How Long Do You Wait?

August 29, 2009

Before having sex? I'm just curious how long everyone waits to have sex in the dating world.

August 29, 2009

until she lets me

and that is half serious

I am open to it on the first date if thing go well.... or I can wait a couple of months if she likes to take things slower

August 29, 2009

Before having sex? I'm just curious how long everyone waits to have sex in the dating world.

She said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and take

You can't hurry love, no you just have to wait

In the past, when dating a girl and things were going well, on average I'd say 4 dates or so? Some more some less.

August 29, 2009

I dont like arbitrary time/date restrictions. I say once youve established that youre into eachother, have the opportunity (meaning youre at a place with privacy and a bed), and the mood strikes, go for it.

Ive never found that I was more invested in a girl who made me wait longer, and its actually never been an issue in my RL's. Sex should really be a joyous and exciting occasion. If I was into a girl and we had sex on the first date I would still be just as into her the next day. If I was losing/lost interest in a girl, and she made me wait months, I wouldnt care and would still be losing/have lost interest.

until she lets me

and that is half serious

I am open to it on the first date if thing go well.... or I can wait a couple of months if she likes to take things slower

Well put

August 29, 2009

It varies.

I have had first date sex, and I have waited 6 weeks before.

Usually date 3 or 4 is ideal.

August 29, 2009

Do you guys make sure your exclusive first? Well.. obviously not if it's first date sex, but those who wait...

August 29, 2009

usually have that talk after the first time if we have waited

August 29, 2009

I wait for marriage. If one had sex before, still can make a decision now that you will wait for marriage. There are many good reasons besides this is God wants me to do.

1. Sex isn't really the top JOY in a relationship. I don't mean it isn't beautiful, I mean if there isn't real love as a foundation, sex can taste nothing. But if you have real love first, then sex can season your love to a top level. The world made the priority wrong.

2. Waiting shows your character. Basically do you trust a person who easily has sex with anyone, or do you trust a person who has strong self-control and wait for the special one? I can trust a man who wait. It shows his character and his real care for the girl whom he is dating, shows he isn't self-centered. Did you hear this "if you love me, then you will have sex with me", this is typical selfishness, it is nothing about he loves you, but about he loves himself more than you. But a man with characters will protect you and your purity, protect his purity and interity, luckily I met such a man. He made me feel cherished, respected, protected. Even some more beautiful women pass us by, I don't feel threatened and I trust him will not have running eyes.

3. Waiting shows you are trustworthy. And trust is the nurture ground for true love.

4. Casual sex without commitment bring headache, frustration, broken heart, confusion, and a heart that cannot trust opposite sex, and a low self-esteem. Only in a commitment relationship, with full dedication into the relationship, then true love can flourish.

Have you ever heard that best sex experience happens in those happy marriages who put God first, not in casual sexual relationships? will you feel cheapened after casual sex (sex without commitment)? or can you feel cherished only after sex he doesn't put much effort to learn you anymore, your focus became sex (lust) only?

So waiting for sex is about true love. What is true love? I am lucky that I got chance to learn, and God teaches me still. I don't want to settle just for the sake of "this is what others do, so I have to accept that", I want something much more than this, and in real life it gets better and better.

August 29, 2009

I wait for marriage. If one had sex before, still can make a decision now that you will wait for marriage. There are many good reasons besides this is God wants me to do.

1. Sex isn't really the top JOY in a relationship. I don't mean it isn't beautiful, I mean if there isn't real love as a foundation, sex can taste nothing. But if you have real love first, then sex can season your love to a top level. The world made the priority wrong.

But who's to say you can't have real love before marriage? Also, what if you find your not sexual compatible after waiting?

2. Waiting shows your character. Basically do you trust a person who easily has sex with anyone, or do you trust a person who has strong self-control and wait for the special one? I can trust a man who wait. It shows his character and his real care for the girl whom he is dating, shows he isn't self-centered. Did you hear this "if you love me, then you will have sex with me", this is typical selfishness, it is nothing about he loves you, but about he loves himself more than you. But a man with characters will protect you and your purity, protect his purity and interity, luckily I met such a man. He made me feel cherished, respected, protected. Even some more beautiful women pass us by, I don't feel threatened and I trust him will not have running eyes.

But you said a person who has had sex before marriage can now choose to wait, so what if they've had sex before marriage before and is now waiting. Does that make them trust worthy or untrustworthy? And how do you know he's not getting it else where? And who's to say two people who have sex before marriage can't cherish and respect and protect one another?

3. Waiting shows you are trustworthy. And trust is the nurture ground for true love.

Many other actions show trust. Not just waiting for sex.

4. Casual sex without commitment bring headache, frustration, broken heart, confusion, and a heart that cannot trust opposite sex, and a low self-esteem. Only in a commitment relationship, with full dedication into the relationship, then true love can flourish.

But you don't need to be married to be committed to the person. And obviously you would want true love to get married anyways.

Have you ever heard that best sex experience happens in those happy marriages who put God first, not in casual sexual relationships? will you feel cheapened after casual sex (sex without commitment)? or can you feel cherished only after sex he doesn't put much effort to learn you anymore, your focus became sex (lust) only?

You can have non casual sex without being married. People can learn more about one another after sex. For some, sex makes the relationship grow even stronger. I know I wouldn't be able to marry someone not knowing if there is sexual chemistry, and we work well together in that aspect. And again, just because two people have sex does not mean it has to be the only focus of the relationship.

So waiting for sex is about true love. What is true love? I am lucky that I got chance to learn, and God teaches me still.

So are you saying those who don't wait for marriage have not experienced true love?

August 29, 2009

I wait until sex becomes the proper expression of the intimacy and connection I feel. Historically, that has been after exclusivity and after I've told the lady I love her. I don't believe in casual uncommitted sex and never will. Good on those folks who do. It's a well traveled and populated path

August 29, 2009

I dont like arbitrary time/date restrictions. I say once youve established that youre into eachother, have the opportunity (meaning youre at a place with privacy and a bed), and the mood strikes, go for it.

I completely agree with that. If I am extremely into the other person, then to me it just comes naturally.

August 29, 2009

But who's to say you can't have real love before marriage? Also, what if you find your not sexual compatible after waiting?

I didn't mean one cannot have real love before marriage. But if it is true love, they can wait. Why wait if we can have it now? aren't it beautiful that we show love through sex now?

This is interesting part. Often time our mind can play game with ourselves, when we are led by lust, we can really make ourselves believe it is true love. But after sex, delusion comes. Where is their true love? can you explain why so many men just got aloof after sex without commitment? they are led by lust, not love. True love shows commitment, shows protection, shows endurance, shows self-control, shows putting other first than self.

Sexual compatibility, can I ask you a question? Can a person use chopsticks skillfully without practicing? No. When two persons get together, will they automatically fit in sexual way? It takes practice, not practice with random persons, but practice with the one you promised to live forever. What if you learned a skill with another person, that skill can please that person, but what if the one you promised to love hate that skill? In this angle, the pure the best sex life will be, the experiences with others will become bugs that come out to bug you when you have sex with the one you promised to love whole life.

That's why the other day a woman complained her insecurity over sex. she doesn't know she is loved, so she felt insecure because of one failed sexual experiece.

but if you are in committed marriage, even if you failed one time (you are human), you know you are loved, you can improve and enjoy more, it is secure

But you said a person who has had sex before marriage can now choose to wait, so what if they've had sex before marriage before and is now waiting. Does that make them trust worthy or untrustworthy? And how do you know he's not getting it else where?

If they had sex before but now decided to wait, and really do wait, then they are growing toward a good direction. How do I know? because that is his character, getting elsewhere go against his beliefs and his beliefs about himself, that is why I trust him. Can I trust Jesus for anything? of course, because he has characters. That's why focus on characters are so important.

And who's to say two people who have sex before marriage can't cherish and respect and protect one another?

Maybe there are. But often time reality kicks in. In their own eyes they maybe do so, but in God's eyes, they are far from what God intents for them.

Many other actions show trust. Not just waiting for sex.

You are right. And waiting is a very good action to show that trust. If a man cannot resist temptation now, can he resist tempetation from other women when he is married?

But you don't need to be married to be committed to the person. And obviously you would want true love to get married anyways.

true. and why people don't want to get married to show their commitment? If they are so committed, why they don't want to be married and live with that person forever? unless they want to jump boat?

You can have non casual sex without being married. People can learn more about one another after sex. For some, sex makes the relationship grow even stronger. I know I wouldn't be able to marry someone not knowing if there is sexual chemistry, and we work well together in that aspect. And again, just because two people have sex does not mean it has to be the only focus of the relationship.

This is a beautiful idea, but in reality it is offten not so. Sex within strong commitment --marriage can make it more beautiful, but sex out of commitment can make it ugly. Maybe that is one of the wonders God made. Out of a commitment relationship, sex damages rather than benefit.

If the sex isn't the focus, what if you draw sex out from the relationship for a while, can he stay? If he can stay, then really indeed you find your true love, but can you dare to risk like this? if not, why not? but in a committed marriage, if a woman get sickness and cannot have sex for a while, a committed man can wait or sacrifice, this is true love.

So are you saying those who don't wait for marriage have not experienced true love?

No, I didn't mean that. But true love can endure time, sickness and tough times. Can it be true love only after a while don't feel anything more? Can it be true love only one doesn't want to commit? Can it be true love only loves when you offer sex? Can it be true love as long as he doesn't do what you want and you become to hate him secretly?

I thought I knew what true love is, "yes, look here, I can trully love", but time after time, God showed me that wasn't, and I am far from it.

August 29, 2009

I wait for marriage. If one had sex before, still can make a decision now that you will wait for marriage. There are many good reasons besides this is God wants me to do.

1. Sex isn't really the top JOY in a relationship. I don't mean it isn't beautiful, I mean if there isn't real love as a foundation, sex can taste nothing. But if you have real love first, then sex can season your love to a top level. The world made the priority wrong.

2. Waiting shows your character. Basically do you trust a person who easily has sex with anyone, or do you trust a person who has strong self-control and wait for the special one? I can trust a man who wait. It shows his character and his real care for the girl whom he is dating, shows he isn't self-centered. Did you hear this "if you love me, then you will have sex with me", this is typical selfishness, it is nothing about he loves you, but about he loves himself more than you. But a man with characters will protect you and your purity, protect his purity and interity, luckily I met such a man. He made me feel cherished, respected, protected. Even some more beautiful women pass us by, I don't feel threatened and I trust him will not have running eyes.

3. Waiting shows you are trustworthy. And trust is the nurture ground for true love.

4. Casual sex without commitment bring headache, frustration, broken heart, confusion, and a heart that cannot trust opposite sex, and a low self-esteem. Only in a commitment relationship, with full dedication into the relationship, then true love can flourish.

Have you ever heard that best sex experience happens in those happy marriages who put God first, not in casual sexual relationships? will you feel cheapened after casual sex (sex without commitment)? or can you feel cherished only after sex he doesn't put much effort to learn you anymore, your focus became sex (lust) only?

So waiting for sex is about true love. What is true love? I am lucky that I got chance to learn, and God teaches me still. I don't want to settle just for the sake of "this is what others do, so I have to accept that", I want something much more than this, and in real life it gets better and better.

My grandmother stayed with an abusive alchoholic all of her life because he didn't cheat, so "that's what God wanted her to do". He still lies and hides it too, and the only two people who don't realise he's caught is him, and her. She goes to church 3 times a week and is in 2 prayer groups, and she'd swear that's God wants her to do. There are people who wait until marriage to have sex and it works out for them, just like there are people who it doesn't work out for. They still end up cheated on, hurt, incompatible, etc.

Just like, there are people who don't wait until marriage to have sex, who have beautiful and fulfilling relationships and love lives, and there are those who have sex before marriage who end up with dumpy, crappy relationships. There isn't any religious or secular failsafe or formula to it, you choose a partner you can trust, not because he or she says you can trust them, but you watch for charachter and signs they are reliable. You build a foundation upon that, you watch how they handle problems, stressors, temptations etc.

Waiting until marriage won't guarantee you any more success or if your marriage stays together, any more happiness than not. If you don't know how to pick a partner who is good for you,a nd if you don't know how to cultivate trust you are screwed.

Waiting until marriage is never going to protect you from that, sorry.

Oh and also, I agree with what casual sex breeds, but sex in a comitted relationship is not casual sex, and you are no more protected from a breakup, a dissolution, being lied too etc. just because you are married either.

I've also seen couples who "Waited" where the man "Waited" years even, he still ended up being unfaithful in the end. Again, this is not hardly the recipe for a sure thing you have fooled yourself into believing.

August 29, 2009

I have before, in a long term committed relationship, but now I am waiting until marriage.

August 29, 2009

My grandmother stayed with an abusive alchoholic all of her life because he didn't cheat, so "that's what God wanted her to do". He still lies and hides it too, and the only two people who don't realise he's caught is him, and her. She goes to church 3 times a week and is in 2 prayer groups, and she'd swear that's God wants her to do. There are people who wait until marriage to have sex and it works out for them, just like there are people who it doesn't work out for. They still end up cheated on, hurt, incompatible, etc.

Just like, there are people who don't wait until marriage to have sex, who have beautiful and fulfilling relationships and love lives, and there are those who have sex before marriage who end up with dumpy, crappy relationships. There isn't any religious or secular failsafe or formula to it, you choose a partner you can trust, not because he or she says you can trust them, but you watch for charachter and signs they are reliable. You build a foundation upon that, you watch how they handle problems, stressors, temptations etc.

Waiting until marriage won't guarantee you any more success or if your marriage stays together, any more happiness than not. If you don't know how to pick a partner who is good for you,a nd if you don't know how to cultivate trust you are screwed.
Waiting until marriage is never going to protect you from that, sorry.

Oh and also, I agree with what casual sex breeds, but sex in a comitted relationship is not casual sex, and you are no more protected from a breakup, a dissolution, being lied too etc. just because you are married either.

I've also seen couples who "Waited" where the man "Waited" years even, he still ended up being unfaithful in the end. Again, this is not hardly the recipe for a sure thing you have fooled yourself into believing.

Yes, there are many Christians divorced and cheated. I don't know why they did, but one thing for sure, they weren't so close to God and His will, but followed own wills. when they should seek God, they didn't; when they should crucify own pride, they didn't; when they should change themselves, they didn't. But there are some christians really did follow God, still suffer being cheated. Only God knows the reason.

One thing we agree upon that character is very important. What is one's character? not one time or two time he does good, but consistantly does it. If there are two men, one can honor God, resist temptation before marriage, another just follows passion and had sex before marriage, whom I can trust more? the first one

I know I can trust one man who always put God first consistantly, than a man who put his passion first than anything. Bible says "who can find a virtuous wife find a good thing, a gift from God", it also can be applied "who can find a faithful man find a good thing, a gift from God"

There are many testimonies that a gentle submissive wife won their harsh difficult husband's heart, and their husband changed and turned to God. Miracles do happen

August 29, 2009

Just because you put a ring on your finger before you have sex does not protect you from relationship hardships. One would be naive to think that you are protected because you choose to wait to have sex.

August 29, 2009

Nothing protects against relationship hardships or life hardships for that matter, other than death. After you're dead, you're untouchable

August 29, 2009

Before having sex? I'm just curious how long everyone waits to have sex in the dating world.

About 10 maybe 15 mins tops...

August 29, 2009

Just because you put a ring on your finger before you have sex does not protect you from relationship hardships. One would be naive to think that you are protected because you choose to wait to have sex.

No. Nothing prevents you from hardships. But faith in God will help you through them.

August 29, 2009

Yes, there are many Christians divorced and cheated. I don't know why they did, but one thing for sure, they weren't so close to God and His will, but followed own wills. when they should seek God, they didn't; when they should crucify own pride, they didn't; when they should change themselves, they didn't. But there are some christians really did follow God, still suffer being cheated. Only God knows the reason.

One thing we agree upon that character is very important. What is one's character? not one time or two time he does good, but consistantly does it. If there are two men, one can honor God, resist temptation before marriage, another just follows passion and had sex before marriage, whom I can trust more? the first one

I know I can trust one man who always put God first consistantly, than a man who put his passion first than anything. Bible says "who can find a virtuous wife find a good thing, a gift from God", it also can be applied "who can find a faithful man find a good thing, a gift from God"

There are many testimonies that a gentle submissive wife won their harsh difficult husband's heart, and their husband changed and turned to God. Miracles do happen

So the key now is to be submissive?

I'd actually trust a guy who's had sex before marriage more then one who hasn't. I'd trust that he knows what he wants and isn't just following what was taught to him. Someone who can act on their own will and isn't ruled by a specific way of life. Obviously still a man who has morals, and is honest, and faithful.

August 29, 2009

No. Nothing prevents you from hardships. But faith in God will help you through them.

Not that I don't believe in God, because I do to a point, but I have faith in myself to make the correct choices, and when I don't, I learn from them.

August 29, 2009

Not that I don't believe in God, because I do to a point, but I have faith in myself to make the correct choices, and when I don't, I learn from them.

That is very important and very good to hear! I will not discount that at all.

August 29, 2009

There maybe have hardships after marriage. I meant that waiting is one of signs that demonstrate his characters.

Tell me which man you can trust in

A man: if you don't have sex with me, then you don't love me, C'mon, that is natural to have lust (manipulation)

B man: I have lots of love to offer, and I decided to only have sex with my wife after marriage.

August 29, 2009

There maybe have hardships after marriage. I meant that waiting is one of signs that demonstrate his characters.

Tell me which man you can trust in

A man: if you don't have sex with me, then you don't love me, C'mon, that is natural to have lust (manipulation)

B man: I have lots of love to offer, and I decided to only have sex with my wife after marriage.

You left out..

C - the man who is capable of having sex before marriage and still treats his lady with the respect she deserves.

Because that man does exist. You're only looking at it as black and white, and sorry to say, but nothing is that black and white when it comes to relationships.

August 29, 2009

A man: if you don't have sex with me, then you don't love me, C'mon, that is natural to have lust (manipulation, surely he knows what he wants, SEX)

B man: I have lots of love to offer, and I decided to only have sex with my wife after marriage. (he isn't ruled by rules on paper, but he is ruled by rules of love, he is very responsible, and wants to protect the woman.

(they won't let me edit )

C man ......maybe in some people's eyes he treats her well, but still not that well God intents to be. If a man respects and loves, he commits to her, FULLY, to the degree of committing his whole life to her; protects her reputations and dignity. If a man doesn't want to commit his whole life to her--marriage while still having sex with her, then he really doesn't respect her as he should

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