JLT123 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 It's becomming harder and harder.. just need to verbalize some things to her so bad.. I have so many things in my head telling me 'no' and every bit of my intuition telling me 'yes'.
moo Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 It's still very hard to maintain NC, but I'm still doing- 28 days consecutively! I may have changed one obsession for another, but at least this one will help me. Lately, I've been concentrating on eating healthy, feeling healthy and looking healthy. I've been reading books, watching yoga tapes and reading nutrition websites. Usually I eat a fruit or veggie with every meal and fruit or veggie or nuts between meals. I tried doing yoga (regular yoga), but I was not in shape enough to do it...hurt way too much. But, I started doing PM CHI. It is a softer Chinese yoga you do at night before you go to bed. Each time I do it, I actually wake up refreshed! I also exercise and do stretches so I can get to the point where I can do regular yoga. My depression has gone WAY, WAY down. I look healthier. I feel better and I feel lighter emotionally. I've also lost weight. I'm so much better than being with that selfish, immature loser. Hurray for me!!
Author JLT123 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 It's still very hard to maintain NC, but I'm still doing- 28 days consecutively! I may have changed one obsession for another, but at least this one will help me. Lately, I've been concentrating on eating healthy, feeling healthy and looking healthy. I've been reading books, watching yoga tapes and reading nutrition websites. Usually I eat a fruit or veggie with every meal and fruit or veggie or nuts between meals. I tried doing yoga (regular yoga), but I was not in shape enough to do it...hurt way too much. But, I started doing PM CHI. It is a softer Chinese yoga you do at night before you go to bed. Each time I do it, I actually wake up refreshed! I also exercise and do stretches so I can get to the point where I can do regular yoga. My depression has gone WAY, WAY down. I look healthier. I feel better and I feel lighter emotionally. I've also lost weight. I'm so much better than being with that selfish, immature loser. Hurray for me!! I used to work out 5 days a week.. I don't have the energy anymore. I've lost weight and muscle tone.. it's tragic, really.
GrayClouds Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Exercise helps soo much. I had no energy I starting walking in the am when I keep waking up at 5:00. Then I started to walk at night. Started to watch what I ate. Then added push ups sit ups and some dumbbell action. start to jog a block or two during my walk. now up to 40 min run 3x week. Lost 15 lb in 2 months. Still feel sad and mad missing the ex but also feel kind of good. I am sleeping pretty good too. at some point i may fall in love again, which I find very fattening, until if I am going to go through hell, I am trying to enjoy the heat.
icyness Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I'm coming close to 2 months as well, not quite, but almost. I find I'm struggling pretty much every second not to break NC..yet at the end of the day, I flat out won't. I wrote out a rather elaborate email with those everlasting thoughts that this time he'll listen! these words would touch anyone, I know this one will make a difference. Halfway through though, I decided I'll keep writing it, but just won't send it. The good thing is, if I happen to change my mind later on and feel there actually is a good time for it, I can always send it or try and contact him later..even though I'm well aware that's not acceptable either because I don't want to put myself through that again. So I just keep telling myself I can always do it another time; anything to keep me from breaking it. I notice each time I don't do it, I'm really glad I didn't the next day, even though I'm back at the same feelings again and having to fight the same urges of contacting after I just told myself it was a good thing I didn't last night! It's really a process, and the more you can little by little teach yourself not to, the more tolerable it will be if nothing else..because it is by no means easy.
GrayClouds Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I'm coming close to 2 months as well, not quite, but almost. I find I'm struggling pretty much every second not to break NC..yet at the end of the day, I flat out won't. I wrote out a rather elaborate email with those everlasting thoughts that this time he'll listen! these words would touch anyone, I know this one will make a difference. Halfway through though, I decided I'll keep writing it, but just won't send it. The good thing is, if I happen to change my mind later on and feel there actually is a good time for it, I can always send it or try and contact him later..even though I'm well aware that's not acceptable either because I don't want to put myself through that again. So I just keep telling myself I can always do it another time; anything to keep me from breaking it. I notice each time I don't do it, I'm really glad I didn't the next day, even though I'm back at the same feelings again and having to fight the same urges of contacting after I just told myself it was a good thing I didn't last night! It's really a process, and the more you can little by little teach yourself not to, the more tolerable it will be if nothing else..because it is by no means easy. I too have one of those epic letters. I keep thinking that it would have an impact, then expect it to have an impact and then find that it didn't. Only to be kicked in the heart once again.
icyness Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I too have one of those epic letters. I keep thinking that it would have an impact, then expect it to have an impact and then find that it didn't. Only to be kicked in the heart once again. Exactly. Being that raw, open, and vulnerable only to once again get rejected makes you think wow..if my all isn't enough to get through to them, I guess nothing is.
adamt Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I've been broken 3 months now and NC for all but the first week when i got 1 text from her. Saw her last weekend in a crowd and then her sat outside a bar. Did not exchange eye contact but i am sure she saw me. Strangly that 3 months seemed to have gone quite quick. I suppose it is because i am keeping myself ultra busy whenever and never have time/days to sit and think. Still taking it day by day. The first month of break up seems a blur. Spare time is filled up with weekends visiting friends and midweek evenings down the gym. I am also eating healthy. Lost about 10lbs in 2 months and building muscle can run a lot further now. I think i am now hooked on working out and feel down if i dont work out that day. planning a few overseas trips with friends I sometimes want to break NC, but my head rules now and I know it will set me back. I am relying on just meeting face to face by chance in the future and see what happens. I have come this far and i will let myself down if i break NC. the ex is the sort of girl who is head strong and will stand by a decision. She is independent and wont be afraid of being single and on her own. I do miss having someone to talk to about stuff and experiencing things together. Sundays are always the worst days for me as that would be where we would just chill out together. I have a bit more spare time on a sunday and also recovering from a night out with friends the night before. It gets me down sometimes when i go out in bars and see if anyone takes my eye. Few seem to and i'm 38 and it gets me down when i wonder if i will meet someone else in the near future. As you get older you have to try a lot more avenues to find someone.
moo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 It's becomming harder and harder.. just need to verbalize some things to her so bad.. I have so many things in my head telling me 'no' and every bit of my intuition telling me 'yes'. The response I sent was actually a supposed to be a post for a new thread I was going to start. Sorry about that. When I realized I had actually posted that in response to yours, I tried to remove it but I could not. So let me respond to you now. I'm sorry that you are going through that. There were so many times I wanted to tell my ex things. And I did in emails. It never helped. I still think about calling him or emailing him. Everytime my roommate talks me out of it. Maybe you should consider exercising again. You might feel better. Everytime I break NC, I fall apart and go back into that dark hole. In the end, very few of my questions got answered (over the phone) and my ex spoke to me like I was a stranger with some kind of contagious disease. Be strong.
moo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I used to work out 5 days a week.. I don't have the energy anymore. I've lost weight and muscle tone.. it's tragic, really. Maybe you should try stretching and yoga. It might help.
caramel c Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 If you make it to 2 months DON'T ruin it! Please, dont.
callingyouuu Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 It's becomming harder and harder.. just need to verbalize some things to her so bad.. I have so many things in my head telling me 'no' and every bit of my intuition telling me 'yes'. Look inside yourself and ask why you need to verbalize these things. If there is ANY last thread of hope inside of you that wants both of you to get back together, my advice would be just to forget about it and stick with NC. You can't always think and respond clearly in this state. That one thread can explode into a raging fire with just a few shared words, and that will set you back much more than whatever you needed to say would be worth. If you're truly over her, though, and don't hold hopes of staying together, then by all means say whatever you need to say. You'll feel better afterwards. The tricky part is just figuring out which category you're in. Good luck!
openbook08 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Exercise helps soo much. I had no energy I starting walking in the am when I keep waking up at 5:00. Then I started to walk at night. Started to watch what I ate. Then added push ups sit ups and some dumbbell action. start to jog a block or two during my walk. now up to 40 min run 3x week. Lost 15 lb in 2 months. Still feel sad and mad missing the ex but also feel kind of good. I am sleeping pretty good too. at some point i may fall in love again, which I find very fattening, until if I am going to go through hell, I am trying to enjoy the heat. fantastic post! great attitude, i like the line about hell. thanks!
openbook08 Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 It's becomming harder and harder.. just need to verbalize some things to her so bad.. I have so many things in my head telling me 'no' and every bit of my intuition telling me 'yes'. 2months is fantastic! ur playin a blinder. totally understandable to wanna get some things off your chest youre angry. keep posting here, but please try not 2 ruin ur good work ((hugs))
broken_promises Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 JLT... I'm right in the same place. Two months and NC. But still, these rattling words that seem to need to be verbalized. I don't know that everyone feels this way. I just know that if I have anger or thoughts akin to anger that I need to express, I just CANNOT seem to get them out of my head if I was not able to say them (not write them, say them) to the other person. I'm never looking for a particular response from them. I'm certainly not looking to get back with my ex. I don't think that the words will make a difference or anything. It's just this inexplicable need to SAY them to the other person and get them out. I still can't figure out what that is. All I know is that my first major relationship and breakup, the guy let me say everything and anything. And I never ever ever think about him or have speeches leftover for him. My ex before this ex? Totally different story. She never wanted to talk (just be friendly immediately) and I had all this anger and it has been 5 years now and if I saw her on the street today, I would STILL want to say all of the words that she didn't let me say to her. And now this ex, as much as NC has helped me to move on faster than dragging it out, I still have all of this hurt that I feel needs to be verbalized to him if I'm ever going to not be angry with him for years to come. I'm not sure if this is what you are feeling or if you have other reasons to want to verbalize things to your ex, but I do know it is the only real frustrating aspect of NC for me. Good luck.
moo Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I came really, really, really, close to breaking NC. I just felt that I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. I have so much anger and pain...I felt that I couldnt' handle it anymore. With tough love, my roommate talked me out of it and I kept NC. I'm on my 29th straight day.
caramel c Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I came really, really, really, close to breaking NC. I just felt that I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore. I have so much anger and pain...I felt that I couldnt' handle it anymore. With tough love, my roommate talked me out of it and I kept NC. I'm on my 29th straight day. Thank God for your roommate! I'm so glad you didn't do it. I'm feeling bad myself about what we're talking about in the other thread...about telling your ex not to break NC unless its about getting back.
phoenix1 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Wow, I know exactly what you mean about just not being able to get the thoughts out of your head. I am the same way. Even before the break up. At times I just felt compelled to say what was running through my mind, I would be obsessed. And now, I have urges to contact my ex, not to try and sweet talk him back, but to make him hear me, understand me and know how I feel. What I have come up with is that whenever I feel the urge to tell someone something that badly - I should probably keep my mouth shut. Think it through some. I have messed up things in my relationship by unloading every thought and feeling compulsively, without thinking it through. I think my need to unload NOW is two things: first, I don't like how I feel, so I want to change the situation. Second, I have this need to feel acknowledged, probably coming from being ignored as a child. And as far as breaking no contact and telling all my feelings? What's the point? He doesn't want to hear it because it reminds him what a*****e he is, and he doesn't care. If he did he wouldn't have treated me the way he did. I keep trying to remind myself of this. So, I just have to live with it, let it go, and write 100s of emails I'm never going to send. I know, it sucks.
phoenix1 Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 oh, sorry, that post was in response to broken promises.
rp123 Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 I'm coming close to 2 months as well, not quite, but almost. I find I'm struggling pretty much every second not to break NC..yet at the end of the day, I flat out won't. I wrote out a rather elaborate email with those everlasting thoughts that this time he'll listen! these words would touch anyone, I know this one will make a difference. Halfway through though, I decided I'll keep writing it, but just won't send it. The good thing is, if I happen to change my mind later on and feel there actually is a good time for it, I can always send it or try and contact him later..even though I'm well aware that's not acceptable either because I don't want to put myself through that again. So I just keep telling myself I can always do it another time; anything to keep me from breaking it. I notice each time I don't do it, I'm really glad I didn't the next day, even though I'm back at the same feelings again and having to fight the same urges of contacting after I just told myself it was a good thing I didn't last night! It's really a process, and the more you can little by little teach yourself not to, the more tolerable it will be if nothing else..because it is by no means easy. Incredibly wise words.......... How could you ever be left? Your gorgeous............
wondering_girl Posted September 24, 2009 Posted September 24, 2009 i was left to assumed things for myself, he just disappeared and i'm not gonna lie, i'm hoping that one these days he'll come into his senses but, it's been way too long, dragged out, and hurtful.. you girls are right, if they did care they wouldn't be treating us like this right, i've said my peace and he just stared at me. i still have to open my eyes that after 4 years, this is how he threw me away.. i'm still trying my best to accept it, keyword is trying, i guess it'll take some time.
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