He's going to a party.... with the presence of females. Should I worry?!

[Dina2208]

So, if people have been reading my other two posts, they know that i have a lil bit of a jealousy rut and that my boyfriend admitted to me after lying that he looks at other women. Well, this weekend, or next, sometime before school starts up again.. my boyfriend is going to one of his old bestfriends birthday parties. He said he is going to spend the night because he will be drinking. At first he said he won't get **** faced, but now that one of his good friends said he wants to just get smashed, now my boyfriend wants to to. So, when he told me he will be going to the party, i didn't find anything really wrong. Until when he told me there might be some girls there. And now that he said that he wants to get **** faced, with girls maybe being at the party, it kinda scared me, and put a sick feeling in my stomach. Before me and my boyfriend even knew eachother, he used to go to teen parties alot, and get drunk and do some silly things that you wouldn't do if you had a girlfriend. He is absolutely faithful , and I know he wouldn't cheat on me, but when you get really drunk, sometimes you don't know what youre doing. This is really bugging me, and I need some advice, PLEASE! He already told me, I'm going to the party no matter what, so now I have to live with his decision. Someone, please help:sick:

[Lucky_One]

Good Lord. Just go to the party with him.

 

And make sure that you hang all over him all night, so that everyone else can see that he is taken. Or have a t-shirt printed that says "HANDS OFF! I AM DINA'S MAN!!" And if he even looks at another girl, go lock yourself in the bathroom crying all night.

[Thaddeus]

Good gawd, woman, your insecurity would be enough to drive any man batty.

 

If you're looking for ways to drive your man away, you've pretty much found them.

 

(end of rant)

 

Anyway...

 

Lucky One is right. Just go to the party with him. If you can't, then you have a choice:

 

• Go out yourself with some friends and have a good time
  
• Sit at home and worry about what he may be doing.
  

Choice is yours.

[Lucky_One]

Dina, you know what the problem is. You said it yourself in your first thread here.

 

"I got out of a 4 year relationship to be with my boyfriend now."

 

You cheated on your XBF, and you know how easy it is to cheat, and the guilt from what you did is making you see cheating behavior everywhere you look. Even if you didn't screw your current BF before breaking up with your XBF, you still were involved with him and had feelings for him prior to the break-up.

 

Go find a counselor at your school, and talk about it with him/her. Colleges have counselling departments, free of charge.

[Dina2208]

I know my insecurities isnt healthy at all. I'm trying to just stay confident in myself. I can't go to the party because I'm working that night. I was planning on having a sleepover with my bestfriend, so that I have time to have a girls night, and not have time to think negative things. Just, it is hard to not let even something like this small bother you, but what have you done in the past (if you ever had any situations where you felt like this) to just not feel so down or insecure?

[MSUE]

wow...I agree with everyone here...insecurity...if you so strongly believe he wouldn't cheat on you..then why should you worry? also yea alcohol affects our judgment but its ultimately the persons choice...are you not invited to the party? a\I'd be more mad at that...being completely left out...than him drinking with friends... most people judge based on their own actions...the fact that you cheated and left ur BF is now haunting you...that he may do the same to you...trust that tought crosses my head too but its way past me...so chill and go to the party with him if you can...if not then have ur own party

[vox]

Hey, I know. Why don't you simply put your boyfriend in one of those dog carriers and you can take him wherever you go, just like a pet so you'll never have to worry about anything he does ever again?

 

Doesn't that seem silly?!

 

Boyfriends and husbands are not dolls. They're not pets. They are not here solely for your amusement, entertainment, contentment and security. The only thing you're doing is guarantee that your bf will eventually run, not walk, away from you and all you'll have left is his smoking, burned rubber footprints in the ground next to you.

[angie2443]

I'm probably going too have a lot of people disagree with me, but I think you should seperate from your boyfriend and explore relationships with other men. This guy you are with may just not be the right guy. You'll never know untill you date a variety of men and see what type of man fits. If your boyfriend still likes to get drunk, he may not be ready for a steady relationship. There is nothing wrong with that in it self, it just means he might not be the right guy for you right now.

[caliguy999]

Sometimes guys need time away from their gfs. If you are trying to make him p*ssywhipped, that's not healthy.

[rudeaims]

I think you should go with him, if he says that he does not want you there- it is probably because you make him feel uncomfortable in a social atmosphere involving the presence of other women. If a woman acts more mysterious and like they do not give a flying rats a**- it keeps men wanting more...that is just free advice

[Dina2208]

I can't go, lol I have to work that night. I might just chill at home after work, better yet have a sleepover with my bestfriend that night

[serialgf]

why can't you go to the party after you get out of work? that's what i would do.... i like to party with my bf because he sees that i like to have fun too and he's more likely to invite me to other stuff too, which i like! it keeps me in the loop. just for our info, did he invite you to go with him? if he did thats a good sign...

 

i agree with the other posters that you seem very insecure... or at least you are very expressive about your insecurity - and that IMO is what drives guys away. i mean its one thing to go on about it here, but if you're actually talking about it to him all the time then its only a matter a time before you drive him totally nuts and away from you.

 

if you're really intent on not going to the party, then really there's not much you can do but have your girl night and focus on other stuff - tell your girl friend to call you out if you talk about him/your jealousy too much - just have a good time because that's what he's going to be doing

 

good luck!

[Dina2208]

He did invite me to go, he asked me if I was working that night, and unfortunately I am, so I said I wouldn't be able to go. It would be really hard for me to go after work because its in a different town, and I don't have my own car. I am very insecure, and I'm working on it. Most of the time, he always invites me to go out with him or just hang out with his friends, which is our group of friends now. I think I'm just going to have a night with my girlfriend

[sb129]

If you can't socialise separately without this level of anxiety every time then your R is doomed.

 

TRUST TRUST TRUST is SO important.

[serialgf]

He did invite me to go, he asked me if I was working that night, and unfortunately I am, so I said I wouldn't be able to go. It would be really hard for me to go after work because its in a different town, and I don't have my own car. I am very insecure, and I'm working on it. Most of the time, he always invites me to go out with him or just hang out with his friends, which is our group of friends now. I think I'm just going to have a night with my girlfriend

 

well then it sounds like you are off to a good start.... honestly, from what i've been through and i'm a bit older than you, if he invites you thats a really good sign.... it means he wants you to be there and why would he want you to be there if he was going to cheat on you? don't be ridiculous, okay? you're only stressing yourself out and your relationship....

i think you already sound a bit more relaxed about it... do your own thing, chill out with your bf (best friend that is) and let him do his silly drunken boy thing.... hang out with him the next day. i can't tell you how satisfying it is to chill with your boy after a bit of separation and you doing your own thing... you come back feeling refreshed and good about yourself and that is a super attractive quality.

i've actually been really insecure myself, and i still am at times, i just keep it to myself or my closest friends or here on LS.... but i am constantly busy with acting gigs and other projects and it really helps me feel better about myself and my bf likes those aspects of me! its a good way to be feeling good about yourself!! good luck

[Lucky_One]

Dina, you know what the problem is. You said it yourself in your first thread here.

 

"I got out of a 4 year relationship to be with my boyfriend now."

 

You cheated on your XBF, and you know how easy it is to cheat, and the guilt from what you did is making you see cheating behavior everywhere you look. Even if you didn't screw your current BF before breaking up with your XBF, you still were involved with him and had feelings for him prior to the break-up.

 

Go find a counselor at your school, and talk about it with him/her. Colleges have counselling departments, free of charge.

 

Any thoughts on this, Dina?

[Dina2208]

I agree. We are trying now to have some more space from seeing each other, because basically this whole summer, we have seen each other every single day. And I found that we fight a lot. But we are working on that as well. I'm going back to school, its my last year too, so I'll be occupied with getting assignments done, and he's in his last year of high school, and he really needs to concentrate so he can get his apprenticeship for electrical. So I think that space will do us very well, I'm actually looking forward to it because it will ease up some of the tension that our R suffers from. I also like it that he invites me whenever he goes out, it makes me feel good too I'm going to try really hard to not be so insecure at times, its hard but I'm working on it. Thanks serialgf

[Dina2208]

Well... I didn't have sex with him when I was still with my XBF, we just fooled around and got to know each other. But yes, I must admit that sometimes, the fact that I cheated still haunts me and I wouldn't want it done to me. Trust me, I learnt my lesson from cheating. I really am considering counseling at my college.

[vox]

I agree. We are trying now to have some more space from seeing each other, because basically this whole summer, we have seen each other every single day. And I found that we fight a lot. But we are working on that as well. I'm going back to school, its my last year too, so I'll be occupied with getting assignments done, and he's in his last year of high school, and he really needs to concentrate so he can get his apprenticeship for electrical. So I think that space will do us very well, I'm actually looking forward to it because it will ease up some of the tension that our R suffers from. I also like it that he invites me whenever he goes out, it makes me feel good too I'm going to try really hard to not be so insecure at times, its hard but I'm working on it. Thanks serialgf

 

Last year of high school? Wow. That's a huge maturity gap.

[Dina2208]

Yeah, it sometimes shows. I'm 20, he's turning 18, so he's three years younger. But at times, it feels like he's the older one, because his maturity is pretty high for a 17 year old, trust me, if he was really immature and stupid for me, I wouldn't have cheated to be with him.

[Left in a Lurch]

If you have that attitude, it shows and it will grind away at him until he breaks up with you or cheats. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

When you become a source of stress to him rather than a good thing, he'll break eventually.

Someone afraid of a guy being around women is a big source of stress because almost anywhere he goes and almost anything he does, there's a good chance there will be women around and he will know if you "find out" it will be more stress for him.

[sb129]

I had an exBF who was a cheater and also very insecure, he tried to control everything I did.

 

Note: EX- BF. Being constantly picked at and controlled by someone who is possessive, insecure and irrational (I mean come on, you can't expect someones social life to only involve members of the same sex) is very tiring.

[rudeaims]

why can't you go to the party after you get out of work? that's what i would do.... i like to party with my bf because he sees that i like to have fun too and he's more likely to invite me to other stuff too, which i like! it keeps me in the loop. just for our info, did he invite you to go with him? if he did thats a good sign...

 

i agree with the other posters that you seem very insecure... or at least you are very expressive about your insecurity - and that IMO is what drives guys away. i mean its one thing to go on about it here, but if you're actually talking about it to him all the time then its only a matter a time before you drive him totally nuts and away from you.

 

if you're really intent on not going to the party, then really there's not much you can do but have your girl night and focus on other stuff - tell your girl friend to call you out if you talk about him/your jealousy too much - just have a good time because that's what he's going to be doing

 

good luck!

 

 

I agree! I would go to HAVE FUN! More than likely, he will be all true- after all he did invite you.

[Miss Stress]

He did invite me to go, he asked me if I was working that night, and unfortunately I am, so I said I wouldn't be able to go. It would be really hard for me to go after work because its in a different town, and I don't have my own car. I am very insecure, and I'm working on it. Most of the time, he always invites me to go out with him or just hang out with his friends, which is our group of friends now. I think I'm just going to have a night with my girlfriend

 

If he already invited you ... let it go. Don't tell him what your plans are unless he asks. If you talk that day just tell him to have a great time. DEF DO NOT sit at home that is toxic! Have a plan to go out or do the sleepover w/gf. If he texts you text back "hope you're having a great time, party safe."

 

I do this when my bf parties w/o me and it drives him absolutely nuts that I'm so laid back he will text me every 5 min the entire time he's out. Then he'll call or text tme when he is going to sleep. He spends the whole time wondering why I don't care. I don't tell him these things to make him crazy. But wen u love someone you want them to be happy right? If that means partying w/his posse then I try to fully support the idea. If I have any worries or insecurities, I say the exact opposite of what I'm really feeling. Fake it till ya make it. It just so happens this drives him nuts and the entire time all he does is think about me and wonder "What is she doing? Why doesn't she care that I'm at a party w/a bunch of chicks? Why isn't she jealous?" Aahahahaha

[Lisa Bartley]

It doesn't sound like there is a history of cheating, and as was pointed out below: he's inviting you to come with him...

 

The bar where my boyfriend takes me now has a huge sign up on the wall, saying that if a man brings his "woman" along, he'll never be late! And I happily come along as much as I can.

 

When I don't come along, he's usually to drunk to be able to flirt or seduce anyone. I pity the woman he would try to seduce then.

 

Don't worry. Most "cheats" don't actually happen at parties. If they do, its usually because something was already in the air with that person.

 

And as for trying to make him wonder why you're not jealous by faking - I wouldn't go there. Its perfectly fine to tell him that you're a bit jealous. Just don't make a fuss about it and let him go. He'll know and keep it in mind, and still be able to enjoy himself without spending the night texting you and looking like an idiot in front of his friends.

 

Unless you have reason to think he is cheating, try not to think or worry about it.

 

I used to be frightened of driving. To many cars on the road. They might hit me.