Seeking Understanding

[Rippling_Samtana]

The act of sharing this bit of information with you all is probably a more revealing look at my self-conception/esteem than that with which I am truly comfortable, but desperation tends to force the hand. I've been struggling with this issue for a while now and I would certainly appreciate any guidance/counsel that you guys would be willing to shoot my way.

 

There are moments in which I honestly feel as though my life is paralleling Shelley's Frankenstein, specifically: the act where the monster attempts to connect to humanity (through the De Lacey family) but is subsequently scorned and forcibly stripped of the opportunity. I don't feel this way in all of my interactions with people, mind you; it is primarily when I come into contact with the opposite sex. I can't tell you why, but almost every woman that I meet (in any form or fashion) seems to harbor an extreme, thinly veiled contempt for me. It is as if I am the source of some repulsive pheromone that triggers non-violent but harmful aggression within all members of the sex. No matter her station in life, her normal temperament, her ethnic affiliation, her religious loyalty, she will regard me with either the same disdainfully willful disinterest that she might just as easily apply to a bum in an alleyway or with a barely maintained common courtesy that smacks of psychological and emotional poison.

 

Earlier in the week, for example, I went to university to register for classes. Circumstances dictated that I had to have the signature of a department head (for my major) to actually register for my selected classes, and the faculty, given the size of the campus, is notoriously difficult to track down. Just about the only people who have reliable knowledge as to the location of any given professor are (as you might have expected) their assistants. So I went to the appropriate quarters and was greeted by, wouldn't you know it, three female teachers' assistants. Automatically handing them the benefit of the doubt, I walked into their office and greeted them with a smile before loosing a single word. Their response? The one situated directly to my left--in what she obviously believed to be a covert manner--looked to her co-worker and smirked maliciously. Said co-worker then leveled her gaze at me, smirked, returned the first assistant's look, and then waited for me to speak. I summed up my reason for being there and asked of one professor's specific whereabouts. They, quite skillfully, dodged most of my attempts to get a straight answer. In fact, I could tell that I was deliberately being stalled and mocked simply for their perverse pleasure. Fed up, I turned to the third assistant for what I hoped would be a better experience. She fired daggers at me and then proceeded to drop her gaze whilst checking the computer terminal for the information that I sought. Not once did she speak anything directly to me. Her words were instead rendered nearly incomprehensible by the curtain of hair that she lowered as a partition between herself and I.

 

You should know that this was my very first time meeting any of these women. There is no history between us that might easily explain away their rude behavior towards me, and, as far as I can reasonably tell, I did nothing to warrant their scorn.

 

Taken as an isolated incident, everything that I've told you above is pretty inconsequential. Those of you who don't deal with this on a constant basis probably just see this as an example of the female group dynamic and the collective consciousness that can arise in those climates. I, however, am not so fortunate as to be able to so easily dismiss this in such a fashion. For me, this is the norm of my interaction with 95% of the female population that I come into contact with, and I would really like some inkling as to why. You guys don't know me....granted...but perhaps you can troubleshoot based on the information that I've provided thus far. If you require anything else for your analysis, please don't hesitate to ask.

 

Also, since I created this thread in the wee hours of the morning, I am aware of my heightened potential for reduced clarity. If I have muddled something or stated something unclearly, let me know.

[GrayClouds]

You should find a counselor and do the hard work, for 95% of women don't agree on anything. It appears to be an issue of perception over reality. The only constant is you.

 

I wish you well.

[browolf]

Perception is everything! But we're inclined to see the world with our own self tinted glasses.

 

I can't help thinking the way you describe that incident, two were actually flirting with you and the third was overcome with some negative emotion and/or shyness. In order for that to be the case, you exhibit (unknown to you) an outward demeanour/confidence/arrogance that women find either intimidating, challenging or distasteful.

 

That fact that you can go in a room and discover 3 presumably older women who effectively hold all the reins of power in granting access to their professor and they probably know it, and not be intimidated by them says a lot about you.

 

I'd say you need to figure out this aspect of yourself and how to temper it a bit.