Anyone have some insight on this..?

[JMA707]

Hey everyone,

 

Some of you might have read my other thread that I posted a couple of weeks ago, but just in case I'll fill you in. I'll try to keep it as short as possible haha.

 

Anyways so me and my girl broke up about a month ago today. We had been together for around a year and a half. During the breakup I did everything that everyone said NOT to do, like constantly contacting her, telling her how much I loved her and how much I changed. To make a long story short I basically pushed her farther away all the way up to where we are now.

 

Now she is starting a relationship with this new guy. I knew that they were "seeing" each other a lot, but just yesterday they made it official. ironically on the day that would have been our year and a half anniversary haha...I kind of new it was coming soon so I thought I would have been prepared for when it happened, but I wasn't...when i saw that they were together i basically broke down...every emotion came out of me...anger, sadness, guilt. regret, etc. etc. I sent her a message saying "I admit I F'd up in our relationship and I hurt you, but what your doing to me right now hurts 100 times worse..I cant believe that you can just throw away everything we had and forget us...I'm never going to forget this..." something along those lines anyways...

 

right after i sent it i immediatley felt a lot of guilt and remorse for even sending her that because i knew no good could come from it. I wish that I could just take back sending it, but I knew it was too late. So she messaged me back and it said "Now here it comes. blaming me for everything, for causing you so much pain. I'm tired of you making me feel guilty. if all your going to do is be mean to me then I dont ever want to talk to you again. I'm tired of you making me feel bad so im going to stop it by NOT talking to you anymore. Goodbye".

 

Yeah, so now its to the point where she doesnt care about me anymore and is on her way to hating me, or at least disliking me alot. Its just so hard for me to believe all this happened with the short period of a month...How we got from where we were to where we are now. Only a month ago we were together, saying how much we loved each other. Now 30 days later she feels nothing for me anymore and has moved on to start a new relationship...When I say "I love you" to her it doesnt even mean anything to her anymore...I drive myself crazy thinking about how shes with this other guy...theyre probably together right now...and hes probably kissing her...that used to be me...

 

I sent her a message basically saying that I was sorry for sending her that message in the first place, because I wasnt in the right mindset and i wasn't thinking clearly at the time. I just lost control for a minute, but thats all it took. She probably wont even respond to me, hell i wouldnt be surprised if she blocked me...I know it doesn't really matter at this point, but I just don't want her to look back on me and think bad of me...I don't want her to look back on me and think that all the time we shared together was a mistake...For some reason I cant let go of this...this hope...that one day everything will go back to how its supposed to be...that one day she'll love me again...

 

I know that at this point there is slim to no hope to get back together with her at ANY point. She has told me before that she doesnt know about the future, that maybe we CAN be together again later. but I think that message was the last straw for her...It hurts because I really do love this girl...they say when you know that you've found the "one" that you will just know...well thats how i felt, I thought i "knew". We had our lives planned out together and I was planning to ask her to marry me in a couple of months...but now it just all went down the drain.

 

I've been doing everything that everyone has said would help. I've been keeping myself as busy as I can. I've even flown over here to DC (I'm originally from Cali) just to get away from things. I've been working out, getting in better shape. I've been going out, meeting new people. I've even tried to get physical with other girls...but I just cant bring myself to do it...i cant even kiss another girl right now...

 

So does anyone have any insight or advice on what can help me..? I dont mean in getting her back, I know that shes gone, most likely for good now after i sent her that message...I mean help in how to cope with all this...I know that i need to keep NC and from this point on I'm to try my best to uphold that. I've never been through anything like this before though. I've been broken up with many times before, and Ive broken up with alot of girls too. But never has it felt like this...I've never loved someone this much...I never felt such emotional pain that it actually turns into physical pain...

 

The mornings are the worst for me...because every night I dream of her...dream of being with her...then I wake up and realize it was just a dream...its like I have to deal with her leaving me over and over again...thats one of the reasons why I broke down and sent her that message...I had just woken up from a pretty F'd up dream where, in my dream, she began to date this same exact guy and she was telling me all the things she hated about me and how he was so much better than me...so the first thing I see when i get up is that now shes dating this same guy...So it was like my dream came true or something...funny how things have a way of working out like that...This turned out a lot longer than I wanted it to, I just kind of ended up ranting at the end haha...but thanks for reading. If anyone has any help it would be greatly appreciated.

[JMA707]

Anyone have any advice on how to cope with all this..? Things that maybe you've learned from past experiences..? It's like no matter what I do nothing makes me feel better...everyday is such a struggle for me...

[t0ri]

I feel you. I was in your position earlier this year. My ex boyfriend professed that I was "the one" two weeks before he dumped me, he loved me and would be lost without me, blah blah blah, and acted completely normal, then he broke up with me suddenly. So I completely relate in being confused as to how they went from that...to nothing - to not loving us anymore and wanting to throw us away for good. The only explanation I've found to seem reasonable, is that they checked out long before they actually dumped us - making it much easier to walk away since their attachments had already been cut. They kept us around gradually pulling further and further away, until they knew they'd be ok without us...all the while, we were left in the dark.

 

My ex came back almost a month after that initial breakup after Vday. He told me we would "take things slow" and that he didn't want to date RIGHT THEN, but he probably would want to in a few months. So we acted like a normal couple and he led me to believe we'd be getting back together at some point, lasting a month, only for him to end things again. So don't listen to her giving you false hope that "she doesn't know about the future." Listen to the here and now, she's not with you, she's with someone else, and chances are she's not coming back. You know that, but just as a reminder.

 

Definitely maintain NC. You've said your peace, she knows exactly how you feel and there's nothing you can do or say to change what has happened, or to get her back.

 

You're only a month in, so it's normal for you not to want to/imagine kissing other women or whatever. I'm actually still not ready to date other guys and it's been over 4 months since my ex and I have been over for good.

 

Try not to beat yourself up. We all make mistakes and act irrationally, especially when someone you love is slipping away. I did some stupid things like showing up at my ex's apartment, to which he text me the next day telling me he wanted me out of his life forever. I never spoke to him again, and he text me a few weeks ago, and the other day for my bday. What's done is done though, and now's the time to get back on your feet and get your pride and dignity back in tact by not contacting her. AT ALL.

 

Dreams really do suck though They feel so real, and you wake up feeling emotions of your loss all over again! I'm still struggling with that nearly every night. Nothing you can do there, though.

 

Just keep busy, and do what you're doing. It'll be tough for awhile, but face your pain and it will begin to get easier. Trust me. Time is your friend in this case, but you can't rush it unfortunately. Good luck.

[JMA707]

Thanks for the advice tori. anyways it just crushes me to know that shes with this guy now. i dont think the amount of time really matters because even if she had waited longer to be with him it would still be crushing nonetheless...it hurts to read all these things she posts, like on myspace and facebook and such, talking about how she really likes him and that he loves her and they are SO alike. Yesterday she sent me a message basically saying that she would miss me because she knew that we wouldnt be able to keep in contact anymore. She said that she didn't think of me as just another "ex" bf, that i was someone really close to her. she said she felt like she lost a "good friend" or something. Then she ended the message by saying "Your Friend,"...i mean, doesnt she get it..? doesnt she get the fact that her saying she's going to miss me as as "just" a friend hurts so much more...i like the fact that she said shell miss me but only as a friend, really..? i guess its understandable though because she has this new guy in her life, so that void is already filled...its just weird to think of her with someone else...and it hurts to think that she CAN be with someone else...Once we said to each other "we'll make it work no matter what." I really thought we were going to, but i guess i was wrong...