Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 There's no set rules on how love works and how it is created, sorry to say. I respect that you have your chosen faith, but I don't respect that you feel that is the only way to live. This is why I'm not a fan of religion. And even with your edit, it's obvious that it's still black and white for you. Because you refuse to accept a middle ground where people are capable of loving, cherishing, trusting, and caring about one another with sex before marriage.
carhill Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 If the woman (or man, as applicable) in question feels respected by the sexual intimacies shared, that is all that matters. It is a bond, and an expression between only the two of them, and outsiders are excluded from opinion or judgment. It is a private expression.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 If the woman (or man, as applicable) in question feels respected by the sexual intimacies shared, that is all that matters. It is a bond, and an expression between only the two of them, and outsiders are excluded from opinion or judgment. It is a private expression. That does not require a ring on your finger.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 There's no set rules on how love works and how it is created, sorry to say. I respect that you have your chosen faith, but I don't respect that you feel that is the only way to live. This is why I'm not a fan of religion. And even with your edit, it's obvious that it's still black and white for you. Because you refuse to accept a middle ground where people are capable of loving, cherishing, trusting, and caring about one another with sex before marriage. It's ok, dreamergrl. I understand what you feel. Long before whenever I heard about 'submission', I was about to scream. My mind was renewed all these years, and I am truly blessed by words of God. I have more peace and joy than before.
carhill Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 That does not require a ring on your finger. I agree. The bond and the expression obviate all forms of control. It stands alone.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 It's ok, dreamergrl. I understand what you feel. Long before whenever I heard about 'submission', I was about to scream. My mind was renewed all these years, and I am truly blessed by words of God. I have more peace and joy than before. :lmao: No, I really don't think you do. Words are just that, just words. The only person I can depend on to make my path is me. My actions. My choices. There are so many other and better actions that a man can make then just waiting for sex. There's so much beyond that, and more too it then that.
spiderowl Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Interestingly, in my experience the guys who were prepared to wait for sex and didn't rush anything were the ones who were most committed to a relationship. Basically, they didn't want to blow it by rushing things and were taking their time. The ones who I later found out were just interested in sex and not a relationship were fairly eager and made it clear they were aroused. That wasn't exactly pressure, but was a non-too-subtle hint. The 'in-it-for-the-sex-only' guys were also the ones who wanted exclusivity and commitment practically from day one. It seems odd, doesn't it? I have this theory that guys who ask for exclusivity from the very beginning are doing it because they only have sex in mind. Also, they play around and so are more likely to suspect you of doing it too, hence the demand for exclusivity when they hardly know you. Those who are looking for a relationship don't see the need to rush the sex or exclusivity deal; after all, they plan to be around for some time to come. In summary, I'd recommend waiting for a while (couple of months at least) to see if they are in it for a relationship or just sex.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 But at the same time, do you really want to get married before knowing your sexual compatible? Obviously sex isn't just being able to work it well together, but lets face it, there's more to sex then just the love behind it. You could love someone with all your heart, but they might not do it for you in bed.
hoping2heal Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Yes, there are many Christians divorced and cheated. I don't know why they did, but one thing for sure, they weren't so close to God and His will, but followed own wills. when they should seek God, they didn't; when they should crucify own pride, they didn't; when they should change themselves, they didn't. But there are some christians really did follow God, still suffer being cheated. Only God knows the reason. One thing we agree upon that character is very important. What is one's character? not one time or two time he does good, but consistantly does it. If there are two men, one can honor God, resist temptation before marriage, another just follows passion and had sex before marriage, whom I can trust more? the first one I know I can trust one man who always put God first consistantly, than a man who put his passion first than anything. Bible says "who can find a virtuous wife find a good thing, a gift from God", it also can be applied "who can find a faithful man find a good thing, a gift from God" There are many testimonies that a gentle submissive wife won their harsh difficult husband's heart, and their husband changed and turned to God. Miracles do happen Well, to be quite frank I haven't even met one person who can put God first. Sure, they can go on and follow the rules that are simple to them, but once it comes to a temptation that is difficult; they will choose that and then they will repent. I've never seen any different. I don't think this means all people are evil or bad either.I have met people in the church who are very genuine and loving, wonderful people to be around and spend time with. I've met those of other religions, or beliefs also, very genuine, compassionate and vibrant people. As far as people who cheat because they aren't close to God, I've seen people of all backgrounds, all religions have faithful and happy relationships, even if they follow a religion or maybe no religion at all that has nothing to do with the Christian deity known as God. In my observation God doesn't make that distinction. If one's addiction is food, they will overeat. They may know every scripture, they may spend countless hours of their lives caring for others, but whatever their weakness is; being close to "God" won't spare them from that. I think dreamergirl said it best when she noted that a ring will not spare you from relationship troubles, it won't. I think there's nothing wrong myself with waiting until marriage, but to do it mindlessly; because someone else has told you it's what is right and used the name of a deity to exert control or power over you? That's when I think it's wrong.
caramel c Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 But at the same time, do you really want to get married before knowing your sexual compatible? To answer this, I do want to get married before having sex. I will know that we are compatible before that point. I will know if the chemistry is right. Everything that we don't do before getting married will be more special when we do. There is nothing better to wait for.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Interestingly, in my experience the guys who were prepared to wait for sex and didn't rush anything were the ones who were most committed to a relationship. Basically, they didn't want to blow it by rushing things and were taking their time. The ones who I later found out were just interested in sex and not a relationship were fairly eager and made it clear they were aroused. That wasn't exactly pressure, but was a non-too-subtle hint. The 'in-it-for-the-sex-only' guys were also the ones who wanted exclusivity and commitment practically from day one. It seems odd, doesn't it? I have this theory that guys who ask for exclusivity from the very beginning are doing it because they only have sex in mind. Also, they play around and so are more likely to suspect you of doing it too, hence the demand for exclusivity when they hardly know you. Those who are looking for a relationship don't see the need to rush the sex or exclusivity deal; after all, they plan to be around for some time to come. In summary, I'd recommend waiting for a while (couple of months at least) to see if they are in it for a relationship or just sex. so much true in this post
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 I think there's nothing wrong myself with waiting until marriage, but to do it mindlessly; because someone else has told you it's what is right and used the name of a deity to exert control or power over you? That's when I think it's wrong. My point exactly. If someone wants to wait until marriage, that is their choice, and that is fine. But to do it because that is "the rules of love", or because it's what "God says is right", or what was taught - to me is foolish. It's not making the choice yourself. It's not done with free will.
carhill Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 But at the same time, do you really want to get married before knowing your sexual compatible? OP, you might want to describe what your impression of sexual compatibility is. I'll try.... I enjoy physical, non-sexual affection, a lot; sometimes it leads to sex, sometimes it doesn't. I like titillation; the anticipation of something I won't have right now. I like the ebb and flow of sex, rather than being orgasm-oriented. I like it long. Sometimes noisy. A woman who is comfortable with her body and thinks her parts are sexy. A woman who enjoys all of me, not just my sexual parts. Does my penis have to be in her vagina to discover these things? Can the synergy of our attraction and expressions of love be recognized and expressed without intercourse? Each of us must decide such things, as well as our personal parameters of compatibility, for ourselves. When two minds meet and agree, there ya go
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 To answer this, I do want to get married before having sex. I will know that we are compatible before that point. I will know if the chemistry is right. Everything that we don't do before getting married will be more special when we do. There is nothing better to wait for. I don't see how you can know if your sexual compatible if you don't have sex. I dated a guy that I was compatible on so many levels with, and there was so much chemistry, but when it came time for actual sex, I was not turned on at all. And we waited until there was love there. It didn't matter though.
caramel c Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I don't see how you can know if your sexual compatible if you don't have sex. I dated a guy that I was compatible on so many levels with, and there was so much chemistry, but when it came time for actual sex, I was not turned on at all. And we waited until there was love there. It didn't matter though. I know if I'm turned on. There is no way that spark cannot be ignited, further and further and...well you know, further. I have no worries about what I said.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I think there's nothing wrong myself with waiting until marriage, but to do it mindlessly; because someone else has told you it's what is right and used the name of a deity to exert control or power over you? That's when I think it's wrong. Who has power over me? Who get the benefit when I want to wait? It is myself who get the blessings. I don't give myself to a man who doesn't want to commit. why do you think that is mindlessly? Besides our own sexual needs, there are something more important, that is to honor God, because the love God gives us is very deep that we don't want to upset Him, and through HIs love we know whatever HE asks us to do is for our good, I learned this from life experiences not just from book. There are times we are disobediant, and far from God, but soon God make us realize that. Of course God gives one free will to choose, but from experiences the best choice is to follow God's will, whatever God asked me to do is for my goodness, not that God just wants to power over me. What God does, does for love. God's intention is perfect, HE created things bless us, it is our own rebelliousness mess things up.
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Who has power over me? Who get the benefit when I want to wait? It is myself who get the blessings. I don't give myself to a man who doesn't want to commit. why do you think that is mindlessly? Besides our own sexual needs, there are something more important, that is to honor God, because the love God gives us is very deep that we don't want to upset Him, and through HIs love we know whatever HE asks us to do is for our good, I learned this from life experiences not just from book. There are times we are disobediant, and far from God, but soon God make us realize that. Of course God gives one free will to choose, but from experiences the best choice is to follow God's will, whatever God asked me to do is for my goodness, not that God just wants to power over me. What God does, does for love. God's intention is perfect, HE created things bless us, it is our own rebelliousness mess things up. But see, you paint it so black and white. You refuse to believe that people can have a healthy relationship by having sex before marriage. You don't believe commitment can be there prior to marriage. So, does God say that the only commitment there is is marriage? Because that is just silly. And also, you base everything on God. When you put all reasoning on one thing, that is mindless. To do something just because it is asked of you, is mindless. It's not free will.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I don't see how you can know if your sexual compatible if you don't have sex. I dated a guy that I was compatible on so many levels with, and there was so much chemistry, but when it came time for actual sex, I was not turned on at all. And we waited until there was love there. It didn't matter though. Basically the sexual compatibility is focus on ME, Can he satisfy ME? The focus isn't right. it is much like utilization. IF you love, won't you accept him all and everything? Great sex comes from acceptance A godly marriage should put focus on God first, then spouse second, then self third. Isn't great sex about please the other ? how can sex be great when one thinks "ME, ME, ME...."?
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Basically the sexual compatibility is focus on ME, Can he satisfy ME? The focus isn't right. it is much like utilization. IF you love, won't you accept him all and everything? Great sex comes from acceptance A godly marriage should put focus on God first, then spouse second, then self third. Isn't great sex about please the other ? how can sex be great when one thinks "ME, ME, ME...."? Who's to say you're pleasuring your partner? Sexual compatibility isn't just about ME ME ME ME. Now you are twisting words. Compatibility goes two ways.
Lovelybird Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 But see, you paint it so black and white. You refuse to believe that people can have a healthy relationship by having sex before marriage. You don't believe commitment can be there prior to marriage. So, does God say that the only commitment there is is marriage? Because that is just silly. And also, you base everything on God. When you put all reasoning on one thing, that is mindless. To do something just because it is asked of you, is mindless. It's not free will. Did I tell you that I chose to disobediant to God, but received my lessons? YES! I was so full of my ideas, and knew what I want, but in the end, God is the smartest. It took hard lessons to know this. I want God's best
Author dreamergrl Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Well put lovelybird! So, CG - are you waiting for marriage? Did I tell you that I chose to disobediant to God, but received my lessons? YES! I was so full of my ideas, and knew what I want, but in the end, God is the smartest. It took hard lessons to know this. I want God's best And if what you say is ever so true, why is that even those who choose "God's Path" still end up in divorce? End up being cheated on? End up cheating? Why is it even those who follow 'the rules' still end up getting hurt, because as another poster, they stayed because that's what God toldt hem to do.
carhill Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Great example of different paths for different souls. We all have our own path and reconcile it at the end of our existence. Tic-toc
V.Vixen Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I respect that you have your chosen faith, but I don't respect that you feel that is the only way to live. This is why I'm not a fan of religion. My thoughts exactly.
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