whimsical_memory Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 So, here goes. I am thinking about dipping my toes back into the dating pool. This fills me with fear and trepidation, yet at the same time I am tired of being alone. No, I don't need a man to complete me but at the same time I miss the companionship. The problem is that I have several things stacked against me (some of these are problems for men, and not for me) and I am quite honest about these things. 1. I have young children living at home. 2. I have a bi-racial daughter, and I live in the South. 3. I am overweight, and while I am working on that...most men don't take the time to get to know ME and not the number on my scale. 4. I am frightened of men. I don't know why, nor do I want to know why. I just know that I am okay when I'm around them in a group of people, but one on one? Forget it, I am terrified. 5. I tend to self-sabotage things when they begin to get to good, simply because I think that deep-down I don't deserve to be happy. So, how do I work past all of this? Obviously I cannot change my children (nor would I ever!!)...but I do want to get past this fear of mine. I'm not entirely sure of how to do that. I'm just not that far into my schooling to be able to heal myself.
Author whimsical_memory Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I didn't take it as being rude. I'm around 260 at the moment, down from over 400 lbs. I'm 5'2ish. I realize that my weight makes me unattractive, but it would also be nice for someone to take the time to get to know ME for ME and not a number.
Author whimsical_memory Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 I'm happy with myself. I may be overweight, but I am one hell of a mom, I'm a full-time college student and I know that I am a good person. I try to stay on the positive side of life at all times, although here lately it has been hard. My weight is a bigger issue for men than it is for me. I know that I am so far from where I used to be. I am scared of men. I don't know why. I love to flirt, but when it comes to actually being intimate with a man, I choke. I would rather give a man oral sex than to actually have intercourse with him. I don't know why I am this way. I have my suspicions, and they aren't things that I want to delve into.
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 WM - first off, congrats on how well you are doing with your weight loss! If I may make a suggestion... instead of listing off the things that frighten you, and things that you feel will hold you back while dating, why not make a list of the POSITIVE.
Author whimsical_memory Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 WM - first off, congrats on how well you are doing with your weight loss! If I may make a suggestion... instead of listing off the things that frighten you, and things that you feel will hold you back while dating, why not make a list of the POSITIVE. Um.... Well hells bells. I'm not all that great on bragging on myself. How do all you successful daters make lists of the positive things you have going on?
dreamergrl Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Um.... Well hells bells. I'm not all that great on bragging on myself. How do all you successful daters make lists of the positive things you have going on? It was hard for me at first too, but once you start getting a few down, it gets easier. Knowing your positives will bring out confidence. Don't look at it as bragging.
sugarmomma Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 WM just know that anyone who comes into your life will have to accept you and your children the way. There's nothing wrong with having small children or biracial children. I would suggest that you not introduce your children to a man unless he is someone you seriously see yourself being with. My son has only met two men in his life and they have both been long term r's. Doesn't sound like you're ready to date just yet. I would suggest you work on your self esteem and self acceptance. Confidence is key when getting into a relationship. You want to make sure you're contributing to it as opposing to being needy and detracting from it. You have to know in your heart that you deserve the best since that is the only way to attract it to you. Good Luck!
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