My fiance and my ex are going at it!!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Bullcrap mary, he's not bitter he has every right to be mad this ex is still interferring in his relationship and his woman is not doing enough to end it!!!

 

Why did she even put him into the middle of it anyways?

 

I would just cancel the whole marriage thing altogether, it isnt worth all the damn drama especially if my woman cant handle her business and keep her ex where he belongs! in the damn past!

[boldjack]

329, You are trying to remake your fiance in your own image. He is , who he is , and if you can't accept him, as is , then you shouldn't be married. You continually talk about how much you love him, but go out of your way to mention what a nice guy your ex is. Do you suppose that some of this is being felt by your fiance? Right now he has trust issues, and even though you apologized, he still feels resentment towards your ex, so any reminder of him(ex) is going to set him off. This is completely understandable. The other doubts, you have, aren't really anything major, they are just magnified by the upcoming wedding and his deployment. My advice would be for you two to take the long Labor Day weekend off and go somewhere romantic, where you can relax and in a pleasant atmosphere, discus your future. I think that you will find, that most of the problems you face will be solved by the two of you together, without distractions. BTW don't let these other posters make your decisions for you, it's your life, do what you really want to do. If you truly love your fiance, and he truly loves you, it will work out.

[EricaH329]

I'm going to stop at post # 21 and say a few thigs. I might jump around a bit but I need to get my thoughts out :

 

Your fiance is seriously pissed. He is mad at your ex and he is mad at YOU.

 

Your fiance needs in his mind to seek some sort of revenge. His first strike was contacting HIS ex . TRUST me this is not GOOD ! He may blow it off but HERE is what gives his bitterness AWAY : His nasty off handed never ending remarks and comments about you sleeping with your Ex.

 

This fiance of yours is very bitter . Its consuming him.

 

I am going to say something that will undoubetdly hurt you. I think your fiance is falling OUT of love with you. The deceit ( as he sees it ) will fester until he blows. Hopefully he does not blow on his ex girlfriend...

 

If his ex has a hidden agenda , this guy might not be yours much longer. If your fiance has his own hidden agenda , he might sleep with her because he is NOT in his right mind.

 

He wants to KILL your ex. Believe that !

 

There are a couple of things I would like to say about this. Within the past week or so, my ex hasn't come up in any of our conversations. I think he was hurt that I did what I did, but he's getting over it. The reason he contacted his ex was because of family issues. I've known about these family issues and understood his reason for contacting her.

 

Also, if my fiance decides he wants to cheat on me with her (which I highly doubt he will) then that will be his choice. I cannot stop him from doing that. He already knows where I stand on cheating, and as much as I love him and am willing to work on our relationship, I will not deal with a cheater. He knows I will not be with him if he cheats on me, and if that's the road he decides to take... then i'm much better off anyway.

 

Bullcrap mary, he's not bitter he has every right to be mad this ex is still interferring in his relationship and his woman is not doing enough to end it!!!

 

Why did she even put him into the middle of it anyways?

 

I would just cancel the whole marriage thing altogether, it isnt worth all the damn drama especially if my woman cant handle her business and keep her ex where he belongs! in the damn past!

 

Chrome - Did you actually read the entire thread that I posted? Or any of the posts that were made after that? My ex isn't interferring with anything. He hasn't interferred with anything from the beginning. And the whole "his woman is not doing enough to end it" thing is rediculous. Just points out that you didn't actually read any of what I have written. I stopped all communication with my ex. What more is there to do?

 

What I did was when my fiance and I were not together. We were not on a break, we were broken up. My ex and I have been good friends for a long time. It's not like I went looking for what I did. I didn't dig him up out of the past randomly. He was already in my life.

 

At that point in my life, I had no one to answer to. I had no one that I needed to explain myself to. I was single. 100% single.

 

329, You are trying to remake your fiance in your own image. He is , who he is , and if you can't accept him, as is , then you shouldn't be married. You continually talk about how much you love him, but go out of your way to mention what a nice guy your ex is. Do you suppose that some of this is being felt by your fiance? Right now he has trust issues, and even though you apologized, he still feels resentment towards your ex, so any reminder of him(ex) is going to set him off. This is completely understandable. The other doubts, you have, aren't really anything major, they are just magnified by the upcoming wedding and his deployment. My advice would be for you two to take the long Labor Day weekend off and go somewhere romantic, where you can relax and in a pleasant atmosphere, discus your future. I think that you will find, that most of the problems you face will be solved by the two of you together, without distractions. BTW don't let these other posters make your decisions for you, it's your life, do what you really want to do. If you truly love your fiance, and he truly loves you, it will work out.

 

I do agree with you. That's why I haven't mentioned my ex in any of our conversations. Anytime my ex is brought up, it's because my fiance brings him up. Not I. Luckily, we haven't had a conversation with my ex thrown into it in a little while, so i'm hoping it stays that way.

 

About labor day weekend, your idea sounds fantastic. Unfortunatly though, he is visiting his father who he hasn't seen in a very long time. Him and I will see eachother when he goes on leave in about a month though.

[Calendula]

To sum it up, going into this relationship with him for a second time, I made a promise to myself and him (but more importantly, myself), that I would not run away from our problems anymore. That I would do everything in my power to work on this relationship. The first time around, I realize that I didn't handle things the way I should have. Which, I believe, had a lot to do with why we broke up in the first place. I've learned from the mistakes I made, and i'm doing what I can to better myself (whether it's in this relationship or not).

 

It really has nothing to do with being afraid of being alone, because that's not an issue to me. Physically, i'm already alone. I've been alone for the past 6 months now.

 

I know that i'm only 22, but i've been through a lot. A lot more than any other 22 year old I know has. I've moved around alot, lived on my own in states far away from my family and friends, I started doing what most 21 year olds do now when I was about 15. I'm not trying to imply that i've learned everything I can, we all continue to learn until the day we die. But, what I am trying to say, is that i've experienced and learned from all those things that I went through. And after all is said and done, I know what I want from life now. I want to settle down and get married and have children. I've wanted this for some time now, and the guys that I met along the way just didn't fit into my idea of the life I wanted.

 

I'm very happy alone. But i'm even happier when i'm with someone that I love. I love my fiance. I was just talking about this the other day, how when I was younger I would hear people telling me "Relationships are a lot of work, and they are hard." I never really knew what that meant until I met my fiance. Anytime things would get hard with my ex's, I would leave. To me, they weren't worth the fight. I've found the one person that's worth the fight.

 

It's not that I feel like it's important for me to get married so soon, as I recently realized, there are problems in our relationship that need to come first. The wedding date has been postponed, not by much, but I made sure to let my fiance know that working on our relationship comes first and foremost. I think he must have realized that i'm very serious, and decided to help me work on our relationship.

 

 

I tried to post something yesterday evening, but the system lost it when it timed out on me and had to log me back in. I'm still not quite used to posting in forums. The short version of what I had to say was as follows:

 

GOOD FOR YOU! It seems to me like you've done a lot of thinking about what you want out of life and your relationship with your fiance, much more than most people ever do, even after they get married. As long as you are making conscious decisions about what you want out of life, and not just letting people and events push you around, I think you should be able to work through almost anything to get to where you want to be.

 

If I were in your shoes, and as determined to make it work as you sound, I would try to take the positive perspective on all that has recently happened with your relationship, including all the stuff about your contact with your ex. Not to sound crass, but I would think that it was probably a good thing that you slept with your ex, someone you knew and trusted, instead of with a complete stranger. While in hindsight it might not have been the right thing for you to do at the time emotionally, I also agree that it isn't something that you should apologize to your fiance for, considering the state of your relationship with him at the time. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and perhaps recent events were meant to help you figure out what it really is that you want from your impending marriage, and what is truly right for you.

 

It seems to me that throughout the time period associated with this thread and before, you have become more aware of why your relationships are the way they are and of what YOU really want. This sense of awareness and self-analysis can only help you when figuring out how to make a relationship with another person work. You should be quite proud of yourself for even attempting to do this.

 

All that said, I can't help but wonder if a lot of the recent issues with your fiance are due, at least in part, to stress and worry over his coming posting. I'm sure he has many fears (though he probably would never admit them to you freely) which may be clouding his judgement and shading his actions to cause him to become more controlling and overprotective of you than he would normally be. Combine that with the stress and pressure of making wedding plans, and I would think that many people wouldn't act like themselves. I think that getting to the root of his behaviour, as you have implied that you are trying to do through talking with him at length about your relationship, will help you a lot in working through both recent and future issues with this man. It isn't an easy thing to do to get in touch with another person's emotions and help them to understand themselves, but it is possible, and your relationship will be stronger for it.

 

I wish you all the best, and I hope things work out for you.

[EricaH329]

I tried to post something yesterday evening, but the system lost it when it timed out on me and had to log me back in. I'm still not quite used to posting in forums. The short version of what I had to say was as follows:

 

GOOD FOR YOU! It seems to me like you've done a lot of thinking about what you want out of life and your relationship with your fiance, much more than most people ever do, even after they get married. As long as you are making conscious decisions about what you want out of life, and not just letting people and events push you around, I think you should be able to work through almost anything to get to where you want to be.

 

If I were in your shoes, and as determined to make it work as you sound, I would try to take the positive perspective on all that has recently happened with your relationship, including all the stuff about your contact with your ex. Not to sound crass, but I would think that it was probably a good thing that you slept with your ex, someone you knew and trusted, instead of with a complete stranger. While in hindsight it might not have been the right thing for you to do at the time emotionally, I also agree that it isn't something that you should apologize to your fiance for, considering the state of your relationship with him at the time. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, and perhaps recent events were meant to help you figure out what it really is that you want from your impending marriage, and what is truly right for you.

 

It seems to me that throughout the time period associated with this thread and before, you have become more aware of why your relationships are the way they are and of what YOU really want. This sense of awareness and self-analysis can only help you when figuring out how to make a relationship with another person work. You should be quite proud of yourself for even attempting to do this.

 

All that said, I can't help but wonder if a lot of the recent issues with your fiance are due, at least in part, to stress and worry over his coming posting. I'm sure he has many fears (though he probably would never admit them to you freely) which may be clouding his judgement and shading his actions to cause him to become more controlling and overprotective of you than he would normally be. Combine that with the stress and pressure of making wedding plans, and I would think that many people wouldn't act like themselves. I think that getting to the root of his behaviour, as you have implied that you are trying to do through talking with him at length about your relationship, will help you a lot in working through both recent and future issues with this man. It isn't an easy thing to do to get in touch with another person's emotions and help them to understand themselves, but it is possible, and your relationship will be stronger for it.

 

I wish you all the best, and I hope things work out for you.

 

Thank you very much for all of your advice!!! I completely agree with everything that you had to say! As hard as this might be, I have faith that we will get it right one day.