ladydesigner Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I blocked xOM from my email today so I will not receive any more from him. I don't want to be his so-called "friend" anymore. I wanted to thank everyone on LS for helping me see how important NC really is. I have also deleted his phone number from my phone and all past emails. I want him out of my life, my mind, and my soul. Good riddens!!!!!
jj33 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Well done. It will make it SO much easier. You wont regret it. Congrats!
fooled once Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Great job! Now, you can start to heal and move on -- on to a much healthier and happier life!!
Author ladydesigner Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Thanks everyone. It feels great. I just sent a NC letter to fully enforce this and no turning back. I feel FREE...yipppeeee:D
lkjh Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I accidentally posted my response in your update thread.
lkjh Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I accidentally put my response in someone else's thread. Basically I will unfortunatley be the one to go against all of the positive and say that this will not be over until you confess to your husband. It will be hard doing this but the right thing is never easy.
Devil Inside Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Good job LD. You will probably go through some withdrawal. but I think you did the right thing for you and your M by starting NC. I am proud of you.
Author ladydesigner Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 Basically I will unfortunatley be the one to go against all of the positive and say that this will not be over until you confess to your husband. It will be hard doing this but the right thing is never easy. Lkjh yes I understand this and there are times I feel I need to confess. Right now I need to find an IC before I make a move like that. Going NC was difficult for me so I am getting through this part first.
lkjh Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Lkjh yes I understand this and there are times I feel I need to confess. Right now I need to find an IC before I make a move like that. Going NC was difficult for me so I am getting through this part first. Be careful about IC's, they usually want you to be happy and satisfied so they tell you things that only help with the short term.
tami-chan Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Lkjh yes I understand this and there are times I feel I need to confess. Right now I need to find an IC before I make a move like that. Going NC was difficult for me so I am getting through this part first. Good. When in doubt, stop. Don't let anybody bully you into anything. One step at a time. IC is probably a good idea since the counselor has no vested interest (hopefully) but your health. Strength and good wishes to you!
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Making it harder for him to contact you, is easier on you! Keep busy, grieve when you feel you need to, but don't let yourself go 'there'. Get out with friends, family and have fun. Get a new haircut, go to the spa, pamper yourself and celebrate freedom!
Devil Inside Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Good. When in doubt, stop. Don't let anybody bully you into anything. One step at a time. IC is probably a good idea since the counselor has no vested interest (hopefully) but your health. Strength and good wishes to you! Let me second this. I know I have received a lot of advice both ways on this topic..in the end it is for us to decide which way to go.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Thanks everyone. It feels great. I just sent a NC letter to fully enforce this and no turning back. I feel FREE...yipppeeee:D So question is, you are going to stay faithful to your husband from here on out?
Author ladydesigner Posted August 31, 2009 Author Posted August 31, 2009 So question is, you are going to stay faithful to your husband from here on out? Dexter that is the plan. We are in the process of repairing our marriage and so far everything seems to be moving in a positive direction, that is as long as my husband can remain faithful (he has a sordid past and this doesn't give me an excuse for mine). I will not be unfaithful again. I learned a MAJOR life lesson from this experience and if I feel the need to be unfaithful it will be time for a divorce and that is the only way.
Owl Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I would reiterate the cautions some posters mentioned about IC's during marital recovery. An IC only focuses on the individual...and if they're not working with your MC, they very well may offer advice/counseling that is actually highly detrimental to your marital recovery efforts. Talk about this concern with your IC. Tell them point blank that they need to be working WITH you to achieve your goals...and one of those high priority goals is saving your marriage. If they can't do that...find an IC who can. Not all of them are like this, but a good number are, and there's no reason why you shouldn't 'shop around' to find one who can help you meet ALL of your recovery goals.
lkjh Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Please be careful about IC's. Congrats on wanting to fix your marriage but I hope you understand that you can not rebuild it on a lie. You will have to come clean eventually and the longer you wait the worst it will be. I will get bashed for this but I recommend you move your thread to the infidelity forum. This will do a number of things for you. 1. You will get more feedback from people who have been cheated on and had their marriages saved. This will give you a view from the other side and see what your H will go through 2. You will get info from people who's marriages failed because of infidelity. You will be able to learn from their mistakes. 3. You will hear from people that cheated while married. In this forum you get mostly OW/OM. Not to be offensive but these are the last people to take advice from. A lot of them spend years as someones mistress or OM and never form a real relationship but yet they continue living the exact same way never learning from their mistakes
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