vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I've encountered this in my dating past as well, where I'd attempt to have a conversation with someone about current events, world politics, technology, public policy, only to end up seeing an unfortunate vacant stare coming back to me. So, we talked about shopping, capri pants and Britney Spears, after which I would have sex and then never speak to them again. I can have sex with a hot moron. I cannot abide dating someone hot who is a complete mental midget.
loveslife Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Hey, You may have a point. I wouldnt say I'm insecure but I live in fear of appearing like I'm bragging, and I don't like to broadcast when good things happen for me etc.. Because this has happened so often to me, I've become rather insecure in the fact that maybe the problem is me(common denominator). There have been many guys that have sincerely liked me but I failed to find the 'click' soo...just seems like I wont find that right person. I'm by nature a very chatty person, but also am able to make fun of myself...could that be seen as a bad thing when you don't really know the person? The kind of person I am is very non judgemental. Like hardly anything shocks me etc, and so even when people are very open with me, I hardly ever use it to judge them. But perhaps I should recognise not everyone is the same, and I should be smarter in how I deal with these scenarios. It sounds like the witty banter and self-deprecation is a defense mechanism or mask or wall. And when we employ things for that reason the underlying insecurity always comes through even bigger, IME. Sarcasm tends to come across as very insecure as well. Let me ask something - why would be insecure about having problems? We all have problems. I'll tell you very clearly - yes, the problem IS you. And that doesn't mean you're less of a person. It just means that you're like everyone else on this planet. By trying to be "perfect" you're isolating yourself. Be open and be honest. I suggest the first thing you do is have a good long talk with yourself and be VERY honest.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I've encountered this in my dating past as well, where I'd attempt to have a conversation with someone about current events, world politics, technology, public policy, only to end up seeing an unfortunate vacant stare coming back to me. So, we talked about shopping, capri pants and Britney Spears, after which I would have sex and then never speak to them again. I can have sex with a hot moron. I cannot abide dating someone hot who is a complete mental midget. Hahahah!! :lmao:
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! What kind of words are you using? In my experience most guys are attracted to intelligent and well educated women. My guess is that there is something beyond that which is a turn off. Do you come across as desperate or too aggressive? How good are you at flirting? Have any of them told you why they did not want a second date?
Rudderless Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't really understand your problem, you are articulate and have a good vocabulary, and? You don't really want to become the lowest common denominator just to appeal to someone do you?
freestyle Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Hey Goldencloud: OMG, I could`ve written your post nearly verbatim about 10 years ago or so. And yes, I actually began to believe that I needed to "dumb it down" to keep the guys I was interested in from running away. I think there are some men (not all) who are intimidated by an intelligent woman who`s also easy on the eyes. I eventually reached the conclusion, however, that the "head" connection is just as important as the heart connection.......................................... Think ahead, when you`re old and grey, only the grey matter matters..................................... I hope you`ll find someone who treasures and revels in that aspect of you, I finally did. It`s very refreshing to be able to speak freely without being judged as pompous. Hang in there, you`ll meet your equal!
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 This reminds me of the show Frasier and the character Maris Crane. I think her lack of appeal was less about the way in which she talked, which was very pendantic, and more about the fact that she came across like a cold tasteless fish. One you would need to garnish with a huge lump of chillipeppers, allspice and garlic just to add some flavour. Not saying that's you Golden but moreso the impression people can give sometimes in their own "sophistication".
alphamale Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Guy like me. Guy ask me out. Date. Date 2. Vanish. Me scratching head:sick: maybe you need to dumb yourself down
alphamale Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 i went to a dinner last nite where two overweight heffers were talking about how cultured they were and how they both had masters degrees. neither one of them mentioned the cobwebs in their vaginas....
boldjack Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 GC, I find that an articulate, verbal lady will stimulate my interest much more , if she is polite and respectful. Women( or men) , who think that their opinion is gospel, and will try to verbally browbeat you into agreement are a total wash. Verbal sparing can be loads of fun, but after the first couple of meetings, you should try to make an emotional connection. JMO
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 i went to a dinner last nite where two overweight heffers were talking about how cultured they were and how they both had masters degrees. neither one of them mentioned the cobwebs in their vaginas.... Because they're aren't any. Cultured women have vibrators.
amerikajin Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 i went to a dinner last nite where two overweight heffers were talking about how cultured they were and how they both had masters degrees. neither one of them mentioned the cobwebs in their vaginas.... Oh dude you totally didn't get the hint. When they mentioned the word "culture" they were hoping you'd pick up on it, whip out your love stick, and uh, take a culture of their vaginas if you know what I mean. I read it on the super-duper-speed-seduction website.
amerikajin Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Do guys find articulate and witty women unappealing? I'm wondering this because most guys I date seem to have a trouble verbally keeping up with me? I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing.... I don't find articulate women unappealing but if I detect pretense I'm going to start looking at my watch. I don't believe you have to dumb yourself down but while we're on the subject I've never thought a huge vocabulary was necessarily indicative of overall intellect or intelligence; it just mean someone spends a lot of time reading the dictionary, which is fine, but that doesn't necessarily mean someone's extraordinarily erudite. I think the most attractive people in the world are the ones who are smart but don't have to prove it to anyone.
GorillaTheater Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't find articulate women unappealing but if I detect pretense I'm going to start looking at my watch. I think this may nail the issue, at least based on the "bidding you a fond adieu" type comment. It's not a matter of you having to "dumb down" the conversation or anything of the sort. It's dropping what at least may come across as pretense. Be smart, articulate and funny. But be real, too.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I think this may nail the issue, at least based on the "bidding you a fond adieu" type comment. It's not a matter of you having to "dumb down" the conversation or anything of the sort. It's dropping what at least may come across as pretense. Be smart, articulate and funny. But be real, too. That's just it, it really does seem like a case of someone trying really hard to be something they deep down know they are not. the trying really hard part is probably off putting to those who catch on...
alphamale Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Oh dude you totally didn't get the hint. When they mentioned the word "culture" they were hoping you'd pick up on it, whip out your love stick, and uh, take a culture of their vaginas if you know what I mean. I read it on the super-duper-speed-seduction website. dude, i don't mind if a woman is 20 lbs overweight but these two chicks had their own dual zip code, and not the nine digit code, the old skool 5 digit ones
C-i-C-u Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Are you constantly using big words in sentences that wouldn't need them? If you are, then stop. Most males-and people-are turned off by that because sometimes when you are looking for a mate you want somebody who is going to be relaxing you, instead of stressing you.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Alpha you are being mean today, those poor women probably don't get out much on dates and they thought that flaunting their degrees would make them seem more special. You should have told them to get on LS and read what men really think. That will whip them into shape for future dates, literally and figuratively.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Are you constantly using big words in sentences that wouldn't need them? If you are, then stop. Most males-and people-are turned off by that because sometimes when you are looking for a mate you want somebody who is going to be relaxing you, instead of stressing you. Yes, how dare we challenge our dinner partners to anything more than football, Jenna Jameson and rebuilding the engine of a 1970 GTO.
boldjack Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Some people think that being verbose is the same thing as being witty. That it's quantity of talk and not quality of conversation, that matters.
Sam Spade Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I agree with my alter ego (the other samspade - one of us needs to change avatars soon ). Basically, I'm sure you're perfectly nice person, but something in your posts is somehow already turning me off - so it may be something in the attitude, rather the wit as such. The people who advise to tone it down are right. This does not mean acting stupid, but just relax. As a guy, I know for sure that when I'm with a women I DON'T want to "keep up" with anything. Banter is fine, but if it's a non-stop marathon "His girl friday" style, it just becomes ridiculous. Instead, when with a woman I want to feel mellow, relaxed and comfortable - not like I'm on a treadmill. I work in academia, by the way, i.e. you would think that a highly intelligent woman is a must for me, but it is simply not the case - I'm quite happy with my great average girl with a poor grammar and wonderful attitude :love:.
Taramere Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing.... If you're really an articulate, intelligent and witty person, then you won't need to tell us about it. You'll demonstrate it with your posting style. You won't make make basic spelling mistakes ("persistant") in the middle of making grand claims to a level of intelligence that few male mortals can keep up with. You'll understand that when a well established, successful man responds to you in the way you've described, there's a very good chance that he's letting you know in the nicest possible way that you're presenting yourself oddly...and that it's not helping you to be sexually appealing to him. Witty banter is what happens when two people spark off eachother in a good way. "I bid you farewell, for I must rush to my chambers" doesn't really sound like witty banter. It sounds a little more like a sweet but nervous 18 year old female arts student. One who feels awkward about saying goodnight and letting her date know that post-date sex isn't going to be on the agenda.
Isolde Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I totally understand the desire to make slightly dorky comments with someone who understands them -- but they have a time and a place. Being articulate is generally more about clarity and fullness of expression than about the oddity of one's phrasing.
boogieboy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 GoldenCloud I suggest , as an experiment, having a date with an objective party that knows you have a problem with 2nd dates, and can see if theres anything in your demeanor to worry about. Maybe even someone from here. Someone who will give you the straight skinny, but wont make suggestions based on what THEY want in a woman. BTW I suspect that you just need to run into someone who "gets" you, in the end you probably wont need to change anything. Youre looking for a niche market. Not everyone can hang with a female Dennis Miller. Anyone in Cali that can help her out???
sally4sara Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 dude, i don't mind if a woman is 20 lbs overweight but these two chicks had their own dual zip code, and not the nine digit code, the old skool 5 digit ones Errrmm, uh your picture is public and you are, well, fat by my definition and I often use the word chubby where others say fat. Sorry.
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