Flatteraxe Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Hello all, This is my first post here and may be quite long so please be patient with me. I have recently split from my ex girlfriend, we have 2 children together aged 11 and 8. We have been together on and off for 12 years now but we have finally called it a day. My ex comes from a very stressed and broken family and that has given her a few unique personality traits lol. She is hot tempered, a clean freak, violent when things don't go her way and only ever sees the worst in me and other people. When she is pregnant she completely changes into a psycho. When we were first together she dumped me soon after finding out she was pregnant. This really hurt me and I was warned to stay away with threats from her family. I didn't see my son until he was 14 months old and we foolishly got back together. Then when she fell pregnant again, again she completely changed and she more or less threw me out, I now get the blame for this. I was present at the birth but it was obvious that she had got what she wanted and she continued to treat me like dirt, we broke up soon after and again this was my fault according to her. We have been on and off for a while but about 3 years ago we decided to make one last go of it. We went on holiday and things were good. She soon slipped back into the old routine though. I bought her some diamond earrings but according to her I had only done it 'to look flash' and they were 'a bit small'. My family never liked her and wouldn't speak to her. She once went into my mums work (a primary school) and shouted at my mum in front of the other teachers because she thought my mum had said somethiing she hadn't. If I ever did anything for myself such as go to play golf once or twice a week I was called selfish. I work from home and earn well. She couldn't understand this and thought that if I was home all day then I should have a days worth of jobs to do. When she used to return from work and some of them weren't done she would start abusing me. However, I did need to actually do some work. We were going through a really bad patch around last Christmas and I knew we needed to split, however I still made an effort. I spent over 1k on her at Xmas and she slated everything I bought her, being totally ungrateful as usual. She bought me a TV and said 'I have bought you a TV and if we end up splitting I'm keeping it', what a lovely Xmas that was lol. I used to be accused of things I hadn't done. Fancying people, getting up to things etc. I have never been unfaithful to anyone in my entire life. Anyway, after one particularly violent night in which I woke up to find her trying to slip a belt around my neck, I moved out. She says that she only did it so that I would lose my temper and admit to doing something. But as I hadn't done anything it was a bad plan. The next few weeks were full of calls with her crying and asking me to go back. I point blank refused. I got my own place and things were looking good. Then after about 8 weeks she turned up on my doorstep after a night out. I foolishly let her in and we had sex. Then we started having sex again for a few weeks. To be honest, the sex was the only decent part of the relationship and I did miss it, and her. Then she dropped the bombshell that she had had a one night stand about 4 weeks after I had left her. This gutted me that she could come back to me and have sex without telling me. So I called it a day and told her that I couldn't carry on. She kept calling and texting and asking for me to get back with her. I said no as we only argue in front of our kids and she had been elsewhere. About 3 days after she had been crying to me on the phone for the last time she met some guy. We are both white and this guy is a Muslim aged 36, 9 years older than my ex. I know some people in the muslim community and a couple of people told me that he used to be a junkie and has actually served time for armed robbery, although he seems to have cleared his act up now. This concerned me as this guy might be around my kids. When I spoke to my ex about my concerns she thought I was trying to discredit him because I was bitter that she has moved on. I have been told that only 4 weeks after meeting they had only really texted each other but were already saying that they loved each other. Now she spends every moment she can with him and I must admit that I do feel a little jealous. I know that when I have my kids to sleep that she is with him etc. Tonight he is taking her to a hotel for the night and I am not looking forward to it as I know it will be on my mind. Unfortunately, we have to have contact for the children. I am trying to minimise it and asking her to only text me etc. She doesn't seem to listen and calls me and comes to my door when dropping them off. She is acting like the cat that got the cream. I haven't moved on yet and I feel that maybe I am having a hard time, not because I want her back but because that special someone is missing in my own life. I am not the most confident person anymore. My ex used to constantly put me down, call me names and belittle me for her own amusement. If I ever did it back she used to get angry and sometimes swing for me. Reading all this back I know it makes me sound pathetic. You wouldn't believe that I'm a big guy, I'm just soft natured I guess. I let her walk all over me for the sake of the children. I shouldn't have had anything to do with her from word go. I remember when I did first see my son and we got back together, I bought her some flowers' She said 'I'm sorry but those are weeds'. Completely ungrateful. Not sure why I posted, just feels good to write everything down. I wonder if she is actually over me, it's only been about 6 weeks since she was on the phone crying. She does seem happy with this new guy though. The other day we were talking about something on the phone and I started crying, just needed to let some emotions out. I know it was foolish. Yesterday we spoke about the children and she spoke about me crying and laughed about it. Then she said 'You know who I'm seeing, who are you seeing?' Why would she even ask that? Your thoughts are welcome, thanks for reading.
Tayla Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Sorry to hear of the long term relationship drama. Stick with keeping your scenario a bit more brief. After I read it, I felt I had aged 15 years . (Meant in a funny way!). Which part are you coming to terms with? You sound reasonable and sensible. She pretty much has moved on thru her actions. Grieve the loss- yet dont wallow in it. Once you come out the other side you will gain the understanding necessary to make peace . The support is here and some advice will take time to sink in. Read others experiences and how they are handling it...
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