it ended very badly, big surprise

[Mino]

Sorry I will rephrase that. God put him in my life because He knew I needed to be saved.

Ok, MCW, I am not realgous, but I think your wrong on this one. God gave you free will.... He did NOT put A MARRIED MAN into YOUR life to save you... God gave you strength, courage and free will to save YOUSELF!! Thats so F*ck up to think that. Can you PLEASE take some responsibity foryourself.... Hey we ALL make mistakes... but what really URKS me is when one cannot admit that, and needs to blame someone eles. Thats what OW was saying, He was the boss, he is more to Blame, BuLL Sh*T.!! Both are equal to blame !! Nobody made you go into an A. You are a grown woman. And Damit dont blame GOD for this one, GEEZZZZ

[Mino]

Ok, MCW, I am not realgous, but I think your wrong on this one. God gave you free will.... He did NOT put A MARRIED MAN into YOUR life to save you... God gave you strength, courage and free will to save YOUSELF!! Thats so F*ck up to think that. Can you PLEASE take some responsibity foryourself.... Hey we ALL make mistakes... but what really URKS me is when one cannot admit that, and needs to blame someone eles. Thats what OW was saying, He was the boss, he is more to Blame, BuLL Sh*T.!! Both are equal to blame !! Nobody made you go into an A. You are a grown woman. And Damit dont blame GOD for this one, GEEZZZZ

AND I AM or WAS a "OW" for 5 years, who is telling you this!~

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Ok, MCW, I am not realgous, but I think your wrong on this one. God gave you free will.... He did NOT put A MARRIED MAN into YOUR life to save you... God gave you strength, courage and free will to save YOUSELF!! Thats so F*ck up to think that. Can you PLEASE take some responsibity foryourself.... Hey we ALL make mistakes... but what really URKS me is when one cannot admit that, and needs to blame someone eles. Thats what OW was saying, He was the boss, he is more to Blame, BuLL Sh*T.!! Both are equal to blame !! Nobody made you go into an A. You are a grown woman. And Damit dont blame GOD for this one, GEEZZZZ

 

I was referring to the new guy, not the MM.

 

I made a mistake and I'm taking steps to correct it, and hope that it is followed by forgiveness rather than punishment, but I have no control over that or what area of my life will be affected.

 

MM had a choice to stay or resign. It had nothing to do with my going to HR.

 

If someone is placing blame, listen to this: MM told me his first gf screwed him up by cheating on him, causing him to rush into marrying the next woman who crossed his path (his W), and then when in the A with me, tried to put the blame on her being depressed, and NOW he is trying to blame ME for his woes.

 

I will take responsibility for what happens to me, and I will also take steps to protect myself. I will NOT take responsibility for what happens to MM. I will not lie for him.

[fooled once]

I am still confused....

 

when exactly did you stop loving him?

 

Just a few months ago you posted

 

Actually, last Feb I said I'd wait a year, then I wanted him all to myself, and things had to be in motion long before then. Things are in motion, and he can't see it taking that long. I said a year because of other events in my life that would make it difficult for me to make any decisions during a specific time period, so this summer is perfect, otherwise, things wait in the wings til next Feb.

 

I have a ton of things in my fulfilling life. Having him on top of all that is a bonus, a dream, and not something I would "absolutly die" without, no drama here. Having him on top of me, hehe, will have to do for now

 

When was the wife's miscarriage? Before July when you "ended it"?

 

You also said

 

And I do know if this all blows up I will be the same person I am today. Nothing changes in my life other than the fact that he won't be my lover. We will continue to work together (unless the blow-up includes a firin' or he chooses to leave to work on his M).

 

And I will sorta agree with Mino --- God didn't put ANY MAN in your life to save you except HIM (God). Stop leaning on these men.

[NoIDidn't]

Okay NID I don't give a shyt if I get banned from LS, even though I have been on here for nearly five years, but if you had any idea of the emotional abuse this POS who calls himself a man put me and his wife through, you would not be so judgemental.

 

so

 

F*CK YOU!

 

I'll let someone else report you for not being civil, or hope the MODs catch it themselves.

 

I simply don't see where he put you through anything. I've read your posts. You did just as much to have this affair as he did. And for you to turn around and get him fired over it sounds mighty filled with revenge to me. For you to come here and claim he put you through anything is a stretch, IMO.

 

From what I have read, you pushed and pushed and pushed and now that you haven't gotten what you want out of it, you ran and told HR and got him fired.

 

Sorry, hun, but I calls it like I sees it. Revenge. And a love of pointless drama.

[NoIDidn't]

A cheating MM get his ass handed to him at the office instead of the OW?

 

About damn time.

 

While I agree with you, I don't like the fact that its because the OW told on him.

 

Its like she just waited for the right time to strike.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Even after the A ended, I was still in love with him. But I tried hard over the summer to let go of our hopes and dreams, I started to believe he would never leave and finally realized my feelings had changed, and I was ready to move on.

 

Her cancer and her miscarriage were 4 years ago.

 

I realized waiting in the wings was not healthy for me. I am not leaning on men. I am living my life. I have asked the newguy to be patient, told him everything, and told him I don't want him to be a transition guy, and he still wants to pursue a R with me because he sees good in me, not my mistakes.

[NoIDidn't]

And I will sorta agree with Mino --- God didn't put ANY MAN in your life to save you except HIM (God). Stop leaning on these men.

 

I asked this is another thread of MWCs. I asked her why she felt she needed to have a man in her life. She never answered.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

N.I.D. for the last time, I did not get him fired. He was not fired. He was not asked to leave. He was not reprimanded in any way, shape or form. He resigned of his own accord.

 

What did he do to me? Well, I tried to end the affair in June. Were you reading? I hated that he was giving his W the apathy treatment, and warned him that the longer he lied to her, the more people would get hurt. I was a friend to him, when I should have gone NC like I am doing now. I don't think even then I could have gone full NC without involving HR or his superiors.

 

I told him over and over that the possibility existed for me to move on.

 

He told me over and over that it would take a long time, and he wanted to make sure his W understood the reasons he wasn't trying at home.

 

HE is the one who wanted more time, so I moved on so he could take his time. Now he wants me to jump back in with him. His words "we jumped in a long time ago".

 

Why do I want a man in my life? I would like to be married again. I would like to have someone to come home to after work. I would like companionship in retirement. I am not getting any younger so when I meet someone and everything about it tells me to move forward, why would I say oh no, my time limit isn't up yet for being single.

[fooled once]

I ended the affair two months ago, BUT you slept with him twice since the "break up", correct? and encouraged MM to work on things with his wife. I made a statement, IF you are going to be an A-HOLE why not just leave?

 

Know what else about my MM? His wife had cancer several years ago and he abandoned her because taking graduate studies was more important to him than driving her to her appts. She had to take the handivan on the days she felt too weak to drive herself. She suffered a miscarriage and do you think he was there for her?

 

When I found this out, THAT is when she started to exist in my mind. That is when I had to start letting go of the dreams, and that is when I fell out of love with him, but tried so hard to be there as a friend, and THAT was mistake #2. AND I could not tell him off because he was my BOSS.

 

The first bold is my question to you; the 2nd bold ---- if she had this happen 4 years ago, yet you started an affair with him earlier this year; how exactly did you start letting him go????

[fooled once]

N.I.D. for the last time, I did not get him fired. He was not fired. He was not asked to leave. He was not reprimanded in any way, shape or form. He resigned of his own accord.

 

What did he do to me? Well, I tried to end the affair in June. Were you reading? I hated that he was giving his W the apathy treatment, and warned him that the longer he lied to her, the more people would get hurt. I was a friend to him, when I should have gone NC like I am doing now. I don't think even then I could have gone full NC without involving HR or his superiors.

 

I told him over and over that the possibility existed for me to move on.

 

He told me over and over that it would take a long time, and he wanted to make sure his W understood the reasons he wasn't trying at home.

 

HE is the one who wanted more time, so I moved on so he could take his time. Now he wants me to jump back in with him. His words "we jumped in a long time ago".

 

Why do I want a man in my life? I would like to be married again. I would like to have someone to come home to after work. I would like companionship in retirement. I am not getting any younger so when I meet someone and everything about it tells me to move forward, why would I say oh no, my time limit isn't up yet for being single.

 

MWC *hug* I DO hope you find happiness. I can totally understand wanting someone in your life. But I think you need to make sure that the next guy is SINGLE and that he is at the same point as you are in your life and MOST IMPORTANTLY, that you are mentally ready and happy to be able to embrace such a relationship.

[jj33]

I havent seen MWCs posts over the years only the recent ones but speaking from experience its not always easy and they dont make it easy.

 

If I had to work FOR xMM I would be institutionalized - on the other hand I doubt I would have gotten involved, but never say never.

 

We all know how difficult people can be when an A ends and how difficult it is to cope. If he was taking his problems out on MWC or behaving in a way that was inappropriate in the workplace, or using his power over her job to make her career more difficult because of his personal feelings then she had every right.

 

I would never suggest someone go to HR lightly but she did what she felt she had to do to protect herself. The guys life is falling apart so the fact that he lost his job is not good (resign has many meanings...).

 

As often as not it is the subordinate that gets fired - not legal but there are "reasons" and after a bad breakup whether its an A or not often performance suffers to some degree.

 

MWC I hope your job is safe.

[foreal]

While I agree with you, I don't like the fact that its because the OW told on him.

 

Its like she just waited for the right time to strike.

 

MMW says she did not rat him out.....

 

But even if she did, MM handed her the hammer, so she could strike at her pleasure, when he handed her his pants.

[bentnotbroken]

Sorry I will rephrase that. God put him in my life because He knew I needed to be saved.

 

 

God doesn't put married people in any one's life to have an AFFAIR with...sheesh. What have you been saved from. Your own worst enemy is the person in the mirror. Just like 90% of the population.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

God doesn't put married people in any one's life to have an AFFAIR with...sheesh. What have you been saved from. Your own worst enemy is the person in the mirror. Just like 90% of the population.

 

I was NOT referring to MM. I was referring to the new man in my life.

 

FooledOnce, his Wife's incidents were years ago, but he only told me about it a couple months ago.

 

I had a talk with MM's boss to find out what to expect in the next couple of weeks with MM. In our office it is very easy to talk to others and mgmt has an open door policy. MM resigned but his boss told me he basically rejected it and told him to work from home this week and take next week off while considering what he wanted to do.

 

If he stays with his W (he only confessed everything last weekend) then it is understandable for him to leave. His boss said to me "I hope you're not planning on leaving", so I suppose my job is safe.

 

His boss is also his friend, and the three of us have worked closely together, and I found myself speaking more sincerely and from the heart than I thought... I found some emotions coming to the surface, so I am not the cold you-know-what some of you are making me out to be.

[NoIDidn't]

N.I.D. for the last time, I did not get him fired. He was not fired. He was not asked to leave. He was not reprimanded in any way, shape or form. He resigned of his own accord.

 

What did he do to me? Well, I tried to end the affair in June. Were you reading? I hated that he was giving his W the apathy treatment, and warned him that the longer he lied to her, the more people would get hurt. I was a friend to him, when I should have gone NC like I am doing now. I don't think even then I could have gone full NC without involving HR or his superiors.

 

I told him over and over that the possibility existed for me to move on.

 

He told me over and over that it would take a long time, and he wanted to make sure his W understood the reasons he wasn't trying at home.

 

HE is the one who wanted more time, so I moved on so he could take his time. Now he wants me to jump back in with him. His words "we jumped in a long time ago".

 

Why do I want a man in my life? I would like to be married again. I would like to have someone to come home to after work. I would like companionship in retirement. I am not getting any younger so when I meet someone and everything about it tells me to move forward, why would I say oh no, my time limit isn't up yet for being single.

 

This puts a different spin from my first impression of your post, certainly. Its sounds less like revenge, but still a lot like covering your own @$$.

 

I hope you find someone one day too, but you have to give yourself a little more time between relationships because all it creates is drama.

 

I am sure that your MM is a rat. I've felt that way about him since he tried to get his W to dump him by being a jerk to her. But I still can't see where he did anything to you that you didn't in some way encourage. I'm sorry, I don't.

 

Like I usually end up saying in your threads, I will bow out unless you or someone else addresses something to me directly. Its always a trainwreck - and I think that's something you should really explore before your next relationship. Just my two cents.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why the hell are you mad at NID!??

 

WTF this Affair was something you willingly started and kept going until you got tired of being his side piece! No one put a damn gun to your head and made you force yourself upon the other man! You did that on your own!

 

You arent owning your own shYt!

 

Be humbled about it. and own it. Why are you being defensive about it? why because you didnt get the MM???

 

Why do you want to be married again? didnt you have problems in your marriage beforehand with this MM during THAT marriage?

 

Right now you shouldnt be even dating! You need ALOT of counciling for your issues.

 

Please keep by yourself until you mentally be better about dealing with the opposite sex and your self esteem.

 

And im not being bitter or angry. im just being real.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

I know Chrome. I know you all think I need a break.

 

My new guy actually is a counsellor. Weird huh?

 

Initially I wanted to freind-zone him but he didn't see why we shouldn't jump in. I told him if you knew you would run, and I told him everything, and know what? He said he would never run.

 

I'm sorry I do get defensive on here, and that is my immaturity showing through. I see people post how their affair ended and they are trying to cope and they all get sympathy. I am trying to cope as well but being strong and doing what's right by finally going NC and hell yeah, I want to save my a$$ and I get bashed for it.

 

Why wouldn't I want to save my job?! Why would I say, Oh dear MM, let me hold your hand and risk both of us losing our jobs, let's sleep together, oh what? You're going back to her? Oh well we'll just do it this once and keep it a secret.

 

I am the one who held back. MM kept telling me that if I asked him to come over to my place, he'd be there in a second. I am the one who had to be strong through all this, and finally said enough.

 

I think MM's issues go alot deeper, and are not only a result of our affair.

[MistyK]

My new guy actually is a counsellor. Weird huh?

 

Initially I wanted to freind-zone him but he didn't see why we shouldn't jump in. I told him if you knew you would run, and I told him everything, and know what? He said he would never run.

 

 

But he is not YOUR counselor and you can't make the mistake of trying to put him in the role of boyfriend/therapist. Recipe for disaster.

 

He didn't see why you shouldn't go really slow or even wait since you just barely got out of a long term R? I hope you didn't find yourself another predator. As a counselor he can really mess with your head too, especially when you are at a vulnerable time in your life.

 

Next, what's up with the boundaries, or lack thereof? I admit being as guilty of this as the next person, and learned the hard way that spilling your guts to someone you hardly know isn't a good thing. I've done it many times. On some level I think it may be a way of trying to avoid rejection later - you lay it all out before you have a deep enough relationship that you care if they leave. Or were you looking for validation? But it's not healthy. Sharing deeply personal things is a kind of intimacy and trying to give it out to strangers doesn't work as a substitute for the real thing.

 

And again I find it odd that he's promising to never abandon you (and trust me, I get how attractive that idea is) and he doesn't even know you. He's got some screwy boundaries himself. Watch out.

[You'reasian]

OW you have it right.

 

I did not get him fired. He emailed me Monday night saying he couldn't see working together, so he would probably resign. I took that as more manipulation but believed him because a while ago, he did say that was one of his options, just to go away.

 

I talked to HR the next morning, only to protect myself. I didn't want my job to suffer as a result of being called to hold his hand for 2 hours a day. HIS boss came to me saying that MM spoke to him before I went to HR. HR spoke to his boss, I don't know what was said, but as a result of MM's "home" issues he had already covered his own a$$ and it was time I covered mine.

 

Could you imagine if he decided to move me to a new position, one I wouldn't enjoy, just because HE felt I was wasting time in his office even though I was at his beck and call as a result of his control and power over me?

 

I don't expect to come out smelling like roses but my work is getting done and that is all that should matter. If he can't handle the emotional crisis and focus on his job, then it's his job on the line, not mine.

 

I've always believed that you should never date where you work. Never have. Its stories like this that remind you why this is a good idea.

[fooled once]

jj33 wrote

 

If he was taking his problems out on MWC or behaving in a way that was inappropriate in the workplace, or using his power over her job to make her career more difficult because of his personal feelings then she had every right.

 

I didn't see anywhere on this where the MM was doing anything wrong - jobwise. Maybe I missed something. How was he being inappropriate NOW (not past things - but NOW since the 'breakup')??

[jj33]

Thats the point Fooled. We dont know. And it sounds like he was being inappropriate if he was using his position to have MWC hold his hand while he grieves the loss of his marriage.

 

Obviuosly she thought he had crossed the line or she wouldnt have reported him - just giving her the benefit of the doubt.

[fooled once]

I know Chrome. I know you all think I need a break.

 

My new guy actually is a counsellor. Weird huh?

 

Initially I wanted to freind-zone him but he didn't see why we shouldn't jump in. I told him if you knew you would run, and I told him everything, and know what? He said he would never run.

 

I'm sorry I do get defensive on here, and that is my immaturity showing through. I see people post how their affair ended and they are trying to cope and they all get sympathy. I am trying to cope as well but being strong and doing what's right by finally going NC and hell yeah, I want to save my a$$ and I get bashed for it.

 

Why wouldn't I want to save my job?! Why would I say, Oh dear MM, let me hold your hand and risk both of us losing our jobs, let's sleep together, oh what? You're going back to her? Oh well we'll just do it this once and keep it a secret.

 

I am the one who held back. MM kept telling me that if I asked him to come over to my place, he'd be there in a second. I am the one who had to be strong through all this, and finally said enough.

 

I think MM's issues go alot deeper, and are not only a result of our affair.

 

I have to wonder how good of a counselor he is if he is pushing to jump into a relationship with you when he KNOWS damn good and well that you are FAR from ready.

 

I think most would be more sympathetic if you owned it all. Instead, it is all his fault. You KNEW the kind of man he was - a liar, a cheater, destructive to his wife mentally - yet you constantly defended him.

 

NOW you are all boo him?

 

So many of us tried to tell you this would not turn out well and you poo poo'd us. You told us he LOVED you, not her. That he was this great guy. That the love you two share is so different and you two would make it.

 

It only became more apparent to you 5-6 weeks ago when you could see the handwriting on the wall that he was going to stay with his wife because he couldn't get her to THROW him out; try as he might. No matter what ****ty things he was doing to his wife; you defended him and your relationship.

 

I don't think there is a single member here who wants you to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life.

 

I think we all want you to SLOW down with newguy and work on YOU.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am jot a drama queen, I just made some bad choices while in an emotional vulnerable state, and certain type of men recognize and take advantage of that.

Did you read my next line? That was when I tried to end it. He was my boss. He had control over me and didn't make it easy for me to move on.

It's amazing how powerless you seem to feel you are. He "took advantage" of you. He "had control over" you. It seems important for you to see yourself a victim, not responsible for what occurred. At least to me, tattling to HR only cements that status.

 

Although it is refreshing to see an OW throw a MM under the bus. Usually happens the other way around...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Confused4Now]

Why the hell are you mad at NID!??

 

WTF this Affair was something you willingly started and kept going until you got tired of being his side piece! No one put a damn gun to your head and made you force yourself upon the other man! You did that on your own!

 

You arent owning your own shYt!

 

Be humbled about it. and own it. Why are you being defensive about it? why because you didnt get the MM???

 

Why do you want to be married again? didnt you have problems in your marriage beforehand with this MM during THAT marriage?

 

Right now you shouldnt be even dating! You need ALOT of counciling for your issues.

 

Please keep by yourself until you mentally be better about dealing with the opposite sex and your self esteem.

 

And im not being bitter or angry. im just being real.

This will be the first time I'm going to say this....I totally agree with Chrome on this one!!!! Damn did I say that?