Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 That is a way to show substantial love: have sex after marriage. Want to store the good part for the marriage, not tastes it stealingly before marriage. it shows dedication, "if I love you, I can wait for a little while". Human's passion can come and go, but if they honor God, their love isn't based on passion only, but substantial love. Ok, human's love is limited. If they focus on "can he/she satisfy me?", then this marriage isn't built on strong foundation. When one couple focus on God and learn unconditional love from God, then they can pass their limitations, and bring true love into their marriage. I said it once, and I'll say it one more time. Two people can have sex, before marriage, and it's not focused on just them. Compatibility is about it working for BOTH. I wouldn't want to be married to a man who I couldn't satisfy in the way he needs and wants. That isn't making it about me, that is it being about him and I. I want the best for both the man I am with as well as me. It's not one sided.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 I bet you didn't listen to God. or followed His advices it was part of your fault. Why did you choose a man like that? Did it possibly cross your mind that he was not that man, or showed those actions when I decided to have him in my life? Or are you now going to tell me that I did something to change him, such as withhold sex from him? I don't pick others actions. I picked mine though, I left, and because I, AND ONLY I, made that choice. And guess what. He was a religious man. He came from a religious family. He went on after that to preach to people about God.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Did it possibly cross your mind that he was not that man, or showed those actions when I decided to have him in my life? Or are you now going to tell me that I did something to change him, such as withhold sex from him? I don't pick others actions. I picked mine though, I left, and because I, AND ONLY I, made that choice. And guess what. He was a religious man. He came from a religious family. He went on after that to preach to people about God. Yes, left is good. If you didn't have sex with him, it would be less painful, isn't it?
Cora Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I'm not really sure on this one. I guess if a guy and I decide to be exclusive and he wants a relationship then and only then will I sleep with him. If he does not want a relationship then it will be never. Next time I will make sure a guy is really into me before we have sex. So for me it has nothing to do with x number of dates....just whenever we both decide we want to be in an official relationship.
CLC2008 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Who has power over me? Who get the benefit when I want to wait? It is myself who get the blessings. I don't give myself to a man who doesn't want to commit. why do you think that is mindlessly? Besides our own sexual needs, there are something more important, that is to honor God, because the love God gives us is very deep that we don't want to upset Him, and through HIs love we know whatever HE asks us to do is for our good, I learned this from life experiences not just from book. There are times we are disobediant, and far from God, but soon God make us realize that. Of course God gives one free will to choose, but from experiences the best choice is to follow God's will, whatever God asked me to do is for my goodness, not that God just wants to power over me. What God does, does for love. God's intention is perfect, HE created things bless us, it is our own rebelliousness mess things up. I believe in God, but when I read this, it is bothersome to me. How do you, or anyone else for that matter, know what Gods will is? You don't. None of us do. I understand the concept of not having sex with someone until you're in a committed relationship, but I don't agree with the mentality that a man must commit to a woman before having sex. Something about it just doesn't seem right/natural to me. You're treating sex as a weapon, and I'd like to believe that there are men out there who are more evolved than that. If that makes me naive, so be it.
loveslife Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 For me, two months is quick but I've done that. Three months is average. That's just how it's worked out for me. I never thought about how long I "should" wait until I found this board. I've no interest in casual sex. For me, sex is part of a commitment in a relationship. Of course this does not mean the relationship will last forever. It does mean that I'll feel good about having sex with that person. Ever since the first time I had sex with someone I loved I've not wanted it any other way. Oh, and I also never thought about exclusivity or the exclusivity talk until I found LS. In my experience, all that stuff just takes care of itself.
Sam Spade Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I didn't mean one cannot have real love before marriage. But if it is true love, they can wait. Why wait if we can have it now? aren't it beautiful that we show love through sex now? This is interesting part. Often time our mind can play game with ourselves, when we are led by lust, we can really make ourselves believe it is true love. But after sex, delusion comes. Where is their true love? can you explain why so many men just got aloof after sex without commitment? they are led by lust, not love. True love shows commitment, shows protection, shows endurance, shows self-control, shows putting other first than self. Sexual compatibility, can I ask you a question? Can a person use chopsticks skillfully without practicing? No. When two persons get together, will they automatically fit in sexual way? It takes practice, not practice with random persons, but practice with the one you promised to live forever. What if you learned a skill with another person, that skill can please that person, but what if the one you promised to love hate that skill? In this angle, the pure the best sex life will be, the experiences with others will become bugs that come out to bug you when you have sex with the one you promised to love whole life. That's why the other day a woman complained her insecurity over sex. she doesn't know she is loved, so she felt insecure because of one failed sexual experiece. but if you are in committed marriage, even if you failed one time (you are human), you know you are loved, you can improve and enjoy more, it is secure If they had sex before but now decided to wait, and really do wait, then they are growing toward a good direction. How do I know? because that is his character, getting elsewhere go against his beliefs and his beliefs about himself, that is why I trust him. Can I trust Jesus for anything? of course, because he has characters. That's why focus on characters are so important. Maybe there are. But often time reality kicks in. In their own eyes they maybe do so, but in God's eyes, they are far from what God intents for them. You are right. And waiting is a very good action to show that trust. If a man cannot resist temptation now, can he resist tempetation from other women when he is married? true. and why people don't want to get married to show their commitment? If they are so committed, why they don't want to be married and live with that person forever? unless they want to jump boat? This is a beautiful idea, but in reality it is offten not so. Sex within strong commitment --marriage can make it more beautiful, but sex out of commitment can make it ugly. Maybe that is one of the wonders God made. Out of a commitment relationship, sex damages rather than benefit. If the sex isn't the focus, what if you draw sex out from the relationship for a while, can he stay? If he can stay, then really indeed you find your true love, but can you dare to risk like this? if not, why not? but in a committed marriage, if a woman get sickness and cannot have sex for a while, a committed man can wait or sacrifice, this is true love. No, I didn't mean that. But true love can endure time, sickness and tough times. Can it be true love only after a while don't feel anything more? Can it be true love only one doesn't want to commit? Can it be true love only loves when you offer sex? Can it be true love as long as he doesn't do what you want and you become to hate him secretly? I thought I knew what true love is, "yes, look here, I can trully love", but time after time, God showed me that wasn't, and I am far from it. Whatever. Whatever. Much like with anything religion based, the above suggests that "waiting" is proper and sufficient indication that people are doing the right thing. I understand the appeal of it - it's convenient and does not involve using your brain! There are plenty of men that will get married just to have regular sex. So all of your christian theory is out of the window. But of course, like any religion, Christianity happily claims to be in posession of the true litmus tests for character and devotion. Rriiggght.
Vet Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I bet you didn't listen to God. or followed His advices That is the most offensive, condescending **** I have ever heard on these boards. So if someone ends up in a horrible, abusive relationship, they didn't believe in God enough or "listen" to him? What a great catch-all to your bogus belief system. I can't imagine why more people aren't flocking to the bile you're spewing forth in this thread.
loveslife Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Why don't you guys just let Lovelybird have his/her own opinion? Obviously, this person is very focused on religion. So let him/her. Why not just engage in the type of discussion that suits your sensibilities instead of dragging on a discourse that nobody will "win"????? I don't agree with Lovelybird's religion ideals but she/he has a right to them as much as anyone has a right to believe what they will. Sorry, but to me it seems kind of hypocritical to smash someone for their beliefs while insisting they respect other people's ideals.
loveslife Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Ya know, if you hadn't all jumped all over this person's post it would have gotten lost in the crowd. Now Lovelybird's message is littered throughout the thread.
northstar1 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Who has power over me? Who get the benefit when I want to wait? It is myself who get the blessings. I don't give myself to a man who doesn't want to commit. why do you think that is mindlessly? Besides our own sexual needs, there are something more important, that is to honor God, because the love God gives us is very deep that we don't want to upset Him, and through HIs love we know whatever HE asks us to do is for our good, I learned this from life experiences not just from book. There are times we are disobediant, and far from God, but soon God make us realize that. Of course God gives one free will to choose, but from experiences the best choice is to follow God's will, whatever God asked me to do is for my goodness, not that God just wants to power over me. What God does, does for love. God's intention is perfect, HE created things bless us, it is our own rebelliousness mess things up. Well, which testatment are you referring to here? The God in the Old Testament does not offer much choice for free will, but rather a jealous God who punishes those who do not obey.
likestolaugh Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Oh, and I also never thought about exclusivity or the exclusivity talk until I found LS. In my experience, all that stuff just takes care of itself. exactly, which is why one has to be very wary when considering advice from LS... it doesn't always reflect how the majority of the real world works...
Sam Spade Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Why don't you guys just let Lovelybird have his/her own opinion? Obviously, this person is very focused on religion. So let him/her. Why not just engage in the type of discussion that suits your sensibilities instead of dragging on a discourse that nobody will "win"????? I don't agree with Lovelybird's religion ideals but she/he has a right to them as much as anyone has a right to believe what they will. Sorry, but to me it seems kind of hypocritical to smash someone for their beliefs while insisting they respect other people's ideals. The problem is that this thing with "opinions" is taken way too far. Everybody has one, but not all are created equal. Most people offer opinion, but also back them up - however imperfectly - with their own reasoning and evidence, which makes them arguments, rather than opinions. So a reader can take this back up and use it for what it's worth to make up their own mint. In short, you can argue and critically examine an argument and the quality of the logic and the evidence determines the quality of the 'opinion'; but you can't do it with a "belief". Just because you have one, does not mean that it should be respected. Sorry, but there is nothing more irritating than a condescending christian creature generously dispensing The Word . It is the same as saying - "trust me, I, and my sidekick God know best, so all you got to do is obey to whatever we say". You can't argue with it. So you can either convert or become one of them, or tell them to feck off. Obviously, i recommend the latter .
Vet Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Why don't you guys just let Lovelybird have his/her own opinion? Obviously, this person is very focused on religion. So let him/her. Why not just engage in the type of discussion that suits your sensibilities instead of dragging on a discourse that nobody will "win"????? I don't agree with Lovelybird's religion ideals but she/he has a right to them as much as anyone has a right to believe what they will. Sorry, but to me it seems kind of hypocritical to smash someone for their beliefs while insisting they respect other people's ideals. I don't ask that people respect my ideals without questioning the validity and logic of such, nor would I respect anyone else's without judging theirs on the same merits. Let's not be so open-minded that our brains fall out.
northstar1 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 The problem is that this thing with "opinions" is taken way too far. Everybody has one, but not all are created equal. Most people offer opinion, but also back them up - however imperfectly - with their own reasoning and evidence, which makes them arguments, rather than opinions. So a reader can take this back up and use it for what it's worth to make up their own mint. In short, you can argue and critically examine an argument, but you can't do it with a "belief". That inevitably results in some condescending christian creature generously dispensing The Word . It is the same as saying - "trust me, I, and my sidekick god know best, so all you got to do is obey to whatever we say". You can't argue with it. So you can either convert or become one of them, or tell them to feck off. Obviously, i recommend the latter . Well said sir. The evolution and development of the neocortex in humans has granted us the power of critical thought. In other words, making up your own mind about things through analysis. If you choose to follow the scriptures literally,so be it that is your choice and I respect that- but the rest of us, such blind adherance to religious dogma without questioning it is something we choose to avoid.
C-i-C-u Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I need to see first how the girl looks like. The better she looks like-and can carry a conversation-the more likely I am wanting to have sex soon. The less intelligent ones well I just rape her there and then....its what God would have wanted:rolleyes:
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Why don't you guys just let Lovelybird have his/her own opinion? Obviously, this person is very focused on religion. So let him/her. Why not just engage in the type of discussion that suits your sensibilities instead of dragging on a discourse that nobody will "win"????? I don't agree with Lovelybird's religion ideals but she/he has a right to them as much as anyone has a right to believe what they will. Sorry, but to me it seems kind of hypocritical to smash someone for their beliefs while insisting they respect other people's ideals. To be honest LovesLife. I think Lovely is the one who started smashing beliefs. I don't have an issue with someone believing in Ged - to each otheir own, but to claim that someone deserved to be in a bad situation because they didn't follow the supposed rules their religion believes is just disgusting. She smashed down others, including me, for NOT believing in what she does. She just did it in her own oway. And if you're going to bring your religion itno a forum discussion, fine, but when you're so closed minded about it, and look at it as so black and white, people are going to have much less respect for you.
loveslife Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 DG, I thought you started a really interesting thread and I was eager to see what people's responses would be to the initial question. Instead, I got a hateful stream of religious conversation. I disagree with Lovelybird's ideals but I also find when it comes to religion it's often best to just walk away. It's so engrained in some people that nothing you say is going to change their opinion. And really, it just became a "you suck," "no, you suck," "no, you suck more" thread. I guess if it were me, I would have said "whatever" in response to the religious mumbo-jumbo and moved on. Does it really matter who is right or wrong?
jerbear Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 What I usually do is wait till the 2nd date. The first date is usually pretty hyped up, stressful, etc... The 2nd date you two will have a better idea if the budding relationship will progress. ONS of course are excluded.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 DG, I thought you started a really interesting thread and I was eager to see what people's responses would be to the initial question. Instead, I got a hateful stream of religious conversation. I disagree with Lovelybird's ideals but I also find when it comes to religion it's often best to just walk away. It's so engrained in some people that nothing you say is going to change their opinion. And really, it just became a "you suck," "no, you suck," "no, you suck more" thread. I guess if it were me, I would have said "whatever" in response to the religious mumbo-jumbo and moved on. Does it really matter who is right or wrong? I thought there was more then just 'you suck', as there were quite a few good points thrown out there, like any good debate or conversation. And there were still some good non religion responses.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 What I usually do is wait till the 2nd date. The first date is usually pretty hyped up, stressful, etc... The 2nd date you two will have a better idea if the budding relationship will progress. ONS of course are excluded. Really JB ... you kind of struck me as someone who waits a few months
jerbear Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Really JB ... you kind of struck me as someone who waits a few months An ex-gf was able to "open" my and we'll leave it at that.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 An ex-gf was able to "open" my and we'll leave it at that. Yes.... I think we will leave it at that :bunny:
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 I couldn't bare to read all these pages, but what I'm seeing is some disrespect for some people having strong beliefs in God. Believe it or not, some people are highly religious, and they believe its right to wait until marriage. Why is that so hard to understand. Why is it so hard to understand that a person does not deserve to be put in a bad situation just because they have different beliefs? And I have no issue with someone choosing to wait until marriage to have sex. I really don't. It's not my cup of tea, but if it works for someone else, then so be it. But to believe that waiting will protect you from all the bad that can happen in relationships is a mindless thought. It's also disrespectful to many people to claim that those who have sex before marriage really aren't good trust worthy people. That makes a good majority of this board untrustworthy. The world is not black and white. There are so many shades of gray - you could have a colorless rainbow.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 this is what i was thinking. it seems like lovelybird was drilled about their religious beliefs. just accept it , briefly comment and go on. even if some say they respect religion, i don't think they do. most mature people understand how religious people can be, and nothing can change that. You do understand the point of a forum right? It's to discuss opinions given. If you don't want it to be done, don't broadcast your thoughts. I don't expect everyone to agree with me, and like what I have to say, and I accept that.
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