whatisgoingon Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I have been seeing a MM for a yr and half, it started out as friends and we all know how it is now. I love this man and he has told me he loves me as well, last week we spent the entire week together, we were at friends house on Sunday, his birthday on Monday I was with him and his friends they all know about us. At that point he had not been home since the previous Wed. Tues aft his bday I came home from work early he was in bed and I said to him are you going home at all he said "I dont know" and I replied well you can not hide forever and he said "Im not". So Tues evening I see him again we are sitting together and he is doing some serious thinking I can tell, he says to me I think It finally is coming to a head with W I just want to make sure she is ok (she has no job due to being a drunk). I get angry and tell him let me make this easy for you do not text me, call me and most importantly do not show up at my house. He says so this is what this week has meant to you all the fun we had together? ( this is not the first week we have spent together it is about twice a week he spends the days and nights with me). I replied I know it is a shame isnt it and walk out. Now his friend calls me and says I saw him the other nite and he asked me about you and I do talk to his friend every day he is like a brother to me, he goes from saying I want to be with you, you are everything to me to saying the next week " well go out with him dont hold back on my account" WTF. So I did went out 2 times with 2 different men, the first date he showed up at the bar we were at on a poker run with his wife (who knows about me). And then had the nerve to drive by my house later that night to see if I had him here and called me while his wife was in truck. The second date weeks later his friends saw me and called him and he told them I know she is out she told me, but he calls me the next night to see if I am home alone or if he is there. What is he doing? His wife has called me and actually we have had fairly descent conversations when she is sober. She tells me he talks about me all the time and it is obvious he wants you so I will let you have him. But when he tells her he is leaving this is done she threatens with suicide. Am I just sitting here waiting for something that is never going to happen or should I really wait it out and see? They do not own a house they rent this would be the easiest break in the world as I see it, no kids no nothing together.
ladydesigner Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Am I just sitting here waiting for something that is never going to happen or should I really wait it out and see? They do not own a house they rent this would be the easiest break in the world as I see it, no kids no nothing together. The only way you will ever know is if you leave, maintain NC, and after he gets a divorce still wants to be with you. You may have moved on by that point but it might be for the best anyways. Most married spouses will never leave their wife/husband, you will learn this from a lot of OPs here. Be strong. It is good that you are dating I hope you find someone else who makes you feel the same way MM does but this time will be all YOURS
fooled once Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh for heaven's sake..... what a Jerry Springer episode in the making. You are sleeping with a married man, go out with all his friends so they see you as a couple although they know he is married to someone else ... and then you start dating his friends???? Yuck. And you and the wife talk? The whole "she will commit suicide if I leave" is crap. And why do women fall for this? Seems like you are all happy doing what you are doing -- good for ya. But just remember, he has a wife and if he were to get sick or die, she gets first dibs on his medical treatment and his life insurance and any money they have. You get zippo. I believe you are living in a fantasy world if you think there will ever be a normal relationship between you two, but that's just my view. Ever heard the expression ....Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That totally applies here. I think you might need some counseling to figure out why you have no problem sleeping with a married man and discussing it with his friends and wife. Why you don't have more self respect for yourself than to all continue on this path.
Author whatisgoingon Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 and then you start dating his friends???? I don't think I said this anywhere. I said I started dating. And obviously you did not read the whole post as it says right in there, they have nothing together when I say nothing I mean nothing. As for his wife calling me it was to ask me a question not to discuss our possible friendship. And she has told me that she is just going to go away.
torranceshipman Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I think this sounds like something really horrible for the wife - she's being really tormented! She has to hear all about you, it is public knowledge that you two are together...which is awful for her. Yet, he doesn't leave her and they have no mortgage, no kids...basically, nothing to keep them together. Clearly he could leave if he wanted but I think he wants both of you. I am sure he is telling her how much he wants her, because she must have some reason to stick around with him. You never really know what is going on behind closed doors. I'd just leave him to it if I were you - if he really wants to leave he will... But it does all sound like a bit of a mess...
Author whatisgoingon Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 A mess is putting it mildly, I do not know where to turn I have not had contact with him in a week and couple of days. My heart says call him, text him do something but my head says let him come to me. He never stays away when I go NC, so I am sure he will be back giving me the same story as last time. If I did not love him so much and know he feels the same this would be soo much easier. I truly think he is sitting on the fence with his decision making.
Die Hard Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 . And obviously you did not read the whole post as it says right in there, they have nothing together when I say nothing I mean nothing. Maybe you should re-read your own posts as well to help yourself. They have NOTHING together...no home, no kids, and yet, he doesn't leave and come running to you. That should tell you something. In fact, it should tell you all you need to know. He must love his wife to be staying with her given they have no other attatchments. Like you posted, it would be the easiest break in the world. Ever wonder why he doesn't seize the opportunity? Would you be sitting on the fence if the roles were reversed, given you love him so much? Do you really believe his love for you matches yours for him? I'm a man, and I know a man with no reason to stay(kids, home, loves his wife etc., etc), doesn't. Something is keeping him there and keeping him from choosing you. Either he's lying about a lot of stuff and loves his wife or he doesn't love you or his wife.
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