Savannahruby Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 He is the one who keeps us connected. I didn't hear from him for a couple of days, and I thought this would be a good time for him to forget about me and put all of his attention on his marriage. The only time I initiated any contact was to look him up after several years. (We were in a relationship when we were younger and separated by circumstances.) When I found out he just got married six weeks prior to his 2nd wife, who he was with for 8 years before he "finally gave in", I said to myself so much for that. He's married. (I was never married to him. He was married and divorced with someone else) He initiated additional contact, not me. Getting back to my original thought: when I didn't hear from him for a couple of days, I thought this is good. Things will just taper off, but he's back in touch full swing. If he just got married, why is he keeping contact going with me. He says he thinks about me a lot and all of that. You've heard it all before, so I don't need to go over it. I don't discuss his marriage with him at all, but I wonder about why he "finally gave in" as he put it after being with her for 8 years. Any thoughts on 1. why he stays in contact, and 2. why he "gave in" after 8 years. Savannahruby
fooled once Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 So you looked him up and initiated the original contact? Are you sleeping with him? Do you want to stop sleeping with him? Trying to figure him out is futile - only he knows what he is thinking. If you don't want to be the mistress, stop sleeping with him.
tami-chan Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 So you looked him up and initiated the original contact?{/quote] I do believe she said that. The question I think is, SavannahRuby, did you know he was already married (or re-married)? If you did, why did you contact him?
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Yet you're letting him by hearing him out, listening to him. If you really want NC to stick, don't give him ANY opportunity to woo you back. Block his email, don't answer his calls and delete the message(s) without listening to them. Making yourself unavailable to him in everyway is how you do NC..That is, if you truly do want no contact.
tami-chan Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Yet you're letting him by hearing him out, listening to him. If you really want NC to stick, don't give him ANY opportunity to woo you back. Block his email, don't answer his calls and delete the message(s) without listening to them. Making yourself unavailable to him in everyway is how you do NC..That is, if you truly do want no contact. I don't think she expressed she wants NC. She wants to "understand" him. SR (SavannahRose), why do you want to understand him? What do you want to do with the knowledge? Would it make any difference?
Author Savannahruby Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 I had a dream about him out of nowhere. As I said, he is an ex-boyfriend from years ago. I looked him up because he stayed on my mind after the dream. (see my post regarding my introduction to this site in "meet and greet" thread) I thought I was clear, but I guess I wasn't. I did NOT know if he was married or not when I contacted him. After I found out that he just got remarried 6 weeks prior to me contacting him, I thought, oh, well, he's married and that was that for me. I did not continue contact. However, he contacted me and has initiated every contact since. I do want to cut him off, but I don't initiate contact, either. I hope that clarifies that I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS MARRIED WHEN I CONTACTED HIM. Not shouting, just want to be clear. Savannahruby
bentnotbroken Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Yet, you let him continue contacting you even though you know he is married. Why?
D-Lish Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Any thoughts on 1. why he stays in contact, and 2. why he "gave in" after 8 years. Savannahruby Answers: 1) because you respond. 2) because she responds. Can I put it in simpler terms? She is apparantly oblivious to his exploits, but you aren't!!!
Gamine Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Why don't you contact his wife & ask her? I'm sure she'd love to tell you all about why he 'gave in' after 8 years. Poor fella. It sounds like he has it soooo rough. As for why he contacts you. It sounds as if he's in it as long as the ride lasts. The questions is, whether you wish to be someone's ride or take your life somewhere.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 What's stopping this woman from blocking this man from contacting her. She apparently has a brain and opposing thumbs she can stop all communications if she wanted to. but she doesnt want to. let's be real.
freestyle Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Just wondering, have you ever been involved in an affair before? I just read your post in the "meet and greet" thread, and you said you have been meeting him once a month or so. For your own sake, I`d strongly suggest reading several of the stories on this thread, and making sure your eyes are wide open. I get the feeling you`re already starting to see things through "affair goggles". I`m hoping to not see you here posting with a broken heart or self-esteem six months from now.
Montclair0011 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 My husband left me for a long-distance girlfriend from his youth so I this kind of sticks in my craw more than other situations. Why are you continuing to pursue this? I known you claim he is the one contacting but it sounds more involved than that. The guy just got married and is maybe going through some kind of buyers remorse. No way of telling what that means for the long run. Not a good situation for you and ethically icky.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 He contacts you because he wants to and it makes him feel good. After all, you did look him up after years. He feels like "the man." He could feel he made a mistake getting married again. He's the only one who knows what he's thinking. The important question is why are still contacting and what are you hoping will come out of it? I think that if you felt like you were done with him, you wouldn't be posting. GEL
Author Savannahruby Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 I don't want to stop our connection. I read everyone's posts in this thread. I know I am headed down a slippery slope, but it is a risk I am willing to take. Who knows, I might post next week that it is over. Thanks for the input, Savannahruby:)
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Well, I suggest you take the time to really sit and read various OW and OM's threads in this section. Understand what you're up against and also go read some threads in the infidelity and separation/divorce sections so you can also see the other side of it. See the pain and devastation that you'll be a part of. Own whatever choices, face up to it when the sh.it hits the face and don't put all the blame on the MM, that he lied and led you on. You're going into this WILLINGLY and seemingly happily too. Good luck with that.
Fancee Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Your pride shouldn't allow you to just enter a relationship with a married man being up front that he is just got married and you'll be number 2; you may not even be that to him. You should desire your own man. Now that you found him and he is married that should turn you off. He may not even like you. He may just do sex and keep on going. You being overtaken by your own lust. Everybody trying to give you good advice. Saying they made a mistake and you choosing not to listen. That's the sign you are going down the wrong road; when everybody start warning you.
Fancee Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Your pride shouldn't allow you to just enter a relationship with a married man being up front that he is just got married and you'll be number 2; you may not even be that to him. You should desire your own man. Now that you found him and he is married that should turn you off. He may not even like you. He may just do sex and keep on going. You being overtaken by your own lust. Everybody trying to give you good advice. Saying they made a mistake and you choosing not to listen. That's the sign you are going down the wrong road; when everybody start warning you.
Owl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Why HE continues to contact you is just a distraction. You know the answer to that question already...because he's decided to do so. The REAL questions here are around your side of things. Given that you know he's married, why are YOU pursuing a relationship with HIM? Do you care that he's married? Do you care about possible impacts to his wife? Are you planning on pursuing a full blown affair with him? What makes this 'ok' from YOUR perspective? Don't let yourself focus on his choices/feelings...its your own that you can control and are responsible for.
NoIDidn't Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 If you are going to continue things happily, what was the point on this thread? Not trying to be snarky, but its not making much sense to me.
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Well, atleast you're honest with your replies and what you think/feel. All I'll say is, OWN it when this blows up and face your own consquences/fallout that you'll be dealing with later. Don't blame him, blame yourself as you're going into this selfishly, knowingly and happily. Don't play the victim because you are NOT one, nor will you ever be in this affair. You might be better off trying TOW forum.
Owl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 There ya go...no real "advice" or "support" needed here. You know what you want, you're going for it, and anyone else's impacts/advice/suggestions/etc... be damned. What are you hoping to "get" out of LS?
ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Wow she is really headed for a life of heartbreak. It is SOOOOOO NOT WORTH IT. I wish I had found LS before I started my A, it most definitely would have prevented me from doing anything.
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