So now I am so puzzled, could you figure this out? (NC, mixed signals, drama)

[notsosimpleme]

I am 27 she is 23. She breaks up in the end of March after more than 2 years of an awesome relationship with no big problems at all... I tried to "fix it" for like a month and of course nothing worked out (plus info that she is with her coworker) so I went full NC. After 2 months of it I got to know that very close to her grandpa is ding (I know him as well) - so I decided to call. Prepared she might not even answer her phone I was totally shocked. She spoke with this very nice voice, wanted to know whats going on with me, she was speaking like she is really into me, I could notice easily, she even said something like "recently Ive been thinking about you", so of course I played it totally cool, no relationship talk at all, only grandpa, I finished the call quite fast even thou I felt like she wants to talk and talk.

I call her next time in like 3 weeks, her grandpa died. And here I am shocked again, I thought it is OK betweens us and maybe I would be able to work it out but this time she is totally cold, and unresponsive. I emailed her later and asked what happened, has something changed? This is her response:

"Maybe that was when I was psychologically damaged because of my grandfather's case. So I was weak. I don't think i can see you like how we used to do. If I see you, my future boyfriend won't be happy. And your GF won't be happy either. I don't want to be close to you because we are over. Of course these words hurt you. I know. But I have to tell you this. Please stop thinking about me. And please do nothing. Sorry..."

I replied "Us being over was a mistake I know it and you know it." and went NC again.

 

Later on one friend who talked to her told me she is with the guy (rebound?) ...

Her coworker she is with is totally not someone she would be with in the normal circumstances. He is 12 years older, has a son, still married but separated and getting divorced...

 

I am totally puzzled..

What do you think about all of this ...?

[EricaH329]

She obviously doesn't know what she wants. I think that you should probably stop trying to think about it so much, it won't make any sense to you... i'm sure it doesn't make any sense to her right now.

 

While she is off trying to figure out what's going to make her happy, you should try and focus on yourself. I say this in a lot of posts, but I truly believe that once someone tells you that you need to move on, that that's exactly what you should do.

 

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but just be glad that you know what you want out of a relationship. This girl is obviously very confused about what she wants. Let her figure it out on her own, while you go on with your life.

 

I know it's easier said than done, but for now, try your hardest.

[notsosimpleme]

Yeah I know I need to stay in NC, I know I need to move on, but still there is a ray of hope in my head..., I feel like this is something that shouldn't have happened it is not normal it is not OK

For me it looks like this guy is an emotional bandage first for the breakup and then for the death of her grandpa

[EricaH329]

Yeah I know I need to stay in NC, I know I need to move on, but still there is a ray of hope in my head..., I feel like this is something that shouldn't have happened it is not normal it is not OK

For me it looks like this guy is an emotional bandage first for the breakup and then for the death of her grandpa

 

I think the only reason there is still any hope for you and her in your mind is because you are allowing there to be. Sometimes we feel like holding onto hope is saving ourselves from realizing that there really isn't any chance for us anymore. To save ourselves from the pain.

 

I gotta tell you though, it's not sounding very hopeful. You are right, it's not OK what she's doing. But she is doing whatever she feels needs to be done. If that does not include you, then I think maybe you should start doing things that don't include her. Including losing that last little bit of hope you have. The longer you hang onto it, the longer you postpone moving on completely, and the more hurt you will be in the end.

[Beeotch]

I think you have to let it play out....

 

I think sometimes we can tell when people are behaving foolishly, they are acting out based on issues or hurt and a lot of times they themselves know it...but it has to play out.

 

Nothing much to be done but live your life and allow the chips to fall where they may. You did what you could...and like a great song says "After you've done all you can...you just stand".

 

That is the situation with my ex and I. I see through his ridiculous charades...his pretend happiness, fake relationship and all that stuff. I know he broke up with me because of anxiety and issues and he is living a very superficial but not satisfying life. But what can I do? We do not even really speak. Yes sometimes I feel like calling him up, emailing him and telling him that he knows and I know the truth but I won't. I have done all I could...so I am just going to stand. Leave it alone. Live my life and allow him to live his and let his decisions, actions play out.

 

Truth is...relationship or not, people are individuals with their own baggage, issues, struggles, fears, weaknesses etc that they have to overcome and sometimes it is not about us.That is how I view my ex and I. I know he has issues...he knows it too. Same with your ex. But it is their life and their journey and THEY have to come to some understanding about that before they can make anyone else happy. So....let life take its course.