Ash_fiasco Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 well....i belong to bhopal,india...i started dating with a girl an year back...on yahoo msngr...basically we have social problems like..caste and religion...well i am an hindu and she is a jain...basically what happened is that after a month i realized that i liked her....i proposed her...she cried sayin dat her parents won't agree for our marriage and we dont have any future......i said ok i m leavin ya...it's as per ur wish.....and dn she cried for me sayin dat plz dont leave me...i too love you...things went fine...we had a little fight...actually we lived a bit far from each other and so i meet her once in nearabout 45 days...and rest conversation on d phone....it took about an year....she usually say me dat my parents are forcing me to marry...it's something usual with ppl in india and i said dont u worry i wud help you and wud take u out of d mess anyway...and after an year she called me one night and told dat i would not keep any relation wid ya and sayin dat i dont love you...i cried for her...coz maybe it was the first time i had a true love to call for myself....bt she did not had any reaction.....she used to make me feel usually dat i may leave u any instant....she had a ex beau for about 4 years she left her coz according to her he was a flirt.....i accepted her even knowing the things...and when i try to call her....her best friend from australia calls me and jst try to abuse.....and i reacted to her very seriously on this issue...i even abused her on the phone..... now it's about 2 months....i m an engineering student...i dont know how to make things back to normal.....it dissapoints me everytime...i jst cant escape out of her....it makes me depressed and sad....nd i feel lonely...dont know why it jst happened??????
Ronni_W Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 dont know why it jst happened?????? Well, you really DO know why it happened, yes? She had a lot of pressure from her family, culture, traditions and religion. You KNOW how difficult it can be to go against all of that, and you KNOW that sometimes it is impossible due to consequences. It is very difficult when we lose someone we love, and I'm sorry you're going through it. Your sad feelings will fade over time. Until then, do what you can to focus on your studies, stay fit and healthy, enjoy your hobbies and interests, and hang out with your friends. The thing to NOT do, is tell yourself that you don't know why the break-up happened. You do know, and perhaps you also always kind of knew that it was more inevitable than not. Sending hugs and healing.
mickleb Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Just move on. And please, get a dictionary. How rude. Considering this person is from India, I would say his English is excellent. A lot better than some people's from the USA or UK. Can you try to say something with compassion instead of something nasty when you're 'helping' people here, please? You may find others are less willing here to help you, if you're unable to do that.
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 How rude. Considering this person is from India, I would say his English is excellent. A lot better than some people's from the USA or UK. How racist of you. Just because he's from India you expect him to lack english skills? His spelling is terrible, it makes reading the post a pain. Don't insult indians by assuming they don't get taught proper english writing in school. Can you try to say something with compassion instead of something nasty when you're 'helping' people here, please? You may find others are less willing here to help you, if you're unable to do that. How presumptuous of you to tell other people what to post on this board.
mickleb Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 How racist of you. Just because he's from India you expect him to lack english skills? His spelling is terrible, it makes reading the post a pain. Don't insult indians by assuming they don't get taught proper english writing in school. I am presuming the OP's first language is not English. Not that he has not had 'proper English' taught to him in school. I was taught 'proper German' in my school but I would not regard a German racist if they didn't expect me to be able to speak German as well as they did. Is this forum for the purpose of teaching each other 'proper English' (and if it is, you could use some assistance in grammar)? Or is it a forum to help people process their difficult emotions, having been through a romantic break-up? How presumptuous of you to tell other people what to post on this board. Er, pot? Kettle? Black, utterer? Is it presumptuous of me to expect that people treat those here, who are asking for some advice about their feelings, with respect? I should hope so? (But then, you do seem to struggle with that concept quite a lot, from what I've read.)
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I am presuming the OP's first language is not English. Not that he has not had 'proper English' taught to him in school. I was taught 'proper German' in my school but I would not regard a German racist if they didn't expect me to be able to speak German as well as they did. But the problem is not the lack of english skills but a choice to use 'u', 'dat', 'dn' and other gangsta- or text-speech abominations. Most indians I know are very adamant that they are one of the few people on this planet that know 'proper english'. Is it presumptuous of me to expect that people treat those here, who are asking for some advice about their feelings, with respect? No, but your lecturing of others is. Just because you perceive something as a lack of respect (reminding others to at least try to communicate like an adult) does not make it so. Lish's suggestion was helpful advice - more people will read the post and respond to it if there are no barriers such as the aforementioned spelling issues. (But then, you do seem to struggle with that concept quite a lot, from what I've read.) Again, please learn not to generalize too much. Your personal interpretation is just that: personal, subjective, yours. Your failure to comprehend that your value judgements are not universal makes it easy to disregard your ad hominem attacks.
mickleb Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 But the problem is not the lack of english skills but a choice to use 'u', 'dat', 'dn' and other gangsta- or text-speech abominations. Many people on this forum use abbreviations. If you abhor them, don't read the post. Many people on this forum don't mind when others use abbreviations. No, but your lecturing of others is. Why do you perceive my comments as 'lecturing' but yours or Lish's as something different? Just because you perceive something as a lack of respect (reminding others to at least try to communicate like an adult) does not make it so. I never mentioned the word 'adult' - that is your perception of my response. No, my perception of what is disrespectful does not make it so but I am entitled to comment if I feel someone has been disrespectful. And I do think that. Lish's suggestion was helpful advice How does one 'just move on'? Is it that simple? I cannot see how this advice is helpful. And to someone who is not here for English lessons, 'get a dictionary' is not helpful, either but unecessary and alienating. I.M.H.O. more people will read the post and respond to it if there are no barriers such as the aforementioned spelling issues. See above. I have suggested before that people try using paragraphs as they can make it easier to follow a narrative. I explain this sensitively and give my reasons for offering such advice, in order to help the OP understand why I have made the suggestion (on the rare occasion that I do so). I appreciate that, when people post a new thread here, they are often emotional, and conveying their true feelings becomes a priority over communicating using perfect English. Again, please learn not to generalize too much. Your personal interpretation is just that: personal, subjective, yours. Your failure to comprehend that your value judgements are not universal makes it easy to disregard your ad hominem attacks. I base my judgement of your responses on the dismissive words you have used to others seeking help, as I have judged Lish's response (not her, as a person but the language she used). We all make judgements on the posts we read here. I would never expect my judgementsto be universal. Again, you are judging me by suggesting this. But I, personally, feel strongly that flippant responses such as Lish's and many of yours are not productive. In fact, I feel Lish's response borders on racism. I could have reported it but chose to communicate with her, instead. Obviously, you have found it very hard to disregard what you perceive to be an 'ad hominem attack' made by me but if you wish to disregard any of my posts, please do. I'm not looking for the advice of someone who defends and uses, I.M.O., dismissive and offensive language whilst 'advising' someone who has asked for emotional help.
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Many people on this forum use abbreviations. If you abhor them, don't read the post. Many people on this forum don't mind when others use abbreviations. There's a huge difference between 'OW needs help regarding xMM' and 'I wud read ur post bt dn I lost interest'. Why do you perceive my comments as 'lecturing' but yours or Lish's as something different? I suppose because she was succinct while you are droning on. I never mentioned the word 'adult' - that is your perception of my response. This remark of mine was referring to the 'dn', 'u' and 'jst' abbreviations, not your response. No, my perception of what is disrespectful does not make it so but I am entitled to comment if I feel someone has been disrespectful. And I do think that. And I think that you are racist or at least extremely prejudiced to imply that indians do not master the official language of their country. How does one 'just move on'? Is it that simple? Yes, but that's not the point. I cannot see how this advice is helpful. And to someone who is not here for English lessons, 'get a dictionary' is not helpful, either but unecessary and alienating. I.M.H.O. Yes, she should have asked him to use the spelling correction built-in into his web-browser or the loveshack-editor. Especially since his post does not display a lack of knowledge of english but simply a preference for text-message-like shortcuts. See above. I have suggested before that people try using paragraphs as they can make it easier to follow a narrative. I explain this sensitively and give my reasons for offering such advice, in order to help the OP understand why I have made the suggestion (on the rare occasion that I do so). Yes, it is obvious that you prefer overly elaborate to succinct posts I appreciate that, when people post a new thread here, they are often emotional, and conveying their true feelings becomes a priority over communicating using perfect English. Perfect english is a plus, not a requirement, so please do not exaggerate the issue. I doubt anyone would have complained if the original post just contained a few typos. I base my judgement of your responses on the dismissive words you have used to others seeking help I'm glad you noticed my preference for not sugar-coating advice. Again, you are judging me by suggesting this. Indeed. I am aware of the fact that I a judgmental person, and I do derive pleasure from showing others who deny this that they are no different. But I, personally, feel strongly that flippant responses such as Lish's and many of yours are not productive. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. In fact, I feel Lish's response borders on racism. Pot. Kettle. Black. Obviously, you have found it very hard to disregard what you perceive to be an 'ad hominem attack' made by me but if you wish to disregard any of my posts, please do. Oh, I realize now I have been less than careful with my wording. Obviously. I will try to better myself in this regard. As for the attacks - I have a thick skin, feel free to continue those if it helps you. I'm not looking for the advice of someone who defends and uses, I.M.O., dismissive and offensive language whilst 'advising' someone who has asked for emotional help. This is your choice, but I feel that you might be missing some of the benefit of this board by ignoring advice that does not fit to your preconceived notions of what 'proper' advice consists of.
Author Ash_fiasco Posted August 27, 2009 Author Posted August 27, 2009 well thanx for the reply...and plz i just xplained my problem.......it's fyn if at all my english is poor......bt wht.....is dat now alll of you would start quarelling on this issue...there's nothing like racism...or anything here i knw.....its all upto you people how u consider my issue...........nyway thanx once again
MSUE Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Can you guys focus on the actual topic vs his English ? yea grammar issues but I had no problem reading it or understanding it... OP I'm sure you are going trough such a hard time...it truly does seem as if family and cultural differences are to blame...however I'm a firm believer that love conquers any obstacles along the way...only time will tell...for now try to stay calm and keep occupied so you don't go nuts thinking about this ordeal
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Can you guys focus on the actual topic vs his English ? yea grammar issues but I had no problem reading it or understanding it... Oh you spoil-sport...if you insist: Gf left me....without any suitable reason She does not need a reason that suits you for leaving you. Just move on. .however I'm a firm believer that love conquers any obstacles along the way... This sounds like you advise him to ignore her rejection?
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 How rude. Considering this person is from India, I would say his English is excellent. A lot better than some people's from the USA or UK. Can you try to say something with compassion instead of something nasty when you're 'helping' people here, please? You may find others are less willing here to help you, if you're unable to do that. This isn't ANYTHING to do with the fact he's from India. The fact of the matter is, he was using txt spk and in my opinion, if he knows txt spk, he knows how to spell the full word. I also don't believe there's anything he can do. And I also don't believe that his ex needs any reason to break up with him. It's their decision and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Therefore, he needs to move on; and that's what I said.
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Might I also just add, many of my friends are from other religions, backgrounds and races. I've visited India countless times and their culture is very interesting to me. Don't accuse me of being racist again. My issues were not with the fact he is from India or his English SKILLS themselves... it was the fact he opted to spell every word in 'txt spk'. That is all. Nothing more. Nothing less and certainly NOTHING racist. I think the OP saw that there was no racism going on. Moving on is not an easy thing to do, but it's unfortunately what he has to do. Whether or not he agrees with her reasoning, he needs to accept that she no longer wants to be with him and he needs to learn from any mistakes he made in the relationship. It will take time and if he concentrates on moving on with his life, day by day, it will get easier to cope with.
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Trust me, Lish, don't bother arguing with Utterer. (I'm going to refer to utterer as a male from forward on). You can't win; Not because he's intelligent... he really isn't above average in intelligence. You won't win because he doesn't care. He just wants the attention and conflict. It's just attention to him, you're wasting your time and words. Let this message be the last directed at him. Actually, he/she is defending me. mickleb accused me of racism because I asked someone who was using txt spk to get a dictionary. Thanks for the support though and is that really you in your avatar?
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Lol I understand now. But yes that is me in the avatar pic. I'm surprised you can see that small little pic!!! Mmmmm Something tells me that flirting on a breaking up thread isn't very good sooo I'll just say...if you're ever in N. Ireland...
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 In good fun, I must say I picture utterer as some really, really physically ugly dude/girl (never really said their gender did they) who is pissed at the world deep down as a result, and takes it out in any form of argument he/she can hatch up with random people. Oh, Thomas X, don't pretend you don't know I'm male...but nice to have you back nevertheless. On the...wait...fifth(?) account now? But now that you are here...you never answered those questions on the DSM-IV thread. Please do You can't win; Not because he's intelligent... he really isn't above average in intelligence. You won't win because he doesn't care. He just wants the attention and conflict. Oh, I completely forgot how great you are at analyzing people over teh intarwebs.
northstar1 Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Lol I understand now. But yes that is me in the avatar pic. I'm surprised you can see that small little pic!!! Why the new account Thomas X?
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Lol utterer, I hope you don't expect to be taken seriously? Why do you even bother? Go away But you started talking about me, Thomas. Again. See, the posts are up there, you can re-read them in case you already forgot.
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 I don't know why you say I am thomas when I haven't confirmed that. Because it's obvious. But you always pick fights with people. A part of me likes you because I have a dark side too, but you just are cold 98% of the time. I just wish you'd balance it out once in a while. Moo knows I care. It'd be great if you'd take your anger out on the ones who truly deserve that. Believe me, they are the frequent posters over on the dating forum. I'm not posting out of anger. And who are you to judge who deserves what?
utterer of lies Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Lmao you must've taken a class on arguments. It's called Trolling teh intarwebs 101, hosted by ED. That or you've just been arguing with people your whole life. Indeed. And who am I? No wonder you get confused, with so many accounts here... Who are YOU to NOT notice the idiocy that reigns supreme over the dating board? Seriously, who are you not to notice? We might have differing standards on what counts as idiocy. Oh well I'm sick of arguing with you and I do admit fault in this topic though. I provoked it 100% and take responsibility for this time around. My apologies for that. No problem. I like provocations, as you might have noticed before. Everytime you're mean to someone, I'm going to join in. You misunderstand. It it not my intention to be 'mean to someone'. The goal is to promote understanding and those nice little light-bulbs over people's heads. But mindless minions are always welcome. What do you think of wearing a colorful uniform and guarding the doomsday machine in my secret mountain fortress?
Lish Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Lol utterer, I hope you don't expect to be taken seriously? Why do you even bother? Go away And thank you for the compliment Lish. I always did want to go to ireland. How is it this time of year? Well, it's nice I guess.. I'm not really one for really hot weather for long periods of time...but seeing as I'm half American I get to visit family to get a bit of hot weather I hate that i can't PM yet! OP, you haven't really been advised due to accusations/arguments... so here we go. You can't change the fact she has dumped you. You need to try move on with your life as best you can. It wont be easy, but you can do it. Unfortunately, she does not need a suitable reason to end things with you...if she doesn't want to be with you one day ...there's sadly nothing you can do. You just have to learn from mistakes, move on & heal. I hope it's a quick recovery. Take care. Be strong.
mickleb Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 OP, you haven't really been advised due to accusations/arguments... so here we go. You can't change the fact she has dumped you. You need to try move on with your life as best you can. It wont be easy, but you can do it. Unfortunately, she does not need a suitable reason to end things with you...if she doesn't want to be with you one day ...there's sadly nothing you can do. You just have to learn from mistakes, move on & heal. I hope it's a quick recovery. Take care. Be strong. That's a lot nicer, Lish. OP - I apologise for the thread-jacking. Generally, I agree with what Ronnie W posted, earlier. I'm so sorry you're left feeling confused. A painful break-up is difficult to move on from when the motivation for it is obvious but it's very hard if some things don't seem to add up for you. I think the only thing left to do in a situation like this is to take the reasons she gave and not torture yourself, trying to second guess her. Some of her behaviour, most of it, perhaps, may be contradictory to the abruptness of her departure but all you are left with are the reasons she explained to you. And those reasons sound quite valid. As painful as this seems, right now, one day you will have made some sense of it and will be able to remember the good times you shared, fondly. That's little consolation now but you cannot change her mind, only your future. Look after yourself. x
Author Ash_fiasco Posted August 28, 2009 Author Posted August 28, 2009 i dont know but maybe i would get nuts reading all this....why dont you people concentrate on the matter?????????/ and by the way i think i dont need any dictionary....jst because i write small text messages thats all for this critizcizm is takin place...please dont make it a wide spread issue......it's fine.....i just needed your suggestions but the things got in a reversed manner i dont know what the heck is all this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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