BigBubbs Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 My girlfriend dumped me several weeks ago and she has contacted me 5 times over the last 2 weeks always regarding items she left at my house. I haven't responded other than one email to tell her that I've shipped everything to her. But yet she keeps contacting me. Is this really about her pajama bottoms, sweater, and DVD or is it just a way to keep in some kind of contact? Even though I don't usually respond just the text or voice mail sends me emotionally spinning. Suggestions and do you agree that it isn't really about the stuff. Don't get it. Is this normal dumper behavior. I would think she would want nothing to do with me.
Thaddeus Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't know if it's 'normal' dumper behavior or not, but that's irrelevant. And no, it's not about the stuff, since you mentioned that you've already shipped it to her. She probably wants to be "friends," that is, she wants to keep you in her life so she can get all the benefits of a relationship with you without having any of the commitment or responsibility. Don't do it (though you already know that). If there is a concern that you've shipped the stuff and she hasn't received it, take that up with the courier/mail/whatever.
N.Colony Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Don't give in. She doesn't want you to forget her. She'll also feel good that you still have feelings for her. And Thaddeus is on point. If anything, randomly send her ONE AND ONLY ONE text saying you got her messages and you are ok, and that you'll call her at a suitable time. It's that simple. Take time to heal.
CaliGuy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 My girlfriend dumped me several weeks ago and she has contacted me 5 times over the last 2 weeks always regarding items she left at my house. I haven't responded other than one email to tell her that I've shipped everything to her. But yet she keeps contacting me. Is this really about her pajama bottoms, sweater, and DVD or is it just a way to keep in some kind of contact? Even though I don't usually respond just the text or voice mail sends me emotionally spinning. Suggestions and do you agree that it isn't really about the stuff. Don't get it. Is this normal dumper behavior. I would think she would want nothing to do with me. Yes, this is quite normal when you've implemented NC. It could mean several things. 1. She's testing the waters to make sure you'd still take her back if her mind changes. 2. If she's dating someone new, he may not meet all of her needs so she is trying to reach out to you to create a friendship so she can get ALL of her needs met. 3. You've sent her stuff back and she's still trying to contact you, that means more than just the stuff. Here's my philosophy on dumpers breaking NC. If they REALLY wanted to be with you, if they really loved you, they would show up beating down your front door. They'd be apologizing profusely. They'd do whatever it took to fix the damage. Anything less than a FULL FRONTAL ASSAULT by the dumper is simply them trying to gain validation THROUGH contact with you. That is simply selfish behavior that should not be tolerated. People who truly love you don’t dump you in the first place and they certainly don't send an occasional email testing the waters. It's always everything and the kitchen sink to win you back. Not a half-a$$ed attempt with email or texting. Cheers.
mimiminx Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 After 2 weeks of NC, my "dumper" has contacted me I don't know, about 5-6 times as well. I initiated one time after hearing from him twice. It's not about stuff, loose ends, it's about talking about the relationship, feelings, and keeping "in touch". He's in Portland now, I'm in San Diego. Cali Guy, I like your post. I seriously think he's testing the waters with me. However, you're absolutely right about if someone really wanted to be with you, they'd come knocking at your door, etc. That hasn't happened.. as much as I would like it to, it hasn't happened and I have to take this as permanent, not temporary so I don't get my hopes up. Honestly, if I broke up with someone and it was OVER, I'd finalize it. It makes me think that he's not sure about his decision, as I'm sure other dumpees will agree when they hear from their dumper. it's been 3 weeks to the date for us, and last night, he posted a comment on my Facebook. I just don't think we can be friends, I still love him and I know he has feelings for me and he said how much he loves me just the other day. If we love eachother, then why are we not together? I want to try and move on for my own sake, not hoping he's gonna show up here begging for me back, etc. But he keeps popping in. Leading me on or keeping me on a string in case he changes his mind? WHat do you think?
boogieboy Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 She is trying to stay in your head, keep ignoring her, dont send her any texts whatsoever. She needs you to answer so she can feel wanted, do not answer her at all. She will get her ego fed and you will get more hurt if you answer her. She will eventually give up.
Odyssey Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I'm the same, my ex has turned into this creepy stalker now. I had to change my phone yesterday because it gets clogged up with txt and msg. Hell, i'm sure her fingers must be sore from all the texting... i hope so. I'm sure she just wants validation. That's all. But i'm staying NC all the way because i KNOW it's definitely been helping me move on. You should do the same.
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