melodymatters Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I could write novels on this subject ! But I won't . Basically, If somone is cheap financially, they are usually also very stingy with their heart. Not always, but often. AND, to me relationships are all about respect. If a guy makes me feel like an ass at a coffee shop, or sleeps and eats over without reciprocating he is disrespecting me. OP: Demand respect from ALL people at all ALL times. This guy is not showing that so I would advise you to move on.
MissViolet Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 OP, from what you're describing, I'm going to say he's a cheap bastard. Your story about the coffee shop incident is completely ridiculous! I can't believe people like him exist. I go out for coffee with my girlfriends and I often pay for their coffee (and I'm a girl)...so that says so little about the guy you've been dating for over a year. My first reaction is to advise you to dump him...but the more logical advice is to talk to him about what you're feeling and what you want to see happen...and if that doesn't help, I think there are better people out there for you. I know I couldn't date someone like that.
Lusitan Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 What do you mean you offer to pay out of simple necessity? Neither do I, that we can agree on. I just want to see how generous a man is in the early stages this will denote how he is in many other aspect in the long run of the relationship. Look at what happend to the OP the guy won't even get a birthday gift, makes HER pay for his family's b-day gifts and completely takes her for granted. I would be petrified to form a longterm relationship with a man like that no matter how handsome and "nice" he appears to be to my friends. The main difference from the gay to hetero world is that hetero couples look to form families they date and get together with the long term potential to form a family unit, so in doing this we do take into account how we operate in terms of our financial management and how generous we are in those respects because this will carry over to how we are with a combined household, all the combined material assets and most importantly how generous we are with our children. So as a woman you take this into consideration early on. You know... the provider and committed partner vs a "ship crossing in the night"? That IS disgusting, I agree with you on that FULL ON! My guy doesn't pay for everything nor would I ever want to be a kept woman I am a career woman and I come with my own financial assets and independence it's still nice to be courted and asked out to dinner by a man who is romantically interested in you. We still go out on dates even though we could just as easily just stay home but it's fun to be courted. Sometimes he treats others I do. i am a 25 year old straight, hot blooded, from the Old World, male and I have never, ever payed a date in my life. That's a whole lot of words you got there, Lady,(trying to justify it...) just to say you want the guy to pay for the food/date . I'll start this reply by displaying my past: I've had the typical teenager relationships everyone had. With those, I made the girl feel loved but, my heart and thus all my kindness was captured in a sea of kisses by one woman alone. When I was 22 years old, I met a female who I fell in love with. From the second the relationship began, until it's very end, I payed for NOTHING(ever heard of going out, to the beach, sitting in the beach, jog together, watch movies in your house - you don't have to go to fancy restaurants to enjoy each other's company...). I assure you the relationship didn't end because I was Uncle Scrooge or because I lacked 'generosity' in the other departments. I was the most affectionate, caring, compassionate - heck, I gave her an army of attention, understanding: you name it, every single day. I was, modesty apart, the perfect boyfriend. I knew what to say, what to do, how to make the woman feel the most special and perfect human being in the entire Universe. (i know you all are burning to know why it ended so, here's it for ya! it ended because the young woman wanted to have children.) I'm a poet so, I know how to unleash all those romantic feelings, 'sweep her off her feet' I did, easy. never ever she complained to her girlfriends or family about 'cheapness'. Heck, she even came from a rich family, she was used to her every whim be satisfied by her father and yet, she fell in love with a starving artist. Anyway - I better keep this short or I get carried away. Money, the way he spends his money(in this case in you) has nothing to do with the kind of relationship you are going to have with him. His behaviour and how special he thinks you are, is not tied to the money he spends on him. If he smiles at you, your favorite smile, he cares for you. If he dirties his nose with icecream when you are sad, to make you laugh, he cares for you. If he introduces you to his family, he cares for you. There are multitudes of ways a guy has, to show to his lady that he cares for her. Paying for the dates is not. How unclassy is that? a true gent prides himself in comparing her to a summer's day I dare you, ladies and gents, to change the 'rules' of the game. Now this part is for the strong - independent woman who posted "I need him to spend money to know if he's generous": I know that in America, there's the tradition of the male who pays for the date. But heck, come one, do you lot only keep the traditions that fits the females? Are you ladies by any chance, virgins? I mean, if the guy gotta be faithful to tradition for you gals to know if he loves you, then the guy should expect the gal to be virgin This thread reminds me of a girl I dated some time ago. And the conditions around this dating thing were kinda funny. I was without a job at the time. The girl had a job. This girl, what attracted me was her strong personality, you know. The whole independent - minded - kind of girl, I thought, what the heck, Lemme date a feminist to see how this works.. Since she invited me(yes, in Europe women ask the men out - how shocking, I'm sure. Oh, and they sleep with us guys, on the first date, too. In some countries(especially Denmark and Sweden, it's pretty much on on the first date, no doubt about it.). I was expecting her to pay her expenses and I, of course, was going to pay my own. After issuing the invitation and me accepting, she goes into a rampage of speech: "It's fitting for the guy to pay for the date. You are not expecting me to pay my half, are you?" Ladies and Gents. This 21th century, self - proclaimed Independent, 23 year old woman - who've told me I'm old fashioned for only sleeping with a woman when I'm in love and who confessed to a whole string of casual sex with several different guys "'cause it's the modern thing to do" - , I kid you not, was expecting me to pay for her dinnner??:lmao: I asked her why was she expecting me to it and her answer was : "Because the guy pays the date." I told her that 1) I am not her boyfriend. (I've gone out with her and several other friends, to clubs and i've observed her around the guys, giving them attention, to get them to pay for the drinks.. I've seen other female friends of mine do the same and heck, i couldn't but laugh at these attractive, 6 feet tall(sometimes more) dark and well built, men, with money, but who were, being used.) And I pointed out that, if I was her boyfriend ,I'd still not pay for her meal or whatever it was. If she's with me, she's with me because she enjoys my presence. And if she enjoys my company, logic dictates that she will enjoy it the same, when she's with me, sitting on a tree, with a bag of candies, looking at the stars Now, if, for her to be around me and to see me as a viable mate I have to pay, she's trowing to my face my 'role'(role = I'm just there to provide a service, my money) to her. The role of a 'provider'. And we all know what that means, heh Alpha Male? Independant woman: You might wanna look at the more than 50% of marriages that end up in divorce and how 70% of the times, are initiated by the female, after a few years of marriage.. I guess that's the destiny of the provider... And they wonder why I only date 18 year old females Anyway: If she(or any other woman) requires me to spend money then, she's using me. The way I am, the way I'll treat her, the kind of boyfriend or father to her children I might be, has nothing to do with how I spend money but everything to do with how she makes me feel - if she makes me feel like the Prince of Poets that I am, i'll make her my muse, my queen, my goddess and for that, money plays no role. On the other hand, if you ladies want that much to keep tradition, I can accept that... if you lot are virgins . After all, in the 50's, men got to follow the rules you lady lay on them and get the rewards: virgnity and a life-time of marriage. But now.... Nevermind, you know what I mean My father met my mother when he was a virgin. She had a lot of experience. She asked him out .She made all the moves, yes she was an independent, strong - minded, young woman. Yet, he ended up as the beta...er, I mean the provider. No thanks Off -Topic: that young lady I loved so much was a virgin. The way I treated if she wasn't one would be the same. Why? because, as you might see the male as a provider(financial goods, financial support) but I see a woman as a partner and a muse. I'm not expecting nothing at all from a woman, she has no obligation to me. But if she makes me happy, I sure make her happy. Oh, and for who's thinking that I must be the hot stuff, to be this comfortable around attractive women: I assure you. i am not. I am a thin stick, 5'7', starving artist, with no car, no job(again ), no house( I share a house with my blokes) with low sex skill, but the ladies instead of wanting to spend time with the 6 feet tall, dark and handsome with money, they choose me. Why? Because I make them feel like a woman, I dedicate myself to them in ways that to her, appeal to her feminity, how? By showing that I am not an ATM but a MAN. That strong, 23 year old woman who asked me out never managed to understand why I wouldn't pay for her drinks or why I wasn't like all the other guys, chasing after her like I was Indiana Jones looking for the Lost Ark. When I explained to her that, in my mind I would be using her company(by paying) since, paying for the date would imply that she was making me a service.. A relationship is like the sun and the stars. The woman and the man are joined. Money and these silly rules you lot have, only cheapens love and the beauty of the paired male and female. In conclusion: Strong minded woman whose words I quote: if you are as you claim to be, you really don't need the man to show his status to you. You probably earn more than him. If YOU want to make the man feel special, why not pay for once? if paying shows a woman how special she is, what do women think of their men if the women, pay for nothing? And that young woman I fell in love with? I was in a relationship with her for two years. All her emotional needs met. All her physical needs met. All her social needs met. And her biological needs would be met too(if I was not such a a Peter Pan! ) 1 happy woman in the world. The cost? 0 Euros. :love: And I thank God everday, for these wondeful women - they let me be the man while they stay the female. Gotta love feminine women!!
carhill Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Hey, welcome to LS. Always enjoy the Euro perspective
You'reasian Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Ok.. we're in our 30's He's making a lot more than I am.. he has a high paying job in a professional career.. so he's not poor. We started seeing each other exclusively over a year ago. We share a lot of interests ect.. great match other than a few issues. For the first few months he wouldn't buy me anything.. no dinner, no coffee.. we didn't go on dates. My b-day came up and he got me a rather impersonal card and did nothing else. We sat and talked at my place like any other day. Months went by and finally he took me out for dinner.. after that it was extremely rare and this situation of not even buying me a coffee or anything continued. In the beginning I thought it understandable not to spend on a woman until you know that she's worthy.. and that it's a sure investment. Maybe I'm very low in self esteem. Eventually he reaches the point where he "loves" me.. he's very affectionate physically and wants lots of affection and attention. He spends several nights a week at my place enjoying lovely dinners, wine, etc. I dress sexy and beautiful for him to make it special. He stays over and has breakfast, and I pack him a lunch for work. After a while of this I start to feel like I'm doing the womanly things to show a guy he's special... to "win" a guy's heart.. but he's not doing the manly things to "win" a girl like taking her out. It turns out I was spending way more on him and creating way more special dates for him. I'm talking like 10-20 to 1. There was a time for example when he said "You look beautiful all dressed up for me, let's go out for coffee".. then when we get to the counter he says "go ahead and order" and then he like backs far away so that I have to pay for my own. Then he buys himself a meal and eats it in front of me. I felt worthless.. less than worthless because I had gone out of my way to dress up for him. I am really not an expensive date. I'm just happy with a little generosity and evidence that a person doesn't mind spending a little on me - that I'm worth it (like the price of a $1.50 coffee).. it hurts my heart to think I'm not even worth the pain of spending $1.50. I asked him if he thinks I'm a gold digger or something (If I were, I would have been long gone after 1 week and certainly wouldn't be investing so much myself). He acts like I"m from mars or something.. he really doesn't understand the concept of taking a girl out and paying.. and he thinks a girl should pay half of everything always to be fair. To me it feels like we're not going someplace*together*, we're going someplace spontaneously like we're not even involved with each other. A friend would do more for me. He has taken me out more and a few times it felt like he really wanted to, but for the most part it feels so forced. most of the time it's just us going for breakfast or dinner and me not reaching for my wallet because I've already been feeding him at my place all of the time and putting all this effort in AND once in a while I take him to a special restaurant to make a very special experience for him and I pay for everything. We're not talking cheap either.. it's usually an exotic restaurant. And guess what... he has NO objection to me paying for him, treating him, and making special dates for him. He seems like he thinks he deserves that. (fine, but the pained look on his face when he pays for me makes me feel like he thinks he deserves something that I don't even deserve from him.. when usually it's the guy who does most of the treating on dates) It's great for him. He has me taking care of him and doting on him like a woman, and taking him on exciting dates like a man.. and he feels he deserves it all. This isn't everything...for example accepting half payment for his sister's bday gift, and then just letting me pay everything including HIS meal when we took my brother and mother out for their bdays. There is example after example of what appears to be extreme cheapness. We've been together for over a year now. Recently I had a bday.. he forgot.. then when he found out, he said.. I didn't even get you a card.. I said.. that'sok, you don't have to do something today for my bday, you can do something on another day! He didn't do anything at all. A month has passed. He's been away on business for one week now and didn't call once. He's exploring the city in his evenings. Didn't email. When we're together, he's very affectionate and tells me he loves me.. I feel at that time that it's love and that I might mean something to him. We have a lot in common.. and I'm quite taken with him. When he's gone though......... what am I left with? Everyone loves this guy.. he seems very non manipulative and genuine. He's a very "nice" guy and he's cute so people like him. But ... here I am.. wondering if he's enjoying his time with me for as long as he can for as little as he can invest while not actually valuing me or being really serious about me. I'm 32.. no kids.. I have a lot going for me with the exception of age.. I'm fit and healthy, and according to some I'm a really pretty girl. I would like a family and I don't know if I'll end up all dried up at 34 or something and having to start over. I'm feeling pretty worthless and I'm not sure about right from wrong at this time. Could anyone help? Invite him over, go to the grociery store together and cook a nice meal - together. Don't focus on him or isolate him, do it together. I enjoy cooking with a girlfriend - things get steamy...and hopefully not overcooked...
Lusitan Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Hey, welcome to LS. Always enjoy the Euro perspective Thank you for the warm welcoming
melodymatters Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 Ok delusional poet boy : What if I were "muse" material, and we both liked say, going for sushi, and jazz concerts. What if I paid for dinner, to treat you, us, and then because I'm such a lovely virgin muse, you pay for our jazz concert ? Wouldn't that seem not only fair, but a bit more ...adult, loving, thoughtful in that we were trying to treat each other to a special evening ? Thats is not the case with the OP.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 From personal experience, my first ex was a bum... in all sense of the word. 20 year old at the time and still living at home without a job. If you ask me why I was with him, I can say that I was gullible. I was always the one who paid for things, and the one who did the most traveling for get togethers. I was only with him for less than a month, but I came out scathed from the ordeal. After that, the boys I dated were better in terms of looks and finances. They asked me out to dates and always paid for me. But I don't always ask them to pay. They voluntarily offered and sometimes I would go dutch. I don't expect to be treated like a princess but I have grown up not to offer any more than I have to without knowing what I'm getting in return. At least I know what I deserve as opposed to being used. So OP, what kind of woman are you? If you already feel like you're being used both physically ( sex) and financially then it most likely is true that your boyfriend is selfish in every sense of the word. You can't blame him anymore for the person he is than for the fact that you only until recently decided to do something about it. The only person that can make a difference is yourself.
butcher's hook Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 i am a 25 year old straight, hot blooded, from the Old World, male and I have never, ever payed a date in my life. That's a whole lot of words you got there, Lady,(trying to justify it...) just to say you want the guy to pay for the food/date . I'm a poet so, I know how to unleash all those romantic feelings, 'sweep her off her feet' I did, easy Listen here K-Fed, I like a man who can treat me to a date. Who's justifying? Empty pretty words will not pay for a mortgage, or the food on the table, or for children, or for their schooling. If I wanted to date a starving artist I could, but I don't want that. Good for your if at 25 you can still get away with the Don Juan act, milk it it won't last. Reading you describe what you offer makes you sound like a 16 yr old boy, I doubt many women will enjoy your "charm" for much longer you are simply getting too old for your little Casanova starving artist act. Eventually women expect more from a man and your gift of the gab isn't going to cut it anymore. A woman can have a man treat her like a queen, love her passionately, be sexually enticed and emotionally cared for plus be treated to a date, why would she settle for a starving artist? I've had men pay for me in France, Italy, Spain, Germany and South America. Cheap men are all over the world, I don't doubt that, that's not to say in North America we make our own rules. In North America there are LOT of gentlemen just like in any part of the world, it's the cheapskates that don't fare favourably that claim in "their countries men do it differently". They don't, they do it just like everywhere else.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 I haven't read all of the responses, but a lot of the ones on the first page seemed at the polar opposite end of the spectrum, saying they would refuse to date a man who didn't pay for everything early on. Now, I am not that extreme. Sure I like to be treated, but especially as the relationship progresses, I fully expect to pay my "half." That said, even I think this guy sounds like a cheap, self-absorbed jerk! You are cooking for him, treating him to dinner, packing him lunches, letting him crash at your place, and he has the gall to not even buy you a frickin' coffee?! After he even made a point of saying how great you looked and how he wanted to take you out? What a prick! As I said, I'm not one of those women who expects everything to be bought for me. But this is just unacceptable.
Els Posted August 31, 2009 Posted August 31, 2009 My perception might be biased, since I come from a semi-traditional society in which it's common for the guy to pay not only for most of the dates, but also the girl's personal expenditure if he accompanies her shopping. (pretty unfair, yeah) But I honestly think the OP's bf's behaviour is unacceptable EVEN if they were just FRIENDS. If your friend treats you for a few dinners, common courtesy dictates that you return the favour some time in the future. You don't just receive and receive and not give back.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 To the poster - this guy is doing this because he can. You are being nice and letting him take complete advantage of you, and from the sound of the obviously one sided effort - I would say he is with you simply because you are there, rather than any particular need or want to be with you. You sound like a really nice and caring girl, and sometimes just the right azzhole will come along and take whatever you have to give and give nearly nothing in return. I hope that you do not stick with this guy simply out of fear of being alone in your mid thirties. You'll end up far more miserable if you stay than if you were to leave and take a chance at finding someone who will put in as much effort as you do.
Author TooAccepting32 Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 Wow... Thank you for all of the responses everyone!! I really appreciate everyone taking the time. I'm in the relationship and it has been difficult to see things objectively. I really needed to bounce it off people in the outside world to get things straight in my mind. Ladies: it has been nice to get a perspective from other women because you understand the bigger issues we women face that go far beyond the money itself... Guys: Your perspectives have been so valuable to me as well and thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt and not just attacking me and calling me a gold digger! I couldn't take that right now. It was awesome hearing your points of view! I agree... this is pathetic. I agree I set the stage early on for what I would accept. I agree I lack assertiveness. So for the most part you are all bang on. Thank you for the wake-up call and helping me see all of this so clearly. I have allowed this and that my friends is my fault. Since it's so important to me to make the guy comfortable and show that I can be trusted in terms of not being a gold digger, stupid me I thought it wouldn't matter if he doesn't show generosity in the beginning. I've been over-giving and I have let it go too far. I HAVE talked to him about it on numerous occasions, but I did not know how to explain it without feeling bad and to express how it is about a much bigger issue than money. I tried my best in the most direct way ex: "when it appears you are trying to avoid spending any money on me, it appears as though you do not value me and that you are not a generous person who is willing to sacrifice any of his resources to care for others. This is a red flag for me because I want someone I can work together with and share with in the future. I do my best to show that I am a good provider of my resources, and I need to see that a man is a good provider to feel positive about a future with him." He would appear perplexed, then he would seem to sort of understand, then it would appear to change sort of.. and then some weird cheapo thing would happen again similar to the coffee shop thing.. then he would seem like he just woke up or something when I got upset about it. It wasn't until the recent events that hit me so hard that I was not going to give any more chances on this and that some kind of resolution would have to be made that would suit both of us. I came here in a way to prepare myself for this conversation. I have read the description of people in relationships with Aspies and I cannot BELIEVE the similarities. He's ingenious, but definitely needs social things spelled out for him and appears to genuinely not know many social rules. Once he learns one and understands, he's solid and reliable - whether I'm watching or not... this cheapo thing is the only thing that has persisted and I have wondered if it's because he hasn't learned why it affects me like it does. I talked to him this weekend (oh lala!) and thanks to everyone here, I had the words to use. It was effective in that he seemed to really understand. I don't know if he is Aspie, but all that matters to me is that this is not a result of an underlying disregard for me and lack of caring and respect. We'll see about that.. but I'm working on my assertiveness and ultimately it's up to me whether I allow it or not. thanks again everyone
butcher's hook Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Wow TooAccepting, that's a really good post you made looks like you got just what you needed out of this thread. Was thinking about you and why you had never come back to post again? It was because you were taking what you got from this thread and applied it to your real life situation. Good for you! It shows that you really love this man, and you shouldn't beat yourself up too much on not speaking up it's not the easiest thing to do after that fact. In my experience it is the kind of thing that has to be practiced right from the get-go, people tend to get complacent about patterns that we allow early on and it becomes increasingly difficult to break those patterns and to explain why "suddenly" they no longer work for us when we have been the ones accepting them all along and from the inception point. We, women, make the mistake of sometimes expecting our guys to "magically know" what we expect and need, and it doesnt' work that way we really do need to communicate. Good for you for stepping up and asking for what you need and it's good to see that at least your man can be receptive. Let's hope he changes his patterns quick or else he runs the risk of turning you off for good. Good luck.
Lusitan Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Listen here K-Fed, I like a man who can treat me to a date. Who's justifying? Empty pretty words will not pay for a mortgage, or the food on the table, or for children, or for their schooling. If I wanted to date a starving artist I could, but I don't want that. Good for your if at 25 you can still get away with the Don Juan act, milk it it won't last. Reading you describe what you offer makes you sound like a 16 yr old boy, I doubt many women will enjoy your "charm" for much longer you are simply getting too old for your little Casanova starving artist act. Eventually women expect more from a man and your gift of the gab isn't going to cut it anymore. A woman can have a man treat her like a queen, love her passionately, be sexually enticed and emotionally cared for plus be treated to a date, why would she settle for a starving artist? I've had men pay for me in France, Italy, Spain, Germany and South America. Cheap men are all over the world, I don't doubt that, that's not to say in North America we make our own rules. In North America there are LOT of gentlemen just like in any part of the world, it's the cheapskates that don't fare favourably that claim in "their countries men do it differently". They don't, they do it just like everywhere else. So you are looking for a business like relationship. "Pay the mortage, pay the children school" pay for the SUV... you don't seem to be interested in a loving, romantic relationship but what he can do for you.. do you check his financial reports to see how much he earns, what he'll be worth in 10 years or something as well? What would a guy earn, by having, the kind of relationship you are looking for? What does he get in return? sex? It's pretty easy to have sex. Just go to a college and see the so many girls hooking - up around, just to reach their 30's and decide the next man has to be this and that, and give her this and that... That, I could never understand. You ladies spoil us with non string attached sex and then expect us to become a work horse? Hell, no. I got a taste of paradise on earth - romantic relationships(not business like relationships), meaning ,no marriage or children. Why should I age myself(by working like my father) or father children? How does putting up with a kid for 18 years make me happy? pay for it and be responsible for it? It doesn't and it doesn't do the same to many, many males. The problem with the males in this world is that they are willing to do anything to get sex and that, in this western society doesn't make sense. how many females we see, on this kind of forums, complain "he's not proposing - it's been 7 years now and he hasn't asked the question. I give him sex, i give him attention and he doesn't show commitment! It makes me feel as if, you girls believe you are "giving" sex and attention to get something out of it... marriage. I'm sorry sugar pie but, the whole "women are more sensitive and emotional" doesn't apply on me. I am far, far more emotional and sensitive than most women, I can fairly detect manipulation and that logic of paying for the dates, of "empty words don't pay for the house and the kids" is pure and simple shaming language. To what purpose to get the man to do what you want? I honestly don't understand. You ladies date 6 feet tall guys, handsome, muscled with good money but they are so insecure to put up with such a baggy deal. I follow the desired female path, for a woman. I become the provider. I get a company job, I work the necessary hours required to have that big house, the car, the kid's school - tell me. Would you have a job too? Well, two adults working. Less time to spend together . The time they spend together, it's spent on the kids, working out the family budget, solving any issues, whatever. What happens? The woman starts feeling emotionally neglected. The guy works endless hours to support his family. She feels lonely, some guy in her office gives her attention: bang. Emotional affair, possibly followed by physical affair(but even if it's 'just' an emotional affair, the married man gets divorced). The woman grows weary of the husband, resentful - ends up divorcing him. Not only the courts give the women, custody over the children, the guy has to pay alimony plus child support just to see his kid few times a month IF he's lucky. She'll get the house, she'll get the car, she'll get everything. Eventually she'll get a boyfriend, move in with the guy and I get to see another guy raise my kid or live in the house I'm paying for? Even if the guy is manages to give the woman the attention she needs and whatever emotional needs she has and is not a workaholic(to pay for all those expenses) she'll grow bored of him, detach after some years and divorce him. "i love him but I don't love him anymore" No kidding. Go read the many scientific studies so many people choose to ignore, they prove women are inclined to detach from their mate after some 4 years. With the kind of laws most western countries have in full force, women have all the backup and "emotional reasoning" to do what they fancy instead of putting up with their part of the deal: lifetime marriage. More than 70% of divorces are initiated by women. You ladies don't even need a reason. You just say you don't feel fulfilled" or you have to search yourself(in many cases means you are interested or already involved with another guy ) and bam, the court gives you the divorce with everything included. No wonder most women want to marry. No risk for you and all of the rewards. Why should I get married? there's no rewards or rights for a man in a marriage, only obligations and responsibilities. The greatest incentive a man has to marry is sex and how many sexless marriages are there? After a few years, a woman's libido grows down like a snowball going down a snowy hill(that genetic imperative to have children has been fulfilled). And the guy now has to go through a mountain of "feeding her emotional needs" "make her feel hot and sexy" "don't look at other females to make her feel like she's the only one who can turn you on" just to get the married woman to have sex with him! while, before she was married to him, she was better and more active in the sack than a pornstar! So why the change, ladies? In many cases the guy is still the same guy you met, he still treats the same. But I gotta go to work and do whatever you want(married men, admit it. Most married males all through history had to do whatever the woman wanted), get home and get "i got an headache tonight", leaving me feeling depressed and unloved. Then, the married men cheats on the wife: divorce. Anyway you put it, most marriages are destined to fail. Second, third marriages: fail. one is only a fool if he sees something that doesn't work but insists on making it work. Heck, you ladies come up with "it's genetically hard -wired on the female DNA to have children", to justify your obsession with children. Of course the fact that men are hard - wired to have as many women as possible; to spread the genes, is ignored and downplayed by you ladies: he's a player, he's an user and an abuser,he just wants sex(of course when you ladies only want sex it's perfectly fine and dandy - the whole 21th century independent woman -, but if the guy is 'only' interested in sex(he's giving you pleasure but you lot don't seem to understand that), he's an immature, "man - child" who doesn't want to commit, who doesn't see how special you are, how you are giving you something special; (right, if sex was special it wouldn't be so easy to get and you ladies would remain virgins until marriage. Who here, didn't want the first time to be special? why should that first time be special and not the following ones? why does the first guy need to be perfect and the other dudes who will follow, not? Because you ladies on a deep mind level admit that the virginity of a woman is a big deal? ) - then, by your logic, the first guy is the one who should marry you since he got the 'prize'. I'm not going to pick up the left -overs. You girls don't settle(he has to be at least '6' feet tall, has to be muscled and rich and sensitive while masculine, who will protect me will be kind to me and my female friends but won't be friendly to other women and so on and so son with your endless lists of traits a man must have -truth be told, most of those traits contradict each other Then, I'm also picky. If I am to be married i want three things: A pre - nuptial arrangement(you say you would date a starving artist if you wanted to... in this sentence you prove two things. You only go with guys with money, and you are saying that you don't want a sensitive man, thus killing most of what you probably say you want in a man..), yes because most rich artists start up as poor and trust me, to become rich as an artist is not that hard. And i'm working on it. Not for the money, that is. But i will be rich because money follows success and great artists are the most successful of all(alongside businessmen), just look at that writer who created the Harry Potter franchise. It's worth 15 billions. You think I would risk it? With success, comes social status. With social status comes the respect of my fellow man, the next step is a new social status: I become an Alpha. As my social 'proof' more relationships with women(because of an increase on financial income, even more with my transformation into an Alpha male) more chances there are of women wanting to marry me because I am An Alpha(that means I'm capable of making a woman feel deep seated attraction - thankfully I'm already a creative Alpha so that translates into more ladies still ), the increased financial resources, NO emotional baggages, No diseases; nothing of HPV's, of any sorts of herpes, basically, nothing, nada in sexual diseases, no children, no crazy ex coming after me... More and more chances and realities of women, coming after me for marriage instead of wanting me just for sex like so many(most heh?) young females are, in most western countries. 2) I want a virgin. I true virgin. Someone who has never been kissed before. Like the Christian girl living next door to me. She has never even kissed the guy she'd been dating for more than 10 years.(she's 23 years old), don't, for a second, think this woman is unattractive. She the kind of girl - next- door- cuteness, has very large breasts and looks like she's 18(yes ladies, guys prefer younger females such as you ladies want guys with money..get over it). She's so sweet and caring, kind and feminine. She got a body to die for, taller than most women, with long brown hair, those long legs..oh my god.. she's all woman, no doubt about it. Yet, she doesn't go around showing tummy or cleavage or legs(summer or winter, she's entirely covered up), she doesn't flirt, she doesn't hook -up, most importantly.. She'll be a great mother. And trust me, even if she was plain - looking, I'd marry her! because she's incredibly sweet, feminine, caring, nurturing. She talks to me, she listens to me, all that while not getting anything in return or thinking of getting anything at all. If she wasn't to be married to my good friend... you can bet Shaekspeare's gift I would give it all up, to be with her. Why? because, she will keep her part of the deal. Like every single woman(and man) in her family. besides. She makes me think of home baked Apple Pie.Yes, meeting my folks, the deal. Only two females managed to inflict in me those feelings. A 18 year old who i had to leave because she wanted to have children with me and yet another 18 year old, because she's old fashioned. Only leaves the house to work(as a babysitter...how attractive is that? she's increasing her nurturing nature), to go out with her mother(coffee shop, grocery etc) and with her closest female friend. They always, always remain in the same place. Sitting in a picnic table right in front of my house. I saw her, the first time, there.) She's not keen on friendships with males(she knows what guy are after, I guess:lmao:), if you see her with a guy, just talking to him. you can be sure that's the guy she'll marry. What do we have here? A woman who makes me feel so much like a man. Not because of her small stature or my above average height(she's taller than me. - I've dated short females, I've dated much shorter females: I felt not like a man but like a father.Instant death of the attraction I felt for her - I tell you. The second I see her, my heart beats like the wings of a dove. I have this huge, puppy crush over this girl. A crush so big that I asked my mother to get to know the mother of the girl, so in turn, I get to know the girl . yes, if I began a courtship on this girl and if she stayed the same over a period of 3 years(gotta make sure it's not merely a front to attract old - fashioned men like me..), I would marry her. I would keep my part of the deal. i wouldn't push for sex(women like those want to marry virgin..I wonder why? ) , I wouldn't cheat and yes, I'd become the provider while she stayed at home with the kids. With the added bonus of being an artist, I get to work AT home. I'd enjoy a nice career(that I love),I'd be around my kids and near the woman I love. Win - win for all. 3) The woman who marries me would have to stay in shape. Not this trend of keeping yourself hot until you catch the man then letting yourself go(at least, in the marriage, when the woman starts worrying about her body I instantly recognized why she's doing it: to get a new man..) What is hot to me? I'm not going to say looks don't matter to me. They do, to a small extent. Long hair on a woman is a very desirable thing to me. No make - up. Just basic skin care, watch the weight. Don't starve yourselves to death, the right weight for your height and body type is enough. Basic body hair maintenance: legs. The rest of the body is not a deal breaker to me. Be proud of your femininity. Wear dresses. Yes! I love them. It makes me look at a woman more as a woman and less as a generic human being. Dress classy. Nothing of the sorts, of, mini skirts, cleavage, the tummy showing etc. Be great in the kitchen.(My mother taught me how to cook, clean and wash),most women these days can't cook to save their lives, turn - off. How are they going to keep my kids healthy and strong? They have to know what they are doing in the kitchen. I want them to eat healthy. And love me. Don't use me. Give me what I need, I'll give you what I need. See, i don't have a odyssey- like list of requirements in a woman, they are logical and simple. Women on the other hand, seem to want to rival Homer with an endless list of requirements Let me be a man and I won't trade you for a younger version of you when you age. Keep this going, how many, many, many women are nowadays, in most Western countries and all you'll get is a Roaming poet - a guy who'll make you very happy but only for a short period of time - who will NEVER settle down. But with the way things are, the Prince of Poets retires from the mating game: I ain't no fool, lady. I am not going to become like my father. He's an attractive 52 year old man who could have the best of all the ladies but ended up as the provider of my mother. he's role in the relationship is that of an ATM machine. He's always stressed, worried. Instead of caring for himself he's catering to my mother's whims. No thank you. My uncle, he's a "man - child". 40 years old, not married. No girlfriend. Lives alone. Doesn't date or hook up, gave up on women 20 years ago when he noticed how hard it was to make his girlfriend happy. You know, my father's mistake? He's a very intelligent man but he was clouded by hormones and love. He didn't take in consideration that, women the type of my mother, never wanted anything to do with me. When he became financially independent, with his own house - paid for in it's entirety, no less - this woman - who knew him since he was 10 years old!! - shows an instant over night? My father is not a nice guy. He's a good guy. And he was tricked. Because, like most young women, when they are in the uttermost, highest level of physical attraction and sexual power over a man(instead of catching a good man for marriage): she went after the bad boys, just for sex. She didn't complicated things, played hard to get or wanted the guys to share their feelings with her . Why didn't she want those guys to marry her...? because: A) She wasn't in breeding mode yet(no use for a good man) B) My father was too nice: she wanted someone who'd give her drama. C)She just wanted to have sex and, good guys aren't thought of when a woman only wants sex. She goes for the one who is most attractive. D) she knew those guys were GREAT in bed(obviously. bad boys are in high demand for hook ups) but terribly as fathers, they wouldn't be stable either. At the sight of another beautiful woman, he'd be gone. My mother knew my father was very stable, financially, mentally and emotionally and he was a virgin. No diseases, no emotional baggage, no kids. Still... regardless of how much women say they want responsible, caring and financially dependable males! All the girls who went after him wanted to marry him. And pretty fast. He's not good enough for casual sex but he's good enough to support a woman and a kid for 18 years and if the woman gets tired(she will)he'll have too, to pay alimony? Bad boys always get the girl. But the good guy ends up marrying her. As a good female friend of mine said: We don't introduce the bad guy to our parents. We introduce that guy to our girlfriends, if they are looking for fun..The guy we introduce to our parents is the good guy. When my mother reached the age of 25(breeding time!) she accepted the advances of my father. Funnily as it may sound, my mother did all the sexual advances. Imagine a young woman, prior the breeding instinct kicking in falling for a man, non assertive and lacking the self - confidence you ladies want so much in a man? the chances would be Zero! Maybe when I was younger. Problem is, I gained an incredible level of control over my emotions, I cannot be tricked by ultimatums, "I'll leave you if you don't marry me" ,I'll leave you if you don't have children with me" is that so? I'm the Prince of Poets, I can get who i want. If she dumps me, why would I care? i would just get another woman: rinse and repeat. I'm not the one who looses, she is. Women have the power in most relationships. Why? because of the power of sex! Unfortunately for women(For the ladies who tried it on me: I love you ladies! give me a call if you want to feel like a woman, again), sex has no power on me. I've been in sexless relationships before and I've been in sexless. I enjoy sex but I'm free from it's addictive nature and again, if I want sex I can get it,easy(as can ANY man, if they stop putting women in a pedestal and acknowledge the following reality: MOST women love sex. They aren't doing you a favor by having sex with you. So stop making the woman, a deity. What I can do to a woman..... call me narcissist all you want. More than anyone wants to admit! besides, with the facility to get sex from women, marriage really makes no sense(friendship I get from my friends. Most friendships last more than most relationships.) and for who says men should marry for love, sure we do. And we end up heart -broken and financially broken when the woman decides the role of the provider(the married man) has been fulfilled. Many of us guys, don't have a biological clock. Contrary to the majority of females, we guys date and form relationships with the intent of having company in this lifetime, we do not form those relationships thinking with the aging biological clocks, we think with our heart. Do you date, only, with the intention of marriage and children? If so, that is a sad attitude to have. You came to this world to be happy - to many women, I guess having children and having a man willing to pay for all that, is happiness... but to me, Happiness is living life without worries, concerns, drama, stress, mortage payments, new cars for the family, worrying if my kid knocked up a girl as a teen, life insurance and so on. My responsibilities, the only obligation I have to me. I have the obligation to be happy. I demand of myself. Happiness. And that is why I only date 18 year old girls. if, women beyond that age stopped looking at me as a possible provider, I would make her happy. Instead, they try to shame me(like you are doing) into marrying them or putting up with them. Like this 23 year old woman I was previously thinking of having a relationship with. She called me old - fashioned and small minded for having sex only with women I love. She had several hook - ups with guys she saw one time and one time only. These guys were the type of guys you girls complain so much about. 6 months ago, she hooked - up with another bad boy. She had sex with him pretty fast and was expecting to have a relationship with him. When he didn't call - when a friend of ours asked about the guy, she said he hadn't called in one week. But that she didn't care about it. With this pissed off looked in her face When, she noticed how emotionally stable I am, she began to chase me. Wanted to control me, the typical stuff . I was rather reluctant. She would say things like "oh that guy, all i wanted from him was sex. You should have seen his face when I told him all I wanted was sex and he wanted me to be his girlfriend " I instantly saw beyond it all. She wanted to turn a bad boy into a boyfriend but him(logically) didn't go for it. As I was studying this woman, I noticed many contradictions. She would tell me hooking up is just sex, doesn't mean anything etc etc. But when I hinted i would be only interest in sex(to sniff her out) she became hysteric, called me a player, a pig, the works When I went out with friends to clubs, she would call me non stop, to know where I was exactly: she'd tell m to give the phones to my friends to ask him if I was with a girl. She actually "forbade" me from going out with two guys because they were players. You know what she told my friends, after going to bed with the bad boy and getting dumped in the process? "Lusitan is not for playing around. He's for marriage" When, my friends, told me that.. I recognized what she wanted. Her biological clock was ticking hard as hell, i had never putted 1+1 together with her endless talks about kids, before. So when I turned the tables on her and began being a player, to test her out... she failed the test again. She told me she thought I was different.. Yes, I'm different. I don't fall for shaming nor manipulation Oh, she wouldn't have sex with me, only after marriage and how fast she wanted to marry me..But I couldn't be near any other woman, she wouldn't let me. One time my friends arranged a soccer match. Her brother participated. I didn't. My leg was broken(After getting drunk in a club )She was in the stands. By the time the game ended she came to me and my friend( a mixed white with black guy. She loves those) she was nice to him, hugged him and was overall a pleasant person. To me, she was rude, tried to kick me, asked me why I didn't went to her. The next day, she tells me she wants to speak to my friend over something. As she starts elaborating the subject, I pick up "there was this mixed guy. God, he was so.. damn, I have to meet him" Next week comes and I find out she slept with him I decided to play around with her. I began writing her poems, I was all romantic, soon she was in love with me. When I had finally control over her emotions(like women have complete control over sexuality - full sexual power in a relationship) I told her that it was time for me to look for a bride and since she told me, she hooked up without feelings i wasn't sure I could commit my future to a woman who takes sex as lightly Ah, she was mad, mad, madly mad! I'm not a sucker! I'm a .... Before this situation above happened, she told me she only had sex with three guys, her boyfriends(why is that when a woman wants to marry she downplays the quantity of sexual partners? ) had some hook - ups but that didn't count as sex because it was outside of a relationship This woman only dated bad boys and wondered why all her boyfriends cheated on her WITH her closest female friends. the guys are gone, the girls are still her friends "I don't understand why they cheated on me. I gave them lots of sex. I was so good in sex." Deluded. She thinks she's the hot stuff because she has males going after her. There are so many, very obese females who have guys chasing them just for sex. Males, most of them are ruled by women. The vagina. That's not the case with me. I am free. I am a true man. Einstein's IQ is far more intelligent than me but I am far smarter than most males. I choose freedom and happiness. I choose not to be a beta provider of some pissed off woman because the bad boys only want them for sex:lmao: Thing is. If she had a relationship with the bad boy and managed to turn him into a good guy for a relationship, she'd grow bored of him and cheat on him. Either way, a guy can't be happy with a woman like her. I could continue with the destruction of your shaming language but I gotta run: I have ESPN America on and i want to watch some manly sports! I also have some books to read so, here's the conclusion: my "milk" won't dry. Because I'm logical. I'm intelligent. I'm a man. I go after what i know i can have and be happy with. That realization entails going after girls aged 18. Those girls just want to have fun, enjoy a witty, romantic guy who will sweep them off her feet, a guy with a great sex drive(sucky sex skills tho': no matter, by being a child man I'll have much time to improve them ) I am not the guy they'll have at age 28. I am the guy who'll have her when she's at her most attractive age, her most care - free, childless and with a great attitude about life. Jovial and sweet. I am the guy she'll think off when she's married to her husband provider. My milk will never dry because women that age, most at least, are not interested in marriage, children, a guy with a great career, good money in the bank and a family car. No. Women that age are looking for the time of their life. My "empty" words, my boyish charm, my lifestyle, to them, are not empty.They are full of emotion and colour. I paint their hearts with memories that will last forever. I make them high without chemical drugs. I am, Like Lord Byron(except I'm ugly and only bones and small ), and I will be forever as such, unless i find a traditional woman(with all the meaning of the word "traditional") Until then - if that happens. If so, I'll keep on, writing books and poetry your grandchildren will study in high school and University. Due to my decision on staying eternally single. I'll be able to reach that goal. Infinity of time to work on myself, to become as good as Shakespeare and Hemingway. Instead of working myself into an early grave, by marrying and sustaining a family, I achieve my destiny. Thus, purpose on this planet. To be happy. yes, with tons of video games, Baseball on the tellie, by dating 18 year old girls and by living. TRULY. live. You call me child. You call me immature. You say women will soon tire of me and my player act. Your fall is your inability to realize that women go through many stages in their lifetime. Women will never tire of me. I will never be spoiled milk. My family has a rare condition. Most of us don't age as fast as most people. Many, many of us retain a very youthful look/body until they are old(60 years more). This gene comes from both sides of the family. Both my father, my mother, my grandparents etc, look far younger than they really are. I am almost 26 years old but I have the body and size, height of a teenager boy. If I am clean shaved, I look at most, 18 year old. Most people can't guess my age. When i tell them my age they get a huge shock splattered all over their face. See, I will always remain "fresh milk" because I look like a 18 year old guy, i got the responsibilities of a 18 year old(NONE), I have the sexual stamina of a 18 year old(since I work part - time. That's possible when you don't have to support a house and a wife and kids: lots of disposable time and income for video games, trips, night clubs etc) Now that I think of it. I get the crop, the elite of the female gender without having to work for it while the guy who marries, or who dates the 22+ female gets little, if anything in return oh, rest assure. I will continue to be a man child. A Peter Pan. Literature will be very happy because of that . I'm sorry(not really - but hey, i'm a gent!). Your shaming language(you are trying to make myself look for your female approval by making myself leave behind my "man child" lifestyle, get a woman and endure a lifetime of slavery like most other males. Sadly for you,(and for most women above the age of 18 it seems) I grew up surrounded by women. I always had way more female friends than male friends. I am completely aware to your shaming tactics, your "subtle" manipulation and the reality of..men always seek a woman's approval. You are trying to bank on that. But hey, everybody loves a rebel, right? That's Skinny, small, (me!) James Dean for ya! You know. I don't use women. Like you are implying. I've never asked for anything. I never had them pay me for dinners or dates. When it was that day - my birthday - I'd insist(Still do)to them: "I don't want any gifts. Don't even call me to congratulate me. I don't want you to spend money". I never used them for sex or attention or affection or company. I never used them to get their cute female friend, I could've got introduced to this totally booby girl, but I chose not. I regret it tho:lmao: Women use me. They get the best time of their life with me and try to turn me into the provider. They want to make me the father of their kid. Women earn more from me than I earn from them. I can be celibate. I can be sexual. I can be involved in a romantic relationship, I can be without one. Tell me one woman(who is not a nun) who can stay a lifetime without at least, an emotional relationship with a man. Your entire post comes down to one thing: You are so scared of me. What if other males start thinking like me? I am your biggest fear. I have complete control over my emotions and sexual impulses. I love to push myself to my limits. Staying awake days on end. Staying days without eating. I stayed one whole year without any sexual stimulation. No sex. No masturbation. No dating. I even controlled my sexual thoughts to such a high degree; that I had no sexual thoughts for one year. I avoided looking at women in the street, in the telly etc, By the end of that year, I was completely asexual. I wasn't sexually frustrated, sad, lonely or whatever. I felt pretty good about myself. Lots of time to write, read, go out, hang out with my friends. But you should be scared. it's already on! Marriage strike. Men aren't getting married. Many, many males are starting to turn their back on relationships. Many are starting to relish sexual intimacy with women. That's right, many men are choosing porn over women how's that for your ego? Oh. And 1 in every 4 females in the USA has herpes. Most sexually active women got HPV, many, many, don't even know they have a sexual virus because testing is not really effective and condoms? Sorry, they only lower the chance of getting it..a very low protection. Every woman has a 70% chance of getting HPV from a new partner. But of course you don't know that. Just read the endless studies done in America and USA. HPV is connected closely to, not only cervical cancer, but throat cancer. Penis cancer. You want marriage? Reach my hands as a full virgin. I've only dated truly virgins, hence my status as disease free young male. I'm perfect for marriage. i'm sweet, caring, I can treat kids really well, I'm going to be very well off, financially, in some years, I have a great sex drive, and so on. But i'd rather be Smart. By being free. Thanks, but unless it gets going with that tall girl i told you about, I'm staying free and she'll probably avoid me when she starts inquiring me about my job or financial capacity Heck, she'll give me the motive, the incentive and the possibility of staying on the track that I am on, right on If you want an Alpha, i'm your guy.(by staying single, not caring about what women want, by taking care of myself and my health and so on) If you want a provider, a guy you'll grow bored of eventually, after only few years of marriage and divorce: I'm not your guy. Thankfully, Karma always rewards good people. You wouldn't want anything to do with me because I have only enough money in the bank to pay for the rent and to buy food, expensive clothes and pocket money to go out. I am not like my father who saved and saved and saved dozens of thousands of euros, to trow it away, to make the house pretty for my mother. The house will be mine one day. I will only have to work to buy food and for the water bill and electricity.(that is, if I am like so many genius who die poor ) either way. I've devised a plan to live a long life, without stress, plenty of rewards and no risks Guys, this life too, can be yours. you who tried to shame me: While your guy will be breaking his back working basically for you, I'll be in my 5 divisions house(with huge rooms), 2 bathrooms, one big kitchen, playing with my same minded bachelor friends, drinking beers and who knows. Yet more video games Darn. you made me loose the game. Oh well, I'll go and play the Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith game for the playstation 2. my mother nags me to have children and marry. My father smiles when he seems me with 18 year old girls..I love to make my dad proud. And for who says 18 year old girls are immature etc, fine. So am I PS: I have a 54 year old friend, typical player. The women he dates range from the age of 18 to 40. Again: He dates the 18 year old because they want to have fun, and the 40+ because the women that age stopped looking for a provider(probably snatched one in their 30's, got married and then divorced). I'm sorry! I guess that means that a man if he plays smart, never becomes dry milk, aha. Better stop destroying your shaming tacts, or that game will sit alone like those many unopened games i have over there. Ciao. And by the way. Feminism is going to die.
Els Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 At the risk of sounding like a male chauvinist, I must admit that I've known plenty of long-winded women in both my life and LS, but I've never seen any to rival Lusitan's talent for dragging on and on and on and on in a post, not even JS. God, Lusitan, are you sure you're even male??? Any true-blooded male would fall asleep a quarter-way through that tirade and type TL;DR.
GorillaTheater Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Longest damn post I've ever seen. Has anyone ever read the story of "The Rocking Horse Winner" by D. H. Lawrence? The story is actually an allegory for masturbation and I suggest that Lusitan read it. If you can't make a point in one or two paragraphs, you have no f*cking point to begin with. You're masturbating.
butcher's hook Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 If you can't make a point in one or two paragraphs, you have no f*cking point to begin with. You're masturbating. :lmao: OMG the amount of rolling I had to do to my mouse to get to the bottom of the page alone was enough to turn me off from that completely. Sorry Lusitan, I appreciate your effort and I see you really need to be heard but I just don't think I have the time to read your entire post. I booked my Christmas holidays to go away on vacation.
torranceshipman Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Lusitan, you need to get out more...
4givrnt4gtr Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 OP... Im so so sorry to say this....but that really doesnt look like Asp. at all. It looks like he's out to have a good time. I know cuz I dated a man just like yours for a year and a half. I posted here millions of times about it. How he excused a lot of what he did to his social awkwardness, how he would complain about buying condoms so we could have sex (they are too expensive!! ), how we literally went out 4 times in the year and a half we dated. Bassically, i gave and gave and gave. I came up with every excuse in the book. He made a LOT of money...a LOT. I am a student...yet I was always the one driving to see him, making plans for us to do stuff....paying for all of it.... Bassically it all ended when after a year and a half I realized it was never going to change, and I would always feel unappreciated and unloved. THe stinginess translated into how much he didnt care for me. The last time i talked to him i asked him point blank....he accepted he didnt love me. Dont waste your time. As soon as you catch yourself making excuses for the man that even you have a hard time believing, thats when you know you're settling. Good luck to you
sally4sara Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Holy nut job! That had to be the longest post I've ever seen on here! Maybe he is a writer for The Onion? It is like a homage to the Grand Canyon - just as empty too.
silverfish Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 @ Lutisan Blimey...feminism, small furry animals, and the pixies that live in your head are all going to die of boredom if you talk that much normally. And yes, you are a narcissist. @ the OP My boyfriend was like that. Maybe not so bad, but pretty bad. Once we talked about it he changed. It wasn't really a personality issue, more of a habit for him. Now if he needs reminding, I just tell him how much his half is if we're out. If he's coming over, I ask to bring stuff along. Its a bit alien to me to do this in a relationship as it's more something I would do with a friend, but it's a decent compromise
MadDriver Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 I'm a guy, 30's, professional. I ALWAYS PAY FOR MY DATES, NO QUESTIONS ASKED. Hell, I even pay for my guy friends sometimes. It's not a question of money, but of attitude. I come from a place of generosity, of giving. Have you ever heard of the the zen saying "In order to receive, you have to give". It's what the Hare-krishna do. It works. I never expect any of the women to give me anything in return. But I always seem to receive so much more than I give. Sex on the first date? Certainly. Even virgins? Yes. So, a big thank you to all of the cheap men in this world, and on this thread. You make me look soooooo good in comparison.
MadDriver Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 Not for the money, that is. ... With success, comes social status. With social status comes the respect of my fellow man, the next step is a new social status: I become an Alpha. Lusitan, I actually enjoyed reading your mini-novel there, you seem to be the type that can crank out a book in a week. Anyways, I just wanted to say that I think you to the sequence wrong. It actually goes like this: 1) First you get the money. 2) Then you get the power. 3) And finally you earn the respect. Please refer to Scarface (1983) and LOX (1998).
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