RouRou Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 God, I feel like I am in the worst place I've ever been in. My relationship has been terrible since Feb and now its over, except its not because I live with the guy and we are currently not financially stable to go our seperate ways. Im stuck. It started with a fight about porn. I get that dues look at porn. I at times have too. But I didnt know he liked underage teen porn. He looked everyday, sex was less and less, intamcy was gone. He would run to the bathroom to jerk off to it while I was just on the otherside of the door. We would fight and he would become mean, say mean things to me and even become physical with me. The fights were not always about porn, sometime he was just inconsiderate in general. As long as I stayed on his good side he treated me like gold...but in the back of my mind was always his anger issues, his porn addiction, my mistrust for me...I really am to blame as I should have ended it long ago...but i longed for how we were when we first got together. I hoped he would see the pain he caused on so many levels but he said to my face "I dont respect you, I hate all women, I dont care about you". I became weak. In may, he installed a program on my computer while I was asleep to get all "underage, jailbait teen porn" on the web. He transferred thousands of pics on his blackberry and deleted it from my computer. I did not know what kind of porn he was into until this. I was shocked. To him its just porn. To me its a problem. To him, Im just a complaining bitch. Maybe I am, but if something triggered in my mind then I have to go with it. I forbid him to use my computer as because of his porn viewing I had countless viruses on my new 1100.00 computer. He would tell off and threaten any guys that were on msn while I was at work and I woud find out from them. He started using his own computer but once his broke he then wanted to use mine. I told him I felt very uncomfortable with him using it. I told him not to download anything. I posted here and people warned me not to let him use it. My friends warned me that if he did do anything on my computer I could get in trouble. I searched online Canadian law and anyone under the age of 18 or depicted as under the age of 18 is considered child porn. So I downloaded a key stroke program to make sure he was not doing anything. He found the program and said I was password stealing and that I invaded his privacy and if I did it again he would press charges. I explained everything I just wrote and said if he did press charges I would just explain why I invaded his privacy. He would be in trouble, not I. He laughed in my face and said all men do this. He then deleted me off facebook as he wants me to know nothing of his life, he is currently out shopping for his own computer. I could care less about any of his passwords or anything because I no longer love him. I dont care about him. I just need to live with him until I can get out. I did this to protect myself and he now considers me the bad person. That makes me so fricken mad. I have no idea how I am going to get through this. How do I live with this person I once loved so much and saw a future with? How do I pretend he's not there? How do I handle if he meets someone new and they portray a perfect relationship and not get mad because that was supposed to be me? I know I did wrong things, I take full responsibility and I feel bad that for my part, why wont he take responsibilty for his? How do I come out on top a stronger person?
Lish Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Okay. Wow. Here we go.. Porn: It's a thing a huge majority of men will always look at.. and we will never be able to stop them. However, there's definitely a few lines that shouldn't be crossed. First: illegal (child) pornography. It is illegal. It is sick. End of story. Second: when, in favour of porn, you neglect your partner. I'm sure many men just can't be bothered with the whole sex/foreplay thing and therefore just go 'knock one out' quickly, but if it goes to a point where you completely neglect your partner, their needs and your relationship in favour of porn, then it's a little too far and therefore an issue. This is what happened here. The porn aspect is not your fault. At all. You just need to try cope with him until you can get out. Now, for your questions: How do I live with this person I once loved so much and saw a future with? This is where you're at a big disadvantage. People often need NC to cope with the breakdown of a relationship. You can get over him.. he's a sicko who is into child porn and has resorted to physical violence during arguments. This is NOT a man. He is sick, cowardly and needs professional help. You can do far better than this. I think you know deep down you can. Your life and time are worth more. How do I pretend he's not there? Avoid him as much as you can. Don't enter the room he's in unless absolutely necessary. Do not talk to him unless absolutely necessary. Try to occupy yourself; go out with friends, just try to get out of the house as much as you can. Don't let thinking about him dominate your mind constantly... take your mind off it, but don't neglect your feelings, to get over this you need to deal with them. Just not 24/7. How do I handle if he meets someone new and they portray a perfect relationship and not get mad because that was supposed to be me? I'm sorry, but all you can do is pity the unfortunate girl who ends up being with him next. Child porn? Abusive? Disrespectful to women in general? What a catch... not. Think of yourself as the lucky one. She will come to her senses.. and don't think it "should've been me", because that's jealousy. Not only is jealousy not a nice thing, it's actually not worth getting jealous over. really. How you come on top the stronger, better person ties in with the responsibility thing you mentioned. You KNOW what you did wrong. You KNOW what part you played in the breakdown. You also KNOW his part. Whether he accepts it or not, you can't let it have an impact on how you deal with this. When you're at peace with what you did wrong, you can learn from your mistakes (ie. staying around longer than you know you should have) and grow from them. This is how you come out stronger from a bad experience and the better person Also.. - You're the better, stronger person because he's in denial, you're not. - You're the better, stronger person because you'll learn and grow from this, he will not. - You never know, maybe deep down he knows what he did.. perhaps he's just too proud to admit it. Whether or not he admits it, you know you weren't fully to blame. i hope you are able to get out A.S.A.P Good luck
Author RouRou Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Okay. Wow. Here we go.. Porn: It's a thing a huge majority of men will always look at.. and we will never be able to stop them. However, there's definitely a few lines that shouldn't be crossed. First: illegal (child) pornography. It is illegal. It is sick. End of story. Second: when, in favour of porn, you neglect your partner. I'm sure many men just can't be bothered with the whole sex/foreplay thing and therefore just go 'knock one out' quickly, but if it goes to a point where you completely neglect your partner, their needs and your relationship in favour of porn, then it's a little too far and therefore an issue. This is what happened here. The porn aspect is not your fault. At all. You just need to try cope with him until you can get out. Now, for your questions: How do I live with this person I once loved so much and saw a future with? This is where you're at a big disadvantage. People often need NC to cope with the breakdown of a relationship. You can get over him.. he's a sicko who is into child porn and has resorted to physical violence during arguments. This is NOT a man. He is sick, cowardly and needs professional help. You can do far better than this. I think you know deep down you can. Your life and time are worth more. How do I pretend he's not there? Avoid him as much as you can. Don't enter the room he's in unless absolutely necessary. Do not talk to him unless absolutely necessary. Try to occupy yourself; go out with friends, just try to get out of the house as much as you can. Don't let thinking about him dominate your mind constantly... take your mind off it, but don't neglect your feelings, to get over this you need to deal with them. Just not 24/7. How do I handle if he meets someone new and they portray a perfect relationship and not get mad because that was supposed to be me? I'm sorry, but all you can do is pity the unfortunate girl who ends up being with him next. Child porn? Abusive? Disrespectful to women in general? What a catch... not. Think of yourself as the lucky one. She will come to her senses.. and don't think it "should've been me", because that's jealousy. Not only is jealousy not a nice thing, it's actually not worth getting jealous over. really. How you come on top the stronger, better person ties in with the responsibility thing you mentioned. You KNOW what you did wrong. You KNOW what part you played in the breakdown. You also KNOW his part. Whether he accepts it or not, you can't let it have an impact on how you deal with this. When you're at peace with what you did wrong, you can learn from your mistakes (ie. staying around longer than you know you should have) and grow from them. This is how you come out stronger from a bad experience and the better person Also.. - You're the better, stronger person because he's in denial, you're not. - You're the better, stronger person because you'll learn and grow from this, he will not. - You never know, maybe deep down he knows what he did.. perhaps he's just too proud to admit it. Whether or not he admits it, you know you weren't fully to blame. i hope you are able to get out A.S.A.P Good luck Wow, Thank you so much for this...I really struggle with what I have done wrong and if all this was my fault. You really have helped with your very logical words! Thank you a million times
Lish Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Wow, Thank you so much for this...I really struggle with what I have done wrong and if all this was my fault. You really have helped with your very logical words! Thank you a million times You're very welcome. And this definitely is not all your fault.. even if he tells you it is, you need to know deep down that you've accepted your responsibility and that he is stupid, in denial and actually quite immature to deny his. Good luck
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