Hurt-one Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I have just broken up with g/f of 3 years..its got me in bits! The background is we met 3 years ago..she was a year out of 15 year abusive(mentally)marriage..i was divorced 7 years ago( wife came out of closet),but had had two other relationships that went bad since.So you can tell we both hadnt had good experiances before..until we came together,right from the off she was more into me than me into her and i admitt to splitting a few times first few months through indisision.But when i decided this was 4 me..she had me and things progressed and got good. We did plenty together the things she wanted to do like travel/days out,when we could as she lives in rented accom paid by benefits as she has 4 kids and gos to college.Over the course of next two years we did everything together,although mostly what i suggested as she is very submissive/indecisive wheras i am opposite,so we went to more sports events,she had choice to go or not but always wanted to go as you got the feeling she was clingy and just wanted to be with me. This then paved the way for next period,mostly things i wanted to do coz she didnt talk up more,we did do things like holidays but not day trips out. We then got into a rut,i got a bit depressed as she always looks on downside,4 kids that have no respect,always moaning about her mother and ex..so i looked for excitement in horse racing..tryng to get buzz from winning.but that dont happen,so got depressed.But we went away again and it was great,it always is when i make the effort. Then she suffers two close deafs and finds her son has a diseace that will affect him long term,so her depression got worse coupled with fact that she never had time to herself becuase son was always at home living in front room. Then i met up with old friend through facebook from 20 years ago,we went out with my g/f 3 times and he then went back to US (we live in uk).Apparantly that last night he told her (this was after only 12 hours in our joint company) that he felt a deep bond with her and to email him. Well this is totally out of character of her (she is usually totally honest and has always kept blokes of at arms level) she then set up a false email account and they have been mailing lovey dovey messages. I found out two weeks later when i thought to hell with everything im going to concentrate on relationship.it was then i realized and found out,she denied it all at first until pressed more then she admitted. She said that they told each over they had a deep bond and loved each other but for her not like me and her(nothing sexual was talked) she just lapped up the romance he was talking ,making her feal special. We then split,its ben a 9 days now..ive been pissed off with her,then say il do anything to the point were she sees the old me,then got pissed off again coz shes still talking to him until finally i thought its my lack of caring that got us into this so i went 100 miles to see her on holiday and litteraly begged her to get back..id do anything! She carnt make mind up..2 things stop her 1)that i may slip back again and 2) that loads of people know and she wont be able to face then again.She still loves me(but not in love at mo)even though we are(and throughtout relationship whatever the mood) very tactile and kissing/cuddling still,but shes still talking to this lad even though she assures me im not second best and that nothing sexual has been mentioned and i believe her. Told her id leave her alone now..but im in limbo and it hurts..please what should i do..or is there any future?
RedDevil66 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Hi, I am sorry you're going through this mess, but you both got into a relationship as damaged people. The only realy advice I can give you is to focus on your and get some therapy for your own depression. You went off to gamble as a coping mehcanism to depression and sounds like she went to another man for coping.
Author Hurt-one Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 would have said that at beginning..but most of relationship was good.Last few months got worse as think we stopped talking and depressed each other..he was her excuse.
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