Author runnergal Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 So how did you end it? Did you ignore his "attempts" woo you? Ignore his contacting you? Did you tell him that you weren't going to be pulled back and forth/up and down/hot and cold? Do you still talk to or see him around? I found an interesting article and thought you might find interesting: Is it Hot or Cold in Here or is it Me? Women of all ages and experience levels have been hooked by an ambivalent boyfriend. These suckers are dangerous. They can absorb years of your life as you try to make sense of his bizarre and hurtful behavior. And just like any good fisherman, he knows how to keep you on the hook. These relationships start off with a bang. You meet and the next thing you know, you’re in love. The problem is, many good relationships start off that way. Strong, long-lasting connections can happen quickly. Ambivalent man is a master of romance. He adores you. He wines and dines you. You’re all he thinks about. Finally, someone who treats you like a precious, beautiful jewel. You let your guard down and reciprocate. And then—faster than you can say Jekyll and Hyde, he disappears. He often does this after a milestone event, something most people would feel indicates a step toward a deeper commitment. And there in lies the problem. As soon as he hooks you, he panics. So you go through hell wondering what happened. What you did wrong. Are you crazy to think you had something? No, you’re not crazy. He initiated it all, remember? To further confuse things, “experts” like the Mars-Venus guy say that men commonly pull back. So you wonder is this normal or have you been dumped? All your senses are on red alert, screaming out contradictory messages. The only way to sanity, IMHO, is to stop and think about what you want. Meditate on the good, healthy loving relationship you deserve and want. Would that include torture and disappearing acts? I doubt it. Resolve that if this isn’t it, you will move on. Don’t chase him. He needs to come to you. One thing I have learned is, in good relationships, the man does pursue. Because he values you and doesn’t want to lose you. Think back to your early interaction. Were there red flags, little clues that he was leery about commitment? Sometimes you just sense something’s off and feel more insecure than usual. That’s your intuition warning you. Did he blow hot and cold before the big run? Sometimes he was into you, sometimes you had the feeling he was bored or indifferent or even angry? Warning! Warning! A healthy relationship will leave you feeling better about yourself, not worse. You should be smug and satisfied like a kitty drinking cream. So when he comes back—as he will—pay attention. If his not calling or breaking dates was unacceptable, tell him that. See how he reacts. Let him know that you weren’t exactly sitting around pining. Then watch the full court press come into play as he tries to woo you back. If you take him back and he disappears again, pull the plug. It may be the hardest thing you ever did. When he was good, he was very very good! But remember, you’ve already had the best of him. It will never be any better than the first few weeks. In contrast, a good relationship improves with time as it deepens and grows.
Author runnergal Posted August 29, 2009 Author Posted August 29, 2009 BTW..what would you have done differently???
Keoki Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Ok...Vet, even if we are sleeping together???? It's none of my business if he's dating or wanting to date other women???? Nope. If you slept with him before establishing a committed relationship, and you're still not in a committed relationship, it's none of your business. Sure, you can ask, but you have no right at this point to get upset if the answer isn't something you want to hear.
Cora Posted August 30, 2009 Posted August 30, 2009 Well, we never really officially ended it. I mean I don't sleep with him anymore, haven't for months now and will no longer. If he were to ever change his mind and decide he wants a relationship with me then I may reconsider, but I honestly don't see that ever happening. As much as I wanted things to work out between us and hoped that they would I couldn't keep hanging on by some false hope that I had. It was draining every bit of self respect I had left and all I did was hurt and worry! I could not live like that anymore. I just had to keep telling myself that there is some guy out there who WILL want and WILL be ready for a relationship with me and I have to learn to establish that before sleeping with him. I still talk to this guy every now and then and it's all very friendly. I was trying to stay on good terms with him since he was trying to help me get a job where he worked. I still like him very much, but we don't see each other hardly anymore with his new and always changing work schedule. He hasn't really brought up anymore about how we used to casually meet up for sex. If he ever did then I would tell him I just can't do it anymore....that I need more of a commitment. There is so much more to this guy. He is sweet, romantic, thoughtful, funny, intelligent and would just make an awesome boyfriend! The thing is he just doesn't want a relationship right now and that makes all the difference. It was so hard for me to accept that because I fell for him so hard and it is still a bit difficult for me to accept to this day. But by not seeing him as much and trying to move on with my life it has gotten a little easier. So yeah, to answer your question we just kind of fell apart because he is so busy. He doesn't really know yet that I wont sleep with him any longer and he may never bring it up again who knows? I just can't do it anymore. By the way, that was an interesting article you posted.
Author runnergal Posted August 30, 2009 Author Posted August 30, 2009 Check this one out as well: Most girls won't realise what they did wrong because the concept is so alien to them. Most guys won't even know how to express it. The number one cause of men bailing out of a relationship, is feeling that they have no freedom. This doesn't quite mean being able to do whatever they want, but rather being able to recharge, being able to sit back and simply 'be'. When a guy is on empty after some intense physical or mental activity, he wants to recharge. To not engage in the world around him and simply let all the physical and mental build-up drain away. Maybe he'll distract himself with video games, TV, reading a book, or playing his favourite musical instrument. It might be as simple as reading the paper when he gets back from work. All these serve the same purpose. You forget the world around you, lose all thoughts in your head, and simply live in the moment. This will leave him feeling restored and ready to start over again. No matter how much he really *does* enjoy spending time with you, unless spending time with you is an absolutely zero-effort engagement (unlikely, you want him to feel intense emotions and get physical from time to time, right?) it's almost certain he needs this recharge time. Almost every guy does need some time to himself, and this is why. The relationship breaks down when he isn't able to do this enough any more. Every relationship starts with him on a 'full tank'. When he gets low, if he can't recharge, he'll leave you sooner or later. Signs of this are the guys feeling constantly tired, unmotivated, acting distant, needing time apart, and generally not being as attentive as he once was. He might even say he needs space or freedom. It might take weeks. It might take months. It might even take years - but if he can't recharge it will happen. Here's a hard one for girls to accept: His spending time with you often won't help. It can make things worse - even if you're trying to help. The very act of wanting to help and caring about the way he's feeling puts another concern in his head. If you're so concerned about the relationship, your concerns are going to be in his head 24/7 - if he can't get them out of his head, he can't recharge. If he can't recharge, your relationship is in big trouble. This is why guys will often run away from clingy or emotional girls. The stress of someone else's expectations can be very draining. The more he sees your concerns, and the more you ask him what's wrong or why things are suddenly different, the worse it'll get. Ironically, this is often why a guy will change his mind and want to take you back some time after he broke up with you. The time apart allowed him to escape all pressures and obligations, recharge, and so he's ready to be with you again. I'm sure the 'nice guys' will say they want to be with their loved one 24/7 and will be unphased by any emotional, mental or physical intensity, but the rest will agree with me here.
You'reasian Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Check this one out as well: Most girls won't realise what they did wrong because the concept is so alien to them. Most guys won't even know how to express it. The number one cause of men bailing out of a relationship, is feeling that they have no freedom. This doesn't quite mean being able to do whatever they want, but rather being able to recharge, being able to sit back and simply 'be'. When a guy is on empty after some intense physical or mental activity, he wants to recharge. To not engage in the world around him and simply let all the physical and mental build-up drain away. Maybe he'll distract himself with video games, TV, reading a book, or playing his favourite musical instrument. It might be as simple as reading the paper when he gets back from work. All these serve the same purpose. You forget the world around you, lose all thoughts in your head, and simply live in the moment. This will leave him feeling restored and ready to start over again. No matter how much he really *does* enjoy spending time with you, unless spending time with you is an absolutely zero-effort engagement (unlikely, you want him to feel intense emotions and get physical from time to time, right?) it's almost certain he needs this recharge time. Almost every guy does need some time to himself, and this is why. The relationship breaks down when he isn't able to do this enough any more. Every relationship starts with him on a 'full tank'. When he gets low, if he can't recharge, he'll leave you sooner or later. Signs of this are the guys feeling constantly tired, unmotivated, acting distant, needing time apart, and generally not being as attentive as he once was. He might even say he needs space or freedom. It might take weeks. It might take months. It might even take years - but if he can't recharge it will happen. Here's a hard one for girls to accept: His spending time with you often won't help. It can make things worse - even if you're trying to help. The very act of wanting to help and caring about the way he's feeling puts another concern in his head. If you're so concerned about the relationship, your concerns are going to be in his head 24/7 - if he can't get them out of his head, he can't recharge. If he can't recharge, your relationship is in big trouble. This is why guys will often run away from clingy or emotional girls. The stress of someone else's expectations can be very draining. The more he sees your concerns, and the more you ask him what's wrong or why things are suddenly different, the worse it'll get. Ironically, this is often why a guy will change his mind and want to take you back some time after he broke up with you. The time apart allowed him to escape all pressures and obligations, recharge, and so he's ready to be with you again. I'm sure the 'nice guys' will say they want to be with their loved one 24/7 and will be unphased by any emotional, mental or physical intensity, but the rest will agree with me here. And the baby makin'
Author runnergal Posted September 1, 2009 Author Posted September 1, 2009 And the baby makin' Let's just make a thread out of BABY MAKING!!!
You'reasian Posted September 1, 2009 Posted September 1, 2009 Let's just make a thread out of BABY MAKING!!! Is that some kinda code and you're telling me you just wanna practice baby makin'?
Author runnergal Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 Is that some kinda code and you're telling me you just wanna practice baby makin'? HAHAHAHAHA:bunny:
You'reasian Posted September 2, 2009 Posted September 2, 2009 HAHAHAHAHA:bunny: If the runnergal username has anything to do with some kind of physical conditioning, I'm sure it will "work out" quite well (pun intended) to practice the ancient art of baby makin'
Author runnergal Posted September 2, 2009 Author Posted September 2, 2009 If the runnergal username has anything to do with some kind of physical conditioning' date=' I'm sure it will "work out" quite well (pun intended) to practice the ancient art of baby makin'[/quote'] hehehehehehehe...no problem in the baby making area!! I have two healthy boys...one was born at 9 lbs even and the other at 9 lbs 5 ozs!!
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