Clover Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I've been seeing this guy for like around three weeks now. He asked me out and perused me. It seems to be going well. We've been hanging out every couple of days. Trying to see each other whenever we can. However, over the last week things ended up getting 'intimate' and now all we seem to do is have sleep overs. I have asked him if that was all he was after to get an idea on where I stood with him. He said "it wasn't, he just wanted to take things slow and see where it goes" and has also told me a few times that he really likes me. He also texts me practically everyday asking me how my day is and stuff. He initiates the texts, I never do, I only reply once he sends one. Know he is also not seeing anyone else, so he says. I mentioned about us not seeing other people to him. He got a little weird about it and just replied with "we'll just take it easy okay." That comment now has got me feeling very weary of him. I really like him as well but have gotten hurt in the past and don't want too again. Even feeling like ending it for that reason. I don't want it turn into another fling. Also am hoping suggesting 'not seeing other people' scare him off as well. Feeling pretty confused right now cause I do want to take things slowly with him. Just scared of getting hurt. . Thinking of backing off for a bit. How should I go about it?
goldencloud Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I know how you feel and that's why I'll say honesty is the best route to take. On one end you could just see this for what it is, and go with the flow...but if you find that path would be too hard, then just be honest about what you feel. If you're 'intimate' with this guy, there should be no issue, and from the looks of it, it does seem like he's quite into you! good luck:)
loveslife Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 If he wants to take things slowly he shouldn't have slept with you after only two weeks. So, that "slowly" ship has sailed, sorry to say. It sounds like he doesn't want to be exclusive with you but you understand that you deserve to be someone's one and only. If it's a pattern for you to get into flings more than relationships then you're probably doing the same thing now. Maybe it's a good idea to take some time off from men and figure yourself out for a bit?
caramel c Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Please don't take this the wrong way because I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Since it is important to you that the guy you're sleeping with be exclusive with you, I think it is a better idea to make sure of the exclusivity before you sleep with him. It's too late now to go back and change anything, but perhaps keep this in mind for next time. Or, you can always just tell him your terms. You like him and you also want to see where this is going, but you'd rather save the sex until it's time you know you are completely exclusive. You admit that you rushed into things, and you apologize for your part in that. He might not like that idea, and really I have mixed feelings myself about you doing something and taking it back, but its an option you have. Or, you can tell him this is not what you had hoped for and you feel better ending this relationship and moving on. Or, you can just continue doing what you're doing and wait until he decides to tell you its an exclusive relationship. The choice is yours, and I'm sure I left out plenty of other options...this is just what I first thought of.
Thaddeus Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 He's a classic chaser. He's in it for the chase and the score, not for the relationship. He pursued you (pretty hard, from the sounds of it), initiates all the conversation (every single day!!) but when you talk of exclusivity he starts to back off. Typical chaser mentality.
Lizzie60 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Humm.. I think he's not that into you.. sorry but if he was, he would have kept the 'pace'... he slowed down after he had sex with you.. that's quite typical.. this guy is probably a 'player' .. If I were you, I wouldn't make myself available for sex.. for a while.. my bet is that he will just drop you... that's probably all he wants for now.. 'sleepovers'... It sucks.. especially when you're attracted to the guy..
Author Clover Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 I've gone 'with the flow' before and it has never turned out the way I want it. I can't believe I fell into that trap again even after supposedly doing all the right things. Just angry I let it happen again. Sick of it. I thought that guys liked the chase?? I haven't been seeming needy or clingy at all. I guess I should've waited a bit longer to be 'intimate' with the guy. We had hung out and been on a few dates before hand. I should've been more careful but. It feels like every guy I meet lately, has just only wanted 'that one thing' . No matter how I go about it. It sux. I don't know what to think anymore with them or if this guy is even genuine. He seems it. That's why I am confused at the moment.
caramel c Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I've gone 'with the flow' before and it has never turned out the way I want it. I can't believe I fell into that trap again even after supposedly doing all the right things. Just angry I let it happen again. Sick of it. I thought that guys liked the chase?? I haven't been seeming needy or clingy at all. I guess I should've waited a bit longer to be 'intimate' with the guy. We had hung out and been on a few dates before hand. I should've been more careful but. It feels like every guy I meet lately, has just only wanted 'that one thing' . No matter how I go about it. It sux. I don't know what to think anymore with them or if this guy is even genuine. He seems it. That's why I am confused at the moment. It's very simple. If you aren't interested in guys who want just 'that one t hing' then don't do 'that one thing'. The guys who are interested in only that won't last very long at all. The ones who are interested in more will last. You'll even be able to talk to them about it BEFORE you do it. It's only self control we're talking about here. You can handle that, right?
Author Clover Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 Oh I can. . I only just got told about this yesterday when I treaded along mentioning where I stood with him. I pushed a little more about it this morning, that's what I am worried about. I might've scared him off. If I hear and see from him again might talk about my terms as well. Maybe I should've spoken to it about him more before but it's nerve wracking and chickened out. . With the bad luck I am having lately in this department. Can't help but feel negative about it.
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