BW007 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 In the past 5 months I have looked into the abyss of hopelessness as bad as I ever have in my life. I have felt worse than I have felt over any breakup & even some deaths before. I have been hurt just about as bad as I can be hurt by someone I love. The person I was convinced was going to go through the rest of my life with me treated me worse than any other girlfriend ever has. I went through weeks of just trying to just survive. Seriously. I was unable to reach out to friends and family and I could not figure out where to go, what to do, how to rebuild my life. On top of that, I was unemployed and broke with a broke down car, and a broken spirit and run over self-esteem. WHAT A CATCH! I did not have anywhere to turn to, as all my friendships had been neglected from during the relationship AND I was so embarrassed by how flippin' messed up I was. Stigmatized. At least here on this site I found a place to express the pain, get some advice and look for answers. My pain is no worse than other people's but I have to say it came close to killing me. I have a certain survivor's stubbornness and a kid to live for but this beat the crap out of me. I am so thankful that I have been able to tell my story here and listen to people give me the voice of reason. It ain't over at all. Even today there have been some really dark moments. I am still so F'ing hurt by all of this it is ridiculous. I am tired of feeling bad. My mind is sick of thinking about HER and her BS. I am so mad that she gave up. It took me a long time to get from feeling mortally wounded to angry. Believe it or not that has been a step in the right direction for self-esteem and taking care of myself. Anyway, my point is that this place may have saved my ass in a time of pain and need. Thanks.
Exit Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 You remind me of myself. This has been the worst pain I've ever felt. If it's possible to die from grief alone, I feel like I've been on the verge of reaching that point. I had to leave work early today because I couldn't keep the tears back. I'm trailing a little bit behind you. I'm still in the dark. I need to get to the point where I get angry instead of blaming myself. Actually I'd prefer to skip the anger and get over it and truly not care where she is or what she's doing. I'm glad I found this forum too. I was registered at another one where they were just really harsh with the whole "NC" thing and hardly cared to talk about anything else with any compassion. This place is much warmer and understanding. You sound like you are going to be stronger because of what you went through and I trust that I will be too, as long as I make it out of the deep end. Some days I'm dangling off the cliff with one finger on the ledge, but so far I haven't fallen completely.
icyness Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I'm right there with you guys. If it wasn't for forums like these and the people on it, I would have easily broken down and broke NC much more than I already have. When I feel like I need to contact him, I come on here and read a bit..just knowing others are going through the same thing helps to take the edge off and calm one down before doing something very regretful. I still cry, I still stay up all night, I still want him back more than anything and cling desperately to hope. I don't feel I'm anywhere near okay most days to even make it through the whole day. Being able to come on here however to vent, share, help, and show your raw emotions and fears allows you to get through that next moment with a bit more ease. Y'all are awesome.
JMA707 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Yeah I know exactly what you guys mean. When she left me it was the worst pain I've ever felt...add the fact that now shes dating another guy so soon, and most days it feels like I could die from the pain...but everytime I feel like I'm breaking down I come to these forums and read a few posts. It doesn't make everything better, but it does make me feel better to know that I am not alone. That there ARE other people going through the same exact thing that I am...that understand and know what I am going through right now. It always surprises me how many situations are so similar to my own...I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the support and advice, and I'm going to keep coming on here because it really does help me some.
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I also thank everyone here. I haven't said much so far, but just reading the threads has helped me. This is good news - anger is a step towards indifference and acceptance, and that is a goal for us. We'll make it guys...
jv032889 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 I love this place! I don't know where I would be if I didn't have others helping me thru this pain. Thanks to everyone who share their stories and advice.
joyinSF Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 im so glad this forum exists, too. at least we are not alone i sorta wish there was a chat room..lol but this is ok, too
redy2 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 i need like a hand to come out of the screen to slap me in the face when i talk to my ex lol. to knock some sense into me and then this site would be perfect. lol
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 i need like a hand to come out of the screen to slap me in the face when i talk to my ex lol. to knock some sense into me and then this site would be perfect. lol Oh, that sounds like a job for me. Don't you even DARE think about it, I have a heavy, heavy hand and I'm not afraid to use it. Say I won't!!!!
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 im so glad this forum exists, too. at least we are not alone i sorta wish there was a chat room..lol but this is ok, too Chat room here would be cool...
redy2 Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Oh, that sounds like a job for me. Don't you even DARE think about it, I have a heavy, heavy hand and I'm not afraid to use it. Say I won't!!!! caramel, thanks you may need a good stick of wood and whack me more than once. esp if i start falling for her lies.
caramel c Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 caramel, thanks you may need a good stick of wood and whack me more than once. esp if i start falling for her lies. No worries. The bottom of my shoe will do ya just fine. (lol)
Beeotch Posted August 26, 2009 Posted August 26, 2009 Awww sorry about what you're going through.... The fact that you have had change of emotions shows you ARE improving and going through the motions and it will be a distant memory before you know it. One thing you said that I had to highlight was this: I did not have anywhere to turn to, as all my friendships had been neglected from during the relationship AND I was so embarrassed by how flippin' messed up I was.NEVER make that mistake again. Believe me. I did not do that...but I warned one of my friends about it and someone else warned me that you should NEVER make someone your whole world and neglect friendships for romantic relationships as most friendships outlast romantic relationships. Boyfriends and love interests have come and gone in my life but my true friends and good friends have remained CONSTANT. I had a friend who when she had a boyfriend, for the entire year we barely saw her, EVERY WEEKEND she went to his house and slept over and we never hung out anymore. We tried to reach out at first but she was always with him and never took any time for us...until we eventually left her alone. She was happy and unconcerned..didn't even notice UNTIL they broke up was when she realizes she had NO ONE. I am not spiteful and I gave a listening ear....but I imagine how hard and embarrassing it must be to neglect your friends and then all of a sudden you have to go back to these SAME people. It is important to strike that balance. Yes it is easy to get carried away when you are inlove and want to spend every second with that person...but believe me...too much of a good thing...u know the rest.
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