a friend is hurting me like hell and i cant cope with this. 2) if you have any feelings or respect for me you will leave me alone.until you can give me a decision as to what you want from me. 3)we should just break all contact and forget about each other, this way we can both move on and meet new people. Any suggestions anyone?
Author danny75 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Forgot to mention, on facebook she sent me a drawing she did just for me, its a portrait of me basically, a sign of hey i wanna be friends or something more? she confuses the hell out of me.
TaraMaiden Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 DELETE - DELETE - DELETE!! Don't ever try to figure anyone out, or get inside their head. you never will. Just deny her access and STOP CHECKING HER MOVES!!
Author danny75 Posted September 4, 2009 Author Posted September 4, 2009 Thanks tara , your right. Deleted pic and removed her from my friends profile.
boogieboy Posted September 4, 2009 Posted September 4, 2009 Yeah Danny, she might be trying to hook you for an ego boost, but she misses your friendship thats for sure. DOnt contact her, let her keep trying with you until she makes her intentions a lil more clear.
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