TTMO Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 To make a long story short: We were together for roughly 3 years, have a child together, and lived together for 2 1/2 years. She said I was distant and all that other stuff. I found out she was cheating on me a few weeks ago. Tried to work things out because I do love her and for my childs sake. It didn't work out. I moved out of our house. Now I'm just trying my best to get over her, but I'm sure she's still seeing this other guy, which is driving me crazy. So how do I get her out of my head when I can't go NC? I've been working out daily, reading, trying to focus on myself, but she's always there. I do okay for a little while but I can't avoid talking to her and seeing her because of our child. Any suggestions?
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Couple of things. - "For the sake of my child" .. no. No parents should stick together for their children. If you (by you I mean in general) are good parents, you can shield your kids from a lot of things... and chances are, had you stayed together, you probably would have argued and that's not a very good thing for a kid to see. So you did well by eventually deciding to leave and not stick around just for your child. - Seeing as she's the cheater, is it not possible for you to ask a mutual friend help out when you see your son/daughter? Given that youre obviously severely hurt and need time to heal, I'm sure she's not so selfish that she'd have a problem with this? Just try to keep out of her way unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. You have a right to privacy & time away from her. At the moment, I think the only contact/discussions you have should be regarding your child.. nothing more. As she's the mother of your child, there's not really much you can do.. you will always have that tie with her and all you can do is ask for some help, e.g could a friend pick your child up for you?
FreddieMay Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Its a tricky situation.. You have no option but to make peace with the whole situation. Just accept the fact that she has other guy. And try to have some fun yourself... go out.. find some girls.
Author TTMO Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Couple of things. - "For the sake of my child" .. no. No parents should stick together for their children. If you (by you I mean in general) are good parents, you can shield your kids from a lot of things... and chances are, had you stayed together, you probably would have argued and that's not a very good thing for a kid to see. So you did well by eventually deciding to leave and not stick around just for your child. - Seeing as she's the cheater, is it not possible for you to ask a mutual friend help out when you see your son/daughter? Given that youre obviously severely hurt and need time to heal, I'm sure she's not so selfish that she'd have a problem with this? Just try to keep out of her way unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. You have a right to privacy & time away from her. At the moment, I think the only contact/discussions you have should be regarding your child.. nothing more. As she's the mother of your child, there's not really much you can do.. you will always have that tie with her and all you can do is ask for some help, e.g could a friend pick your child up for you? This is all great advice, my problem is I have to go to the house to drop her off and pick up my childs clothes and stuff. We have joint custody right now, so my child is with me 3 nights and her 4. When she's with me, my ex calls to talk to our child every night. My ex is insecure because of her childhood and is very maternal. We're both excellent parents so that has never been an issue. I've tried my best to keep things civil between us. I basically have been letting her vent and just saying 'yes, I understand'. I really don't want to argue with her anymore. I didn't just want to work things out for my childs sake, I was in love with her. A week before this went down she looked me in the eyes and told me how much she loved me. I knew things were going bad, but I always thought we'd work through our problems. I made the mistake of writing her a letter this past week, it wasn't me pleaing for her back, more of a overview of the relationship and why it didn't work. I kept it civil and just let her know I appreciated her, no blaming/whining/pleaing. Now that I look back at the relationship I know it was going downhill and was probably for the best that it ended. She has her own issues and I have mine. It just kills me that there is already another man in the picture. That's the sticking point that's killing me, part of me knows if this guy wasn't in the picture that we'd have worked through our differences, the other half knows the relationship was on the rocks and maybe it ended for the best.
GrayClouds Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Create boundaries and stick to them. As you know NC is the easiest way to do this but in your case that wont work. But you can still set up bounndries. Try to make your place as self-sufficient as possible. Get toys, clothes and anything else the child needs so you don't have to make any unnecessary visit to her place. Tell her that you will limit any conversation with here to the only child and the child needs. Be explicated about schedules, and spend only the time you need to drop off the child. She will test you but like a dog you must be consistent. Pick up "Love Must Be Tough" By Dobson it is a bit religious but has good info.
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