GrayClouds Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 things were going alright and then for no good reason. I woke up a bit down and it progress negiativley from there...so sad, hurt, crying, angry, lost. her cheating dierespected me and the relationship, the future we planned,and messes up my current job/living situation so how can I be missing that person? this sucks
broken_promises Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I know, it's awful. I think that has been the hardest thing for me... when it feels like things are going okay and then you get hit with another round of anger/depression/hurt/loneliness. It just feels so frustrating. And I also hate how hard it is to hold onto remembering why this is for the best or how much they hurt you. I know I always get sucked into "but he was so good to me" or remembering only the good things. I had my friend help me with that about a month ago where I would say one of the "but he was always so nice" or "he was so great" and then had them finish the sentence. So, for example, I might say, "He was always so generous" and then she would finish with "as long as it was his idea or on his terms." Maybe you have someone who could do this with you? Or you could probably do it yourself. It helped somewhat. I have it all written down so if I do start forgetting why the breakup is for the best I can go back and read it. I wish I knew how to combat the unexpected revival of feeling bad after doing well. I know it is just part of the healing. I think I always get sucked into thinking I am getting better when I have a good day or experience only to have the pain re-surface. I think that can then make me feel even worse. I really hate going through this breakup process, but I try to hold onto the fact that I have been through this before and eventually got over the hurt then too.
JL911 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 You will be ok.... We all will. Im a month in and getting better every day. Been talking to a lot of females and enjoying it. She is really missing out on a great guy...And that certainly was not my decision... People are just stupid and make stupid decisions figuring that someone will always be there and love them no matter what. I refuse to be a doormat for anyone. Ill find someone else...someone like me...
Thaddeus Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Sorry to hear that you're feeling crushed today, GC. You also know that everything is temporary, so I'm not going to sit here and blow sunshine up your a$$ and tell you, "Everything's gonna be alright" because you already know that. You may not feel like it at the moment but in your heart-of-hearts you understand that these short-term setbacks are exactly that: short-term setbacks. I'm going to a bbq tonight held by a couple of friends, and there are going to be lots of single women there. Wanna come? If you can't make it, go do something that makes you feel good. Get together with some buddies. Go see a movie that you've been putting off (I understand District 9 is pretty good) even if you have to go by yourself. Go for a run. Dig in the garden, take in an art gallery, kick a cat (j/k), go to a ball game. Just do something - damn near anything - to change your state. Wallowing in sadness and despair will get you nowhere. Trust me on this, I had wallowing down to a fine art.
Turambar Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I know, it's awful. I think that has been the hardest thing for me... when it feels like things are going okay and then you get hit with another round of anger/depression/hurt/loneliness. It just feels so frustrating. And I also hate how hard it is to hold onto remembering why this is for the best or how much they hurt you. I know I always get sucked into "but he was so good to me" or remembering only the good things. I had my friend help me with that about a month ago where I would say one of the "but he was always so nice" or "he was so great" and then had them finish the sentence. So, for example, I might say, "He was always so generous" and then she would finish with "as long as it was his idea or on his terms." Maybe you have someone who could do this with you? Or you could probably do it yourself. It helped somewhat. I have it all written down so if I do start forgetting why the breakup is for the best I can go back and read it. I wish I knew how to combat the unexpected revival of feeling bad after doing well. I know it is just part of the healing. I think I always get sucked into thinking I am getting better when I have a good day or experience only to have the pain re-surface. I think that can then make me feel even worse. I really hate going through this breakup process, but I try to hold onto the fact that I have been through this before and eventually got over the hurt then too. I liked this tatic of finishing sentences, so u can avoid being dragged into the past by contrasting it with the present. It's a pity that it doesn't work in the DIY way, at any rate, not with me. My ex didnt cheat, so I don't really hate her, Im just upset. It's a bit (or quite) different. Well, I suppose she didnt.. I never found out anything about
Author GrayClouds Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Go see a movie that you've been putting off (I understand District 9 is pretty good) even if you have to go by yoursef. I sew it last weekend and I almost lost it. The last 30 min the main character is pleading with his wife to remember him and his love. It hit way to close to home I almost had to walk out. If your in breakup recovery I would not suggest it, I should have went to that romantic comedy...it couldn't have mess with me as much as District 9. I think the weekends are difficult.. Too much time to think.
icyness Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I'm sorry GC. It feels incredibly self defeating when you feel you're doing pretty well only to be knocked back again when all those demons come rushing back out of the blue. I'm at a point where I feel I'm just sitting in the middle of a road that is has no end in sight. I feel like I don't know which way I came from, and which way I am to go. I keep trying to force the feeling of being okay because of what others are telling me, and that I apparently should be focusing only on me and moving on, etc. That's all true, however I'm just not there yet. I'm hoping that day comes that I just wake up and feel new again, like everything is really alright for once and I don't need him, but I don't know when that day will come. As of right now I'm still fooling myself into too many wishes of being back together and a bunch of other hopeful thoughts. While I know it is up to me to ultimately feel better, forcing it isn't helping either. I suppose we just have to take it one day at a time and trust it will get better because it's naturally ready to fall into place, not because we think it's supposed to be by now.
Losing Faith Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 I think the weekends are difficult.. Too much time to think. I agree... weekends are the worse. I was going to be so good today and get up and run all these errands that I needed to do.... I couldn't get out of bed until 1:00pm. 9:00pm now and I still haven't been able to get out of the house. I hate weekends now. I use to look so forward to the wknds when he was still around. God I miss him!
phoenix1 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Yeah, weekends are sooo difficult. I feel so lonely. It was the time we spent together and I LOVED it. It was the light on my horizon of a hard week at work. Made it all worth it. Now just nothing. I try to make plans, but inevitably there are days when nothing is going on and I am faced with the long, looming weekend. Who ever thought I would dread weekends so much? I really feel for you and just tell myself even though I don't really believe it, that it will get better.
Amalie Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 My reality checker is my daughter, his daughter. Whenever she sees me tearing up, she says Mom, God, all you do is remember the good. You should be like me and remember the bad. 11 years old. Very sobering. I am 11 months away from the cheating discovery and five away from leaving him and it's weird how once the person is gone the memory of the cheating fades and is replaced with warm thoughts. It's just a sick illusion. Remember the horror of your discovery. If that person was still lying beside you..you would likely not be feeling sentimental in any way. You would still be having those horrible mind movies.
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