adamt Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Its been about 3 months since the split. I'm feeling a lot better but still have moments of sadness and wondering why. First month or so i was hurting really bad. Problem is i just cant seem to be able to hate my ex. i cant help but feel that if she had cheated on me or mess me about or been nasty in some way i could hate her and move on quicker. There was nothing i didnt really like about her, we never had an big arguements. Anyone else have the same problem?
e.clipse Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 hating your ex does not equate to quicker healing. it may seem that way, but it really isn't; hate is not the opposite of love. by wanting to hate your ex, you are essentially wanting to hang on to her, albeit in a more "negative" light, because when you hate, you feel, and when you feel, it means that they are still occupants of both your heart and mind. it doesn't really matter whether she was horrid to you or not, in a way, as the end result is the same: it's over. the more feeling--of any kind--for her you fuel into yourself, the longer the distance it will be before you get her out of yourself. just allow yourself to feel what you feel right now; don't try to feel hate, don't try to feel love, don't try to feel anything. just let your feelings run their course, while knowing come run longer than others. feel them freely, as painful as it may be, and let them free-flow out of your heart and mind. one day, you will be able to think of her, and of the good times, the better times, with perhaps some nostalgia, but without pain. you don't need to hate to move on.
Exit Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I feel the same way about not being able to hate, but I agree with eclipse, it's not necessarily something you want to feel anyway. For me, it's hard to be mad at someone when they attack you with the truth. A lot of what she said about me was true. I wish I could say that she made outrageous claims about me and was completely wrong, but she wasn't.
trueblue72ny Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 they say the opposite of love is indifference.
Nedved Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 hating your ex does not equate to quicker healing. it may seem that way, but it really isn't; hate is not the opposite of love. by wanting to hate your ex, you are essentially wanting to hang on to her, albeit in a more "negative" light, because when you hate, you feel, and when you feel, it means that they are still occupants of both your heart and mind. it doesn't really matter whether she was horrid to you or not, in a way, as the end result is the same: it's over. the more feeling--of any kind--for her you fuel into yourself, the longer the distance it will be before you get her out of yourself. just allow yourself to feel what you feel right now; don't try to feel hate, don't try to feel love, don't try to feel anything. just let your feelings run their course, while knowing come run longer than others. feel them freely, as painful as it may be, and let them free-flow out of your heart and mind. one day, you will be able to think of her, and of the good times, the better times, with perhaps some nostalgia, but without pain. you don't need to hate to move on. Excellent post and totally agree. I'm broke up just over 3 months with my ex and for the best part of it i was very bitter and angry towards her. Perhaps hateful to. But now as much as she's still not my favourite person anymore the hate seems to be gone with NC. AS you quite rightly said some nostalgia is coming back without pain and that can only be a good thing. Some memories today of a trip we took brought a smile to my face and its did'nt make me sad. I think hate is part of the healing process for a while and i'm sure there's days where you hated what she done to you adamt so you might have hated her change in attitude more than her. I think everybody go's through it.
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