TeacupMovinON Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I could write a novel here but I will keep it short and sweet. After a very serious relationship I am replaced in two days. That has been 7 months ago and most all of the heartache has passed. The lingering problem is that I am constantly comparing myself to the new girl. He posts her pictures here at work and brings her to the office. She seems to be everywhere. While she is not what most would consider an attractive woman, I still compare myself. I feel like she is smarter, more successful, everything that I am not... What to do, what to do?? I have got to let this go!
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 You 'feel'.... but do you 'know' for sure....? Remember the wise and famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you are feeling these things, it's because you're self-sabotaging - you know that, right? All conditions are mind-wrought. The trick is to catch the thought - and stop it short, as it arises. Watch your thinking. Literally. Up comes the thought. Say to yourself - "oh, is that right? is that true? proof? then shut up." And divert your thinking. to positive thoughts, such as - "I was there first, and I know where he really sucks. She has yet to find that out..... "
Author TeacupMovinON Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Thank you for your response! The problem is that I have convinced myself with 'proof'. She has a better job and has her masters degree while I am working to finish only my bachelor's and my job does not pay nearly as much. Add in the fact that the ex tried to remind me that she is better at making him feel loved... Just feelin' low. Thanks for reading!
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Well, certificates, degrees and diplomas don't make people. So she has academic achievements, well good for her. Look, it really doesn't matter what the bottom line is. If he's saying things to you deliberately in comparison - this makes him inconsiderate and extremely unintelligent. Rudeness and a supercilious attitude make someone infinitely inferior, when they use such comments to hurt. It's low and it's far from clever. You need to realise that you are absolutely wonderful exactly as you are. It doesn't matter what people have done. hell, I've never even been in a university, let alone sat a degree, but (excuse me saying) I'm a darn sight more interesting, worthwhile and happy exactly as I am, than many people I know, who have letters after their names. I'm better at some things than other people are. They're better at some things than I am. it's the way of the world. When he gloats, just tell him, "I'm happy for you, if you've found what you need. I hope it all goes well." and smile. To pursue his line would then just be utterly churlish and sadistic of him. And would just reflect on just what kind of an @$$hole he really is.
Author TeacupMovinON Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Well put, Tara! Here's to letting go of the last bit of jealousy....
rudeaims Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 That has to be hard to continue to see not only your ex but the 'other woman' right in the midst of you getting over the break up. I think this is why it has taken you so long to recover compared to those who just do not see thier ex again. Yet this can be used for YOUR benefit. Most do not get the chance to go ahead and spruce themselves up. This creates closure. Hold your head high and go ahead and treat yourself to a few new ensembles or a hair cut. That way, you can feel more confident about yourself and in time- will realize that you are a great catch for the RIGHT man
Beeotch Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I imagine how that must suck. My ex has a new gf but fortunately we are not aorund each other so I never have to see her. I do not know her personally but from what I have gathered, I do not feel insecure with respect to her as I feel I am head and shoulders above her...the fact that my ex said he needed something "easy"...and now has her...welllll LMAO LMAO ummmmm I take it she is what is "easy". But yea....as someone mentioned you may not have any proof that she is smarter, more successful etc. So you know what, if you do not know this, MAKE UP something that will make you feel better. I do not know every detail about this new girl....but I know she is not better than me from what I have witnessed and I STICK TO IT! What is the point of telling myself otherwise? In any case....someone dating another DOES NOT reflect you. Not being a match for someone or them having poor taste, or wanting something easy, or liking someone else does NOT devalue you.
trueblue72ny Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Add in the fact that the ex tried to remind me that she is better at making him feel loved...QUOTE] um, does anyone see a problem with this besides me?
Quest Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Add in the fact that the ex tried to remind me that she is better at making him feel loved...QUOTE] um, does anyone see a problem with this besides me? Yes. Seems unnecessarily cruel. Maybe you'll soon be thanking your lucky stars you're not this girl, instead of comparing yourself to her.
t0ri Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Remember the wise and famous words of Eleanor Roosevelt: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." And divert your thinking. to positive thoughts, such as - "I was there first, and I know where he really sucks. She has yet to find that out..... " Perfect. I'm learning to do this more often...
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