runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 To be more specific...how do you ask a guy if he's interested in (or is) dating other women?
Vet Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 To be more specific...how do you ask a guy if he's interested in (or is) dating other women? Your qualification of the question wasn't that much more specific. Is this a guy you're actually dating consistently?
BCCA Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 First, who is this guy to you? Stanger/coworker/fellow student/local at the bar down the street? The context is somewhat important. Next, men are direct - so to get a proper answer, be direct yourself. Just ask. Hinting is annoying to men, and he'll know why youre asking anyway, so just be upfront and straightfoward. It shows confidence.
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 First, who is this guy to you? Stanger/coworker/fellow student/local at the bar down the street? The context is somewhat important. Next, men are direct - so to get a proper answer, be direct yourself. Just ask. Hinting is annoying to men, and he'll know why youre asking anyway, so just be upfront and straightfoward. It shows confidence. X2 I've only been in a situation where I would ask this question once, and I simply said "Are you seeing anyone else?" I'm not into hints and all that, it's annoying and there's too much room for confusion.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Guy I've been seeing off and on for a few months. It's been complicated lately. We started out as dating and then things got really crazy with him and I started freaking out! I kind of put us in "friendzone" because I just kept getting frustrated with him!! :-( He totally agreed with being friends and stated that he doesn't want to commit to anyone right now because of issues going on. I've noticed, however, that he's been on Myspace and created a Facebook page in the past week or so. Even though he told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't have time for those things when I stated that he should get on there just for fun. And he knows that I know he has a myspace page, but hasn't requested me as a friend and he knows that I'm on FB but hasn't requested me as a friend. I just want to know if he's wanting to see other women OR if he just wants us to be friends and see where things go.
Vet Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Guy I've been seeing off and on for a few months. It's been complicated lately. We started out as dating and then things got really crazy with him and I started freaking out! I kind of put us in "friendzone" because I just kept getting frustrated with him!! :-( He totally agreed with being friends and stated that he doesn't want to commit to anyone right now because of issues going on. I've noticed, however, that he's been on Myspace and created a Facebook page in the past week or so. Even though he told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't have time for those things when I stated that he should get on there just for fun. And he knows that I know he has a myspace page, but hasn't requested me as a friend and he knows that I'm on FB but hasn't requested me as a friend. I just want to know if he's wanting to see other women OR if he just wants us to be friends and see where things go. It's none of your business, because you're not dating him, and you aren't a friend (you're a "Friend").
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Guy I've been seeing off and on for a few months. It's been complicated lately. We started out as dating and then things got really crazy with him and I started freaking out! I kind of put us in "friendzone" because I just kept getting frustrated with him!! :-( He totally agreed with being friends and stated that he doesn't want to commit to anyone right now because of issues going on. I've noticed, however, that he's been on Myspace and created a Facebook page in the past week or so. Even though he told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't have time for those things when I stated that he should get on there just for fun. And he knows that I know he has a myspace page, but hasn't requested me as a friend and he knows that I'm on FB but hasn't requested me as a friend. I just want to know if he's wanting to see other women OR if he just wants us to be friends and see where things go. He said he doesn't want to commit to anyone right now. So he already told you what's up with him.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Ok..I know you all probably think I'm stupid when I say the next thing, but just be patient with me! :-) Please clarify what you think. I'm a "detail" person. THANKS! :-) Smooches!
Vet Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Ok..I know you all probably think I'm stupid when I say the next thing, but just be patient with me! :-) Please clarify what you think. I'm a "detail" person. THANKS! :-) Smooches! You met this guy, you got fed up with him, and decided you didn't want to have anything to do with him except be "friends". Whatever he does at this point is none of your business at all, so if you ask him if he's dating other women or you talk about him creating Facebook and Myspace accounts, you're going to come off as crazy. You've made your decision, so live with it, or tell him you've changed your mind and want to start seeing him again. Then it's in his court, but whether he's dating or is interested in other people is still not any of your business.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Ok...Vet, even if we are sleeping together???? It's none of my business if he's dating or wanting to date other women????
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Not sure if you're referring to me, but if you are: Guy I've been seeing off and on for a few months. It's been complicated lately. We started out as dating and then things got really crazy with him and I started freaking out! I kind of put us in "friendzone" because I just kept getting frustrated with him!! :-( OK, if you friendzoned him, why do you wanna know if he's interested in dating other women? Or if he is seeing anyone else? He's not technically seeing you either...since you're just friends.... He totally agreed with being friends and stated that he doesn't want to commit to anyone right now because of issues going on. I feel like this is all I need to know. And all you need to know. You both agreed to be friends, ie you're not seeing each other. He specifically stated that he does not want to commit to anyone. That includes you. That means he wants to keep his options open. I've noticed, however, that he's been on Myspace and created a Facebook page in the past week or so. Even though he told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't have time for those things when I stated that he should get on there just for fun. And so.....? Are you taking the fact that he joined a social network that tens of millions of people are on as an indication that he's interested in you because you suggested he join? Or that he joined because he's interested in someone else? I think you're reading WAY too much into this...chances are he joined for the same reasons everyone else does. That said, an easy way to find out would have been to friend request him and send him a message being like "oh hey what made you cave, welcome!" or something along those lines. And he knows that I know he has a myspace page, How do you know that he knows that you know? but hasn't requested me as a friend and he knows that I'm on FB but hasn't requested me as a friend. Maybe he can't find you? Maybe he joined, but hasn't spent much time on either site? Who knows. I still don't understand why you're placing so much emphasis on this? Neither is a dating site... I just want to know if he's wanting to see other women OR if he just wants us to be friends and see where things go. To summarize: He specifically stated that he just wanted to be friends with you, and that he didn't want to make any commitments right now.
Vet Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Ok...Vet, even if we are sleeping together???? It's none of my business if he's dating or wanting to date other women???? It might, or it might not be. Spell out exactly the nature of your relationship with him. What's your dynamic like? Sex, with no strings attached? Friends that have sex with each other while you both aren't dating anyone?
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Ok...Vet, even if we are sleeping together???? It's none of my business if he's dating or wanting to date other women???? Well if you're sleeping together then you didn't friendzone him now did you?
BCCA Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Well if you're sleeping together then you didn't friendzone him now did you? Ugh... What you did was try and call his bluff, and what actually happened is that it made his life easier. You didnt want to be his friend, you wanted that statement to shake him up and make him take you seriously as a potential dating partner. It doesnt work like that. If youre sleeping with him without commitment, then you have NO commitment from him that this will ever be more. Truth be told, it wont. I dont think Ive ever slept with a girl and then had the 'were just friends' talk, and then though about dating her. You slept with him to change him into being more interested, not because you were two consenting and horny adults. Youve been kind of counter productive here. To be honest with you, this guy is a FWB, nothing more, never will be. If you can live with that, proceed, if not, bail. Those are your options.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Vet...Now you getting the picture! :-) I didn't get "fed" up with him, I got FRUSTRATED with the "push/pull, distancing" act. I just felt backed into a corner, so I asked if we could be friends and he said "of course!". But then it just "slipped" into the fwb thing, and he even told me that this "fwb" would have to exclusive but wasn't specific in the "exclusive" comment. That's what I'm basically wanting to know "are we friends that have sex with each other while we're both not dating anyone"?!?! New Again...You are funny!! No, I was not directing that to you or really anyone specifically, just stating that I needed specifics that's all. I wasn't really putting an "emphasis" on the myspace and fb issue, just curious as to why he hasn't added me OR even mentioned that he's on FB. I've even brought FB up in other conversations, but he has not even mentioned it. My point is with that..why does he feel he needs to hide that. Trust issue with me??? I haven't done anything to betray his trust. I know he is a person that finds it hard to trust people. He's a Capricorn through and through!!! :-) To put it all out there with y'all, how and what do I say to him to let him know that I want more than just friendship and that I'm sorry for putting us in this position of FWB. GOOD GRIEF, if we could only have a rewind, fast forward, play, pause, record and DELETE buttons on our mouths!!! :-(
Vet Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Vet...Now you getting the picture! :-) I didn't get "fed" up with him, I got FRUSTRATED with the "push/pull, distancing" act. I just felt backed into a corner, so I asked if we could be friends and he said "of course!". But then it just "slipped" into the fwb thing, and he even told me that this "fwb" would have to exclusive but wasn't specific in the "exclusive" comment. That's what I'm basically wanting to know "are we friends that have sex with each other while we're both not dating anyone"?!?! New Again...You are funny!! No, I was not directing that to you or really anyone specifically, just stating that I needed specifics that's all. I wasn't really putting an "emphasis" on the myspace and fb issue, just curious as to why he hasn't added me OR even mentioned that he's on FB. I've even brought FB up in other conversations, but he has not even mentioned it. My point is with that..why does he feel he needs to hide that. Trust issue with me??? I haven't done anything to betray his trust. I know he is a person that finds it hard to trust people. He's a Capricorn through and through!!! :-) To put it all out there with y'all, how and what do I say to him to let him know that I want more than just friendship and that I'm sorry for putting us in this position of FWB. GOOD GRIEF, if we could only have a rewind, fast forward, play, pause, record and DELETE buttons on our mouths!!! :-( Your only option is to have a frank discussion with him on the nature of your relationship. Tell him you made a mistake, and that you can't just have sex with him without being in or moving towards a relationship with him, so if he's interested in that, okay, but if not, you'll have to stop seeing him.
Confusedalways Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 It seems to me that directness is best when it comes to men. A simple conversation asking direct questions would probably solve the issue the fastest.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Ugh... What you did was try and call his bluff, and what actually happened is that it made his life easier. You didnt want to be his friend, you wanted that statement to shake him up and make him take you seriously as a potential dating partner. It doesnt work like that. If youre sleeping with him without commitment, then you have NO commitment from him that this will ever be more. Truth be told, it wont. I dont think Ive ever slept with a girl and then had the 'were just friends' talk, and then though about dating her. You slept with him to change him into being more interested, not because you were two consenting and horny adults. Youve been kind of counter productive here. To be honest with you, this guy is a FWB, nothing more, never will be. If you can live with that, proceed, if not, bail. Those are your options. You're exactly right! As hard as it is to admit, and I'm rare to admit when I've done wrong/bad, but you are sooooo right. :-( This whole time I've been thinking that he was doing the wrong, but in actuality, it was ME that was doing the wrong. :-( I screwed this up, not him. Is there any way to "correct" the situation? And I know I scared the crap out of him because I was the one who just HAD to put my feelings out there a month into dating!! That's when he started pulling away. If I knew then what I know now.
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Vet...Now you getting the picture! :-) I didn't get "fed" up with him, I got FRUSTRATED with the "push/pull, distancing" act. I just felt backed into a corner, so I asked if we could be friends and he said "of course!". But then it just "slipped" into the fwb thing, and he even told me that this "fwb" would have to exclusive but wasn't specific in the "exclusive" comment. That's what I'm basically wanting to know "are we friends that have sex with each other while we're both not dating anyone"?!?! New Again...You are funny!! No, I was not directing that to you or really anyone specifically, just stating that I needed specifics that's all. I wasn't really putting an "emphasis" on the myspace and fb issue, just curious as to why he hasn't added me OR even mentioned that he's on FB. I've even brought FB up in other conversations, but he has not even mentioned it. My point is with that..why does he feel he needs to hide that. Trust issue with me??? I haven't done anything to betray his trust. I know he is a person that finds it hard to trust people. He's a Capricorn through and through!!! :-) To put it all out there with y'all, how and what do I say to him to let him know that I want more than just friendship and that I'm sorry for putting us in this position of FWB. GOOD GRIEF, if we could only have a rewind, fast forward, play, pause, record and DELETE buttons on our mouths!!! :-( Hm interesting. I actually did that once. You can PM me if you want details, but just fyi I'm not sure how relevant it would be to your situation. I'll also add that when I was in that situation, it is what we BOTH were happy with that arrangement. To answer your question, just tell him! I wouldn't apologize for the FWB thing; it takes two ya know? Just say hey, I've had time to think, and this is where I'm at/what I want/don't want. It's really as simple as that! As far as fb/myspace who knows? Just request him, and if he rejects you, ask him what's up with that.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Hm interesting. I actually did that once. You can PM me if you want details, but just fyi I'm not sure how relevant it would be to your situation. I'll also add that when I was in that situation, it is what we BOTH were happy with that arrangement. To answer your question, just tell him! I wouldn't apologize for the FWB thing; it takes two ya know? Just say hey, I've had time to think, and this is where I'm at/what I want/don't want. It's really as simple as that! As far as fb/myspace who knows? Just request him, and if he rejects you, ask him what's up with that. :-) Now I think we are all starting to get on the same page! :-) How do I pm you??
New Again Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 :-) Now I think we are all starting to get on the same page! :-) How do I pm you?? I just noticed you're not an established member. You need to have a certain number of posts and be a member for a month.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 I just noticed you're not an established member. You need to have a certain number of posts and be a member for a month. well, i guess we're on here then, LOL!!! So basically, just be straight with him, don't apologize for fwb, tell him i've thought about it and that I would like to see us "working towards a relationship"??? Anything else??
BCCA Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 well, i guess we're on here then, LOL!!! So basically, just be straight with him, don't apologize for fwb, tell him i've thought about it and that I would like to see us "working towards a relationship"??? Anything else?? Perfect. Thats straigh forward, honest, and not a guilt trip. I call it 'man approved'. haha Just tell him that you would like to be more than friends, but if he isnt interested, you totally understand - but its probably best you part ways. Most importantly - stick by what you say! If he says no thanks, that answer is NOT going to change if you wait it out. Stick by your guns, it will suck initially, but 6 months down the line, youll be so happy you did
BCCA Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 You're exactly right! As hard as it is to admit, and I'm rare to admit when I've done wrong/bad, but you are sooooo right. :-( This whole time I've been thinking that he was doing the wrong, but in actuality, it was ME that was doing the wrong. :-( I screwed this up, not him. Is there any way to "correct" the situation? And I know I scared the crap out of him because I was the one who just HAD to put my feelings out there a month into dating!! That's when he started pulling away. If I knew then what I know now. Just so you know, I know this because as a guy, women have done the same thing to me. Multiple times, and most guys are the same way. The problem is not that you put your feelings out there in a month, if I thought you were a catch, that would make my day. The problem is that this guy isnt on the same page. Dont ever beat yourself up for being upfront with your feelings, thats part of being in an adult relationship.
Author runnergal Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Perfect. Thats straigh forward, honest, and not a guilt trip. I call it 'man approved'. haha Just tell him that you would like to be more than friends, but if he isnt interested, you totally understand - but its probably best you part ways. Most importantly - stick by what you say! If he says no thanks, that answer is NOT going to change if you wait it out. Stick by your guns, it will suck initially, but 6 months down the line, youll be so happy you did So "working towards a relationship" isn't intimidating?? I just want to make sure I "word" it correctly!! And, of course, do this conversation face to face and not via phone or computer. :-)
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