goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Do guys find articulate and witty women unappealing? I'm wondering this because most guys I date seem to have a trouble verbally keeping up with me? I date well established successful men but on most dates, the one line that seems to pop quite considerably 'where the heck did you get that vocabulary'....?!?! Or when we engage in banter, after a few shots back and forth...they somewhat just look at me quite stunned and burst out laughing, saying they can't keep up! I've actually been advised to 'tone it down' by various friends?! I don't get it:sick: Is verbal self censorship the way to go these days? Please bear in mind this post isn't meant to glorify me or anything(not that I ever assumed that to begin with), it's just a persistant problem I'm facing....
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 2 choices - Find someone who celebrates and is turned on by your wit and vocabulary. Then silently congratulate yourself for this. OR Date people who can keep up. They're out there. Plenty of them.
samspade Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 There is nothing wrong with being extremely articulate, just as there is nothing wrong with being strong, successful, independent, etc., etc. if you are a woman. Nevertheless, many confused women who can't find a man wonder if men are "intimidated" by these qualities. Men are not intimidated by a woman's success or intellect. However, many women confuse success and intelligence with acting masculine - and this is a HUGE turnoff. Men do not want to date other men - they want women who are feminine, submissive, and respectful. That does not mean she has to be a housewife. The flip of this is men who act more feminine, by being New Age, ultra-feminist, deferential, "nice," what have you. They can't understand why women won't go for them when they're doing everything women say they should do. Women don't want effeminate men! They want a guy to be dominant, strong, decisive, and interesting. This should not preclude a man from quote-unquote feminine interests - cooking, for example, or cleaning. Anyway, ask yourself, are you being articulate - or are you being manly? You don't need to be mousy, but think about your overall behavior on dates and what not. I'd venture to guess a lot of men find erudite women sexy...as long as they are feminine.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Well, you clearly need to send them my way:p Honestly I wasn't even aware of this 'problem' until I started dating two years ago! Men seem to be initially attracted to my looks, and bubbly demeanour(gosh for someone who claimed this wasn't a self-glorification exercise I'm doing quite terribly), but upon going out for about 1 month or so everything dies a quick dismal death! Last night was texting a guy I'm seeing, and my friend was like 'NO NO don't say that, he won't understand what you're talking about!'....uh thanks:sick:...Or maybe I just have an odd way to talking? I don't know.. Are funny ladies are turn off? Do I go from being a hot date to a clown?! Should I be sombre to ensure I am able to lure myself a man:sick:
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Samspade, This is the thing. I am EXTREMELY feminine. Short of wrapping a pink bow around my belly I'm not sure how much more I can highlight that:sick: And it's not like I'm some roaring success in my career or life for that matter, but I do loooveeeee me some verbal word play and joking around(not slap stick)...but maybe it's time I changed my strategy....sigh
GorillaTheater Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Okay, don't get me wrong because I'm not trying to be confrontational, but with the starting point that funny, articulate women are exactly what I'd be looking for (were I looking), I have to guess that there's some other dynamic at work, something else that's causing the problem. Maybe a personality quirk of some sort? Do you think you may come off as trying to prove intellectual superiority to some extent?
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Maybe you come across really harsh and you don't notice that, guys get really turned off by that. or Maybe you are just picking men who are not at your intellectual level and basing too much on looks or other material reasons? I am very articulate and men claim this is one of the reasons they fall in love with me, so I don't think men shy away from articulate women who can hold an opinion. At least that has not been my experience.
alphamale Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 i find most of the witty women who are also intellectuals tend to be fat or ugly. sometimes they are both (god help them). there is rare occasion, however, where a man will run into an attractive women who is articulate and intelligent.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm not nearly the wordsmith that some of you guys are but I do have a strong vocab and a very "cerebral" way of speaking. My fiance has a terrible vocab but he's really good at mechanical things. Not one of my strong suits. He fixed a broken bed last evening with his leatherman in about 5 minutes. These things are quite the turn on for both of us.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you guys so much for your input! This is the issue, I'm sure not sure if I come across as trying to prove 'intellectual superiority' because I really am not that type of person nor do I even think that:sick: I just don't know what I'm doing wrong? I've tried recently to tone it down, and just be more on the 'listening' side of things...not that I ever had a tendency to dominate a conversation(I think?)... I guess the thing with me is I don't 'slowly' reveal myself. What you see is what you get, and maybe that is too overwhelming? Or perhaps you're right and I've been dating the wrong type of guy. Maybe it's my personality?! Is it possible for someone to assume they are an easy person to get along with (I really think I'm extremely friendly and easy to get along with), but to be fooling themself? Could I be a stuck up b*tch in disguise?!!! Is it possible?!!
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Stop dating morons. Vox, I like you. Seriously.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 i find most of the witty women who are also intellectuals tend to be fat or ugly. sometimes they are both (god help them). there is rare occasion, however, where a man will run into an attractive women who is articulate and intelligent. This is the thing. At the risk of sounding highly up my own a**, I am extremely attractive, and as a result get asked asked out quite often. Initally they seem so entranced but then I inevitably lose them...maybe I eat in an odd fashion? I've really been trying to solve this issue. There is almost a pattern. Guy like me. Guy ask me out. Date. Date 2. Vanish. Me scratching head:sick:
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you guys so much for your input! This is the issue, I'm sure not sure if I come across as trying to prove 'intellectual superiority' because I really am not that type of person nor do I even think that:sick: I just don't know what I'm doing wrong? I've tried recently to tone it down, and just be more on the 'listening' side of things...not that I ever had a tendency to dominate a conversation(I think?)... I guess the thing with me is I don't 'slowly' reveal myself. What you see is what you get, and maybe that is too overwhelming? Or perhaps you're right and I've been dating the wrong type of guy. Maybe it's my personality?! Is it possible for someone to assume they are an easy person to get along with (I really think I'm extremely friendly and easy to get along with), but to be fooling themself? Could I be a stuck up b*tch in disguise?!!! Is it possible?!! I think an experiment is in order. I think you should make a date with another one of these "your type" gentlemen, and behave 180 degrees away from how you would normally. See what happens.
vox Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Vox, I like you. Seriously. Haha! Well, sometimes it's just as simple as that.
BCCA Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Do you find yourself using big, and unusual words when you really dont have to? As a guy, we are simple creatures at the end of the day, and I personally dont like making things harder than they have to be. If you can say 'I need to use the bathroom', dont say 'I must find my way to the facilities' or something like that. It comes off as snooty, and almost like youre trying to prove something. If you have a male friend, ask him to sit with you and 'mock' a conversation. Otherwise, you may have just realized what a lot of us other daters out there have: finding people you are compatible with is like winning the lotto lol
loveslife Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I get the impression from your thread that you're a little insecure. The fact that you keep saying you're not trying to glorify yourself seems to indicate that you are really. If someone were not trying to glorify themselves the thought might never occur to them. There's nothing wrong with knowing your strengths and your weaknesses and being proud of the whole package. Here's the thing though, we all have weaknesses and things we need to work on. I highly doubt it's a matter of you being a great catch but nobody is smart enough to want you. I am extremely intelligent and easy to look at. But I'm also single. Right now that's okay to me because I'm trying to learn to make better choices and cultivate better, healthier relationships. For some reason, you are also incapable of cultivating longterm, healthy relationships. Why not sit down and analyze that. You have everything you need to figure it out because the one common factor in all your relationships is you. And listen to your friends when they suggest you tone down your interactions with me. All that razor-sharp witty banter might be coming across as hostile or insecure.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Vox, I'll take you up on that offer and report back my findings:lmao: I'm completely serious!! BCCA, I do have a really unusual way of speaking. And *shame faced* that example you gave about the facilities(aka bathroom) is RIGHT up my alley. In fact just the other night as I was saying bye, I said to the guy in question ' I must bid you farewell for I have to rush back to my chambers'. BUT IT WAS ALL IN JEST!!! I was just kidding around...AAAARGHHH!!!!!
BCCA Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 ' I must bid you farewell for I have to rush back to my chambers'. I'm not trying to be mean, but let me help you out here. 1. Thats just a random way to say good bye. I have no idea if you had a good time, are weird, or are running to the renisance fair. 2. It sounds kind of stuck up, as in, youre just saying it that way to look smart. You can say 'I had fun, see you later', but instead you went with that. If I was that guy, I would be like 'wtf was that about' 3. I love smart women, and I think its a huge turn on, but part of being a smart women is realizing that you dont have to show just how smart you are 24/7. That comes across as insecure when youre always speaking that way for no reason. 4. Just keep it simple. Guys are simple. That doesnt mean stupid, but we're not big on making things more complicated than they need to be. Also, I really hope you said something else when you parted ways. Like I said, I would just have no idea what to make of that statement in relation to your feelings about me. See what Im saying? No offense intended, but just something to think about.
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I must bid you farewell for I have to rush back to my chambers'. You can say that in sarcasm, I would make a comment like that also do it with a piss poor immitation of an English accent, just for kicks and to show I am clowning around. But if you normally and seriously talk like that you really need to knock it off, that would get annoying. Unless you are 65 and British then it's ok... PS you wouldn't rush back to your chambers you "must scurry along" back to your chambers. :laugh:
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I get the impression from your thread that you're a little insecure. The fact that you keep saying you're not trying to glorify yourself seems to indicate that you are really. If someone were not trying to glorify themselves the thought might never occur to them. There's nothing wrong with knowing your strengths and your weaknesses and being proud of the whole package. Here's the thing though, we all have weaknesses and things we need to work on. I highly doubt it's a matter of you being a great catch but nobody is smart enough to want you. I am extremely intelligent and easy to look at. But I'm also single. Right now that's okay to me because I'm trying to learn to make better choices and cultivate better, healthier relationships. For some reason, you are also incapable of cultivating longterm, healthy relationships. Why not sit down and analyze that. You have everything you need to figure it out because the one common factor in all your relationships is you. And listen to your friends when they suggest you tone down your interactions with me. All that razor-sharp witty banter might be coming across as hostile or insecure. Hey, You may have a point. I wouldnt say I'm insecure but I live in fear of appearing like I'm bragging, and I don't like to broadcast when good things happen for me etc.. Because this has happened so often to me, I've become rather insecure in the fact that maybe the problem is me(common denominator). There have been many guys that have sincerely liked me but I failed to find the 'click' soo...just seems like I wont find that right person. I'm by nature a very chatty person, but also am able to make fun of myself...could that be seen as a bad thing when you don't really know the person? The kind of person I am is very non judgemental. Like hardly anything shocks me etc, and so even when people are very open with me, I hardly ever use it to judge them. But perhaps I should recognise not everyone is the same, and I should be smarter in how I deal with these scenarios.
AlektraClementine Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 PS you wouldn't rush back to your chambers you "must scurry along" back to your chambers. :laugh: Oh snap!
GorillaTheater Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 In fact just the other night as I was saying bye, I said to the guy in question ' I must bid you farewell for I have to rush back to my chambers'. BUT IT WAS ALL IN JEST!!! I was just kidding around...AAAARGHHH!!!!! Yeah, I have to admit this would strike me as kind of weird, not necessarily articulate or funny.
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I'm not trying to be mean, but let me help you out here. 1. Thats just a random way to say good bye. I have no idea if you had a good time, are weird, or are running to the renisance fair. 2. It sounds kind of stuck up, as in, youre just saying it that way to look smart. You can say 'I had fun, see you later', but instead you went with that. If I was that guy, I would be like 'wtf was that about' 3. I love smart women, and I think its a huge turn on, but part of being a smart women is realizing that you dont have to show just how smart you are 24/7. That comes across as insecure when youre always speaking that way for no reason. 4. Just keep it simple. Guys are simple. That doesnt mean stupid, but we're not big on making things more complicated than they need to be. Also, I really hope you said something else when you parted ways. Like I said, I would just have no idea what to make of that statement in relation to your feelings about me. See what Im saying? No offense intended, but just something to think about. I really appreciate your advice. And no offence taken at all. Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind:p Yeah I have a tendency to speak quite eloborately but I dont do it on purpose...well I don't know. I just fear being seen as some sex kitten which has happened TOO many times in the past:sick: So maybe without realising it, I 'over justify' myself?!
Author goldencloud Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Yeah, I have to admit this would strike me as kind of weird, not necessarily articulate or funny. heheh! let's hope you weren't the guy:laugh:
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