HBJen Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Ok - so I broke NC (if you want the story, visit the Lost in Love thread) with my ex. I really wanted to talk to him after he said he didnt want to talk to me for a while, so I sent him an email to see how he was doing - and last night he called me. We talked for about an hour or so - not about anything heavy, but it was definitely a decent conversation. I dont want to hold onto that - and I am sure we will talk again soon. I guess I just want to know your opinion on, when should I discuss with him the idea of the 2 of us trying to get things back on track? I dont want to leave it and then let him think that I am trying to be just friends with him, when that is obviously not what I want (we were engaged for 2 years also). So how long is the appropriate time to bring up that conversation?
Exit Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I would think as soon as possible, before he does start thinking you just want to be friends, and before you start getting attached to him through hour long phone conversations and then get turned down. Speak your mind, tell the truth, it's the only way.
Thaddeus Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I concur with Exit. Best to make your intentions clear as soon as you can.
Author HBJen Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Ok much appreciated. From a guy's perspective - you dont think that it will sound too needy or obsessive if I bring it up already?
silic0ntoad Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Idk. I don't play by these rules. I would make your intentions clear, but only if HE approaches you. You're clinging to false hope. Try your best to minimalize it. If you speak to him again, let him know, you're not interested being friends, and you want to continue speaking ONLY if he wants to get back together. If he says no, or he needs more time, strict NC til he comes around.
Author HBJen Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Thanks for the input Toad - respect what you have to say.
silic0ntoad Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Thanks for the input Toad - respect what you have to say. You're welcome. You seem like a sweet girl, and I know what your pain is like... So I would rather see you lose false hope and start to heal before something else happens to put you back at square one. Call me a squishy, kind hearted guy, I guess. And, for some reason, I related to your story, so I know what you're going through. It touched me, so to speak.
Beeotch Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Ok - so I broke NC (if you want the story, visit the Lost in Love thread) with my ex. I really wanted to talk to him after he said he didnt want to talk to me for a while, so I sent him an email to see how he was doing - and last night he called me. We talked for about an hour or so - not about anything heavy, but it was definitely a decent conversation. I dont want to hold onto that - and I am sure we will talk again soon. I guess I just want to know your opinion on, when should I discuss with him the idea of the 2 of us trying to get things back on track? I dont want to leave it and then let him think that I am trying to be just friends with him, when that is obviously not what I want (we were engaged for 2 years also). So how long is the appropriate time to bring up that conversation? I think the appropriate time would be when you can safely gather that he has romantic feelings for you as well and wants to try again too.... I imagine that you have to be at least friendly with your ex for a while BEFORE any talk of reconciliation can occur. Do you believe he wants to be with you again? If you cannot tell...you may want to just play the friend card and prepare yourself for him not wanting back the relationship.
trueblue72ny Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I think the appropriate time would be when you can safely gather that he has romantic feelings for you as well and wants to try again too.... I imagine that you have to be at least friendly with your ex for a while BEFORE any talk of reconciliation can occur. Do you believe he wants to be with you again? If you cannot tell...you may want to just play the friend card and prepare yourself for him not wanting back the relationship. i agree with beeotch. talk to him about it IF you get the feelings like you are BOTH wanting to be with each other. if you feel romance between you two. you know how that feels right? get those feelings back first. it might take time. or it might not happen at all. but try to establish communication first. take it slow. open up a little but dont go overboard. let him start inititaing communication first after awhile. if you start hearing from him more often than not -its a good sign. but be patient and dont pull the trigger to soon or it could backfire. yes, it is a tricky situation. you have to have A LOT OF patience and the timing has to be right. do it too soon and you might push him away. do it too late and he might think its just friends. but again, you always have to keep in mind that it just might not happen again either. so be prepared for that. but i do hope things can work out for you both!!!
Author HBJen Posted August 26, 2009 Author Posted August 26, 2009 Toad - you are great You have touched my heart in the very few posts we have shared, and I will forever be greatful for your help through this. Its really hard all this, going through the emotions and playing games with myself - I know the best thing would probably be to just move on, but its like I physically cant yet. Bah, relationships are a pain! Beeeotch - I know he still loves me yes. But I also think he is extremely confused and doesnt know what to do with his emotions. I think he made a rash decision, and because he wants to be a "man" he is trying to stick to that decision. He misses me sure, and loves me - but he is scared. And he also got his head really messed up over the past couple of months, and thinks he needs to "find himself".
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