rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 So a very long story short. well short as i can put it. I dont know whats going on...I dont even know if im dating someone. Me and my so called girlfriend packed up our things and moved to the mid west from the east coast with a couple other friends. She quit her very good job and left her friends and family to start over and to move with me...(50% move, 50% me as she claims) we have been here for a year. I work 9-5, she is a bartender.. for about 11 months things were great. she started getting more and more hours as the summer progressed. so now we have opposite sceduals. on the east we had all the same friends. we came out here and had to make new ones, she hangs with her co-workers a lot after work now. we used to hang out too much, almost smothered each other. its been a complete 180 now, hardley see eachoter.. within the past couple month or so her cousin drowned, parents got devorced and mom is about to be homeless as she puts it, got bedbugs and has to get rid of a lot of **** she worked towards to start her new life, etc...so a lot of drama a negatives on her end... before all this we were talking marriage and kids...we are very close. within the past month she has detached herself from me. hangs with her co workers more and seems like she has put me on the back burner. This freeked me out. I thought maybe she was getting with one of them considering i would hardley see her, i turned into the on call boyfriend. more detachment from me, i didnt like this... now there was this weird tention between us for the past month. a gut feeling that something wasnt good. bad communication, lack of communication, not a lot of effort on her part by any means. we had a talk about "new" friends, i said i didnt have a bunch yet...i told her i had 2 outside of work. she asked who. i told her about this girl i met and this dood i met. she freeked out about the girl... a few days went by with very delayed answers to text messgages, i turned off my instant messenger that i was always on. next thing you know we needed to talk... now i thought it was over but im not sure... she broke down saying that her family is in shambles. the devorce, her mom is about to be out on the street, things arnt going good.etc. (i have brought this up to her asking about her mom but she wont tell me everything thats on her mind, done it on multiple occasions)... she said she looks ok on the outside but is a mess on the inside. She then went on about this girl, asking if i had any feelings or was attracted to her, and how much have we hung out. I hung out with her once. she found it strange... i mentioned that she hangs with doods all the time. she said it was different cause they are only co workers and this is some girl i met on the street....nothing is going on with this chick as i mentioned. she said she needs to be alone right now and didnt know how long it was going to be depending on if things got better or worse with her family and everything else in her life.... I want to comfort her, but i cant, she turned me off like a light switch. also mentioned the difference in work sceduals and how everyone at work seys it so hard too... she said that she loves me a lot and if i popped the question a month ago she would have accepted it in a heart beat. so during this "break up" we were hugging, kissing, telling each other how much we loved one another, etc. we even held hands while i walked her to her car to leave, then hugging and more kissing...WTF? she told me to live my life and that she was holding me back and not to wait for her cause she didnt know how long it was going to be.... i could keep going on, but anyways...I havent spoke to her in a week. I feel like we needed this break as well. I lover her so much though. she went above and beyond at first, then thigs crumbled in the end. as the days go by i appricate her more and more... advice? what to do? i dont plan on getting with anyone, and i shure as hell hope she doesnt. this would crush me.
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 If you're not interested in being with anyone else right now, then don't be, even if she goes out and gets with someone else (if you're not together then it's technically none of your business). She's clearly got alot of issues to work through and if she needs to be alone to do so, then you need to allow her that time alone. However, people who are no longer together don't hug/kiss the way you two were. You need to find out where you stand. It really is THAT simple; she either wants to be with you or needs to be alone to deal with her issues. Talk to her about this if it comes up again but if this hasn't happened in a while, then it may just be best to let it go. For sure though, if this happens again, talk to her BEFOREHAND. Just enjoy spending some time on your own. If, in time, she decides she wants you to rekindle, then only get back with her if it will make *YOU* happy, not out of pity because she's had a hard time recently. Good luck
Author rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 if we are not together then it isnt my business, although I dont know where we stand? she just keeped saying she didnt know, she didnt know before she left and she would call me in he future...??? i told her that i didnt want to bring it up but had to..."so this means nobody else then?"(me speaking)..."if you get with anyone else please dont bother calling me".... she told me that she wasnt going to tell ME what to do about this situation of getting with other people because she didnt know how long it was going to be...(so this means break im assuming?) i handeled it very well at the time, trying to comfort her the best i could. she asked why i was so good to her. I told her its because I loved her. Now within the past month i didnt feel like i was being the best i could be...but? we did hold hands tightly(lots of energy) on the way to the car and hug and kiss...so im assuming she needs her space, which im giving to her. I have a lot of respect for her. more then i did last week... I think this is working out for the best so far...I told her that if its ment to be then it will... I have that other girl calling me every day. Im lacking in the new friends department, but i dont want the girl i care about to hurt in anyway if she finds out im hanging with this other girl (as a friend), which might happen cause we have some of the same friends... i guess i should let her do the contacting? i just dont know where we are? its tough?
Author rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 how do you apply NC but also need to find out were you stand? she left me on a string/open ended...my understanding is she would call me....
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 how do you apply NC but also need to find out were you stand? she left me on a string/open ended...my understanding is she would call me.... if we are not together then it isnt my business, although I dont know where we stand? she just keeped saying she didnt know, she didnt know before she left and she would call me in he future...??? i told her that i didnt want to bring it up but had to..."so this means nobody else then?"(me speaking)..."if you get with anyone else please dont bother calling me".... she told me that she wasnt going to tell ME what to do about this situation of getting with other people because she didnt know how long it was going to be...(so this means break im assuming?) i handeled it very well at the time, trying to comfort her the best i could. she asked why i was so good to her. I told her its because I loved her. Now within the past month i didnt feel like i was being the best i could be...but? we did hold hands tightly(lots of energy) on the way to the car and hug and kiss...so im assuming she needs her space, which im giving to her. I have a lot of respect for her. more then i did last week... I think this is working out for the best so far...I told her that if its ment to be then it will... I have that other girl calling me every day. Im lacking in the new friends department, but i dont want the girl i care about to hurt in anyway if she finds out im hanging with this other girl (as a friend), which might happen cause we have some of the same friends... i guess i should let her do the contacting? i just dont know where we are? its tough? If it is really bothering you, then you need to simply ask her where you stand. It's fine asking for time alone but if she has been sending you mixed signals (holding hands, etc) then you deserve to know exactly where you stand. Asssuming you definitely want back with her and willing to wait on her, then yes, leave the contacting to her. However, this does not give her the right to swan in and out of your life as she pleases, send you mixed signals or lead you on. Just play it cool. And yes, I assume she means break.
Author rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 yea i think its sort of messed up that im really the "on cal boyfriend" now... the very few other people i mentioned to (besides the internet) seemed to think it was a bit screwed up. although i know she doesnt really know what she wants. i do deserve to know... she knew i needed a break though... not to be childish, but her facebooks an myspace say that she is in a relationship. so...its bad when yo got to check facebook to double check the relationship status that your in. im gonna give her some time to breath. i need it as well... ill wait for her, but if she wants back tomorrow i still need some time... if i dont hear from her in a couple weeks or when i feel like we need to talk again, then i will contact her. thanks for your help, i have been beat up for the past few days...
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 yea i think its sort of messed up that im really the "on cal boyfriend" now... the very few other people i mentioned to (besides the internet) seemed to think it was a bit screwed up. although i know she doesnt really know what she wants. i do deserve to know... she knew i needed a break though... not to be childish, but her facebooks an myspace say that she is in a relationship. so...its bad when yo got to check facebook to double check the relationship status that your in. im gonna give her some time to breath. i need it as well... ill wait for her, but if she wants back tomorrow i still need some time... if i dont hear from her in a couple weeks or when i feel like we need to talk again, then i will contact her. thanks for your help, i have been beat up for the past few days... Good I hope all goes well and whatever YOU decice to do (get back with her eventually or not), let us know and do whatever you need to be happy. I hope I've helped Good luck!
Author rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 helped a lot all the way from ireland... i will do what makes me happy...
nomoregummybears Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Wait, I'm a little bit confused. If you're still interested in finding a new friend, why can't you call the "other" girl to hang out or something? You're going through a rough patch, and it might even help take your mind off things for a little while. Absolutely no one should have the right to keep you from making new friends, at least in my opinion. If she has a problem with you TALKING to another girl, it just seems a bit suffocating to me. You're on break. The ball is in her court. You've done all you can do for now. Don't put anything on hold. Just live your life!
Author rastafari Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 this is true...live my life. i just dont want her to have a bunch of thoughts racing through her head on top of everything else she is going through(knowing im talking to another girl). it does seem a bit silly though.. ill just do my thing, and let destiny do its thing.
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 this is true...live my life. i just dont want her to have a bunch of thoughts racing through her head on top of everything else she is going through(knowing im talking to another girl). it does seem a bit silly though.. ill just do my thing, and let destiny do its thing. Seems harsh to say but it doesn't really matter what's going on in her head....you can't live your life a specific way just to keep her happy. Do whatever makes YOU happy.
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