deux ex machina Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 goldencloud, is it possible that you are talking over the person? Not over their head, but monopolizing the conversation?
Author goldencloud Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Hey all, Loved all the posts:) Thanks! I really just needed to get some objective advise. Well I had a good think about all the points everyone mentioned, just to clarify a few things: - I do get 3rd, 4th etc dates and sometimes the guy wants more, but generally in that case, I just feel like there is NO connection. Emotional that is. Like I'd 'like them' but it does nothing for me, and without emotional connection, I cannot get physical( you'll notice a repetition of this in my previous posts, always fearing guy just wants to use me for physcial activity). So in these case, everything eventually fizzles as guy in question knows there is not much there, and to boot no physicality. - The one I do like, at times, it seems like it goes nowhere after a while...and while I can tell they remain physically attracted to me ie hints etc, somehow I know deep inside that's all it is. -It's not like I sit there reciting the dictionary and do it on purpose but I do have a eloborate way of speaking and not just in ref to vocab but the way I explain things. This really isn't me just rushing to a conclusion. From a young age, I had always been told 'how do you think of these things etc...'. When I say intelligence I'm not taking book smart etc(anyone can do this), but I do have life intelligence, or weird intelligence or something - Yes, I do have a dorky sense of humour Anyways to make a long story short, I have realised: The reason why this keeps occuring is because is due to these reasons: - Perhaps it's not intelligence but rather a vast difference in temperment. Maybe it's my personality and way of seeing things...in that I date guys who are severely different to me in many respects and try to cultivate a connection from nowhere. - I will not change who I am, or how I speak because this is me in the end, and sooner or later(even if I make attempts to 'hide' this), it will come but rather I'll stop being so mistrusting...... Which I think is my main problem. I'm generally mistrusting about men, and use certain attributes of myself as almost a 'guard'. Like it's IMPOSSIBLE for me to open up because I fear I will get hurt. And because I use this 'front', it prevents guys who may potentially have liked me, from really getting to know me because each time they attempt to get closer, I deflect this attention with 'banter' or 'lines' or just general diversions. Which ultimately means no emotional connection, which means no physcial anything, which means poof NOTHING! We all have our strong points, but we cannot overuse these points inappropriately as in the end it just ends up looking redundant and this is something I will admit I'm guilty of. I fear emotional intimacy so I use my certains aspects of me as a veil to 'protects' me from opening up. Anyways to prevent a novel like post from becoming even fatter, I just need to relax. I won't give up on finding a man who will love me for me, I'll try and be a bit more aware of the type of guys I'm dating( I believe you subconscious will raise flags when dating a 'jerk'), and I'll relax and stop assuming each man is out to 'just bed me'. Final thought, I remember once I was dating this guy I really liked, and once day he randomly told me ' you know, you're at your loveliest when you just relax.' At the time, I assumed it was a 'line', and I just sort of smiled and looked away. Now I know he was right. How much lovelier would this world(in our case, the dating world) be if we all learnt to relax and took comfort in the fact that things happen as they happen and to just go with the flow. The end. Thank you guys so much for your help. I cannot begin to explain how much it means to me.
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