Vet Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Vox, I'll take you up on that offer and report back my findings:lmao: I'm completely serious!! BCCA, I do have a really unusual way of speaking. And *shame faced* that example you gave about the facilities(aka bathroom) is RIGHT up my alley. In fact just the other night as I was saying bye, I said to the guy in question ' I must bid you farewell for I have to rush back to my chambers'. BUT IT WAS ALL IN JEST!!! I was just kidding around...AAAARGHHH!!!!! Brevity is the soul of wit. This particular example isn't articulate or witty; it's verbose and it sounds very affected. If you do a lot of this kind of thing, that's probably the exact reason why you're getting the results you're seeing. Not saying this is necessarily you, but I've been on a few first dates with women that seemed like they never grew out of that high school thespian phase. Horrible. Just horrible.
sally4sara Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 OP, a large vocabulary is something to be proud of. Don't play dumb; it has never been that hard to find penis. I said hard. But on that note, vocabulous does not have to mean pretentious. You might be coming off the latter.
Vet Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Errrmm, uh your picture is public and you are, well, fat by my definition and I often use the word chubby where others say fat. Sorry. Hahaha. Just ouch. It's always the ones living in glass houses that are tossing the big boulders.
Phateless Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Do guys find articulate and witty women unappealing? I'm wondering this because most guys I date seem to have a trouble verbally keeping up with me? I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing.... lol I think the guys you're meeting are just stupid. It's amazing what passes for "English proficiency" these days... Personally I've always been charmed by and attracted to intelligent, articulate, witty women. Keep up what you're doing and just find a way to meet smarter guys!
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 If you're really an articulate, intelligent and witty person, then you won't need to tell us about it. You'll demonstrate it with your posting style. You won't make make basic spelling mistakes ("persistant") in the middle of making grand claims to a level of intelligence that few male mortals can keep up with. You'll understand that when a well established, successful man responds to you in the way you've described, there's a very good chance that he's letting you know in the nicest possible way that you're presenting yourself oddly...and that it's not helping you to be sexually appealing to him. Witty banter is what happens when two people spark off eachother in a good way. "I bid you farewell, for I must rush to my chambers" doesn't really sound like witty banter. It sounds a little more like a sweet but nervous 18 year old female arts student. One who feels awkward about saying goodnight and letting her date know that post-date sex isn't going to be on the agenda. Hey, I never claimed to be some dictionary mastermind, nor am I here to prove anything. I do recognise certain statements might look like I'm 'proving' myself etc...but I have to give an accurate picture. While I appreciate your advise, as I mentioned in my previous posts I wasn't even aware of this issue until I noticed a pattern developing...and besides if you think my few spelling errors were something, you should see my texts:laugh: It's just a post haha! Anyways moving along, it's so lovely to get unbiased commentary whether negative/positive etc...IT'S ALL GOOD:laugh:
Adunaphel Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Do guys find articulate and witty women unappealing? I'm wondering this because most guys I date seem to have a trouble verbally keeping up with me? I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing.... I used to have the very same problem some time ago... and got advised to 'tone it down', too. My best friend, who is very straightforward, told me that the guys and I was so busy engaging in witty conversation that we did not get to see each other's real self. She said something along the lines of "I wish you stopped this vocabulary banter and were more yourself. You are not being yourself, and neither is he. In retrospect, I realized it was great advice. I do not know if this is also your case, but I suspect that I was basically hiding my real self behind witty, challenging conversation. I felt like a good vocabulary and my sense of humour and a certain kind of conversation was the main characteristic of mine that could be of interest to a guy. So wrong. I am currently with a man that I do not feel the need to engage in witty conversation with. Not because we couldn't, it's just that it feels so good to talk about very average things in only slightly more than average vocabulary and love it so much...
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Exactly! I need someone who 'gets' me haha! Oh btw I guess in retrospect the chambers thing sounds silly...guess one of those you 'had to be there'... I guess it boils down to the fact I'm very contradictory. Physically I'm highly I guess 'sexual' looking to put it bluntly, and because I'm very bubbly, it's easy to attract men...perhaps the wrong type:sick: And the nice guys never approach me, infact there was one I ran into the other day who told me he liked me a year ago (when I was hopelessly waiting for the phone to ring), but he felt I wasn't interested at all and was quite intimidated. This isn't the first time I've heard this. All the jerks like me, and when they find out I'm not who I am, they flee. The nice guys barely approach me. And well everyone else, they're off sipping wine with their significant others! I've been told countless COUNTLESS times how 'lucky' I am that I seem to get 'catches' so effortlessly and how I don't have to worry about getting dates bla bl bla... BUT YET I AM THE ONE CHILLING BY THE PHONE WAITING...sad!
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I used to have the very same problem some time ago... and got advised to 'tone it down', too. My best friend, who is very straightforward, told me that the guys and I was so busy engaging in witty conversation that we did not get to see each other's real self. She said something along the lines of "I wish you stopped this vocabulary banter and were more yourself. You are not being yourself, and neither is he. In retrospect, I realized it was great advice. I do not know if this is also your case, but I suspect that I was basically hiding my real self behind witty, challenging conversation. I felt like a good vocabulary and my sense of humour and a certain kind of conversation was the main characteristic of mine that could be of interest to a guy. So wrong. I am currently with a man that I do not feel the need to engage in witty conversation with. Not because we couldn't, it's just that it feels so good to talk about very average things in only slightly more than average vocabulary and love it so much... I might just take your best friend's advice:p
samspade Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Samspade, This is the thing. I am EXTREMELY feminine. Short of wrapping a pink bow around my belly I'm not sure how much more I can highlight that:sick: And it's not like I'm some roaring success in my career or life for that matter, but I do loooveeeee me some verbal word play and joking around(not slap stick)...but maybe it's time I changed my strategy....sigh If your wit is cerebral in nature, and your vocabulary large, try joining groups and activities where you will meet like-minded men. I'm sure you'll find some guys who love a little repartee - just don't look in the usual fallback places.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 THANK YOU all for your advise! I seriously appreciate it:D Wish I could reply one by one, but my internet is rather bipolar today:sick:
Taramere Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Hey, I never claimed to be some dictionary mastermind, nor am I here to prove anything. I do recognise certain statements might look like I'm 'proving' myself etc...but I have to give an accurate picture. While I appreciate your advise, as I mentioned in my previous posts I wasn't even aware of this issue until I noticed a pattern developing...and besides if you think my few spelling errors were something, you should see my texts:laugh: It's just a post haha! Anyways moving along, it's so lovely to get unbiased commentary whether negative/positive etc...IT'S ALL GOOD:laugh: The thing is, though, that the picture you're giving is your perception of your dates' intelligence relative to yours. Your perception of how you're presenting yourself to the men during those dates. The perception that they can't keep up with you intellectually may not be accurate, and it may not be serving you well. I think that generally you're coming across in your posts as a nice person, who is positive and happy. Those are the good parts that are probably attracting the men in the first place. I suspect, though, that it's what Vet described as the "thespian" element that might leave them feeling a little uncomfortable....and that that, rather than your intellect, might be what your friends mean when they suggest that you tone it down a bit.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 The thing is, though, that the picture you're giving is your perception of your dates' intelligence relative to yours. Your perception of how you're presenting yourself to the men during those dates. The perception that they can't keep up with you intellectually may not be accurate, and it may not be serving you well. I think that generally you're coming across in your posts as a nice person, who is positive and happy. Those are the good parts that are probably attracting the men in the first place. I suspect, though, that it's what Vet described as the "thespian" element that might leave them feeling a little uncomfortable....and that that, rather than your intellect, might be what your friends mean when they suggest that you tone it down a bit. Hey, Sorry for taking up the entire thread, but do you mind expanding on your point? I would really REALLY appreciate it as I've (somewhat) reached my wit's end in reference to this issue and maybe others are seeing something I'm not? Thanks:)
Taramere Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Hey, Sorry for taking up the entire thread, but do you mind expanding on your point? I would really REALLY appreciate it as I've (somewhat) reached my wit's end in reference to this issue and maybe others are seeing something I'm not? Thanks:) Well, it's just that the examples you've given of how you speak to guys have a little bit of the "alas poor Yorrick" about them. Which could be funny and cute - but without actually seeing you in action it's impossible to say. I used to date a guy who tended to be quite theatrical in the way he spoke. He didn't do it all the time, but when he did it was as though a barrier went up between us. The barrier between performer and audience. It made it harder to have a sense of intimacy with him. If you reflect back on that situation where you told the guy "I must bid you farewell and rush to my chambers", what were you feeling at that moment? Relaxed with him? Connected? What kind of response might a guy you'd feel those things with give to that comment? If you're talking to guys in the way that just comes naturally to you, then it would be wrong to suggest you change. But it may be that, as others say, you're dating the wrong guys. I would say that a florid communication style might be as indicative of temperament as it is indicative of intellect. Possibly even more so. So perhaps in the less than satisfactory encounters you're having with guys, you're attributing to intellectual differences what are, in reality, temperamental differences.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 The more intelligent and articulate they are, the hotter they are
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Another generalization thread. Guys that value my intelligence are insanely hot, IMO. So if they're intimidated, that's their problem and not mine. I don't see any reason you should have to "tone down" who you are just to find a man. Wouldn't you rather have someone that's on your own level?
messiah Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I would love to date a girl who showed some intellect. Most of the time I feel like I am surrounded by; douche bags, morons, idiots. I am rather sick of trying to communicate with people by expedient means. Intelligence, articulate and well spoken are attributes that impresses me.
MissJoness Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I know men don't like a woman who is too sophisiticated and mature looking. I try to act almost like a teenybopper and at times dress like one just to get noticed--and it works. Sometimes men think that I am a bit younger than I am when I dress that way,
GrayClouds Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Do guys find articulate and witty women unappealing? I'm wondering this because most guys I date seem to have a trouble verbally keeping up with me? I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing.... sometimes, and I am guilty of this, witty can be a bit too biting. For many who didn't grow up around it, it is funny when it is not directed toward you but when dating it starts to feel personal and passive aggressive. I myself find it fun but I have to remember to let the other "win" sometimes.
tinktronik Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Are you constantly using big words in sentences that wouldn't need them? If you are, then stop. Most males-and people-are turned off by that because sometimes when you are looking for a mate you want somebody who is going to be relaxing you, instead of stressing you. You remind me of a woman once who thought I was cussing at her when I used the word arbitrary. I'm am so glad to have a man who finds articulate and intelligent women attractive. If use of wordage that is "too big" or confusing chases off the men who cannot figure out what said words mean without it being a stressor all the better for me.
westernxer Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 What kind of words are you using? That's what I want to know.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 My final piece of advice on this matter would be to find a really good attorney and date him. LOL I'm getting such a kick out of trying to find something he doesn't know about. He easily keeps his balance with the banter, too. Has gotten the best of me more than once. LOL Calls me on BS, the whole 9 yards. LOVE IT.
Pink Cupcakes Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 If guys are disappearing consistently after a couple dates, it's most likely that you are spilling your heart on your sleeve immediately (letting them know upfront that you are crazy about them) and being too available to them, thus the guys are losing the sense of a chase and challenge. I don't think it's the vocabulary thing at all, because there is nothing in your post which screams that you are amazingly, over-the-top articulate (no offense.) You stated you are really "bubbly" well, that can come off as extremely ditzy, if you are giggling and smiling ALL the time, at everything the guy says. Also, as Samspade mentioned, you do come off as arrogant in your posts. You refute every possibility that everyone says, saying "Oh but I am SO sexy, everyone says so, I have NO problem attracting the HOTTEST guys" "I AM the most FEMININE thing that EVER crossed the EARTH" ...so why do guys run for the hills if I am THIS amazing, I don't get it? That is the attitude I am getting. Again, some objective commentary here.
shadowplay Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 I get the vibe that you have a dorky sense of humor, sort of like second rate Monty Python dialogue. Am I very far off? The way you said goodbye to that guy reminded me of the way my ex spoke, which was one of the things I found especially annoying about him. He had this faux chivalrous act that he never turned off. He seemed to find it endlessly amusing to replace ordinary phrases with pompous ones. It became so ingrained in his speech that he was barely even aware that he was doing it anymore. One of his typical lines was excusing himself to the bathroom at a friend's house with "I'm going to he men's." I would point out to him that we weren't in a public place with gendered bathrooms and he'd just shrug at me sheepishly. Not only was it unfunny but it also felt like a barrier between me and him.
shadowplay Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Well, it's just that the examples you've given of how you speak to guys have a little bit of the "alas poor Yorrick" about them. Which could be funny and cute - but without actually seeing you in action it's impossible to say. I used to date a guy who tended to be quite theatrical in the way he spoke. He didn't do it all the time, but when he did it was as though a barrier went up between us. The barrier between performer and audience. It made it harder to have a sense of intimacy with him. Exactly! With the guy I dated who had this speaking style I felt like he was just broadcasting to me in a very impersonal way. It made me feel interchangeable.
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