melodymatters Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I lost my husband in May. I basically crawled into bed at my parents house for the first couple of months, but then my oldest friend invited me to stay with him in NC for a bit to see if I liked it. I got a bartending job right away, always something I fell back on while running my theatre co, or selling real estate. I figured it was a no pressure job, and would get me out of my own head and interacting with the world. So my old friend wanted more of a relationship than I was ready for and so he moved out and is being kind of a dick. So here I am, in a new town, trying to find a roomate on craiglslist, knowing NOBODY but my boss, and co workers, and mentally and emotionally fragile as hell. I have no one to talk to so I figured I'd turn to my LS pals to just give me a little boost. I'm sure if I can keep putting one foot in front of the other things will eventually be OK, but right now I just feel so lost, alone and afraid.....
soheartbroken Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm very sorry about your husband. And that "friend" of yours sounds like a jerk! Kinda took advantage of the situation from the sounds of it. Can you make some connections through the bartending job? Obviously you must meet a lot of people...not sure what kind of crowd your bar draws in though. If you can survive the loss of your husband, then you can survive in this new environment. OR, since you really have no ties to the area, why not move back home, closer to family?
Author melodymatters Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you SHB !!! That's the kind of thing I needed : If I could survive that loss and heartbreak, a new town ain't NOTHING, right !?! As far as closer to family, that is where I went immediately after, to start recovering as I couldn't even feed myself in the beginning. But, as much as I love my family, I really don't like my hometown, and I am a "beach girl" can't do winters, and they are up by Canada ! So, I'm here, got a job, there's a beach, I guess I just "Do it" as Nike would advise. Whats your story, why are you " soheartbroken" ? ( I don't really believe in threadjacking, I think conversations just go where they will) Thanks again
marlena Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm sure if I can keep putting one foot in front of the other things will eventually be OK, but right now I just feel so lost, alone and afraid..... Sweetie, that's all you can do right know. You feel bereft because you are bereft. I admire your strength, your determination to "keep walking" as good ol' Johnny would say. If this new place is not helping you, then perhaps you should consider moving back to be nearer to friends and family. Only you know. Give it a few more months and see what happens. And, yes, things will improve, maybe not today, not tomorrow, not even a year from now, but they most certainly will get better. Life goes on, things change, everything's in a flux. Nothing stays the same. Give yourself time, Melody. You've been through a major traumatic event.
Lyssa Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Welcome back, MM! SHB is right, you can survive in a new environment (and I know you will). You're still new there - get yourself familiar with the surroundings and talk to the crowd. I'm sure you'll be able to make some new friends in no time.
soheartbroken Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I have a long thread under "Separation and Divorce" ("I'm in so much pain..."). 5 year relationship, lived together for 4. Dumped about 6-7 weeks ago. I'm better now than I was before, but maybe because I moved away from it all. Not sure if I will go back. Living with family for the time being. I have to decide whether to go back and face my demons, or stay in the new city...all very complicated!
Author melodymatters Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Thank you Marlena and Lyssa ! Nice to see you guys again too. Even If I don't make "true" friends at the bar, in that atmosphere, everyone is friends while they are there and the booze is flowing ! Seriously, I was like : I need to work in a bar or a pre school where everyone is free and crazy and I won't have time to dwell ! SBH, I will check your old posts when I get back, I am going to check out a roomate situation in a bit. As far as "which town and why ?" Well, I guess we have that in common ! Chins up soldiers, we have a life to lead, whether we want to or not sometimes......
marlena Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Chins up soldiers, we have a life to lead, whether we want to or not sometimes...... Melody, you are simply amazing! You just gave me such a lift in spirits! Good luck with the roomate situation!
Ronni_W Posted August 29, 2009 Posted August 29, 2009 Hugs, MM. Good to read you...was thinking about you just the other day. Everything IS going to be okay...and more than that, too. Never the same. But eventually there will be days, months and years where everything is going to be really, really good. For now, yeah...one foot in front of the other. Sounds like you are doing even better than might have been expected, and I'm really glad to hear that. (I'm sure there are moments and hours, though, and that's perfectly fine, too.) Best wishes.
Trialbyfire Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Everything will be okay!! You're a strong and amazing woman. Such an inspiration to the rest of us that no matter what, you will survive AND thrive. ((hugs))
sb129 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Hugs MM. I have no words of wisdom, except the pain does get better a little each day- even if you don't notice that it is. Our loved ones live on in our hearts. Thinking of you, and its wonderful to see you back.
bluewolf17 Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Stay in there! Sounds like you will come out just fine.
Jilly Bean Posted September 6, 2009 Posted September 6, 2009 Mel - the one thing I can say about you unilaterally, is that you are a survivor. You weather every setback and loss with grace and perseverance, and this shall be no different. If anything, I'm sure tomorrow you'll wake up with a new mindset, and see this all as a new adventure, and a new chapter. Even when getting through the hard parts.
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