OnTheEdge Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 hey im not doing so well..heres my story..not sure how 2 start my gf of 3 years is originally from spain..she hasnt been there for the past 2 years.. this summer she went back there to see friends family etc for a little break.. i was suppose to go but couldnt get the money together in time becuase i dont have a job at the moment.. after like 10 days of her being there we had a arguement and she said she wanted 2 stay a little longer to clear her mind etc.. so a couple days later she says shes staying longer and that she doesnt wanna be with me anymore.. i was real upset and begged her to change her mind..before she left we were great..really making progress in our relationship.. no argueing..going nice places together.. we decided thia break apart was for her to clear her mind cuz she misses her country and for me 2 get a job and sort my things out.. before i was a lil unmotivated about things but really changed when she went to make things better for us.. now she says its too late..etc..the other day she got real crazy shouting on the fone at me sayin hurtful things like im not in love with u anymore and i wasnt inlove for a whle before i left (which is not true becuase she was so happy).it doesnt sound liek her on the fone..liek a different person i just dont know what 2 do its been over a month since she left and she still hasnt came back..i have noboby to talk to becuase i got rid of most of my friends as they dont want the same in life as me..they wanna be in the same position forever doing nuthin but i wanna be successful.. she basically ignored me all the time..i would send texts tellin her how much i love her and i wouldnt get the love back.. she says lets talk when i get back but its so hard..can someone fall out of love when they havent even saw you ? i dont understand.. i think she is confused and built up alot of negative thoughts about me..she also hates england..it depresses her she says..im sorry this is all a jumble but its like its all come out at once in my writing lol i have never felt so lonely and depressed in my entire life..im tryin to look for jobs and stay positive but its so hard with this in my mind..its never leaves my mind..from the second i wake until the second i sleep..im also losing sleeo everynite..i was up at like 5 am and cant get back to sleep.. she is the type of person who shuts people away when she gets stressed..theres so much more but 2 be honest its upsettin me to think and type it.. i dont know what to do and i dont know why she is doing this to me we were so close i was there for her when she had nobody ..helped her through all her problems and then i get this at the end..i havent explained this properly at all becuase im too stressed to type or explain properly..but i hope u understand it lol..
Author OnTheEdge Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 oh and just over a week ago she rang me and said she missed me my love and was gonna come back as soon as possible..i asked if we could sort things out and she said yes..i was so happy but then it all went back to how she was..ignoring me etc.saying she needs time alone.( the main reason she hasnt been back is before she was suppose 2 come back in july when the ticket prices were lower becuase she stayed longer the prices shot up..her mom has been in charge of gettin the ticket and booked it for september cuz its like 4 times cheaper)
Ash_fiasco Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 well buddy i m a guy from india...d same thing nt exactly bt i too begged my gf to stay wid me coz i really loved her...bt rmbr it nvr show ur expressions dt u wont survive widout her......i knw in love whts all is dat it stinks if it does nt get long....all u can do is dat remain cool and be patient....things would get fyn...and if at all she dont bothers about you....dont care...u r a man...think positive d world is cunning and ppl live for der own....nobdy wud sacrifice his or her life for anyone nowadays hope u understand coz things dont happen as per ur expectations always so dont worry jst chill njoy wid some soothing music
Ash_fiasco Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 yeah man i can understand ur difficulties and pain i have gone through it and it jst hurts and bites and it crawls through ur mind wht to do coz after all u have everything for her ur dreams and ur feelings wid her...bt u knw it's nt wrong to say no body cares for anyone so dont get depressed nd take it on ur mind...it's a part of life things happen for ur betterment nd i knw it takes a lot of tym to recover as it happend wid me bt u wud be fyn soon....nd u wud get fyn
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 yeah man i can understand ur difficulties and pain i have gone through it and it jst hurts and bites and it crawls through ur mind wht to do coz after all u have everything for her ur dreams and ur feelings wid her...bt u knw it's nt wrong to say no body cares for anyone so dont get depressed nd take it on ur mind...it's a part of life things happen for ur betterment nd i knw it takes a lot of tym to recover as it happend wid me bt u wud be fyn soon....nd u wud get fyn Really wish you would learn to type. May I ask how old you are, OnTheEdge? No reason in particular, just want to get a better idea of the situation. So anyway, firstly, I'm really sorry with all that you're going through & I'll try to help as best as I possibly can. And it's nice to see someone close to home on here Begging a girl to come back to you will not work... and if it does, she's only come back to you out of pity. So for a start, stop doing that. She also seems to be treating you like complete garbage, ie. shouting down the phone. You cannot let her do this, all she's going to do is think that she can treat you however she likes and you'll send her a lovey text & everything will be okay. In my opinion, her telling you she's gonna talk to you when she returns to England is a cop out; something to shut you up for the time being... to keep leading you on. What if she takes a year to return? You really gonna waste all that time? I hope not. You said this in your original post and this is how she feels, in my opinion: "so a couple days later she says shes staying longer and that she doesnt wanna be with me anymore.." You may have to accept the fact that she no longer wants to be with you. And I really feel your pain; I know it's so tough to think about and fathom, but sometimes you have to think with your head & not your heart. She is clearly ripping you apart to the point your health is suffering through lack of sleep. She's also sending you mixed signals (saying she doesn't want you, then giving you hope by saying she'll talk when she returns) and it's not fair. I'm sure she's a nice girl and I'm sure she has her reasons, but her reasons do not justify making you completely miserable. Like I said before, it's really not fair. Please think about what I've said with a logical head and not a heart longing for a quick-fix. Sometimes the best option for us is the hardest road but is much better in the long run. Sorry if I seem a little harsh, you sound like a nice guy and don't deserve this. Good luck <3 and yayyy. Go the UK hehe.
Author OnTheEdge Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 thanks for taking the time to read my story and reply im 24 its really confusing because everything was so good before she went away.. we definatly have problems but we agreed to work on them..and she was probably the one most determined to make us work..one of her problems is that she thinks too much..and thinks very negative..normally id be there to reassure her but im not there so i cant..i think she sat down and built up all the bad fromour relationship and forgot the good..shes gonna be back in a couple days... i took alot of breaks from her when she didnt wanna etc so i think maybe this is like revenge..becuase she knows theres nuthin i can do..i know i shouldnt of sent so many texts and calls but i think anyytbody would if this happens..i needed answers... im just scared that our bond could be broken over this time apart... is it possible for someone to fall out of love with u in time apart when they was madly in love the last time u met ? i dont understand that..
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 thanks for taking the time to read my story and reply im 24 its really confusing because everything was so good before she went away.. we definatly have problems but we agreed to work on them..and she was probably the one most determined to make us work..one of her problems is that she thinks too much..and thinks very negative..normally id be there to reassure her but im not there so i cant..i think she sat down and built up all the bad fromour relationship and forgot the good..shes gonna be back in a couple days... i took alot of breaks from her when she didnt wanna etc so i think maybe this is like revenge..becuase she knows theres nuthin i can do..i know i shouldnt of sent so many texts and calls but i think anyytbody would if this happens..i needed answers... im just scared that our bond could be broken over this time apart... is it possible for someone to fall out of love with u in time apart when they was madly in love the last time u met ? i dont understand that.. Hmmm. I'm not so sure... I mean, if she left England 'in love', got to Spain and soon after she's 'out of love', then something isn't quite right. Maybe being in a different country made her evaluate things differently and look at her life... and perhaps when she left England she left your 'honeymoon' sort of relationship and maybe the whole novelty wore off. Do you want to get back with her after all of this? I mean... after all the mixed signals and hurt she's caused you?
Author OnTheEdge Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 Hmmm. I'm not so sure... I mean, if she left England 'in love', got to Spain and soon after she's 'out of love', then something isn't quite right. Maybe being in a different country made her evaluate things differently and look at her life... and perhaps when she left England she left your 'honeymoon' sort of relationship and maybe the whole novelty wore off. Do you want to get back with her after all of this? I mean... after all the mixed signals and hurt she's caused you? oh no it wasnt honeymoon lol we been together 3 years and been through alot..had breaks from each other etc..only thing i can think is that she maybe is confused and wants 2 move back there..(she hates england as a country) i dont know if i want her anymore..i love her and everything but this has been so bad..but at the same time i put her through some bad stuff too.i took a break from her many times some times for like a month cuz everything got to much..so i cant really blame her for this but i didnt do it froma different country and ignore her..so i dunno..i think she is really confused..i dont know where i stand at all
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 oh no it wasnt honeymoon lol we been together 3 years and been through alot..had breaks from each other etc..only thing i can think is that she maybe is confused and wants 2 move back there..(she hates england as a country) i dont know if i want her anymore..i love her and everything but this has been so bad..but at the same time i put her through some bad stuff too.i took a break from her many times some times for like a month cuz everything got to much..so i cant really blame her for this but i didnt do it froma different country and ignore her..so i dunno..i think she is really confused..i dont know where i stand at all Even in long term relationships, honeymoon periods can come & go and perhaps, given that she's in the place that makes her happy, maybe you sadly just don't compare. She might have also been planning this all along...waiting till she was in Spain and therefore could easily keep out of your way. She told you she doesn't want to be with you anymore and maybe you should stick with it. The sheer fact you've asked for breaks previously is completely unrelated to this... this is her break....and how you deal with it is up to YOU...you don't have to deal with it the way she did.. she has hurt you and I'm not sure why, I just have a gut feeling that you're going to be hurt more if you get back together with her
marlena Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Maybe being in a different country made her evaluate things differently and look at her life... and perhaps when she left England she left your 'honeymoon' sort of relationship and maybe the whole novelty wore off. Yes, it happens. "Out of sight, out of mind." That said, however, if the connection were very solid, this would probably not have happened so easily. A few months apart should not cause such a rift unless the relationship was weak to begin with. I am inclined to believe that your girlfriend misses her country very much. She told you as much when she confessed that she did not like England and that living there was causing her to feel depressed. I know Spain very well as my daughter lives there and I spend extended periods of time there. It is very different from England. The weather is different, the life style, the culture, the mentality, the people's temperament. This is something you have to take into account. This, and of course, your girlfriends wishes which you need to respect. If this is how she feels right now, even if it is only being confused, you need to step back, stop applying pressure and let her come to her own choices. Begging and constantly harassing her will only bring the opposite result. The best thing to do is wait patiently until she comes back and then have a person-to-person talk with her. If she doesn't come back, perhaps you can save some money and fly over with the best intentions to clear the situation up with civility. There are very cheap flights between the two countries especially if you book ahead. Look into Easy Jet perhaps. She has been gone quite some and in the interim a lot has probably transpired in her life. Just keep this in mind. Distance does drive a wedge into relationships. That's just the way it is. Some get through the hurdle, others don't. It's life. Hope this helped.
Author OnTheEdge Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 i havent contacted her for like 3 days..i think im gonna just move on.. someone who loves me wouldnt put me through this..i feel like a zombie from lack of sleep..im starting college soon and i really dont need all this on my mind as its gonna be hard as it is..if she wants me and loves me she will come to me and work things out..if not it wasnt meant to be i guess..i have to think of myself..cant let myself go..im still in shock after allthese weeks cuz i never expected it.. she says she is gettin back into livin in her culture.
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 i havent contacted her for like 3 days..i think im gonna just move on.. someone who loves me wouldnt put me through this..i feel like a zombie from lack of sleep..im starting college soon and i really dont need all this on my mind as its gonna be hard as it is..if she wants me and loves me she will come to me and work things out..if not it wasnt meant to be i guess..i have to think of myself..cant let myself go..im still in shock after allthese weeks cuz i never expected it.. she says she is gettin back into livin in her culture. No. No. No. The ball is entirely in your court. She can come back to you all she likes but you must ask yourself with your BRAIN, not heart, if she's actually going to add anything to your life. She's hurt you this much now and it's possible it could happen again. My opinion and gut feeling is that you should move on. Good luck and I hope, if you chose to forget about her, that the healing is fast.
Ash_fiasco Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Really wish you would learn to type. hahahaha................it's lyk i am nuts now........would you teach me how to type.....well actually i write sluggish dirty and so called garbage......but you wont believe i write poetry too thats deeper never felt .........thats my favourate time pass.........plz do teach me i want to learn how to write with ,';.?>> and so on...at the appropriate postions..........lish would you teach me please............????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Author OnTheEdge Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 Hey just returning to say thanks you to everyone for your advice last year...i couldnt see it at the time becuase i was confused etc but as time went on i realised what i had to do when she came home it was her birthday, i went along to her party when i really didnt wanna..but her and her friends begged me..she treated me liek crap at the party and i left and told her i would never talk to her again and thats what happened..i still see her from time to time but i dont even look at her realised she wasnt worth it and ive never been so happy since
yezzir1 Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 you should check out my thread that i submitted today. It's basically identical to your story except I was the one in Europe, and she was back at home. I think time apart, if things weren't going well at the time of seperation, makes the heart grow further away and creates distance. MY ex told me that she didnt love me anymore just the same as your girl, and i had the same reaction. How does that happen? 1. external influences (manipulative ppl) 2. accumulation of negative emotions 3. cheating (emotions are all tied up down there for women) I wish the best for you man.
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