SleepingGraves Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Hello all, Cannot believe I would think to do this but here it goes... I have been dating this great girl for one year now. About 3 months ago I broke my leg and relapsed on pain meds...I have had addiction issues in the past but have managed to put my demons to the side and have succeeded in some other areas, about to graduate from school etc...had a nice job and my own place but have had to downsize as Im a FT student. She recently moved home too... Short of the story is this...since the broken leg she and I have not been having a great time together. Before that we would go out dancing quite a bit, have dinners at mine or her home and basically got along well I thought. She pursued me the first 4 months and I was reluctant to get involved because I had just gotten out of a five year relationship and had only been single for roughly 5 months...during the time I was dealing with the broken leg and pain med problem I became quite flaky and admittedly said alot more then I did, thus making my words and promises without meaning. When we spoke on the phone she said she didn't believe me that things would change...she was crying and very upset and mad at how things have changed. I love this girl and have gotten my personal issues straightened out for now. I am hoping that through therapy and other resources I can keep it that way. We have a dinner date for this Thursday and she chatted with me the other night on IM. One of the things that came up was that she asked me If I would be sad if we didn't have sex, I said yes but so what, I can live without out it for awhile. I asked her if it would be okay to kiss her and she said some kissing would be okay...its really confusing to me right now. She said she was just not interested in sex and that it was weird...and that the emotional well had run dry for me ( just had been dealing with too much drama ). I am walking again and am looking forward to having a great time with her for dinner. I am just wondering if she is trying to assuage her guilt at dumping me by going out with me or if she really wants to see if we can have a good time together. Her response to dinner was "Ok, we'll try". She doesn't think we work well together in the practical sense but she says she loves me.... Overall I am worried about Thursday and am unsure how far to press things. I have missed her a great deal these past couple of weeks and it will be great to see her. Any suggestions on how to proceed.
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I'm confused.... when did she dump you for good? If you are well and truly dumped, I wouldn't even think of seeing her any more, let alone asking about kissing her. You're either together, or you're not. If you're not, check the no contact guide in my signature. It's an absolute winner. You can't friend-zone people in this way if feelings still run deep. It prevents either of you moving on, and getting on with your lives. If you're dumped that is. So, which is it....?
Ronni_W Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Her response to dinner was "Ok, we'll try". According to what she told you, she is open to seeing if/how you two can get through dinner -- what is causing you to question what she said? I wouldn't "press" for anything...not even a kiss. Hang back a bit, just let things unfold naturally, and wait to find out if she is interested enough to make any type of physical overture. If she does again ask whether you'd be disappointed without sex, might I suggest an answer more along the lines of, "Of course not...it's just really great to see you again!" You will be able to honestly tell her that you're no longer dependent on the pain meds...or any other type of prescription or non-prescription substance(s), yes? Good luck with dinner -- do your best to feel and act relaxed and 'normal' -- be the guy she fell in love with in the first place
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