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Been NC since break up 5 days ago - should I send him his $120 sunglasses?

conehead

By conehead
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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conehead Established Member

conehead

Posted
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http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t199567/

 

The thread above has all the details of why/how we broke up. Basically, I wanted to stop all sexual acts we've been doing until marriage. This caused tension, and we broke up (you can say he didn't really want to me with me because I stopped the sexual stuff so in a way he dumped me).

 

Anyway, he lives 500 miles away from me (it's an LDR) and he left his $120 sunglasses at my place. We have been strict NC since the moment we broke up Saturday afternoon about 5 days ago (which sucked cuz I flew to his city on Friday evening only to fly back Sat at noon). So now, I'm wondering if I should take the time/money to send his sunglasses to him. I'm thinking:

 

1) Just send it to him so I don't seem petty.

2) Don't send it to him since he made me fly to his city only to break up with me then had me fly back, which was alot of time and money already in itself. Also, we are going NC and I don't want him to think that I"m thinking of him. Besides, he might just think I don't realize he left his sunglasses at my place and won't blame me for it.

3) Wait and see if he contacts me to send it. If he does, I already told myself to stick to my NC and not reply, but then just send it.

4) Other suggestions?

 

LSers, if you were me, what would you do? :(

northstar1 Established Member

northstar1

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As Thaddeus said, just throw them in a box and ship em off. No note required.

Crow9726 Established Member

Crow9726

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Send him his glasses...no note or anything...put them in a box and ship them ASAP.

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Well, these are just his spare glasses. He's got another much nicer pair that he wears. So maybe he doesn't even care for these glasses?

 

But if I send him his glasses, he might contact me afterward to thank me (because he's the type of guy who doesn't like to come off as a jerk) and that's just gonna annoy me. And if he does contact me, what do I do? Should I say 'no problem' back or something or just maintain STRICT NC?

huck Established Member

huck

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Different slant here...

 

Id personally hold on to them for a couple of months and see if he asks for them back.. If he doesnt theres a fair chance hes forgotten about them..

 

Id personally then sell them on ebay etc... Im an honest person but every man/women for themselves. You spent a lot of cash on these flights only for him to break up with you.

 

Sell them and then treat yourself to something nice with the cash !!!!

openbook08 Established Member

openbook08

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Different slant here...

 

Id personally hold on to them for a couple of months and see if he asks for them back.. If he doesnt theres a fair chance hes forgotten about them..

 

Id personally then sell them on ebay etc... Im an honest person but every man/women for themselves. You spent a lot of cash on these flights only for him to break up with you.

 

Sell them and then treat yourself to something nice with the cash !!!!

 

second that. :)

northstar1 Established Member

northstar1

Posted
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Different slant here...

 

Id personally hold on to them for a couple of months and see if he asks for them back.. If he doesnt theres a fair chance hes forgotten about them..

 

Id personally then sell them on ebay etc... Im an honest person but every man/women for themselves. You spent a lot of cash on these flights only for him to break up with you.

 

Sell them and then treat yourself to something nice with the cash !!!!

 

Why hang onto them and play games? They are not hers to sell.

 

And as for the flights, well at least he did break up with her in person, and not over the internet. Unfortunately flight costs are part of an LDR.

huck Established Member

huck

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Its not playing games at all... Its just making sure he forgot about them.

 

And yeh flights cost a lot of cash in a LDR - but not to get dumped after finally getting there..

 

And personally if I was the OP and he asked for them back id either tell him to shove it up his Ar*e or tell him to fly over and collect them :laugh:.

stefspets Established Member

stefspets

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Just send them back. They're not yours. He may not ask for them to maintain NC, it doesn't mean he forgot about them.

northstar1 Established Member

northstar1

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Its not playing games at all... Its just making sure he forgot about them.

 

And yeh flights cost a lot of cash in a LDR - but not to get dumped after finally getting there..

 

And personally if I was the OP and he asked for them back id either tell him to shove it up his Ar*e or tell him to fly over and collect them :laugh:.

 

Why not be an adult and just send them back, rather than hanging onto them to make cash?

 

And yes, hanging onto them means that he may very well contact her at some point, which will only prolong her moving on.

 

Yes, having to pay for a flight to then be dumped is rough, but at least he did it in person, and not over the phone, which is what many people do these days.

seoa Established Member

seoa

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holding onto them means you're holding onto hope that he'll break NC and ask for them...

 

you could do that to yourself, or you could just simplify life & send them on now (with a polite impersonal note if you wanna be the bigger person: "thought you might need them back" or no note at all if you wanna be more harsh)

 

if he emails /texts to confirm they arrived, it's only decent of him - be grateful you know your postage costs /"i'm a bigger person" gesture were not wasted by it being lost in transit, and do NOT reply because you're doing NC...

 

that's what i did :)

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Truth is, I'd rather be dumped via phone, or at least have him fly over to dump me so he's the one paying for it. But for me to fly there just to be dumped really really sucks.

 

But I guess I shouldn't be petty...and I'll send the glasses over this afternoon. :(

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Yes, having to pay for a flight to then be dumped is rough, but at least he did it in person, and not over the phone, which is what many people do these days.

 

Oops, I was gonna quote this. I personally think he should of been the one to fly here if he was dumping me. Or at least dump me before I fly there so I can save some money. Economy is bad nowadays, I spent $200 on that flight! lol

Lish Established Member

Lish

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Send everything of his back to him and as you do, think of it as you clearing out the closet ..ie, clearing him out of your life.

Kind of like...goodbye parcel...goodbye ex.

 

I know it's hard, but keep strong. This is also a reason he may have broken NC eventually. You sending this prevents avoids a future discussion in which he would have asked for them back.

 

Good luck & I hope healing is quick as possible. Take it one day at a time :)

huck Established Member

huck

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Must admit - on NC terms, keeping hold of the sunnies would be an avenue for the Op's ex to contact her in the future..

 

BUT - its probably just me and im not trying to argue with anyone - but id make something positive out of a bad situation... What about giving them to a charity shop ?? Let a good cause profit out of it....

 

When my ex left - all the stuff she left behind got sold at a car boot sale (garage sale - but in a field!)... I wasnt going to waste my time/money posting all her stuff back. Then i bought some new clothes which helped me feel better in the healing process....

 

Just my opinion - its neither right or wrong...

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Ok, so I feel a bit annoyed.

 

Last Thursday at 1pm, I spent a few dollars to pack his sunglasses and drove all the way to the post office to send them. I sent using standard mailing (the clerk said it should take 2 business days). So now that it's Wednesday, he should have it by now. We've been strict NC since the breakup 11 days ago, but still, he didn't even drop a note just to say 'thank you for sending the glasses' or anything. Haven't heard a thing from him. I'm about to label him a jerk.

 

I mean, we broke up on pretty mutual terms...hard to say who dumped who at times....but in the end, he gave up on the relationship I'd say because he doesn't want to wait until marraige for sex/sexual acts. So in a way, I feel abandoned/dumped. I feel like by sending the glasses, I just put the ball in his court and I don't like that feeling...I'm hurting :(.

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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So is he really a jerk for breaking my heart and then not even having the decency to thank me when i spent the time/money to send him his glasses? Why do I feel so hurt about this? It's like he just doesn't care about me anymore or even think about me :(

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

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Is this really about glasses?:confused:

 

Has he asked for them to be returned? To be honest, if he has not asked for them I would just put them out of sight until he does but I would not go out of my way to return them. That to me looks more petty if the person did not even remember about it and you go out of your way to ship it to them....

 

 

I would leave it be and not worry about it unless he asks for it. $120 or not...they are still a stupid pair of glasses and nothing so important you need to break NC over.

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Is this really about glasses?:confused:

 

Has he asked for them to be returned? To be honest, if he has not asked for them I would just put them out of sight until he does but I would not go out of my way to return them. That to me looks more petty if the person did not even remember about it and you go out of your way to ship it to them....

 

 

I would leave it be and not worry about it unless he asks for it. $120 or not...they are still a stupid pair of glasses and nothing so important you need to break NC over.

 

If you read my post above, you will know that I already sent him his glasses :(. I did it because people told me its the right thing to do...that I'd seem petty/bitter for NOT sending it...and that sending it makes me the better person. Dunno.

Beeotch Established Member

Beeotch

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Ohh I read the rest of your comments...so as I suspected it WAS NOT about the glasses.

 

You did it just to reach out to him with the hopes he would say something or do something to validate you or make you feel better...but he did not.

 

 

I was wondering why would anyone go out of their way: drive to the post office, pay money etc to give their ex some glasses. If he really wanted them he would have had to pay for the shipping himself! :rolleyes: After all HE left them...

 

But I see now why you did it. No worries..we ALL from time to time do foolish things because of our emotions. We may not even realize it until afterwards what our real hopes/motivations/goals were...

 

He has them now...so continue NC and leave him be. As a person that is almost completely on the other side (about 95%)....while NC is hard, you have ups and downs, you feel lonely, you have doubts and questions...in the end it beats being emotionally (physically and sometimes financially) drained by this person. Which is what usually happens when you reach out...you end up giving of yourself, your time, your emotions, energy and usually there is ZERO profit.Example, you doing all that and not even a thank you. I learned that that is how it is and in the future...I REFUSE to stick around emotionally bankrupting myself.

 

IF and when this person can acknowledge they treated you like shyt or wants to be friends or reconcile or WHATEVER the case might be....then some actions will be done on their part. But until then....keep looking ahead. It is hard as hell but take it from me....eventually you feel freer and freer, think of them less and less and find more faults with them and start feeling like you can move on to someone better.

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conehead Established Member

conehead

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Ohh I read the rest of your comments...so as I suspected it WAS NOT about the glasses.

 

You did it just to reach out to him with the hopes he would say something or do something to validate you or make you feel better...but he did not.

 

 

I was wondering why would anyone go out of their way: drive to the post office, pay money etc to give their ex some glasses. If he really wanted them he would have had to pay for the shipping himself! :rolleyes: After all HE left them...

 

But I see now why you did it. No worries..we ALL from time to time do foolish things because of our emotions. We may not even realize it until afterwards what our real hopes/motivations/goals were...

 

He has them now...so continue NC and leave him be. As a person that is almost completely on the other side (about 95%)....while NC is hard, you have ups and downs, you feel lonely, you have doubts and questions...in the end it beats being emotionally (physically and sometimes financially) drained by this person. Which is what usually happens when you reach out...you end up giving of yourself, your time, your emotions, energy and usually there is ZERO profit.Example, you doing all that and not even a thank you. I learned that that is how it is and in the future...I REFUSE to stick around emotionally bankrupting myself.

 

IF and when this person can acknowledge they treated you like shyt or wants to be friends or reconcile or WHATEVER the case might be....then some actions will be done on their part. But until then....keep looking ahead. It is hard as hell but take it from me....eventually you feel freer and freer, think of them less and less and find more faults with them and start feeling like you can move on to someone better.

 

Thanks so much for your encouraging words! I seriously thought he'd at least pay me a thank you note, as I just thought it's what any normal, nice person would do. And I genuinely thought my ex was a nice person, but I was wrong.

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