Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Hi, Stuck for somewhere to seek advice so hopefully you guys on here can help me. I'm a 24 year old woman and have recently got out of a 5 year relationship. I have begun meeting up with my parents for drinks in their local pub and have become very attracted to a guy in there who is probably aged 34-39 (a guess). I know that he is single and lives locally to me but that is pretty much it, I don't know much else. My mum pointed out that every time I get up or move he looks my way and I have noticed this too, I do think he is attracted to me. Having come out of a serious relationship that went horribly wrong due to my ex partners dishonesty, I have very very low confidence and have become so shy and timid in public. I know this man obviously won't approach me if I am sat with my parents but I am so nervous to talk to him/ to go in the pub alone. I have a couple of female friends so have asked them if each of them would like to go for a drink there, but if both say no, I either go in alone or write it off. I really do like this guy a lot and I don't want my nerves to ruin it for me. Basically guys, how do I casually approach someone in a small local pub alone, without appearing like a creepy woman/ psycho? I am so new to this due to my current situation. Any advice is welcome, my confidence is rock bottom. Thankyou, Shylady
Tony Posted August 29, 2009 Senior Moderators Posted August 29, 2009 By the authority vested in me by LoveShack.org, the United Nations, The President of the United States (e. Pluribus Unum) and the Grand Wizard of Oz, I hereby do grant to you this day a RED BADGE OF COURAGE which shall render unto you more confidence that you will ever need to approach any male anywhere on Planet Earth in order to introduce yourself and, if you so desire, to ask him to marry you and to be your life partner forevermore (or to discuss with him anything and everything you shall desire, from the time you meet him until the end of the world). Be it so ordered this 29th of August, 2009: Tony
You'reasian Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Awesome response, Tony Young Lady, If you want to approach this guy - walk up to him and say "hi, how are you doing this wonderful evening!?" and give him a smirky, cute grin. If a woman were to approach me in such a manner, we'd probably be talking all evening. Like Nike advertises....just do it.
Author Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Tony- fab advice lol, I wish I could pin that badge on and everything would be ok. You'reasian- I so want to I am just horribly nervous, I am not arrogant in the slightest but I am sure he likes me, I am just very very shy. Wish I could strap a pair on and go for it...just had my confidence eroded but I am going to work so hard on getting it back.
You'reasian Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Tony- fab advice lol, I wish I could pin that badge on and everything would be ok. You'reasian- I so want to I am just horribly nervous, I am not arrogant in the slightest but I am sure he likes me, I am just very very shy. Wish I could strap a pair on and go for it...just had my confidence eroded but I am going to work so hard on getting it back. Be at the pub where he is, take a shot of whiskey (or your fav alcoholic drink) - borrow some liquid courage or approach him with one of yor lady friends and ask him if he'd like to join the two of you for a drink. Let your lady friend participate in conversation to engage him and let you ease your way into conversation.
Author Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 I'm really going to try. I think I'll just try to be friendly but laid back and strike up a light-hearted conversation. After some liquid courage as you said. Thanks so much for replying so soon as well, really made me feel a lot better.
You'reasian Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I'm really going to try. I think I'll just try to be friendly but laid back and strike up a light-hearted conversation. After some liquid courage as you said. Thanks so much for replying so soon as well, really made me feel a lot better. You're welcome, Shylady. At the end of the date, move in on him - I'm sure it will work out for you.
Author Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 I will let you know. Hopefully it will be a good story...
nobody's girl Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Since you're familiar with this pub, and can't get anyone but your parents to join you, maybe you could go alone; you know it's a fairly safe place to be at alone, right? Sit at the bar or a table with a book or a laptop or something else to give you something to do besides sitting around looking alone, relax and have a drink. That way if he wants to approach you he won't have to worry about another person there as a distraction; it also gives him an opening line - "what are you reading?", etc. And you have something to distract you and an excuse to not talk to someone you don't want to. Just an option.
Author Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Thanks Nobody's Girl, that's a good strategy. He goes in alone and reads a paper or magazine and I was thinking of taking something in to read also. I still don't know if my friends would come but I kind of think going alone would be a better option anyway because as you say, there is less distraction and I think less chance in his mind of being humiliated. And if I am honest, less chance for me too. He also seems quiet and possibly approachable if it is a particularly quiet time and we are both alone. I am also nervous that my friends will talk a lot about my ex and he will hear them, as I just want a fresh clean start instead of him knowing about my previous relationship without getting to know me first. It takes a lot for me to trust someone now so I think if I take the situation into my own hands and have some confidence, then maybe something positive will come out of it. I guess better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all. Thanks for your advice.
Adunaphel Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Since you're familiar with this pub, and can't get anyone but your parents to join you, maybe you could go alone; you know it's a fairly safe place to be at alone, right? Sit at the bar or a table with a book or a laptop or something else to give you something to do besides sitting around looking alone, relax and have a drink. That way if he wants to approach you he won't have to worry about another person there as a distraction; it also gives him an opening line - "what are you reading?", etc. And you have something to distract you and an excuse to not talk to someone you don't want to. Just an option. I think this is fab advice for a shy lady. Also, smile a lot. btw, I adore Tony's post!
Author Shylady Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 You know what guys, tomorrow I am taking my book in there and going to have a drink and try really hard not to go bright red when he looks over. This is all down to you guys by the way, so thankyou . My parents don't want me to go back to my ex and to be honest, even if I am a terrible signal reader and this new guy is not interested, I won't have lost anything but I will have gained a little bit of independence. I don't even expect a huge relationship, I just want to know him better. Five years of a manipulator has left me feeling a bit rubbish and stupid but just to get back to being as confident as I used to be would be fab. Step one is in operation. So Tony I'm taking your badge and wearing it on my sleeve.
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