Scarlett513 Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm 25 years old. About a year and a half ago I dated a guy for 6 months who refused to have sex with me (he preferred taking care of himself in the bathroom while I waited in my underwear on the bed - not that I'm supposed to know that). Now I'm in a FWB situation but the guy can never get it up...well the first time he did but then after that it's like we fool around and everything seems good to go and then as soon as he sees my naked body it disappears.... What is wrong with me?? I'm doubting myself and my appearance and my apparently non-existent skills. The first time I around I could attribute it to the guy, but now this is twice, and I'm the common denominator. Please if anyone has any ideas what I'm doing wrong, I really need help.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 The more you doubt yourself, the more of a problem you are going to have.
Author Scarlett513 Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Okay - I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not overweight, but I'm not super-fit either. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty nice tan going right now thanks to the beach, about 5 foot 3. As for "many" guys, I don't know what constitutes "many" to you - I'm 25 years old, I'm no virgin but I was never the type to sleep with the entire football team, you know. I've been in 2 long term relationships.
Vet Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Okay - I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not overweight, but I'm not super-fit either. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty nice tan going right now thanks to the beach, about 5 foot 3. As for "many" guys, I don't know what constitutes "many" to you - I'm 25 years old, I'm no virgin but I was never the type to sleep with the entire football team, you know. I've been in 2 long term relationships. So you've dated two guys that have had this problem? It takes three to make a pattern, by the way.
boogieboy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Okay - I'm not perfect by any means. I'm not overweight, but I'm not super-fit either. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty nice tan going right now thanks to the beach, about 5 foot 3. As for "many" guys, I don't know what constitutes "many" to you - I'm 25 years old, I'm no virgin but I was never the type to sleep with the entire football team, you know. I've been in 2 long term relationships. How much do you weigh, and do you talk sexy to these guys in bed? You have to sleep with at least 4 guys to come to the conclusion that YOU are the problem. I think you just hit the lottery of 2 guys in a row that couldnt get it up. Next guy should be a sure shot, pun intended.
tinktronik Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I would not count the latest guy as a failure to lift-off occurrence. Maybe he has a washcloth or soap fetish. If you are at least somewhat female in appearance, this guy is at your house with a mutual agreement of sex and he beats off in your bathroom, something is wrong with him. ASK HIM TO LEAVE. An agreement of sex or lust does not constitute an allowance for odd or strange behavior, beating off in the bathroom of someone else's house is creepy. I don't think it is you in this instance with the problem, it is the bathroom beater with the problem.
Author Scarlett513 Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Thanks for everyone's responses, they really are appreciated. I'm about 5 foot 3 or 4, 130 pounds. I don't think it's a hygiene issue, I shower at least once a day and if I'm going to be with someone, again right before I see them. The first guy (the one who liked the bathroom alot) was definetley nuts, that's why I broke up with him. I'm just starting to feel like it's a pattern...but as some of you had said, I guess 2 really isn't quite a pattern yet.
Hkizzle Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I think you just had bad luck twice in a row. Both guys have problems performing naturally. What were your sexual relationships before that like?
Lucky_One Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 How is the foreplay stuff? The making out, the touching? Are you attracted to the guys, and do they seem attracted to you during that part? Honestly, the vast majority of guys will have sex with a willing woman; I don't see where your height and weight would be an issue. By counting 2 long-term relationships and subtracting the 6 month guy as one of them, you have had at least one long-term sexual relationship. How was that one?
Author Scarlett513 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 My sexual relationships prior to these have been very good... I wasn't counting the 6 month guy in the two long-term relationships. If you count him, then three, but I prefer to pretend he never happened haha. The other two were very good relationships, just didn't work out for reasons totally unrelated to sex.
MadDriver Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 If you post a picture of your body (you can block out the face), the men here will be more than willing to give you their critiques...
Author Scarlett513 Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 lol thanks for the offer but the last thing i need right now is a bunch of strangers picking apart my body =)
001bh Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 jeez, if i had to choose between almost naked, decent looking 25 year old woman (from your description you gave you're a winner in my book and myself behind a bathroom door, I'd chose the you. Something is very wrong with this dude you're seeing. Is he a porn fiend?
Lizzie60 Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I don't think your physical appearance has anything to do with it.. you got them into your bed .. right? Unless they had the surprise of their life, when you undressed.. I highly doubt your weight, height, eyes, hair, toes had anything to do with it.. Methink you just got bad luck twice in a row.. no big deal.. Don't stop... you'll eventually fall on a real 'stud'..
MadDriver Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 No pic? Ok how about a questionnaire instead, please answer Yes or No: 1. Could you realistically make a living as a model? 2. As a stripper? 3. As a mall promotional spokesperson? 4. As a hooters waitress? 5. PR representative? 6. Pharmaceutical sales rep? 7. As a cocktail waitress at a bar? 8. As a receptionist for a paper company?
browolf Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 two in a row is surely bad luck but I'd be questioning yourself on how you came to be with these 2 guys who clearly have "problems" of their own. I gotta wonder why you would stay with a guy for 6 months who would rather have "sex" with himself than you! I'm sure there's a clue in there as to how these things came to pass.
Littlemixtape Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Well, you stated the first guy as being "nuts" so now that we have that established, I think it's safe to just throw that experience with him out the window. If he was a nutjob than obviously there was nothing wrong with you. So then really all you have is the current guy that has a problem getting it up. From the way you described yourself, it would appear that you're a very normal human being at the very very least and i say that but actually you sound like what most guys would find attractive. Also, the way you described yourself gave me the idea that you're at least a little confident of yourself so that's good, right? I think sometimes guys get stressed about their ability to perform and make it good for you, which would make it hard for him to well...be hard. I mean, I'm not a guy and I can't claim to know how their minds work (God wouldn't that be helpful? haha) but I have many guy friends that have had this problem. He also may be sensing any insecurity on your part, which would in turn make him feel insecure and make it hard for him to perform. Maybe try taking the lead and see if that helps him at all.
Lovelybird Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Depends how you define yourself as a woman. A woman to you is one who can make men in whom she has some interests get up Or a woman to you is one who don't take sex casually, wait until one man whom she really loves and marry? I think there is a problem, not about if you failed as a woman, but about how do you think about yourself. Do you accept and love yourself unconditionally? Or do you judge yourself according to other men's perfermance. How dangerous you define yourself as a failed a woman according to men's performance. Because there are many possibilities: 1. the man maybe not truly fall in love with you yet, it takes time, and deep in their heart they really want a girl that not easy to give out sex casually 2. you may picked up guys who have ED problems (maybe subconsiously you want to protect yourself) 3. they may have a bad day, no mood at all 4. they may be timided by agressiveness (man is still man, too much agressiveness from woman means another man afront of them, not a woman) can you see how dangeous you thought line is? YOU put down yourself, YOU choose actions that put down yourself. A hot sexual woman in porn can get every man up, so what? Men don't marry them and bring them to their parents. Why have sex with some guys you don't really know about? you don't really sure if they have true feeling about you? If one man really loves you, he cannot keep his hand and eyes from you, he would be so excited to just have you around. but you have to have patience to wait for him to come into your life. Don't split your body and love to random guys. The more a person can wait , the more love ability she has, the more she can receive back the same quality of love. Men would treat you as how you treat yourself. of course there are some excellent men don't ever take advantage of weakness of woman (I know one who said no to other women who threw herself to him), and treat her decently even she didn't, but we shouldn't count on that, first thing first, we should respect ourselves. I feel like you didn't respect yourself and love yourself enough.
browolf Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I think sometimes guys get stressed about their ability to perform and make it good for you, which would make it hard for him to well...be hard. I mean, I'm not a guy and I can't claim to know how their minds work (God wouldn't that be helpful? haha) but I have many guy friends that have had this problem. He also may be sensing any insecurity on your part, which would in turn make him feel insecure and make it hard for him to perform. Maybe try taking the lead and see if that helps him at all. er yeah it is a bit like that. It's all about mind over matter and sexual confidence! the first time is unknown territory so have no real concrete worries and hope for the best. After that some guys we analyse our 'performance' and if it seemed like maybe we didn't do as well as we could have then we worry we may not have satisfied you in some way and potentially be depressed at manly inadequacy and possibly further compounded by what you say or don't say afterwards. It has the potential to turn into a vicious circle of worry in our heads. However The smart guy figures out where he might have lacked and formulates a plan to deal with it based on intimate knowledge of ones own "equipment". If that's not the case then the only way the problem can be dealt with is if the guy is willing to talk about how his "equipment" usually works in detail and isn't too affronted by having to formulate an actual plan with the OP for the best mutual satisfaction.
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