Toddler headache

[LovieDove24]

My daughter is 15 months old and very fussy. I don't know if I've done something wrong (like not set proper limits maybe?) but she is 10 times more irritable when shes with me than with anybody else. She is at daycare part time (about 4 hours a day) and they say she rarely ever cries there and is a very laid back girl. Her dad only sees her every other weekend and doesn't complain about fussiness either.

 

When I say she is very fussy I mean she cries over the littlest things. Falling on her butt, dropping a toy, not having any attention payed to her. On average I'd say she cries about three times every hour for about ten minutes at a time. She has a clean bill of health (was just at the doc yesterday), she's not teething anymore so tell me what the heck is going on here? Am I going crazy thinking she's more fussy for me than for others? Did I do something wrong or is this totally normal?

[Thaddeus]

Full disclosure: I don't have any kids.

 

Now, to the point: When she falls or drops a toy or whatever sets her off, how do you respond?

[FreddieMay]

First of all, try not to get irritated when she does it.. hold her and look her in the eyes, and talk to her.

 

Yes, talk to her, you may think she doesn't understand, but she does.

Ask her why she's acting like this, explain to her that there's no need to be fussy and show her that you are really sad about it.

 

Freddie

[Tayla]

At the age you are speaking 15 months. They are not capable of being reasoned with as you would another adult. They are though Highly sensetory(sp?) to the environment. They pick up on stress or negative energy. Sometimes as the parent you aren't aware that you are portraying stress or negative energy. But your child is that monitor at that age. Change your style in how you approach the child, your tone of voice and your demeanor. You'll be amazed how this subtle change can aide in the childs' displays.

[Meaplus3]

My daughter is 15 months old and very fussy. I don't know if I've done something wrong (like not set proper limits maybe?) but she is 10 times more irritable when shes with me than with anybody else. She is at daycare part time (about 4 hours a day) and they say she rarely ever cries there and is a very laid back girl. Her dad only sees her every other weekend and doesn't complain about fussiness either.

 

When I say she is very fussy I mean she cries over the littlest things. Falling on her butt, dropping a toy, not having any attention payed to her. On average I'd say she cries about three times every hour for about ten minutes at a time. She has a clean bill of health (was just at the doc yesterday), she's not teething anymore so tell me what the heck is going on here? Am I going crazy thinking she's more fussy for me than for others? Did I do something wrong or is this totally normal?

 

 

If she has a clean bill of health then IMO it's probably just a stage she is going through. I remember around 15 months with my three, that was when they started testing the waters by becoming their own little person. And as she get's in the two's.. that testing will continue. That's why they call it the "Terrible Two's". But, do not worry. Just a stage and she will grow out of it. At least this is the knowlege I have after going through it times 3. Good luck. And do hang in there.

 

Mea:)

[Thaddeus]

The reason I asked about what the OP's reaction is to the tantrum is that is fundamental to managing the behavior.

 

Giving in to the tantrum, or leaping to try and fix the problem only rewards bad behavior. It's like rewarding the dog for pooping on the carpet.

 

Here are a couple of links that might help:

 

• Dealing With Your Child's Tantrums
  
• Dealing with toddler temper tantrums
  

Basically, the say pretty much the same thing. Don't give in, let them howl all they want and eventually they'll get the message.

 

Hard to do, I know, especially when it happens in public, but by giving in or interacting too much ("Aww, honey, pleeeeaaaase stop crying!") with her you're only making the problem worse.

[silverfish]

This book is great!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/New-Toddler-Taming-Parents-Guide/dp/0091875285

 

My 9 year old still has the odd paddy every now & then - but then so does my sister and she's 35...

 

I like the approach of give lots of positive attention for the good behaviour and ignore / walk away from the whinging & attention seeking type stuff. It IS like puppy training!

In public it's harder, but distraction works a treat. Things in your bag like books, cuddly toys, kaleidoscope, ipod (!) can help for a bit. Also a camera with no film to pretend to take pictures..

OR my mum's favourite....a wooden spoon. It was more or a deterrent than a weapon but it worked ! Not very PC these days though;)

[missdependant]

You're entering the terrible twos. Start reinforcing this asap:

 

Ignore her until she stops crying so she learns at a young age that life just isn't fair and bad things are going to happen. And that crying about it isn't going to help or make everyone rush to her for attention.

 

Pay the most attention to her when she is looking for positive attention. Check to see if she has a broken arm when she falls on her butt, and when you realize that she doesn't, let out a small laugh (hopefully she will take after you eventually) and go back to what you were doing before.

[LovieDove24]

Full disclosure: I don't have any kids.

 

Now, to the point: When she falls or drops a toy or whatever sets her off, how do you respond?

 

That depends. If she all of a sudden just starts crying for no reason, I will ask her to "sign" if she's hungry, thirsty, or needs a diaper change (I taught her some baby sign language). If none of those apply I will usually get out a toy and try to distract her.

 

If she falls down and I see it was a painful one I usually pick her up and kiss her and say "its alright." If she falls down and it was nothing major I usually just ignore it.

 

That help?

[LovieDove24]

Full disclosure: I don't have any kids.

 

Now, to the point: When she falls or drops a toy or whatever sets her off, how do you respond?

 

That depends. If she all of a sudden just starts crying for no reason, I will ask her to "sign" if she's hungry, thirsty, or needs a diaper change (I taught her some baby sign language). If none of those apply I will usually get out a toy and try to distract her.

 

If she falls down and I see it was a painful one I usually pick her up and kiss her and say "its alright." If she falls down and it was nothing major I usually just ignore it.

 

That help?

[Thaddeus]

That depends. If she all of a sudden just starts crying for no reason, I will ask her to "sign" if she's hungry, thirsty, or needs a diaper change (I taught her some baby sign language). If none of those apply I will usually get out a toy and try to distract her.

 

If she falls down and I see it was a painful one I usually pick her up and kiss her and say "its alright." If she falls down and it was nothing major I usually just ignore it.

 

That help?

See the bold/italicized part. I've seen this before in friends and family.

 

Essentially, she's being rewarded for crying without reason. She wails, she gets attention from mommy and probably a toy to play with.

 

This reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend of mine when she was raising her toddler. The little boy wanted to play with an elastic band. Naturally, the boy pulled the band taut and it snapped back onto his fingers, making him cry.

 

I suggested to her that it was no big deal, the elastic band wouldn't do him any harm and he would be unlikely to do the same thing again. My friend countered that anything that made the boy cry was, by definition, negative. A somewhat intense discussion ensued. It was my opinion - and it's just an opinion based on observation only (since I'm not a parent) - that the mother's job wasn't to keep the child from crying, it was her job to raise the child to adulthood. Sometimes that means letting the child experiment. If an experiment, such as the elastic band, resulted in him crying, well, so be it. It's a learning event.

 

That said, I can fully understand that nobody likes to hear a child cry and sometimes it becomes just too much and a parent will do damn near ANYTHING to get the child to stop.

[GorillaTheater]

I've raised/am in the process of raising a friggin' platoon (okay, more of a squad) and have found that when young kids are acting this way, it's often because they're not getting enough sleep. How much sleep does she get? How are the naps?

[LovieDove24]

Gorrilla: I've been thinking this too. She gets a very good amount of sleep at night...she sleeps from about 7:30 pm to 6:30 am every night. But she will only nap for about a half an hour during the day! She used to take about two naps a day for over an hour each. I wonder if this is the culprit because right around the time she switched to one nap she got crankier and crankier. I just figured it was the age.

 

Thadeaus: Thank you for considering that yes, a screaming child can often get extremely difficult to tolerate. It is very difficult to determine sometimes whether she is genuinely needing my attention when she cries out (hunger, thirsty, etc) or if its just her "testing the waters." All of the websites and info I've researched on disciplining this age group focuses strongly on "redirecting" the child. Which means taking their attention elsewhere, like to a new toy or put them in a new room with new stimulus. This is because other forms of discipline such as hitting, talking logically and yelling are not good enforcers at this stage. So that leaves me with only the two options: redirecting or ignoring. And depending on what the occasion calls for, I practice both.

[GorillaTheater]

Gorrilla: I've been thinking this too. She gets a very good amount of sleep at night...she sleeps from about 7:30 pm to 6:30 am every night. But she will only nap for about a half an hour during the day! She used to take about two naps a day for over an hour each. I wonder if this is the culprit because right around the time she switched to one nap she got crankier and crankier. I just figured it was the age.

 

In my unexpert opinion, a half hour nap during the day isn't nearly enough for a 15 month old. I'd probably try to work up to a 2 hour afternoon nap. How you do that is up to you. Me, I'd leave them in the bed for the entire time, screaming or not, until they train themselves to fall asleep and stay asleep, but I know some parents are against letting a child scream in bed.

 

Is she crankier in the afternoon?

[angie2443]

Gorrilla: I've been thinking this too. She gets a very good amount of sleep at night...she sleeps from about 7:30 pm to 6:30 am every night. But she will only nap for about a half an hour during the day! She used to take about two naps a day for over an hour each. I wonder if this is the culprit because right around the time she switched to one nap she got crankier and crankier. I just figured it was the age.

 

.

 

I have 4 kids 5 and under. They all needed that 2 hour mid day nap or they'd be cranky over everything for the rest of the day. If your baby is fine during the early hours but gets irritable later on, then put her down a long nap. This could do wonders for you.

[foreal]

At about 18 months my son began bucking the naps (he used to take 2 naps, then went down to one..it was a rocky transition)....but I bucked back and I would tell him, "you don't have to sleep, but you do need to rest"..he would cry (not for long, maybe 5-7 minutes) then fall asleep..it is hard to hear your baby cry, but 5 or 10 minutes isn't going to hurt them!.. I told him the same thing every time: "you don't have to sleep, but you do need to rest"..it took about 4 times till he got it.

 

He is 2 1/2 now and takes a 2 hour nap daily and still sleeps 12 hours thru the nite...

 

sleep baby sleep! She needs it! and so do you!

[silverfish]

Yep - i used to like that afternoon nap myself! Sometimes when my oldest was crying I used to lie down with him. Sometimes I would be asleep before him. Even with a 1-2 hr nap, he would often fall asleep at 6pm and not wake til 6 or 7 am next day.